ZEN TEACHINGS........
* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me
for the path is narrow. In fact, just buzz off and leave me
alone!
* Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't
getting any.
* No one is listening until you fart.
* Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
missing a couple of mortgage payments.
* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably well worth it.
* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
* Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
* Good judgment comes from bad experience.... and most of
that comes from bad judgment.
* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
* There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.
Neither one works.
* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your
lips are moving.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on
our ass..... then things just keep getting worse.
* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me
for the path is narrow. In fact, just buzz off and leave me
alone!
* Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't
getting any.
* No one is listening until you fart.
* Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
missing a couple of mortgage payments.
* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably well worth it.
* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
* Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
* Good judgment comes from bad experience.... and most of
that comes from bad judgment.
* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
* There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.
Neither one works.
* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your
lips are moving.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on
our ass..... then things just keep getting worse.
* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.