cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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6:26a, 9/27/22


gotta love all them california golden bears but not gonna lie these guys in the o-line room are by far & away my favorite guys on the team...look at their genuine kinda tired smiles, they all are truly one love...they toil in obscurity & when they **** up everybody in the stadium knows it, when they hustle to the 2nd level & knock the defenders on their ******* azzs like they did on saturday everybody praises the all world explosive freshman running back...they just can't win

but that's ok, these are some of the highest gpa & academically successful guys on the team, they not dumb azz fake models or something

check out the eternal happiness etched on #71 6'3" 335 lbs sioape vatikani sprawled out in the foto like a 12 year old haka dance warrior at camp friendly pines with his brahs, what time is benji's bbq?

notice coach mcclure's hand on the back of #62 6'4" 330 lbs ben coleman, they got a connection

#73 6'4" 295 lbs matthew cindric look like he auditioning for a rogaine hair commercial, sure hope cindo decide to return to berkeley next season for a 6th year so he can continue to save money at the supercuts on durant getting the tuesday afternoon baldy special discount

#72 6'4" 300 lbs tj session look happy (kinda like greg) with the folded arms at being back in the warm cali fall sunlite & outta the depressing as **** white azz montana snowstorms & #63 6'6" 285 lbs brayden rhome is signaling with his right hand the gpa necessary to play for them arizona wildcats

great to see #78 jackson brown fill out his 6'6" 305 lb frame, his continued development will be the #1 story at the next spring ball as he competes as an athletic tackle with upside

only guy not smiling is 6'6" 335 spencer lovell & that's only cuz he got a boot on his right foot & he the lead singer of before the dawn...do not **** with this guy

this **** is personal for coach johnson who is vamping for the foto like a sugar upped 4th grader at a b-day party & the s&c bad azzs

where is mikey?...is his peeing again on coach wilcox's fake rubber tree in the corner of his office?...that's a bad boy, mikey is not a good boy, go outside mikey

yeah this is a foto of a life time, a foto of 60+ year friendships for adoptable forgotten rescue mutts that nobody gives a **** about except shocky





impose ur ******* will (in a pitch black universe)#
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bearsandgiants
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6:33a, 9/27/22
I admire the effort and love to see tweets like this. But the overwhelming consensus on this board less than one week ago was that our team was doomed, exclusively because the o-line was terrible, had no depth, no coaching, and has been in shambles for decades.

Ott has two long runs and one amazing td run (where he literally dragged half of this suddlenly-amazing o-line with him) and everything is fine? I do hope a couple position adjustments and little motivation was all it took to go from armageddon to the promised land, but I'm just looking forward to continued growth this weekend.
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Shocky1
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6:38a, 9/27/22

check out the haka dance karate chops on the cal 40 yard line by #71 on the 2nd play of the monster promised sioape vatikani era, he got the potential to be the most dominant offensive lineman in the history of cal football if he kinda share the tasty bbq at benji's cookouts...yeah marshall is kinda upset that he not invited to them bad azz poly gatherings cuz he a pale azz white boy, maybe he & coach sirmon could get set up some white guys get togethers at shoneys or something?


this is cal football (off to the races)#

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Shocky1
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6:46a, 9/27/22



yeah the monster told u 6 months ago that #6 & #71 r the future of cal football, did u listen?
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Shocky1
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6:54a, 9/27/22
Quote:
6 critical gameweek preparations for them arizona wildcats:

great news it that coach wilcox (who generally speaking don't spend much time with social media) is a daily reader of cal's monster class here (kinda like coach martin back in the day who would stare at his phone reading my stuff during dinner according to roberta) so next saturday evening after the bears brutal mauling of the mildcats u will be able to clearly see the staff's full implementation of the following shockster 6 areas of gameweek focus, got it?

1. the sioape vatikani era in berkeley is upon us: fully expect my favorite poly bad azz to get the majority of the 1 reps this week in practice while preparing his body for 60+ snaps this upcoming saturday...part of the problems with the right side of the line looking like the nyc subway turnstile at rush hour (congrats to taylor for figuring the color coded map routes out, her asu education is priceless & she's not even a stripper like her moms) is that the right tackles have been cheating to the inside to try to cover for the statue at right guard which has resulted in them getting burned off the edge...sioape is truly a difference maker (did you notice the gaping holes he created on the right side of the line for decarlos brooks when vatikani entered the game midway thru the 3rd quarter?) & that will be very evident to everyone on planet earth including uranus by next saturday nite

2. the brayden rhome & tj session open competition/shared reps needs to continue: neither guy has distinguished himself yet, brayden is a hardworking journeyman with a limited upside, tj is significantly more athletic but don't got the experience yet to know what the **** he be doing

3. mathew cindric needs to be spelled at center: cindo plays smart assignment heady football kinda like addy, mikey & galas before him but he's a too undersized center to create lanes/creases in the running game for jaydn...he still has won the starting assignment duties but the staff gotta experiment this week with the much larger monster jumbo rumble package preferred by the shockster:

left tackle: coleman
left guard: vatikani
center: driscoll
right guard: lovell (who is an asset in the running game but an absolute liability in pass pro)
right tackle: session

4. running back rotation: props to coach thompson for giving our gifted freshman starting duties vs the irish...decarlos brooks has won with his grinding man up play on the field the backup role but it's critical that aristotle this week at practice give meaningful reps to arguably the fastest player in the program, ashton stredick

5. open placekicking competition: shocks has played golf with a dozen current but mostly retired nfl kickers including doug brien & ryan longwell, they have all told me the same thing that kickers got a swing dna (just like golfers) that cannot be materially changed which sadly means that longhetto is never gonna be an accurate long distance kicker with towering trajectory like luckhurst...coach wilcox gotta realize that the staff (including himself) are too ******* emotional (and irrationally loyal) to judge this absolutely necessary open competition so the solution would be for justin to bring in a former nfl kicker (and no, not the falcon's mick) to watch special teams practices this week in berkeley & make the call...and it will 100% be future nfl kicker michael luckhurst

6. bring the ******* heat on d: this was by a significant margin the worst gameplan of the otherwise very successful coach sirmon era of annual top 3 d's in the pac 12...the bend don't break strategy vs notre dame was the wrong ******* decision, he allowed a rattled as **** undersized qb get a rhythm which was fatal to the game's outcome...this upcoming saturday he is facing another undersized qb in punk azz de laura who got questionable decision making both on & off the field...peter needs to gameplan this week with an aggressive jumping of the routes to the edges (de laura is too short for vision over the middle of the field) by the takers while dialing up way more apex predator blitzes to create rushed bad decisions by the mentally unstable arizona qb

the shockster is eagerly anticipating/attending this upcoming saturday's afternoon game at beautiful memorial stadium but let's be real here, it all starts with the full implementation of these 6 gameweek corrective preparation strategies

let's do this, the magic of cal football will be on full display at 2:30 pm, only those that r living in poverty (which is often mistaken for pessimism) won't be there for this radical improvement

but make no mistake about, jim knowlton don't get it

https://instagr.am/p/B6tLOv_n7UQ


report card re: coach wilcox's implementation of the monster's 6 point critical gameweek preparation strategies for the arizona game:

1. the sioape vatikani era in berkeley is upon us: 100% full compliance as the poly bad azz took all 70 snaps at left guard on saturday

2. the brayden rhome & tj session open competition/shared reps needs to continue: 100% full compliance as starter tj took 47 snaps & brayden took 23 snaps at right tackle on saturday

3. matthew cindric needs to be spelled at center: 100% full compliance as brian driscoll took all 70 snaps at center on saturday

4. running back rotation: coach thompson 87% in compliance as the eleventh leading rusher in the nation (and the only pac 12 back in the top 20) got 274 yards in 19 carries (is there anybody on planet earth that can even believe that the aristotle used to fight my demands that jaydn start?) while decarlos brooks got 23 snaps...corrective action is still need to flip the playing time for damien moore (8 snaps) & ashton stredick (3 snaps) as the walk on is the 3rd best back on the team...interesting to note that the 4th best back ashton hayes got a snap on saturday
https://www.ncaa.com/stats/football/fbs/current/individual/469

5. open placekicking competition: zero compliance but word is that this may take place during the bye week's devo live game simulations after the washington state game...luckhurst had a bad game on saturday with a low trajectory line drive kick off returned almost to the 40 yard line & another kick off booted out of bounds...let me repeat, in a couple of years from now michael luckhurst will be a successful nfl kicker, in a couple of years from now dario longhetto will be a successful sales executive with cdw

6. bring the ******* heat on d: coach sirmon 83% in compliance as the bears tried to bring pressure (which was mostly unsuccessful in the 1st half but that's besides the point) via an array of blitzing packages...this will once again be a point of emphasis this upcoming saturday vs washington state as the cougars got an even worser offensive line than the wildcats...the cougs lost key guys in their o-line room after last season & their replacements are substandard which has resulted in quarterback cameron ward throwing a very limited passing route package of short tosses (running back nakia watson caught 8 passes but got stuffed in the run game, 12 carries for 36 yards) mostly only a few yards downfield (they schematically target yac) with no time for longer downfield go & fly routes, etc. which means the bears at times will be able to crowd/defend with a congested 8 in the box with a 2 high safety scheme

yeah it's a good thing that coach wilcox listens to me from kinda further afar the same way coach martin did during the cal's monster era of basketball excellence in berkeley...when this happens cindo leads the best ******* cheer in all of sports, that's the magic of cal football & you can be part of it when the bears return to memorial stadium on october 22nd vs washington, do u got ur tix(s)?

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Shocky1
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7:06a, 9/27/22
Quote:
coach mcclure has extended a conditional offer to 6'3" 280 lbs center prospect isaiah kema from frenship high school in wolfforth texas (outside of lubbock)




isaiah is not a dumb azz, he got a 4.0 gpa & academics will be a major factor in his collegiate decision, he is interested in life after football

while kema currently lacks nfl size, he plays with a strong motor & leadership qualities with a nasty motor which is not surprising given his wrestling background...dude does everything the right way in life (kema reads forbes magazine for fun) & would be a worker in the cal s&c program...isaiah gotten interest from pac 12 (offer from arizona), the big 12 (byu), the big 10 (Illinois) along with smu

with one commitment already in hand with grayshirt athletic tackle nick morrow who got high end mobility/tight end speed, the staff would like to add another high school prospect & an immediate impact portal transfer after the season to the offensive line room to round out the 2023 class

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked university in the world (including friday night lites in west texas)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
cal's monster class exclusive recruiting update: ******* aggressive isaiah kemp with a truly relentless non stop motor is quickly emerging as a top priority for the cal offensive line in the size limited 2023 class


anyways, check out the brutal alpha predator aggression in a gold medal wrestling sort of way early season pancake fest video under the highly competitive west texas friday night lites, you will not watch a more dominating 2 game performance by a high school offensive lineman



right now isaiah got a conditional offer, he's been extended an official visit invitation for him & the fam...the logistical challenge is that his season's only open date is the weekend of october 1st when the bears are in the palouse, it will be very insightful to see if kema takes an official visit somewhere then...at this moment coach mcclure is looking at potentially traveling to texas during cal's bye week to watch in person kema ball out on friday october 7th when frenship high school tigers battles them midland legacy rebels

the shockster fully supports this recruitment (this endorsement is very important to coach wilcox), unlike zander esty who got an all right 3.2 gpa, isaiah kema got a 4.0 gpa just like my boy poly bad azz 4.0 gpa sioape vatikani & also plays with a heavy dose of nasty attitude and that's something that has been lacking on the cal offensive line during the last decade in berkeley but is changing with our emergence into the siopae vatikani era

how smart is kema?...he reads forbes magazine every morning, he not a dumb azz

let's be very clear here, this recruitment got the potential to become an actionable offer sooner than later & isaiah kema is not candy azz soft

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked university in the world (including the windy azz oil fields in west texas)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
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NVBear78
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7:32a, 9/27/22
I love it. Go Bears!
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ducky23
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8:45a, 9/27/22
Was I the only one who missed shocky?
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75bear
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8:58a, 9/27/22
Is there any chance this becomes longer than the basketball Monster thread?
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Bobodeluxe
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In reply to 75bear • 9:34a, 9/27/22
75bear said:
Is there any chance this becomes longer than the basketball Monster thread?
Yes.
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Bobodeluxe
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9:35a, 9/27/22
Dear Mr. Shocky,

How do you come up with this stuff?

Your long haired friend,

Bobo
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SBGold
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In reply to ducky23 • 9:55a, 9/27/22
No, Shocky brings the heat and truth all da#$ day
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Econ141
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11:43a, 9/27/22
Spencer is in a boot?!? Missed that for sure - is he okay? When might he be expected back?

Looking forward to more o-line development and recruiting!
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bearister
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In reply to Shocky1 • 11:50a, 9/27/22
It is comforting to know that The Legend lives! Do you have any Bitcoin in LIV Tour or just The Metaverse?


Zuckerberg avatar: "Where is Shocky's avatar hiding? I know it is in here. It is by the hot yoga class avatars, I think."
Cancel my subscription to the Resurrection
Send my credentials to the House of Detention
I got some friends inside
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eastcoastcal
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1:01p, 9/27/22

Seeing the creation of a football monster thread
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sycasey
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In reply to bearsandgiants • 1:08p, 9/27/22
bearsandgiants said:
I admire the effort and love to see tweets like this. But the overwhelming consensus on this board less than one week ago was that our team was doomed, exclusively because the o-line was terrible, had no depth, no coaching, and has been in shambles for decades.

Ott has two long runs and one amazing td run (where he literally dragged half of this suddlenly-amazing o-line with him) and everything is fine? I do hope a couple position adjustments and little motivation was all it took to go from armageddon to the promised land, but I'm just looking forward to continued growth this weekend.
It was more than just those runs. The OL played well for pretty much the whole game. It was a night-and-day difference compared to what we saw in the first three games.

I think no one expected inserting a true freshman into the starting lineup would have such an impact, but maybe it did. Arizona probably doesn't have a great defense, but they're also probably not significantly worse than UNLV.
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Cal89
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In reply to sycasey • 1:38p, 9/27/22
sycasey said:
bearsandgiants said:
I admire the effort and love to see tweets like this. But the overwhelming consensus on this board less than one week ago was that our team was doomed, exclusively because the o-line was terrible, had no depth, no coaching, and has been in shambles for decades.

Ott has two long runs and one amazing td run (where he literally dragged half of this suddlenly-amazing o-line with him) and everything is fine? I do hope a couple position adjustments and little motivation was all it took to go from armageddon to the promised land, but I'm just looking forward to continued growth this weekend.
It was more than just those runs. The OL played well for pretty much the whole game. It was a night-and-day difference compared to what we saw in the first three games.

I think no one expected inserting a true freshman into the starting lineup would have such an impact, but maybe it did. Arizona probably doesn't have a great defense, but they're also probably not significantly worse than UNLV.
Yeah, even before the Cal/Arizona game their defense was statistically one of the worst, relative to the conference and all of FBS...

Now, the Wildcat D is 120th nationally in yds/play allowed, against the run, 128th. Ott of course has much to do with that... I guess not surprisingly, the Buffs are dead last (131st) in rush D.

The Coug D looks to be much better, in particular against the run (top third nationally). They are top 5 nationally in sacks. This will be a very good test for our OL.
Sig test...
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calgldnbear
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2:14p, 9/27/22
Let run the Ott down their throats!!!!!

Go Bears!!!!
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Cal89
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In reply to calgldnbear • 2:32p, 9/27/22
calgldnbear said:
Let run the Ott down their throats!!!!!

Go Bears!!!!
Double Ott baby.

They'll be keying on him for sure. I'd consider getting our passing game going first...
Sig test...
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Jeff82
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In reply to bearsandgiants • 4:46p, 9/27/22
I have to disagree with you. That run was a mutual effort between Ott and the OL, especially Vatikani, who was clearly dragging Ott clear of the pile and toward the end zone. I watched the replay twice to confirm that.
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Shocky1
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In reply to bearsandgiants • 5:51p, 9/27/22
bearsandgiants said:
I admire the effort and love to see tweets like this. But the overwhelming consensus on this board less than one week ago was that our team was doomed, exclusively because the o-line was terrible, had no depth, no coaching, and has been in shambles for decades.

Ott has two long runs and one amazing td run (where he literally dragged half of this suddlenly-amazing o-line with him) and everything is fine? I do hope a couple position adjustments and little motivation was all it took to go from armageddon to the promised land, but I'm just looking forward to continued growth this weekend.
b&g, let's take a closer look & break it down, ok?



the season started with the offensive line trying to find true love with a smoke & mirrorballs lineup:

left tackle: ben coleman
left guard: brian driscoll
center: matthew cindric
right guard: spencer lovell
right tackle: brayden rhome

how did that work out during the first 3 games?...they played like the turnstiles in the nyc subway system at rush hour (congrats to my daughter taylor who moved to manhattan a couple of weeks ago & has figured out the color coded route system despite graduating from asu with a kinda worthless degree & she's not even a stripper like her moms)

so yesterday was leaking thru the roof & coach mcclure and mikey were worried about being walked to the car, yeah we had a heavy heart so the shockster asked them can we please be absolutely sure?

since february the monster has stated that we need to usher in the sioape vatikani era, the 4.0 gpa poly bad azz entered berkeley as already arguably the strongest player in the program, he's gonna play on sundays & he's got the potential upside to become the greatest offensive lineman in the history of cal football

this resulted in the following reconfigured cal's monster offensive line for the arizona game:

left tackle: ben coleman
left guard: sioape vatikani
center: brian driscoll
right guard: matthew cindric
right tackle: tj session

and this week for the washington game spencer lovell (in a boot on his right foot) & bastian swinney (the 8th trench warrior in the playing rotation) are not listed on the depth chart...interesting to note that true freshman jackson brown who has not taken any snaps is listed as the backup right tackle while brayden rhome swings to left tackle in a backup role



let's be real here, the fate of the 2022 season will hinge on the play of the offensive line...this is a potential 4-8 ****show if jack plummer ends up getting serviced by the curvy yoga latina nurses at the el monte spinal & taquito institute yet also a 10+ victory team if there's enough crease opened for mercurial superstar jaydn ott to run with a westward wind speed unknown to mankind towards open spaces that makes young children gaze in awe & reminds senior citizen remember why they fell in love with the magic of cal football back in the day

yeah, let's not get walked to the car
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Shocky1
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In reply to Bobodeluxe • 6:12p, 9/27/22
Bobodeluxe said:
Dear Mr. Shocky,

How do you come up with this stuff?

Your long haired friend,

Bobo

bobo got good hair, shake that man ponytail bobo, shake that tail

but too bad u don't got great hair like doms

jim knowlton has done a great job of getting rid of all the gameday distractions like the dance/cheer teams & cal band while creating a platform for the most annoying screeching in game announcer voice of all time, she won't shut up (even when play has resumed) while learfield loudly promotes another dog ice cream eating contest brought to you by mc***** bakeries inc

https://instagr.am/p/B8FaO5vHD-f
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Shocky1
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In reply to ducky23 • 6:19p, 9/27/22
ducky23 said:
Was I the only one who missed shocky?
let's be real here ducky, u kinda missed the fashion advice, right?

https://instagr.am/p/CPtnlNfjs0b

it's not pink, it's fuchsia

don't be a dumb azz (clothes r for losers)#
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bearsandgiants
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:46p, 9/27/22
Shocky1 said:
bearsandgiants said:
I admire the effort and love to see tweets like this. But the overwhelming consensus on this board less than one week ago was that our team was doomed, exclusively because the o-line was terrible, had no depth, no coaching, and has been in shambles for decades.

Ott has two long runs and one amazing td run (where he literally dragged half of this suddlenly-amazing o-line with him) and everything is fine? I do hope a couple position adjustments and little motivation was all it took to go from armageddon to the promised land, but I'm just looking forward to continued growth this weekend.
b&g, let's take a closer look & break it down, ok?



the season started with the offensive line trying to find true love with a smoke & mirrorballs lineup:

left tackle: ben coleman
left guard: brian driscoll
center: matthew cindric
right guard: spencer lovell
right tackle: brayden rhome

how did that work out during the first 3 games?...they played like the turnstiles in the nyc subway system at rush hour (congrats to my daughter taylor who moved to manhattan a couple of weeks ago & has figured out the color coded route system despite graduating from asu with a kinda worthless degree & she's not even a stripper like her moms)

so yesterday was leaking thru the roof & coach mcclure and mikey were worried about being walked to the car, yeah we had a heavy heart so the shockster asked them can we please be absolutely sure?

since february the monster has stated that we need to usher in the sioape vatikani era, the 4.0 gpa poly bad azz entered berkeley as already arguably the strongest player in the program, he's gonna play on sundays & he's got the potential upside to become the greatest offensive lineman in the history of cal football

this resulted in the following reconfigured cal's monster offensive line for the arizona game:

left tackle: ben coleman
left guard: sioape vatikani
center: brian driscoll
right guard: matthew cindric
right tackle: tj session

and this week for the washington game spencer lovell (in a boot on his right foot) & bastian swinney (the 8th trench warrior in the playing rotation) are not listed on the depth chart...interesting to note that true freshman jackson brown who has not taken any snaps is listed as the backup right tackle while brayden rhome swings to left tackle in a backup role



let's be real here, the fate of the 2022 season will hinge on the play of the offensive line...this is a potential 4-8 ****show if jack plummer ends up getting serviced by the curvy yoga latina nurses at the el monte spinal & taquito institute yet also a 10+ victory team if there's enough crease opened for mercurial superstar jaydn ott to run with a westward wind speed unknown to mankind towards open spaces that makes young children gaze in awe & reminds senior citizen remember why they fell in love with the magic of cal football back in the day

yeah, let's not get walked to the car


It was definitely a night and day difference. Like when Riley FINALLY was allowed to sub in for a gimpy Longshore. And the whole team woke up. If this staff is willing to swallow its pride and move beyond the nonsensical Tedfordian conservatism that ruined much of the early part of the millennium for me, I'm sold. Looking forward to Saturday.
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Shocky1
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In reply to Econ141 • 6:54p, 9/27/22
fat_slice said:
Spencer is in a boot?!? Missed that for sure - is he okay? When might he be expected back?

Looking forward to more o-line development and recruiting!
probably gonna miss the game in the palouse, spencer was not putting much weight on his foot last saturday at memorial, as the lead singer for before the dawn he's gotta stop crushing glass with his hands & **** like that

risk management 101#
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4thGenCal
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In reply to Shocky1 • 7:11p, 9/27/22
Shocky1 said:
fat_slice said:
Spencer is in a boot?!? Missed that for sure - is he okay? When might he be expected back?

Looking forward to more o-line development and recruiting!
probably gonna miss the game in the palouse, spencer was not putting much weight on his foot last saturday at memorial, as the lead singer for before the dawn he's gotta stop crushing glass with his hands & **** like that

risk management 101#
Yep - He will definitely miss this Saturday game and very likely the Colorado game. Treatment ongoing but relatively severe foot injury. Should be back in one month+-. On a brighter note, CB Hearns practiced and will be playing this Saturday. Energy level good, winning clearly gets focus/energy and overall mood up.
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UrsineMaximus
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In reply to Cal89 • 7:14p, 9/27/22
Cal89 said:
calgldnbear said:
Let run the Ott down their throats!!!!!

Go Bears!!!!
Double Ott baby.

They'll be keying on him for sure. I'd consider getting our passing game going first...
Perfect we want them to key on Ott, the passing game will open up and then, later in the game, we will run Ott over them.
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Shocky1
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7:22p, 9/27/22
what up sbgold?...there's zero chance that hank the stank who is very proficient at completing long passes out of bounds & last game completed 13 of 34 passes for 93 yards & an unreal 19.1 qb rating is gonna end up in berkeley unless billy m feels like he need a jv qb for the devo squad or something, ok?

the #1 quarterback on the staff's big board is 6'2" 190 lbs cj tiller whose dad's upscale home renovation biz resulted in the fam moving from gilbert arizona to rancho cucamonga cali & is currently committed to boise state



cj is not a dumb azz, he got a 4.17 gpa and plays with a lot of improvisational foxy moxy kinda like jake haener...but more importantly he got great hair & a yoga hairstylist


cj & his parents are gonna officially visit the blue carpet this friday nite for the san diego state game but whose gonna explain the schemes since the offensive coordinator got fired on monday when he refused to bench hank the stank?

they are gonna see in person all world freshman quarterback 6'6" +1 athlete taylen green who is the next kap & gonna be the starting qb the next couple of years in freezing azz boise before heading to the nfl



it should be noted that the bose sound system degree is kinda worthless, they not even listed in the current forbes top 500+ college rankings

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked university in the world (including the victoria promenade mall)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

cj tiller decommitment watch#

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Shocky1
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7:33p, 9/27/22
chapman, the monster likes white people, some of the best sex (and golf but unfortunately not at the same time) of my life has been with white people

white people r fun, somebody ima gonna have lunch with coach sirmon at shoneys

and let's be very clear, socks & underwear r for losers

https://instagr.am/p/Ci7_-Q9pr3G
when we go out my daughter taylor will invariably be told multiple times that she looks like megan fox, kinda funny but brandon chauca just sent her a message saying that he wants to visit her in nyc & take her to see his grandma's salsa dancing



shocky is a mixed mutt (who saved who?)#
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89Bear
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7:59p, 9/27/22
Shockster, can we remind the Big Uglies that they got their azzzes handed to them last year by WSU and that they need to repay them in a giant way????
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Shocky1
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8:10p, 9/27/22
what up 89?

none of the starting 5 monster offensive linemen played at their current position vs washington state last year

it's gonna be their 1st day out, yeah we wanted in 2 states can't move wrong



on 10 paws we stood tall#

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Shocky1
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8:22p, 9/27/22
4th gen, appreciate the good news re: lu & yeah don't look like spencer is gonna be an impact player anytime soon...that makes bastian swinney's return very important as now the 7th rotation lineman & everett johnson moves into the 8th spot...the wildcard in all of this is potentially burning huge upside true freshman jackson brown's blueshirt season to move into the rotation...6 o-linemen took all 70 snaps last saturday

loosely edited transcript from 12:42 pm on saturday september 10th, 2022 at memorial stadium:

4th gen bear (waving at me, he sits 3 rows down on the 50 yard line in around the 25th row): hey shocky, get over here, there's somebody i want you to meet, joel brown

shocky (fist bumping): what up, joel, ima shocky, your my favorite player, you gotta lotta energy except when you dribble with you head down to nowhere

joel: well, thanks i guess

shocky: so what's your gpa?

joel: pretty good, i'm going to graduate from the haas business school

shocky : me too, glad your not a dumb azz, are you working on your crooked azz shooting?

4th gen bear is kinda shaking his head, how did this conversation go so far off the rails he's wondering

shocky: hey randy should hook you up with his friend who is the shooting whisperer, don't be fooled by the fact that he's a girl's high school basketball coach at pinewood high school, he knows his stuff

joel: well actually coach fox has been working with me on my stroke this summer, this is my first real summer staying in berkeley

shocky: show me

joel demonstrates the new stroker for the shockster with an imaginary basketball, his elbow is perpendicular to the basket kinda like pure shooters j-mat and the bird, there's no more of that protruding chicken elbow that has marred his stroke in past seasons

shocky (getting excited): dude, that stroke is a 1000% better, your the only +1 athlete on the team, there's literally no reason you can't attack the baket this season knowing you can knock down the free throws when you get hacked by defenders that are gonna be a step too late to your blur game...what's gonna be your free throw percentage this season?

joel (with a big azz smile): thanks, hope to shoot in the high 80s this season...think in the past i kinda let the mental part of shooting bother me too much plus maybe i wasn't in as good as shape and my legs let me down particularly late in games

shocky (nodding his head): yeah your shot has been way too flat during your time in berkeley, do you know where your shots miss, are you familiar with splatter charts?

joel: no

shocky: splatter charts are used in the nba by scouts and player development coaches to determine where shots are missed, are they left or right which is a huge red flag or are they missed long or short?

joel (deep in thought): last season most of my misses were usually short

shocky: right and that's because your shots had too low of a flat trajectory because of the chicken wing stroke and also because you weren't driving with your legs fluidly thru the stroke...dude, your good to go now, can't wait to see you ball out this season

joel: thanks, really looking forward to playing with our improved talent this season, playing with devin askew is gonna be really fun

shocky: well, that's good to hear, i got high hopes for you joel, do you speak canadian?





the magic of cal basketball (cal's monster class)#
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KenBurnski
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8:26p, 9/27/22
Fabulous reads as usual. And have we added rescue cats to the roster?
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Shocky1
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8:40p, 9/27/22
bearister, the shockster along with colin morikawa, max homa, james hahn, michael kim & byeong hun an (all 5 have earned their pga cards for next season) are not fans of the liv tour which is financed by the 9/11 bombers attack upon the united states of america

did you know that the #1 ranked player in the 2023 class eric lee from fullerton is gonna sign with coach walter this november?...yeah cal is a golf school that is gonna be competing for a national championship in the near future

the usa team was victorious last week at the president's cup in charlotte north carolina with key contributions by americans max homa & colin morikawa, the following is a loosely edited transcript of my conversations at around 6:30 pm in the locker room at quail hollow back in the day after my world rankings golf course evaluation which was arranged by fellow g2c2 (global golf centurion club, membership rules require the completion of at least 1 world top 100 golf magazine list, the shockster has played the last 17 world lists) member adam (who is a golf professional)

shocky: (standing at the sink trying to scrub the bunker sand outta his eyes from the 18th hole)

random dude: you ok?

shocky: your club's sand is terrific, same bright white silicone stuff as augusta, but it's a pain in the azz when it gets in your eyes, everything is kinda blurry or something

random dude: (who is tying a light blue tie with a glistening white starched shirt) sorry to hear that, are you the rater that's visiting today to see if we're a world top 100 golf course?...are we that good?

shocky: yeah, that's me, fun day today, your definitely a usa top 100 golf course...ima shocky (extending a fist bump)

random dude: nice to meet you, i'm roy...so how do you rate these world top 100 golf courses?...at my old job i used to get invited out to prairie dunes all the time

shocky: prairie dunes is an amazing links golfing experience, easily the best course in kansas and in my world top 25 rankings...hey, do you wanna join me and adam for a quick drink?

random dude: would love to talk about golf course architecture with you guys, that's my new hobby, but i got to go this work function at 7:00 pm

shocky: (thinking it's some boring azz corporate function with rubber chicken) can't you just show up late?

random dude: not really, i'm sort of the featured speaker

shocky: (feeling sorry for this guy) well, good luck then, at least you got to play golf this afternoon

random dude: yeah work is work, please tell adam to shoot me a text regarding when he can give me another lesson, thanks

adam: (as shocks walks over to him in the locker room) do you know who just insulted with your work thing stuff?

shocky: i dunno, somebody who wants a lesson with you?

adam: (shaking his head & laughing) guess what dumb azz, that's roy williams

shocky: (hustling back to the sink area) hey roy, didn't mean to hassle you

roy: (kinda laughing) that's ok, you would be a tenacious assistant coach with that attitude

shocky: well, now that you mention it, i'm the director of recruiting for the cal basketball program and the co author of cal's monster class with its several million views which is the most read thread in the history of college basketball...did you know we are currently in major battles with you for three mcdonald all americans?

roy: (with a kinda smirk and perhaps a glimpse of recognition) really, and what three prospects are you referring to?

shocky: ivan rabb, jaylen brown and caleb swanigan...i've branded these recruitments as cal's diamonds are forever class.. do you know anything about these guys or do you just delegate recruiting to your assistant coaches?

roy: (tight smile but perhaps with a bit of annoyance) do you got a minute or two?

shocky: sure

roy: ok, walk with me to valet then, i gotta speak across town in thirty minutes, this is just between us, ok?

and then as we walk thru the clubhouse to the valet area by the front door roy williams lectures me for 5 minutes non stop breaking down the skillsets of ivan rabb, jaylen brown and caleb swanigan

his detailed knowledge is mind boggling, he tells me that rabb (at that moment the #1 ranked player in the nation) is the most innate rebounder he's seen in years and very unselfish with the ball but that he's concerned about his unusual gait (note: ivan retired from the nba because of plantar fasciitis)...jaylen brown (ranked #5 in the class) is a future nba all star but will struggle in college with sharing the ball & 3 point shooting...caleb swanigan (ranked #12 in the class) could be a nba first rounder if he can successfully core out his body, his guardian roosevelt barnes is very involved in his recruitment (caleb, rip, was a cal silent commit but barnes refused to sign the letter of intent which resulted in him signing with purdue)

finally william's silver lexus suv shows up at the valet circle and roy looks me in the eyes & tells me with a little wink "nice meeting you, shocky, good luck in out recruiting me"

shocky is not a dumb azz, he knows what just happened...unlike the current cal basketball coach, roy williams is the featured speaker at dozens of fans/donor events throughout north carolina every year & its kinda hard to come up with fresh new intro speeches, he can't wait to get to his dinner in 30 minutes and tell everybody how he just met this crazy as **** berkeley guy who thinks they are going to out recruit the fabled north carolina program that's won multiple national championships, the crowd is gonna love it & howl with laughter

well guess what?...the shockster got commitment from all 3 of these mcdonald all americans & signed 2 of them

it's seem almost surreal that 6 years ago cal was near the pinnacle of college basketball in excitement & recruiting, what the **** happened?





the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked university in the world (including north carolina & more specifically chapel hill)
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Shocky1
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In reply to KenBurnski • 8:47p, 9/27/22
KenBurnski said:
Fabulous reads as usual. And have we added rescue cats to the roster?
nobody bleeds blue & gold more than burnski

yeah my 2 semi professional aspirations right now are tryna expand my role as arguably the top fund raiser for rescue dogs & cats in maricopa county along with my quest to become a substitute yoga teacher at modern yoga

my yoga buddy jaylen is gonna b jealous as **** when that **** happens

https://instagr.am/p/BDilZUghHeU
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