* I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

* Wives are having sex with their husbands because they
can't afford batteries.

* I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the
counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

* CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

* My ATM gave me an IOU!

* A stripper was killed when her audience showered her
with rolls of pennies while she danced.

* I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

* I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase
was a bank.

* If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient
Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

* McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

* Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.

* My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it,
and they re-possessed her!

* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into

* Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

* A picture is now only worth 200 words.

* They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

* When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to
share a room.

* The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed
by Somali pirates.

* Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff
scandal. Oh, great! The guy who made $50 billion disappear
is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion

And, finally......

* I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy,
wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds,
etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan,
and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and
asked if I could drive a truck.