cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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9:11p, 10/21/23
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9:37p, 10/21/23
chase garber's youngest brother's chase is playing well as the starting qb as ucla takes an early commanding lead over stanford in palo alto
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10:13p, 10/21/23

the best iron player on planet earth#
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Shocky1
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10:41p, 10/21/23

toyko is bear territory#
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Shocky1
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11:17p, 10/21/23
the nation's #1 ranked stripper college asu got cfm pumped 15-7 by washington in the drizzly azz northwest
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Shocky1
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11:39p, 10/21/23

this **** is getting live#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna earn generational wealth thru excellence in athletics & intellectual capitalism in the classrooms)
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Shocky1
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11:51p, 10/21/23

berkeley is not the easy path in life but the rewards of being mentally limitless/fearless cannot be quantified


relentlessly chasing his place in the history of golf (his dreams r not for sale)#
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HoopDreams
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In reply to Shocky1 • 1:30a, 10/22/23
Congrats on the win, but Take Off That Red Shirt!

Shocky1 said:

berkeley is not the easy path in life but the rewards of being mentally limitless/fearless cannot be quantified


relentlessly chasing his place in the history of golf (his dreams r not for sale)#

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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:57a, 10/22/23
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CwJF3YhyXS8
if chris street had stayed in berkeley he would've probably started the 2023 spring game at running back & also been around a year away now from earning a degree from the #1 ranked public university in the world which wuz his best opportunity for earning generational wealth but at this point just very happy that chris is gonna hopefully earn a college degree from utah tech...will be rooting for streezy this fall, go bisons

yeah the bears got 36 scholly departures heading into the 2023 season

daniel scott, safety...out of eligibility, nfl indianapolis colts
odua isibor, edge defender...out of eligiblity
jamieson sheahan, punter...out of eligilbity
darius long jr, defensive line...now a walk on for final semester, already earned berkeley degree
kyle smith, inside linebacker...portal as grad transfer
ryan puskas, inside linebacker...portal as grad transfer
orin patu, edge defender...grad transfer to arizona
patrick histake, edge defender...portal to hawaii...no berkeley degree
henry ikahihifo, outside linebacker...portal to nevada...no berkeley degree
braxton croteau, outside linebacker...medical retirement
femi oladejo, linebacker...portal to ucla...no berkeley degree
trey paster, linebacker...grad transfer to colorado state
fatu iosefa, safety...portal to san mateo community college...no berkeley degree
kaleb higgins, corner back...portal to sacramento state...no berkeley degree
ben coleman, guard...grad transfer to asu
spencer lovell, guard...grad transfer to kansas
ryan lange, guard...football retirement, will earn berkeley degree
jackson brown, tackle..portal to pitt...no berkeley degree
jake muller, tight end...fooball retirement, will earn berkeley degree
elijah mojarro, tight end...grad transfer to nevada
nick alftin, tight end...portal as grad transfer
keleki latu, tight end...portal to nevada...no berkeley degree
jermaine terry, tight end...portal to oregon state...no berkeley degree
j michael sturdivant, wide receiver...portal to ucla...no berkeley degree
justin richard baker, wide receiver...medical retirement
tommy christakos, wide receiver...medical retirement
aiden lee, wide receiver...portal to garden city community college...no berkeley degree
ashton hayes, running back...portal to nevada...no berkeley degree
chris street, running back...portal to utah tech...no berkeley degree
damien moore, running back...portal to fresno state...no berkeley degree
decarlos brooks, running back...grad transfer portal to asu
slater zellers, longsnapper...grad transfer to asu
dario longhetto, kicker...grad transfer to asu
jack plummer, quarterback...grad transfer to louisville
kai milner, quarterback...portal to northern arizona...no berkeley degree
zach johnson, quarterback...portal as grad transfer

note: mykyle so'oto wuz previously incorrectly included on this list, the now san mateo cc enrollee wuz a pwo in berkeley



monster analysis of the 2023 36 scholly departures:

1) shocky's new neck tats with the wording "don't be a dumb azz#" r 100% spectacular!

2) 4 grad transfers kyle smith, ryan puskas, nick alftin & zach johnson did not find new homes for the 2023 season

3) other than the 2 ucla transfers literally every young man leaving berkeley is departing for a new skool that is significantly worser from an academic perspective that is gonna impact their future ability to earn income/build wealth...the 3 biggest **** ups wuz wuz ashton hayes (and his moms) to nevada, kai milner (and his dad) to northern arizona & chris street to utah tech

4) would be awesome if knowlton & his worthless bureaucrats jenny & markeisha would enter the transfer portal never to be heard from again

5) there will be multiple medical retirement announcements (a couple might surprise u) after the ucla game this season, football is a violent sport & best wishes to braxton croteau, justin richard baker & tommy christakos for earning their berkeley degrees

6) very happy for guys with berkeley degrees who are getting a chance to play during their final year of eligibility such as decarlos brooks, elijah mojarro, slater zellers, dario longhetto, orin patu & trey paster

7) kinda wondering if a bad attitude guy like damien moore who traded his berkeley degree for a fresno state degree is gonna look back when he's 30 years old working at the 7/11 in lodi with the dawning realization that his decision comes with 50 year consequences?

8) the bears lost very little talent that would favorably helped the 2023 team:

**** j michael sturdivant: would've started at wide receiver, his lack of precision with routes is gonna hinder his nfl ambitions

***jack plummer: would've been the bears qb1 at this point in the season but honestly would prefer 3 and a half years of the developing nando & his unique infectious enthusiasm which is critical to the chemistry of this team as the coaches are not emotional leaders...here's the thing with jack, he studied 45 minutes a day with the grad cert program from his off campus apartment before watching game film & never even walked around campus...he wuz not emotionally connected to his teammates other than a couple of the wideouts including j mike

***femi oladejo: keo is a much better +1 athletic quick twitch insider backer with a much higher football iq than femi (who frequently ran into the wrong gap) but obviously we would want oladejo now that jackson sirmon is sidelined for the rest of the season

ben coleman would be on this list too but his early season ending injury in tempe means that his playing value would've been zero...and sorry zellers & longhetto r not the answers to anything other than fun times in old town

and there's really no one else who departed that could've materially helped this football team other than maybe doms or something

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Econ141
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11:33a, 10/22/23

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sycasey
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In reply to Shocky1 • 11:56a, 10/22/23
Shocky1 said:
***jack plummer: would've been the bears qb1 at this point in the season but honestly would prefer 3 and a half years of the developing nando & his unique infectious enthusiasm which is critical to the chemistry of this team as the coaches are not emotional leaders...here's the thing with jack, he studied 45 minutes a day with the grad cert program from his off campus apartment before watching game film & never even walked around campus...he wuz not emotionally connected to his teammates other than a couple of the wideouts including j mike
Plummer is just okay IMO. He can execute the game plan, but doesn't have much creativity or the ability to raise the team above its baseline level.

It's still early with Mendoza, but he has at least flashed this ability in his first two games.
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philbert
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:24p, 10/22/23
Shocky1 said:

berkeley is not the easy path in life but the rewards of being mentally limitless/fearless cannot be quantified


relentlessly chasing his place in the history of golf (his dreams r not for sale)#
Good read

https://golf.com/news/collin-morikawa-teary-zozo-celebration/?utm_campaign=forecast&utm_source=golf.com&utm_medium=email&utm_content=%7Bdate%28&utm_term=GOLFcom%20Top%20Stories%20Newsletter
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Shocky1
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3:41p, 10/22/23
^^ sycasey 100% agreed that in building a program for multiple seasons nando>>>>>>plummer

nando can make plays with his legs (congrats to coach bloesch's unit in significantly reducing the # of sacks this season) & can fire up his teammates unlike the much more quiet/stoic jack

still very glad that plummer is playing well this fall for our new acc rival louisville
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 3:52p, 10/22/23
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CnruyngvWKB
cal's monster class social etiquette public service annoucement:

so today after nooner modern yoga with anton, the monster asks lauren again if she's written all of her thank you cards for her recent wedding presents

she tells me again that "they are in process"

***, either they've been mailed or they haven't been mailed, those are the only 2 options

look lauren is not a total **** up, she's an elite yogi contortionist who is the sales director for a medical services/equipment company, she's not a dumb azz

so shocky tole her to mimeograph the following thank you letter, then fill in the blanks as necessary & then mail it to the 100+ guests...problem solved in 15 minutes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear _______,

Thank you so much for the wonderful _____________, this is literally the greatest wedding present of all time!!!

This present says a lot about our very special relationship and will be treasured forever (or at least until my next wedding).

Would you please do me a solid & send us the receipt?

Lots of love,

Lauren & Jimmy

shut up, shocky (u don't know ****)#
with my son's wedding next saturday during the oppenheimer game, shocky tole his soon to be wife this helpful wedding thank you tip during brunch today as the monster literally sampled every dish on display...yeah shocky likes his 32 oz green drinks but not during brunches

the magic of brunch (burp)#
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3:56p, 10/22/23
^^ philbert, thx for sharing...awesome to see collin finally allow jj to help him read greens this week (often while lying on his belly kinda like an alligator) which contributed to the remarkable putting turnaround this week

boh collin & max got a remarkable ability to combine apex predator steely gamedays with emotional crying afterwards in celebration which is probably a characteristic of enlightened berkeley grads
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Shocky1
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4:08p, 10/22/23

real talk (would also respectfully point out that doggys r very good listeners)#
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4:21p, 10/22/23


fully expecting an apology/retraction letter from my buddy club pro guy#
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Shocky1
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4:23p, 10/22/23
^ not gonna lie, cpg had a little help composing the above letter

lo siento#
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Shocky1
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9:12p, 10/22/23

the oppenheimer game (do you got ur tixs?)#
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Shocky1
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10:26p, 10/22/23

exclusive cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

coach bloesch with coach saffell navigating the so cal high school recruiting landscape has extended offers to 2024 offensive lineman bros 6'5" 310 lbs brent helton & 6'5" 290 lbs wade helton from powerhouse corona centennial high school (grads include nfl minnesota vikings/berkeley grad cam bynum)

despite being current iowa state commits (just say no to truck stop skool academics) the helton bros are not dumb azzs, brent got a 3.7 gpa & wade got a 3.5 gpa

bears currently got 13 high school commits in the 2024 class & are basically done except for cal's monster offensive line, these recruitments are gonna move very quickly with potential official visits to berkeley in the near future

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the sunny beaches of greece & nobu malibu along with barren freezing azz ames iowa)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

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Shocky1
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10:37p, 10/22/23
^ gotta be honest with u, iowa state ranking as the #222 best university in the united states is way better than the monster expected particularly since it routinely puts its grads into the discount tire training program but who knows maybe the helton bros wanna work security with david abajian at the dos lagos shops when they turn 30 or something?



50 year decision (for mentally tough hard workers that wanna relentlessly build generational wealth thru nfl development with coach bloesch & intellectual capitalism in the classrooms of berkeley so they can buy dad & moms a greek summer home above the harbor)#

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Shocky1
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11:33p, 10/22/23
^ there are no harbors in ames iowa





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calumnus
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:56a, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:
^ there are no harbors in ames iowa







Yeah, I don't see how Cal isn't the 50 year decision AND the 4 year decision.
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Shocky1
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4:31a, 10/23/23

cal's monster offensive line scary azz video

warning: do NOT watch this video if u got heart condition problems or ****, 2024 commit 3.8 gpa tyler knape violently knocks opposing defenders on their azzs with quick twitch +1 athleticism & then pounds them AGAIN with a non stop alpha male trench worker motor that cannot be taught, either ur wired that way or ur not

tyler knape+halloween=no need for a costume for the future starter from austin (can't wait for our annual acc rivalry games with smu)

https://instagr.am/p/CreCOCGAaiM
pound for ground (at the university of calverston)#
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Shocky1
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4:48a, 10/23/23
^ kinda looks like that tyler got the same curvy brunette yoga hair stylist at supercuts or something as mike saffell or marshall cherrington

yeah coach bloesch & spav kinda look like they get their hair trimmed at a plano lawnmower dealership or something

cindo don't got no good hair
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82gradDLSdad
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:36a, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:

cal's monster offensive line scary azz video

warning: do NOT watch this video if u got heart condition problems or ****, 2024 commit 3.8 gpa tyler knape violently knocks opposing defenders on their azzs with quick twitch +1 athleticism & then pounds them AGAIN with a non stop alpha male trench worker motor that cannot be taught, either ur wired that way or ur not

tyler knape+halloween=no need for a costume for the future starter from austin (can't wait for our annual acc rivalry games with smu)

https://instagr.am/p/CreCOCGAaiM
pound for ground (at the university of calverston)#


One nit...tell this kid that after you block someone to the ground go look for someone else to block instead of falling on top of the guy on the ground and ALREADY OUT OF THE PLAY!
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Shocky1
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11:47a, 10/23/23
to kyle willingham's credit qb cam rising will officially not play this season which will impact the utes ability to run the tables
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89Bear
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In reply to Shocky1 • 4:49p, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:
to kyle willingham's credit qb cam rising will officially not play this season which will impact the utes ability to run the tables
I wish we had a Kyle Wittingham!!!
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 7:34p, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:
Quote:

Agree. Let's play USC and UCLA. If we beat them it gives us good recruiting fodder for recruits from SoCal. In any event the travel is reasonable.
https://instagr.am/p/CtLMRC4r-SQ
givethemtheaxe, there's a near absolute ZERO chance that usc is gonna schedule us again in our lifetimes, got it?

the trojans (who wuz the catalyst of the demise of pac 12 football & thus west coast rivalries) got a future brutal big 10 schedule with heavy travel to the midwest plus their annual home/away series with notre dame

that means their 2 other future out of conference games will either be national matchups with a football factory like georiga or alabama but in most seasons likely 2 body bag games against teams like utep that want a guaranteed treasure chest plus free pizza to get their azzs kicked at the coliseum with no return game favors...playing cal got no upside for them either financially or bowl eligibility/national championship automatic wins

let me repeat the bears & the trojans are realistically NEVER gonna meet again in football after the 2023 season

that's why it's gonna be so special the epic gameday on october 28th when cal goes oppenheimer on usc in literally the most chippy & bloody ******* game in the history of memorial stadium

r u gonna be there in person for this final event of a lifetime???

1-800-gobears#

ps ucla athletic director martin jarmond is full of **** in tryna sound reasonable right now for california board of regent political reasons, the bruins are also never gonna schedule the bears again after 2023...capice, amigo?
^ check out the usc band member puking in the bushes in the above foto

fun fact: usc got the worst rushing defense in the pac 12, cal gotta pound for ground in chewing up the clock & keep the trojans offense off the field...and yeah spav dialing up pitchouts (and fake pitchouts) to all american jayden ott & nando attacking the middle 3rd of the field is gonna be the key
https://stats.pac-12.com/sports/fball/2023-24/teams?sort=ptspgopp&r=0&pos=def

fun fact: points allowed by usc defense in pac 12 games

stanford-10
asu-28
colorado-41
arizona-41
utah-32

the men of troy (d is candy azz soft against the run)#

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Shocky1
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7:37p, 10/23/23
89, agreed whittingham is a great coach, it will interesting to see if he retires this offseason
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calumnus
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:00p, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:
89, agreed whittingham is a great coach, it will interesting to see if he retires this offseason


Which would make Wilcox the longest tenured coach in the PAC-12, if there were still a PAC-12.
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oskiswifeshusband
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8:06p, 10/23/23
why would he retire this offseason?
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Shocky1
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8:13p, 10/23/23
oskisgirlfriendishotas****, the san louis obispo native turns 64 this november under scorpio skies & the utes athletic director & whale donors are preparing for his potential retirement...maybe kyle wanna spend his days at the terrific morro bay municipal golf course or drink pink cocktails at the funky azz madonna inn bar or something?



in ur backyard (rip kristin smart)#

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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:21p, 10/23/23
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/Cyj0ssqrc9s
yeah berkeley/corona centennial grads luv dancing with the stars, making moves baby

beezy wit the curvy brunette yoga female wife (dancing with the takers)#

wut up wade & brent helton?

here's the life roadmap:

corona centennial high school to the #1 ranked public university in the world (which is an hour flight on southwest for moms & dad on gamedays) to the national football league

this **** is not that complicated, just ask beezy

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (that is not located in ames iowa)

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KenBurnski
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:24p, 10/23/23
Had no clue he's a SLO native, wonder if he ever makes it back. Will keep an eye peeled when I'm cruising the green drink aisle at the Whole Foods on Froom Ranch during the off-season.
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