Oaktown Bear
First, I want to thank you, from my heart, for being such a wonderful supporter of women and victims of harassment, assault, etc. It is an incredibly comforting, reassuring feeling to read your posts, and those by Yogi and GMP (etc.) in which you guys are incredibly fierce in your support for, and defense of, this young lady. I cannot express how much that means to me (not that this is about me), and it truly gives me tremendous hope and faith that we are really moving the "social needle" in (what I consider to be) the right direction. I also could not possibly agree more with your statement about spending much more time "teaching boys how to act toward girls as we spend teaching girls how to not attract unwanted behavior from boys." Thank you! Truly.
I also totally agree with the example you provided regarding the young man walking in an area in which he is likely to be beaten. In fact, this is the argument that women have been making regarding "blaming the victim" for decades. So, I really appreciate the example you provided. I see where you are coming from and will definitely self-reflect on this, as I am always working to minimize any counter transference I may experience.
Here are some distinctions that, in my opinion, differentiate your example from the situation at hand in meaningful ways.
-The young lady in question says that she was very uncomfortable and scared of being sexually harassed and assaulted - despite continuing to go down that same street, time after time. So, let's use your son as the example:
*After being harassed and beaten up while going down the street a few times, he goes down the street again alone, at midnight, while drunk, to meet up with one of the guys that had beaten him up before, because he said he'd help your son with Economics.
*Another time, you're in town to visit your son for the weekend. The first night you are there, your son leaves your hotel room to go 'hang out with' one of the guys that had beaten him up several times already. (and tells you he won't be back that night)
Now, keep in mind, I do not believe that it is the young lady's fault, in any way, if someone harassed or assaulted her. What I take issue with, is that it seems as though she continued to 'go down that street' regularly, and was allegedly harassed and assaulted - time and time again - despite her purported fear/terror of being victimized in that manner from the very beginning. And, she never complained about ANY of the MANY alleged beatings that took place over several months (i.e. at least not to Wilcox, any university official, the police, her parents - or, in some sort of statement on, say, Facebook [even if just for her friends to see], etc.,) until long after the fact.
I am not saying that she wasn't harassed at some point - which is unacceptable if true. However, in my opinion, the fact that she says she continued to go down that same street, and was 'beaten up' repeatedly/each time, calls into question just how "uncomfortable" and "scared" she was prior to, and while, she was going down that street. (i.e. going to the parties, football offices at night, hotel room, etc.) I think it is quite possible that she didn't feel upset, threatened or scared at the time of the various events - but that she may be looking back now (given whatever she has experienced since then) and sees things a bit differently.
-So, let's take the "football party" experience as an example. She insinuates that she went to the party and, at some point, noticed that the guys were intentionally trying to get her drunk, and then she implies that they were doing this so they could take advantage of/rape her, and that she was only able to escape the gang rape because her friends called her an Uber. Not only are these are some extremely serious allegations, but...how could someone possibly attribute responsibility for how much they drank to others (the guys), then claim to know what the guys' intentions were in causing her to drink so much - and what would have happened had she not left the party? These are beyond irresponsible accusations, and, in my opinion, are indicative of the
kind of examples/"evidence" she provided in her statement. (
Not only regarding the actual events she discusses [such as the midnight football incident and the hotel incident, etc.,] but also about
HOW she describes what the coaches were allegedly doing to harass her [i.e. that one coach would
follow her around the field
during practice, and look at her with "
knowing eyes", etc.])
Some people on this board have said that if the young lady lied about her financial status, she may well be lying about other things. Well, I say that if she draws outrageous conclusions in certain situations [such as the party], then maybe she was doing so in more of the situations of which she complains. Add the pattern of very 'unrealistic' behavior described above (vis a vis the feelings she purportedly had at the time) to the mix, and this makes me question the reliability of many of the circumstances/events as she described them in her statement even more.
Again, I fully support the investigation, and think that anyone that harassed - or even touched her in an inappropriate manner - should be held responsible. No question. I also acknowledge that she may have other examples or evidence that are/is quite damning for the players/coaches. But, in my opinion, based on what she said in her statement, this example only makes her look extremely 'unreliable' (for lack of a better term.)
I offered the examples of how/why I believe that her behavior during many of the events she describes was nonsensical/unrealistic NOT to say that any harassment she may have experienced was her fault (i.e. that she brought in on herself), but to explain why, as a whole - under the totality of the circumstances - many of the allegations in her statement seem 'unreliable' to me. Her own behavior that she described in a public statement - that was drafted to support her accusations of harassment was, in several examples, totally inconsistent with the feelings/thoughts she said she had before/at the time of the events. I think that significantly undermines her credibility. Given my feelings about sexual harassment and assault, I am very upset and offended by false accusations in general - as they do a grave disservice to the many individuals who have been, or will be, the actual victims of such attacks. It truly is extremely damaging when this happens, and makes it much harder for people who actually suffer. Furthermore, at the end of the day, it ends up 'assisting' future perpetrators. So, while I don't want ANYONE to ever experience being harassed, I hope her allegations aren't untrue - especially given how far she has gone with them (actually naming people, national public attention, etc.)...not to mention the damage false accusations of this nature can do to people. (companies, teams, universities, etc.) But, then, of course, I hope they are false. It's just an ugly situation all around.
Hope I was able to explain myself in a way that made sense. Sorry for the terribly voluminous post
Thank you for reading
