You're An EXTREME Redneck When...

* You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of
her kids.

* The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much
gas is in it.

* You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

* You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

* You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

* Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

* Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

* Your junior prom offered day care.

* You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen,
start your engines."

* You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off
its wheels.

* The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

* You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

* One of your kids was born on a pool table.

* You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House of Tattoos.

* You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
* You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

* Popping the hood involves removing at least two bungee cords.

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And in closing... Two good ol' boys in a Alabama trailer park were sitting
around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was
to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and
squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

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While mowing your grass you find two old automobiles.

wvitbear said:

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While mowing your grass you find two old automobiles.

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I owned a house in Alabama and for a while I let a cousin live there rent-free while she was going through some tough times.

I had hired a gardening service so the grass never got high, but one time I went out there to check on the house and there was a car sitting on the back lawn.

Whose car was it? Well, it belonged to the daughter of one of my cousin's daughters. She lives in Florida.

Okay, so why was it in Alabama? She had driven out from Florida to visit and it broke down. Someone else drove her back to Florida. She supposedly then sold the car to some local guy who was going to come get it, but he never did.

Why was it on the lawn? The house didn't have a garage, but it had a circular driveway that could easily fit 4-5 cars if not more. My cousin told me it was inconvenient to have it on the driveway because she always had to back out of the driveway instead of being able to just drive forward so they pushed it out of the way and onto the lawn.

When I showed up I was livid. A car that didn't even belong to my cousin was sitting on the back lawn of my house!

To my cousin's credit the car was gone two days later. She told the guy he needed to get the car or else she was taking it the the scrapyard and he came and got it.

However, I wonder how long they might have left it there and if there might not have eventually been two cars there - or more - if I hadn't showed up when I did.

These jokes are based on reality!