Maybe it's the sports fan in me, but I can get a little obsessed with watching the state, national and international COVID-19 numbers. Well, yesterday the US shot passed France (Freedom Fries, anyone?) and doubled(!) South Korea's numbers...
We are now closing in on Germany (hey, we still remember the world wars) and... Iran (hey, we still remember a lot of things, you Persians)!
After we sweep by them, we will be going after the bronze (Spain), the silver (Italy) and the GOLD (China)! If you didn't think we'd ever be able to catch China, note that their numbers have reached a plateau, while ours are skyrocketing.
For you little Euro countries that say, sure, but the US has a much bigger population than we Lichtensteinesque countries do, I say we make no apologies for competing in the Heavyweight Division! If you want to really compete, annex each other or something.
Looking state by state, our California numbers (971) look paltry compared to New York's over 7,000. Dammit Newsom: You're piddlying around with "shelter in place" while your counterpart, Andrew Cuomo, knows how to score! Do some testing, Gavin! Get on TV while you skype with the head of Kaiser and demand more drive-thru testing, complete with on-site analysis! Ask the head of One-hour Martinizing how THEY do it!
Special "Improvement" participation trophy to West (By God) Virginia, who has INFINITELY increased its numbers this week, going from zero to two!
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Special note to anyone who thinks this post is inappropriate or morbid or whatever: Give me a freaking break; the possibly lame attempts at humor are helping me cope. I wish everybody the best of health, even the pangolin who started this.
We are now closing in on Germany (hey, we still remember the world wars) and... Iran (hey, we still remember a lot of things, you Persians)!
After we sweep by them, we will be going after the bronze (Spain), the silver (Italy) and the GOLD (China)! If you didn't think we'd ever be able to catch China, note that their numbers have reached a plateau, while ours are skyrocketing.
For you little Euro countries that say, sure, but the US has a much bigger population than we Lichtensteinesque countries do, I say we make no apologies for competing in the Heavyweight Division! If you want to really compete, annex each other or something.
Looking state by state, our California numbers (971) look paltry compared to New York's over 7,000. Dammit Newsom: You're piddlying around with "shelter in place" while your counterpart, Andrew Cuomo, knows how to score! Do some testing, Gavin! Get on TV while you skype with the head of Kaiser and demand more drive-thru testing, complete with on-site analysis! Ask the head of One-hour Martinizing how THEY do it!
Special "Improvement" participation trophy to West (By God) Virginia, who has INFINITELY increased its numbers this week, going from zero to two!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Special note to anyone who thinks this post is inappropriate or morbid or whatever: Give me a freaking break; the possibly lame attempts at humor are helping me cope. I wish everybody the best of health, even the pangolin who started this.