* I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

* My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step
forward.

* Why do men take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they
get a hole in one!

* Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a
soap opera.

* What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They're both Paris
sites.

* What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.

* If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

* What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.

* Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

* What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

* Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

* What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

* Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay,
we'd call them bagels.