https://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/maga-is-over-22512069.php "Can you feel the joy, dear reader? I can. Tuesday night, voters nationwide handed the Democratic Party decisive power in both chambers of Congress. Democrats won in California, as they always do. But they also won in Michigan, and Georgia, and Wisconsin, and Texas. They might even win in Mississippi once all of the ballots are tallied. Mississippi! I didn't even know they HAD voting in Mississippi! Holy crap! I wanna kiss all of you on the mouth, I'm so happy!
Now, what happened Tuesday night doesn't automatically correct everything that's happened over the past decade and beyond. You and I will still have to call out the usual suspects whenever the Democratic establishment gives into its eternally timid instincts. Some of those party regulars have already pre-caved. But that's for another day. Regardless, today is for joy. Today is for you and I to pop bubbly with breakfast and hold our middle fingers aloft at the lame, overweight duck in the White House. Today is a day for celebration.
In that spirit, I've cobbled together a quick to-do list for our new blue majority government. I bring you these demands as a voter, not a political analyst. Do not expect me to outline how I want all of the following things accomplished. That's not my problem, Democrats. Figuring out the how of things is what I and my fellow taxpayers are paying you to sort out. I never want you to tell me why you can't do something anymore. Not after we just colonized Texas … emphatically.
Like Jon Rosenthal the Democrat who just kicked a bigoted cowboy's ass to win a seat on the Texas Railroad Commission I'm feeling myself this morning. I was a VERY good voter this year, blue Santa Claus. Most of us were. Therefore, you're gonna have to bring us everything that's on our wish list, which I've written down below in loose priority order.
Fix the Supreme Court! Nothing about Tuesday night will amount to anything as long as President Trump can go running to his lackeys on the bench to overturn any new law he dislikes, to suddenly legalize sexual assault, or to magically bestow upon Trump the power of wingless flight. I am sick to death of SCOTUS being the most actively malevolent political force in this supposedly free country. So first things first: Fix it. Again, the how is your problem, Dems. Not mine. If it means expanding the court to 24 judges, College Football Playoff-style, do it. If it means instituting term limits, so that an allegedly handsy fossil like Clarence Thomas can't rule over our lives for 35 years and counting, do it. Or if it means impeaching evidentially corrupt justices like Thomas and the dreaded Sammy Alito, do that too. Speaking of which …
Lock 'em up! You and I have already endured two failed impeachment attempts on President Stands Weird, so I understand why you might groan at anyone who tells you that the third time will be the charm. But America can't have a functional government if our new woke overlords allow proven criminals to get away with their evildoing. You saw Tuesday night's returns. That wasn't voters saying, "Maybe we should go easy on dear old Donald." That was America screaming, "WE WANT BLOOD."
Because Trump has presided over a still ongoing crime spree at the highest level of government, and the only way to prevent him and future leaders from committing more atrocities is to, you know, prosecute them. All of them. Not just Trump. I want the hammer to also fall on Alito, on Thomas, on Elon, on that zooted-up scumbag Pete Hegseth, and well, look, it's a long list and the internet only has so much memory storage. Even with all those shiny new data centers going up, there's still not enough room for me to name every name. But you get the idea.
Ban all of the data centers! We hate those, too!
Overturn Citizens United! Would you like to know why, on an otherwise lovely night, Californians rejected a tax on the state's billionaires? Or how the discourse around the Michigan Senate race got sidetracked by Israel, which is not in Michigan? Through the magic of donations, that's how. Ever since the Supreme Court there those *******s are again decided in 2010 that campaign finance restrictions were somehow a violation of free speech, the American political system has been wholly captured by big-money interests, from Israel to Mark Zuckerberg. Last year, a trio of Democrats proposed an amendment to overturn this disastrous SCOTUS decision. If they can get this amendment through with a majority now, it will end the essentially legalized bribery that has poisoned all political parties this century. That might give America the chance to be an actual democracy again.
Abolish ICE. Tell 'em, Peggy Flanagan:
I don't want a kinder, gentler ICE. I don't want a better-trained ICE. I want no ICE, and I want any ICE goons who killed innocent people to be put in the slammer. Again, we can't move forward as a country if we don't hold the bad guys accountable. And we know who the bad guys are, because they all have X accounts where they confess on a daily basis. Time to put them out of commission.
End the Iran War. It was an illegal war from the very outset, and it has accomplished less than nothing. So let's take the war keys away from Trump and give him a Whoozit to play with instead. Listen to how it squeaks, Mister President! They're saying it's the greatest toy ever invented!
Legalize abortion! I'm a 50-year-old man, and even I wanna get an abortion now. I should have that right! After all, you never know!
End monopolies! I'm nursing a theory that Americans actually like monopolies because the board game taught them that monopolies are good. That is incorrect. I'd prefer there be MANY companies to get my news and entertainment from, instead of just one owned by some billionaire's ******* kid. These monopolies are the reason why I need to take out a home equity loan just to afford my groceries. If Democrats really care about affordability, as they claim, breaking up the big boys is the first step.
Let the AI giants fail! Their product is crap, it eats up generations' worth of energy, and it doesn't make any money! So I don't wanna hear about how we have to bail out Sam Altman and OpenAI to the tune of literal trillions because we might lose 300 jobs or whatever if they go bust. I'd rather that money be used toward far more promising endeavors, like:
Make college free! We were on our way there until our garbage president got in the way.
Make healthcare free! That includes abortions, and not just boner pills!
Make mass transit free! I wanna ride more choo choo trains!
DO IT NOW
Make daycare free! Or pay my ass to stay home and raise these little *******s myself!
Make NFL Sunday Ticket free! That one's just for me, really.
Clean up Washington, D.C.! I mean this in the literal sense. Even if you live far away from the nation's capital, you're likely aware of the myriad ways in which Trump has desecrated it. He destroyed the Reflecting Pool. He destroyed the Kennedy Center. He destroyed a local public golf course. He's destroying whatever portions of the Smithsonian he finds distasteful. And, of course, he's bulldozed the East Wing of the White House in order to build a ballroom/war bunker/casino/Best Buy outlet. Just as you and I are represented by the people working in D.C., we're also represented by the physical landscape of D.C. itself: the buildings, the museums, the monuments … all of it. The ruined D.C. that Trump is currently attempting to remodel in his bloated image is emblematic of the widespread damage he's wrought on the nation itself. So please Democrats, give D.C. back to the American people. And don't let Trump build that fking arch. This is a celebration, and he's not invited."
