Does anyone else think they could "sex up" the biathlon by having the athletes hunt each other with the last three men standing medaling and the medal awarded determined by the number of kills?

bearister;842280282 said:

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Does anyone else think they could "sex up" the biathlon by having the athletes hunt each other with the last three men standing medaling and the medal awarded determined by the number of kills?

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Great minds think alike. I have always advocated this and since they are mostly Scandinavians they could be pursued by a moody detective who drinks too much thus enabling another serial killer novel.

GB54;842280285 said:

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Great minds think alike. I have always advocated this and since they are mostly Scandinavians they could be pursued by a moody detective who drinks too much thus enabling another serial killer novel.

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The event always reminds me of the movie The Heroes of Telemark which made a huge impression on me as a kid.

A+ thread. I have to say I enjoy the biathlon, but making it more like the Most Dangerous Game (nee Hunger Games for the kids out there) would make it even more compelling.

I also think t-mobile should hire you guys to write copy for those commercials where Darth Vader and the clockwork orange guy read text conversations.

bearister;842280294 said:

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The event always reminds me of the movie The Heroes of Telemark which made a huge impression on me as a kid.

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Well in the old days when they used center fire rifles like 30-06's and 7.62 NATO's, you could kill a guy from 200+ yards easily...now they use .22 rimfire rifles not very accurate after 50 yards plus you'd have to get close and shoot someone in the head or you'd just have bunch of wounded skiers blooding up the place with few fatalities.....if you like that, than they should do it in the Summer Games with the archers...now that would be a site but instead of Scandinavians, you'd have Asians running around hunting each other with arrow sticking out of torso's....that would be much more compelling..yes?

Cal_Fan2;842280301 said:

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Well in the old days when they used center fire rifles like 30-06's and 7.62 NATO's, you could kill a guy from 200+ yards easily...now they use .22 rimfire rifles not very accurate after 50 yards plus you'd have to get close and shoot someone in the head or you'd just have bunch of wounded skiers blooding up the place with few fatalities.....if you like that, than they should do it in the Summer Games with the archers...now that would be a site but instead of Scandinavians, you'd have Asians running around hunting each other with arrow sticking out of torso's....that would be much more compelling..yes?

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Then I would propose a rule change where the .22's are replaced with Barrett sniper rifles so only really strong guys can compete in the event. Naturally the course would have to be enlarged to accommodate the 2000 yard kill range.

Cal_Fan2;842280301 said:

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Well in the old days when they used center fire rifles like 30-06's and 7.62 NATO's, you could kill a guy from 200+ yards easily...now they use .22 rimfire rifles not very accurate after 50 yards plus you'd have to get close and shoot someone in the head or you'd just have bunch of wounded skiers blooding up the place with few fatalities.....if you like that, than they should do it in the Summer Games with the archers...now that would be a site but instead of Scandinavians, you'd have Asians running around hunting each other with arrow sticking out of torso's....that would be much more compelling..yes?

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Bearister and I are concept guys. Work out the details. Let's double up-both winter and summer. Add some chicks in loin cloths and war paint. Pitch it as South American. People believe anything that comes out of there. Make sure they wear shoes. Nike will want a piece of this.

GB54;842280306 said:

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Bearister and I are concept guys. Work out the details. Let's double up-both winter and summer. Add some chicks in loin cloths and war paint. Pitch it as South American. People believe anything that comes out of there. Make sure they wear shoes. Nike will want a piece of this.

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Now you're turning it it into some Quentin Tarentino movie...back to the drawing board young man...

GB54;842280306 said:

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Bearister and I are concept guys. Work out the details. Let's double up-both winter and summer. Add some chicks in loin cloths and war paint. Pitch it as South American. People believe anything that comes out of there. Make sure they wear shoes. Nike will want a piece of this.

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Phil Knight will volunteer some of his workers as participants.

Best thread in a long time.

bearister;842280282 said:

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Does anyone else think they could "sex up" the biathlon by having the athletes hunt each other with the last three men standing medaling and the medal awarded determined by the number of kills?

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You guys do know that was the way the sport was - they used to hold nice little snowy wars among the north countries in lieu of not yet invented Olympics. The modern non-fatal version Biathlon was invented later.
Now you want to go full circle. Won't happen - holding wars is almost as expensive as holding the Olympics - you can't do it just for one event. (Maybe if you added Patton Tank Hockey for a second event?)

I propose holding the Biathlon event entirely within snowy track stadiums with participants shooting spectators each lap; points are scored by a formula using the previous years gross income before taxes for the dead - higher income, higher score.

The downhill would be much more fun if the slope was mined...(ok red paint ball explosions)

Like video games, there should be different levels: .22 first round, MK17s second round, anti-tank rocket launchers third round. Sudden death overtime would be hand to hand combat with bayonets and 10,000 volt dildoes.

Paintball on snow?

Cal_Fan2;842280301 said:

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Well in the old days when they used center fire rifles like 30-06's and 7.62 NATO's, you could kill a guy from 200+ yards easily...now they use .22 rimfire rifles not very accurate after 50 yards plus you'd have to get close and shoot someone in the head or you'd just have bunch of wounded skiers blooding up the place with few fatalities.....if you like that, than they should do it in the Summer Games with the archers...now that would be a site but instead of Scandinavians, you'd have Asians running around hunting each other with arrow sticking out of torso's....that would be much more compelling..yes?

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I just came.

Womens figure skating in Lingerie?

Elena Ilinykh (are all Russian women like this??)

Phantomfan;842280354 said:

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I just came.

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Lmao!

MiZery;842280361 said:

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Womens figure skating in Lingerie?

Elena Ilinykh (are all Russian women like this??)

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A violent thread hijacked by sex?

bearister;842280364 said:

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A violent thread hijacked by sex?

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Is it time to introduce drugs and rock and roll?

NYCGOBEARS;842280368 said:

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Is it time to introduce drugs and rock and roll?

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Combine Elena Ilinykh with the "chicks in loin cloths and war paint" idea, and you've got a winner.

As a kid, I always liked the book "Snow Treasure".

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34601.Snow_Treasure

In the modern Olympic version you could have bobsleds going down the run loaded with gold while the opposing team tries to stop them.

Could be fun.

Maybe they could have an Accomplice, and as a last gasp effort, can pick off the gold medal winner on the podium in kind of a fast track elimination overtime

MiZery;842280361 said:

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Womens figure skating in Lingerie?

Elena Ilinykh (are all Russian women like this??)

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Ding ding ding .... We have a winner!

The Winter Games also need some kind of unlikely Cinderella team, like the Jamaican bobsled team. I'm thinking a (really flamboyant, trash-talking) Indian ice hockey team.

510Bear;842280778 said:

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The Winter Games also need some kind of unlikely Cinderella team, like the Jamaican bobsled team. I'm thinking a (really flamboyant, trash-talking) Indian ice hockey team.

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Sikhs with turbans and concealed daggers. Let Sydney Crosby feel the point of a blade when he starts his whining act.

I have selected Mila Kunis to star in the new film, "Stoli on the Rocks, The Elena Ilinykh Story" (granted she is a bit long in the tooth for the role, but what's that saying about eating crackers in bed....):

:beer::Monty

This is one of the most entertaining threads in a while. Thanks, guys. LOL

Ice hockey is much more exciting with a grenade for a puck (on a timer that only the officials know).

Ski Jump should be like steeplechase--you have to land beyond a pit with polar bears or some other hazard.

In the summer games, I've always argued for Javelin Catch as an event.

, on snow









:cheer:Lindsay

bearister;842280364 said:

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A violent thread hijacked by sex?

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It was inevitable. As usual, we BIers are over-thinking things. If we want sex in the Olympics, we should just make sex an Olympic event. For those of you of a certain age -- I guess I should say for those of us of a certain age -- think back to the "Sex Olympics" skit in "The Groove Tube." Sorry...couldn't find a clip on youtube.

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In the summer games, I've always argued for Javelin Catch as an event.

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That's a great idea. I'd go a step further and poison the tip of the javelin (which of course will be sharpened to precision by highly-trained Swiss craftsmen) and hide the antidote somewhere on the field.

Oh, and release a bunch of bears into the arena too. You gotta earn that gold medal, kids.

UrsaMajor;842280814 said:

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.....
Ski Jump should be like steeplechase--you have to land beyond a pit with polar bears or some other hazard......

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...or sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.

bearister;842280805 said:

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I have selected Mila Kunis to star in the new film, "Stoli on the Rocks, The Elena Ilinykh Story" (granted she is a bit long in the tooth for the role, but what's that saying about eating crackers in bed....):

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Elena is 5'11" though.