Subject: Footballisms
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the
football."
-- John Heisman, first football coach at Rice
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to
quit in practice, not in a game."
-- Bear Bryant, Alabama
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!"
-- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have
any."
-- Erik Russell, Georgia Southern
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one
who dropped it."
-- Lou Holtz, Arkansas/Notre Dame
"When you win, nothing hurts."
-- Joe Namath, Alabama
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study
hall."
-- Frank Leahy, Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
-- Woody Hayes, Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation I just want to
win enough to warrant an investigation."
-- Bob Devaney, Nebraska
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
-- Wally Butts, Georgia
"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
-- Alex Karras, Iowa
"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.
-- Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades."
-- Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State
"Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David."
-- Shug Jordan, Auburn
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me. He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good."
-- Walt Garrison, Oklahoma State/Dallas Cowboys
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
-- Bobby Bowden, Florida State
"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport."
-- Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State
"After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was "All
those who need showers, take them."
-- John McKay, USC
"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
-- Murray Warmath, Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back,
you only have to be dumb."
-- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
-- Darrell Royal, Texas
"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."
-- John McKay, USC
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
-- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
Q: Why do Auburn fans wear orange?
A: So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday,
and pick up trash on Monday.
Q: What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
A: Drool.
Q: How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a sophomore course.
Q: How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on him.
-----------
Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
------------
What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."
------------
How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
------------
University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. The other half will have to dress themselves.
------------
How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
------------
How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
------------
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sent f