Jeff tedford turned me into a newt!

6,125 Views | 39 Replies | Last: 13 yr ago by sycasey
Bobodeluxe
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I got better.

Seriously, this site is being trolled, BIG TIME.

As an eight year Nega', twice banned, some of these new posters are Amy-wanna-bes-or-isses. Lighten up. Don't fall for the scam.

:tedford

Now, about JT's Cayman Island IRA, ...
cccbear04
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Bearinsider: "Bring out your dead!"
Cal football: "I'm not quite dead!"
SoBeBear99
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As one of the new posters ... can you be more specific?
bear945
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We apologise for the negativity in the other threads. Those responsible have been sacked.
BancroftSteps
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No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment!
cccbear04
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Those responsible for those responsible have themselves been sacked. The new bearinsider was created at great expense, and will be really smashing! Llamainsider
cccbear04
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Ni!
sycasey
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A moose once bit my sister . . . I blame Tedford.
Larno
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...fart in your general direction.
calumnus
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cccbear04;841959771 said:

Bearinsider: "Bring out your dead!"
Cal football: "I'm not quite dead!"


"You're almost dead."
GrizzledBear
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this site needs a "Like" button, mostly this site bores me, but this thread brings it. Spreading my "Like" all over all y'all
510Bear
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This board is not being trolled.

By the way, I've been told Cal will hire one of these three men to be our HC in 2013: Dennis Erickson, Art Shell, or Ron Zook. My sources are reliable. You can find out more by subscribing to my Twitter feed. Don't be left out, I get all the good stuff first.
BancroftSteps
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... and one more (Sorry had too) ...

"Must be a king!"
"How do you know that?!"
"He hasn't got sh!t all over him."
82gradDLSdad
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510Bear;841959994 said:

This board is not being trolled.

By the way, I've been told Cal will hire one of these three men to be our HC in 2013: Dennis Erickson, Art Shell, or Ron Zook. My sources are reliable. You can find out more by subscribing to my Twitter feed. Don't be left out, I get all the good stuff first.


Every time someone jokingly throws out possible Cal coaches I think, "Ok, that would be the worst hire and if we do that I won't buy season tickets." It started with Ludwig and then came Teevans and then someone else and now these three. And each time I cringe and think, "Yah, that would be worse than all the others that have come before."

Man, there are a lot of bad, washed-up coaches out there and if we get anyone that even smells like a wash-up I'm done.

Quit throwing these names out. It's making me ill. If we can hire Holmoe we can hire anyone!!

Oh god, I just had a vision of Ron Zook wowing Sandy with his interviewing skills (and you know he must have those to keep getting hired with his record). Make it stop. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
Phantomfan
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Anyone with less than 100 posts should not be able to post until they get over 100 posts...


I know what I said.
RJABear
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Shut your festering gob, you tit ! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert !
cccbear04
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African or European?
GrizzledBear
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Phantomfan;841960080 said:

Anyone with less than 100 posts should not be able to post until they get over 100 posts...



I see what you did there... veddy sneaky
okaydo
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Bear Balls
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82gradDLSdad;841960069 said:



Oh god, I just had a vision of Ron Zook wowing Sandy with his interviewing skills (and you know he must have those to keep getting hired with his record). Make it stop. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.


Seduced by that '08 Rose Bowl.

Gladstone for AD.
BerlinerBaer
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Phantomfan;841960080 said:

Anyone with less than 100 posts should not be able to start threads until they get over 100 posts...


I know what I said.


This would be a good idea
NYCGOBEARS
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BerlinerBaer;841960218 said:

This would be a good idea

+1
It would definitely cut down on the hit and run trolling.
BlueOskiCult
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"Was there anything unusual about Jeff Tedford?"

"I should say not! Jeff Tedford was a perfectly normal coach in every way... except that he was convinced that he was being watched and advised on play calling and game management by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman.'"

"How big was Norman supposed to be?"

"Normally, he was wont to be about 12 feet from snout to tail. But whenever Cal was playing a rival or on national television, Norman could be anything up to 800 yards long, depending on down and distance. We knew Norman was about whenever Tedford became very quiet, bent over to put his hands on his knees, and began calling draws on every third and long..."
cccbear04
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Best... thread... ever!
HaasBear04
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cccbear04;841959896 said:

Ni!


:rollinglaugh::rollinglaugh::rollinglaugh:
calbare
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No one expects the BearInsider Inquisition!!
SoBeBear99
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NYCGOBEARS;841960220 said:

+1
It would definitely cut down on the hit and run trolling.


I think this is a terrible idea ... says the noob who started a thread on his first post
BearsWiin
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RJABear;841960102 said:

Shut your festering gob, you tit ! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert !


What! I came in here for an argument!
biely medved
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510Bear;841959994 said:

This board is not being trolled.

By the way, I've been told Cal will hire one of these three men to be our HC in 2013: Dennis Erickson, Art Shell, or Ron Zook. My sources are reliable. You can find out more by subscribing to my Twitter feed. Don't be left out, I get all the good stuff first.


OO,OO,OOO! Do you have a super-mega-ultimate-sure thing-lock pick of the week? How much to sign up?

I am sad we aren't considering Mike Price. :>(
BancroftSteps
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BearsWiin;841960300 said:

What! I came in here for an argument!


No you didn't.
cccbear04
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You're just being oppositional that's not arguing!
Yes it is.

Welcome to bearinsider
OneKeg
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[Sound of trumpets and fanfare]

Tedford: Old woman!

Dennis: Man!

Tedford: Man, sorry... What coach lives in that stadium over there?

Dennis: I'm 37!

Tedford: What?

Dennis: I'm 37, I'm not old!

Tedford: Well I can't just call you "Man"...

Dennis: You could say "Dennis"...

Tedford: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?

Tedford: I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind you looked...

Dennis: (interrupting) What I object to is your automatically treatin' me like an inferior!

Tedford: Well I AM Head Coach...

Dennis: Oh, Head Coach, eh? Oh, very nice... And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the players! By hanging on to outdated Bear Bryant-esque dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our sport! If there's ever gonna be any progress in college football...

Woman: Denny, there's some lovely filth down here!
[Noticing Tedford] Oh! How d'you do?

Tedford: How do you do, good lady. I am Jeff Tedford, Head Coach of the California Golden Bears. Whose stadium is that?

Woman: Head Coach of the who?

Tedford: The Golden Bears.

Woman: Who are the Golden Bears?

Tedford: Well we all are... We are all Golden Bears... And I am your Head Coach.

Woman: I didn't know we had a head coach... I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis: You're foolin' yourself. We're livin' in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the paying fans and donors...

Woman: (interrupting) Oh there you go, bringing alumni donations into it again...

Dennis: That's what it's all about! If only people would...

Tedford: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that stadium?

Woman: No one lives there.

Tedford: Then who is your coach?

Woman: We don't have a coach.

Tedford: What?

Dennis: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to sort of act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

Tedford: Yes.

Dennis: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

Tedford: Yes I see.

Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

Tedford: Be quiet!

Dennis: But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major...

Tedford: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

Tedford: I am your Head Coach!

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!

Tedford: You don't vote for Head Coaches.

Woman: Well how'd you become head coach then?

[Angelic music plays...]

Tedford: The Lady of the Golden Gate, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft The Axe from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Jeff Tedford, was to carry The Axe. THAT is why I am your Head Coach! Though lately, I seem to have misplaced...

Dennis: (interrupting) Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' axes is no basis to run a football program! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the fan-base, not from some farcicial aquatic ceremony!

Tedford: Be quiet!

Dennis: I mean, you can't expect to wield supreme executive power over the offensive scheme just because some water-sports-loving tart threw a buyout-free contract at you!

Tedford: SHUT UP!

Dennis: I mean, if I went 'round thinking I could bench a talent like Brendan Bigelow for not mastering my tome of a playbook and still blaming player execution just because some moistened bink lobbed a machete at me, they'd put me away!

Tedford: SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP, YOU NEGABEAR! [Grabs Dennis]

Dennis: Ah! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!

Tedford: SHUT UP!

Dennis: ... Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Tedford: BLOODY FAKE FAN!!!

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it, didn't you?

(END OF SCENE)
ayetee11
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Phantomfan;841960080 said:

Anyone with less than 100 posts should not be able to post until they get over 100 posts...


I know what I said.


You should not be able to post until you have more post that Bigelow's carries.
bear2034
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RJABear;841960102 said:

Shut your festering gob, you tit ! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert !


You stealing my lines? I just spoke those words to a co-worker, verbatim.
sycasey
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BearsWiin;841960300 said:

What! I came in here for an argument!


Well, I'm very sorry, but you didn't pay!
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