cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of filipino descent such as amelia & breezy)
Shocky1
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Overheard today: "Not outboarding a university Athletic Director who is a con artist and universally disliked while trying to fundraise during the Big Give is like training a rescue doggy dog to teach a deep breathing yoga/meditation class or something."

"Where's the ******* long promised basketball practice facility, Rich??"



don't be a dumb azz (in turbulent times with a financial tsunami heading towards berkeley)#
Shocky1
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life is NOT linear (r u adaptable??)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/DAfTY1vP3-2
2025 pga mexico open: 4th round update

michael kim (68, tied for 12th): as a direct result of his short game lesson with joe mayo during the phoenix open week, michael's scrambling is us open winning at oakmont exceptional right now...and yeah playing the par 5s in an explosive 10 under par is also how you move up the 2025 season fed ex standings to #21



3 amazing weeks, let's ******* go (next week in west palm beach)!!#
HairOfTheBear
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/DAfTY1vP3-2
2025 pga mexico open: 4th round update

michael kim (68, tied for 12th): as a direct result of his short game lesson with joe mayo during the phoenix open week, michael's scrambling is us open winning at oakmont exceptional right now...and yeah playing the par 5s in an explosive 10 under par is also how you move up the 2025 season fed ex standings to #21


Slightly better, now it says #20 for Kim!

https://www.pgatour.com/fedexcup
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/CzHR9RCuN70
hairy, that's great news for michael to move up a spot but apparently somebody in the top 20 on the pga tour is not gonna be returning from mexico to los estados unidos!!



adios señor stupido (tango hambre??)#

Shocky1
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2026 3.6 gpa 6'7" 290 lbs quinn buckey from liberty high school in bakersfield#

fun facts: this is a high academic football family with dad jeff (played o-line for the 49ers, stanford grad) & older bros zach (stanford, offensive line) & grant (ucla, defensive line)

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world
Shocky1
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2026 gpa not as high as bro 2025 cal signee michael-anthony 6'5" 215 lbs tight end benny okwura from katy jordan high school in houston#

the university of calveston=#1 ranked public university with a new mascot buc-ee with beautiful cali weather (for those high gpa student athletes that r tired of the texas freezing azz level 7 hypothermia winters & nasty azz humid summers)

Shocky1
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november 22, 2025 stormin' the field/shocky b-day celebration in palo alto (good neighbours)#

https://instagr.am/p/DGY-ZPYtpu0
Shocky1
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-Confirmed with Markeisha that FREE tixs to all football and basketball games will NOT happen as Berkeley becomes the industry leader in TARP MANAGEMENT!!

-Reassured Chancellor Lyons that then upcoming Big Give will be wildly successful with Berkeley alums generously pledging/donating to endow the Coed Quidditch Program and pay for the salaries of Athletic Department bureaucrats. Game on!!

-Checked with Mountain West conference Commissioner Nevarez re: Cal's transitioning to the conference in 2027.

-Dropped out of the Laney College's "Reading Financial Statements for Dumb Azzs" in order to focus more on the upcoming Rocky Mountains Senior League upcoming playoff matches against the Aspen Trust Funders & the Durango Deer Killers.

-Signed off on Jenny's Athletic Department 9 day team summertime bonding event at the George V in Paris. In a cost saving measure all department employees will NOT be flying 1st class but rather Business Select.

Fun Facts (actually true): Jimmy had never been to Calfiornia before his 1st interview with Carol Christ & he believed Jenny when she told him he could be jailed for non Title IX compliance if the men's and women's basketball recruiting budgets were not equal.
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

cal's monster class OFFICIAL perception vs reality:

coach wilcox's perception of modern yoga


california golden bears football players perception of shocky


california golden bears men's golf team perception of modern yoga


jaydn ott's perception of modern yoga
/

jaron keawe sagapolutele's perception of modern yoga
https://instagr.am/p/DCs1f3jRDJe
devin brown's perception of modern yoga
https://instagr.am/p/CZUlDjQrySJ
jaylen brown's perception of MONSTER yoga


modern yoga teachers perception of shocky
https://instagr.am/p/C9Vb3OvpIvy
shocky's perception of modern yoga


shocky's perception of triggering ponytails


buc-ee's perception of modern yoga


benji, beauty & misty mae's perception of dad at modern yoga


slim wadie & the majority of shocky's golf buddies perception of him at modern yoga


jacob de jesus' perception of MONSTER yoga & PITCHOUTS

hopefully NOT s&c coach frank novak and general manager ron riviera's perception of modern yoga:

the REALITY of modern yoga
https://instagr.am/p/CWcHMizpEjR
princess courtney's nooner modern yoga class update:

right before savanasa at the tail end of class mama bear tole the class to "take out your ponytail, it will help you relax" so shocky took out his imaginary ponytail of it's imaginary hairband & guess wut??

shoski wuz one hundo more relaxed!!

this life changing moment/ephinany is helping me finally see with clarity that jaydn's **** 2024 season wuz not due to bloesch's predictable bull**** interior line run calls & failure to call PITCHOUTS, the fragile bears wide receivers failure to deliver a single violent BLOCK during the entire ******* season, the worst s&c program in college football or the fact that cal's monster class wuz seriously undersized/candy azz small compared to every opponent other than uc davis but rather due to ott's inability to relax cuz he didn't take out his ponytail!!

https://instagr.am/p/DAMa6YFha7E
ur welcome jaydn, shocky is here to serve u & ur teammates (unlike coach wilcox who always fails to make in season adaptive changes preferring to wait until the offseason, the reason kyle willingham has won a million more games than justin is because he corrects things in real time on gamedays)

namaste

https://instagr.am/p/DB7j3SyvN5Q
reality is overrated (but dom's tail is not overrated)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/DGeSq2LSjmE
1st generation college grad (just like my then poor as **** berkeley grad moms), congrats!!

vals (and her ponytail) graduated in 3 years (which is around a decade quicker than +1 athletic wr mason starling)#

Econ141
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Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

2026 6'3" 285 lbs interior lineman nivina nicholson from santa margarita catholic high school (next door to the nicklaus designed dove canyon) is gonna officially visit berkeley on june 12th-15th


nicholoson is a quick twitch physical as **** warrior with a non stop poly motor, he wuz on the field with his moms at memorial stadium pregame for the september 15th san diego state beatdown & is a key targeted prospect for coach anae in a bears projected 15 player 2026 high school class with actionable offers & schollys at a premium


nivina is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.75 gpa (previously attended jserra catholic high school, also offered by stanford)

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of samoa)
Shocky1
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2026 strong as **** 6'3" 290 lbs defensive end keytrin harris from narbonne high school (previously attended bishop gorman in las vegas)#


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world
Shocky1
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2026 3.68 gpa speed linebacker (an unreal 14.8 tackles per game) 6'1" 210 lbs beau jandreau from powerhouse hamilton high school in chandler#

fun fact: quick non stop flights on southwest for moms & the fam on gamedays from phx to oak (check out the costs for non stop flights, rental cars & hotel rooms to ugly azz norman)


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of samoa that wanna build generational wealth thu nfl development with coach sirmon in the acc & hard work in the classrooms of berkeley vs football factories like oklahoma that use their disposable gladiators which leaves them working nite security at the chandler fashion square at age 30)

https://instagr.am/p/C33PTBNpu5Y
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:


cal's monster class recruiting update:

2026 3.4 gpa 6'1" 200 lbs quick twitch linebacker omari "big stebo" stephenson from thomas county central high school in georgia (closer to tallahassee than atlanta) is gonna take an official visit to berkeley on june 13-15th

big stebo can run sideline to sideline & is relentless in is pursuit


omari, there's no downside to the west coast (other than no buc-ee's in cali) if ur goal is to grow as a young man both athletically & intellectually on ur path to building generational wealth, got it?



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that reject football factories for low gpa disposable workers that are lifting boxes on the piggly wiggly loading dock when they're 30 years old)
Shocky1
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glad novak made it out of lansing after all that happened#
Shocky1
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2026 3.7 gpa 6'4" 250 lbs destructive edge defender david schwerzel from odea high school in seattle#


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (with a poly culture)
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:


potential day 1 starter on the left coast#



FACTS: the left coast is NOT like the ugly azz midwest or the backwards azz deep south#
Shocky1
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2026 cal commit 3.4 gpa 5'11" 170 lbs jayden crowder from santa margarita catholic high school#


the TAKERS get PAID in the national football league & earn berkeley degrees#
Shocky1
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best wishes to peter & the sirmon family#
Shocky1
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shocky & buc-ee are huge fans of tim deruyter's aggressive ATTACKING defensive schemes#

https://instagr.am/p/DGgxB77JjL-
^ fun fact: in shocky's visits to multiple buc-ee's during the last 12 months, literally NOBODY at any of them is dressed even remotely like these 4 girly girls in search of 200+ grams of sugar meals (but did see jimmy in his plaid wool shirt & a john deere cap get a tasty bbq brisket sandwich along with a box of marlboros & a tank of premium 91 for the motor home)!!
Shocky1
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haas biz ad school marketing class: building the brand/fanbase

the pga tour gotta serious problem in that it's fanbase is aging out & that it gotta rebuild the franchise with a younger fanbase and as a result has created the tgl (a high energy indoor simulator golf league with the game's biggest stars including collin morikawa & max homa) which is resonating with the much sought after under 30 years of age targeted market segment

similarly the fanbase at memorial stadium is getting old as **** on gamedays & for its own survival needs to engage berkeley students with the magic of cal football so they build a lifelong school spirit & become future season tixs holders & Builders of Berkeley...the most effective way to target this critical segment is to offer FREE tixs to all football games during the fall of 2025 season, this should be general manager ron riviera's absolute #1 priority when taking office to work out with fellow berkeley grad chancellor lyons



waiting for the ****tards knowlton & markeisha (neither a berkeley grad just like simon-o'neil) to build the cal football fanbase is never gonna happen, the absolute decline of the cal men's basketball attendance & low energy at haas pavillion this season is a textbook case of the dangers of not building a pipeline to replace the current aarp fanbase thru FREE tixs for all students

https://instagr.am/p/DGWa22QsP-y
Shocky1
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peter sirmon's departure has been in the cards for quite a while now (the changing nature of college football in 2025 isn't for everyone) & his return to the nfl is not due to wilcox and/or riviera pushing him out

calumnus
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Shocky1 said:

peter sirmon's departure has been in the cards for quite a while now (the changing nature of college football in 2025 isn't for everyone) & his return to the nfl is not due to wilcox and/or riviera pushing him out




He played in the NFL but never coached there. Isn't LB coach in the NFL a pay cut? There must be more to the story.
Joegeo
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I imagine the decrease workload is a big plus. Plus a chance down the line he might get a DC job in the NFL
Shocky1
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joey, peter wuz tired of the recruiting/traveling & tryna construct a stable defensive with so many moving parts in today's era of the transfer portal, this nfl move has been in the works for months (wilcox has had plenty of lead time to work his contacts)

calalumnus, sorry there's no zapruder grassy knoll to this coaching change but buc-ee's is selling discounted buc-ee bucks gift cards this week!!

https://instagr.am/p/C08XchasbDI
let's ******* BLITZ & put PRESSURE on quarterbacks!!#
wifeisafurd
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calumnus said:

Shocky1 said:

peter sirmon's departure has been in the cards for quite a while now (the changing nature of college football in 2025 isn't for everyone) & his return to the nfl is not due to wilcox and/or riviera pushing him out




He played in the NFL but never coached there. Isn't LB coach in the NFL a pay cut? There must be more to the story.
Not much of pay cut after taxes and cost of living, He trades his house in the Bay for a mansion in NOLA. Arms war in the NFL for assistants is pushing salaries way-up. New HC coach Moore is close with Wilcox and to a lesser degree Sirmon, so it likely is nice glide in and new DC Brandon Staley is still considered an up and coming guy who may have a second crack as a NFL head coach (he was mediocre, not bad in his first gig), in which case Sirmon could get elevated to DC. That pays a lot better than a college DC.

Sirmon's leaving dealt with family life than football issues. I can see why coaches are saying screw college football and flocking to the NFL. College football is not in a good place right now. Wilcox did not push him out, and statistically Cal's defense last year was one of the best in the ACC.

The real issue is who replaces Sirmon, as Cal likely pays under market even before adjustment for cost of living and taxes, and the head coach may be on the hot seat. My favorite would be Armstrong who can recruit well, developed Furd's best defenses during the good Shaw years, and knows how to deal with academically ordinated players.
mbBear
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calumnus said:

Shocky1 said:

peter sirmon's departure has been in the cards for quite a while now (the changing nature of college football in 2025 isn't for everyone) & his return to the nfl is not due to wilcox and/or riviera pushing him out




He played in the NFL but never coached there. Isn't LB coach in the NFL a pay cut? There must be more to the story.
Probably a little, but I don't think as much as some people think. Coordinators in the NFL are making what a college coach makes in many cases. He is going to join a new coach, a first time HC, so more than likely has a decent 3 year window (never know, i get it) and is away from the NIL/transfer fiasco. That's a factor in the college ranks, don't believe otherwise.
He is also getting on a different carousel...the chance of advancement to the ranks of Coordinator in the NFL is increased if in the NFL in the first place....
Shocky1
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mb, peter sirmon made just a couple of top dogs south of $1,000,000 in berkeley this past season

the highest paid nfl defensive coordinator is the eagles' vic fangio who cashes $4,500,000 a season

nfl is a zillion billions dollar ruthless biz that don't ask its coaches to travel except for games or worry about gpas (that's shocky's responsibility)

Shocky1
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wifey, what can u tell us about armstrong at stanford & are you off the dl list & back hitting the links/working as a motorhead??

calumnus
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If Sirmon's departure "has been known about for months" then shouldn't Wilcox have already figured out who his replacement would be? Defensive promotions, including "Passing Game Coordinator" were announced just last week. I would think that would be partly the decision of the new DC. Look at Harsin, he pushed out everybody on the offensive side.

I don't see how any of this is consistent with the narrative unless Wilcox has had a secret new DC for months (but then they should have been involved in recruiting) or is planning to handle the duties himself.
Shocky1
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calalumnus, not really sure wut to tell u other than u don't know wut u don't know

shocky heard about peter moving on (if the right nfl opportunity presented itself) during the 2024 football season, that's one of the benefits of sitting on the 50 yard line & attending every game (both at memorial & the roadies)

the next defensive coordinator is not gonna push anybody out unlike harsin (who only retained future head coach in training mike saffell) from an inept offense
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:

mb, the crushing unprecedented financial debt being incurred by the athletic department needs to be addressed NOW:

cal currently operates 13 men's sports, the following teams will be retained:

1) football
2) men's basketball
3) men's golf (the most endowed program in berkeley including football)
4) men's tennis
5) men's swimming & diving
6) men's water polo

the following 7 teams will be cut/reclassified as club sports (with zero athletic dept funding)

1) baseball (41 counters): the stu gordon fundraising money is nearly all gone, evans diamonds will be repurposed for the greater good of the university with an internal accounting "sale" to the central campus
2) men's cross country (18 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, edwards field will be repurposed
3) men's gymnastics (21 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, sport cut
4) men's rowing (71 counters): will become a club sport, can still compete for championships
5) men's rugby (62 counters): will become a club sport, can still compete for championships
6) men's soccer (41 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, will become a club sport playing local schools
7) men's track & field (65 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, edwards field will be repurposed

this will create a reduction of 319 counters which is the key metric for title ix compliance

cal currently operates 15 women's sports, the following teams will be retained:

1) women's basketball
2) softball
3) women's gymnastics
4) women's golf
5) women's tennis
6) women's swimming & diving
7) women's water polo
8) women's volleyball
9) women's beach volleyball

the following 6 sports will be cut/reclassified as club sports (with zero athletic dept funding):

1) women's cross country (14 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, edwards field will be repurposed
2) field hockey (26 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, will become a club sport
3) lacrosse (30 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, will become a club sport
4) women's track & field (51 counters): lack of donors/fan interest, edwards field will be repurposed
5) women's soccer (32 counters): lack of donors/fan interst, will become a club sport
6) women's rowing (60 counters): will become a club sport

this will create are a reduction of 233 counters which combined with the men's reduction of 319 counters will result in a total reduction of 552 counters with all current schollys honored thru a berkeley degree/graduation

the athletic department will be operating 15 sport teams in compliance with the current ncca minimum of 15 sports program...the expectation for all teams will be to graduate 95% of their student athletes & compete for championships

the repurposing of evans diamond & edwards field via an internal "sale" to the central campus will allow for an accounting debt relief of the current hundred million dollars of athletic department debt that will never have future revenue streams for repayment

at that point there will be a corresponding streamlining/rightsizing of the current bloated/mismanged athletic department with more than half of the current bureaucracy released with a vast savings of salaries, benefits & retirement costs to the university

when chancellor lyons wuz promoted one of his 1st actions wuz commissioning a study of the athletic department, consultants are gonna bill him a $1,000,000+++ to tell him wut this monster post summarizes for FREE but that's just how non financially accountable organizations work that can't even figure out marketing 101's 1st step in building the brand/building a pipeline to future Builders of Berkeley would be to offer FREE tixs to all students for all football & basketball games which is beyond ******* obvious

or rich can just not do **** & let the impending pending financial tsunami heading for berkeley wash away all sports & berkeley will become become an ivy league sports model institution with no schollys on a shoestring budget (which will please the majority of the academians at berkeley) with an empty memorial stadium sitting quietly on fall gamedays with the seagulls circling above from further afar as alums discontinue returning to their alma mater



**** balenciaga (right past the wawa down the turnpike)#

https://instagr.am/p/B3s1ylBhAZk
how financially irresponsible is the cal athletic department??

read the following article detailing the university of georgia's proposed allocation of the house settlement $20,500,000 nil dollars
https://www.onlineathens.com/story/sports/college/bulldogs-extra/2025/02/25/georgia-athletics-revenue-sharing-georgia-football-josh-brooks/79413454007/

first of all georiga only operates 19 sports teams compared to cal's 28 teams
https://georgiadogs.com/

2025 proposed bulldogs nil distributions:

football-$13,500,000 to $15,000,000+ (75% of the nil total dollars)
men's basketball-$2,700,000 to $3,000,000+
women's basketball-$900,000+
remaining sports (baseball & softball are huge in athens)-whatever is left over, projected to be 5%

georgia will be reducing the number of athletes from 550 to 475 while cal has close to 1000 with zero plans to reduce costs on anything

yeah rich thinks berkeley alums are gonna bail out the bankrupt ($66,900,000 annual deficit per the recent wilner interview with lyons) cal athletic department during the big give (non binding pledges of which a significant portion will never be collected, numbers inflated by bureaucrats making up **** to justify their salaries) on march 13th as the financial tsunami continues to chart it's course towards berkeley with devestating consequences
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