cal's monster offensive line

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82gradDLSdad
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Shocky1 said:


this is the aha moment in coach wilcox's career when he FINALLY realizes that shocky is always 100% right & that the key to unleashing an electrically dangerous bears offensive in the fall of 2024 is the utilization of the PITCHOUT to all american jaydn ott on the edges with open space, this is gonna be the key heisman play call to bringing the trophy to berkeley!!

as mentioned before by the monster, legendary nfl future hall of fame coach (and asu analyst) marv lewis always laughs whenever we talk college football at desert highlands (he lives on the right side of the tee box on the 5 11th hole) stating with a funny smirk that cal is "absolutely the easiest team to scheme again defensively in the pac 12" because of our "predictable" schemes/playcalling

cal's offenses under justin have been risk averse regardless of who is the offensive coordinator, this is why we don't risk tossing the ball on PITCHOUTs to our all american (could result in a bobbled miscue/turnover), throw passes in the middle 3rd of the field (could be tipped or overthrown for an interception/turnover, better for incompletions to be safely thrown out of bounds) & why the bears fair catch every punt (could be fumbled/turnover)

so in the simplest technical terms possible, marv has successfully game planned against cal by loading the box knowing we won't rush the ball to the perimeter & then instructing his outside linebackers/safeties to cheat to the sidelines for perimeter passing coverage support help once it's properly diagnosed as not an inside running play knowing we won't attack the middle 3rd of the field in the downfield vertical passing game

voila, the bears offense is stuffed!!

and that's why our offenses have stalled during wilcox's tenure as a head coach, he's irrationally afraid of taking chances in life...as a result of a controlling childhood (shocky took psych 1 in berkeley) justin is intensely private & don't want you to know he's been living with the same woman for almost a decade (whose family famously bleeds blue & gold) or that he's the leader singer of blur, taking chances has never been part of his dna until now thx to my work with coach in helping him develop as a human being on planet earth

and with that being said head coach justin wilcox still needs a yoga/meditation practice in the worst way possible (fishing/drinking beer at the lake is not the solution, that will only work for very few, mark my words) & to fully unchain offensive coordinator mike bloesch (the bears best coach in terms of player development) to utilize every single available weapon in his playcalling arsenal without the head coach tryna dial it back or something



this is cal football (if u see darkness don't look away, we r not gonna fall this time)#



You left out the part about his defense now being bad. His supposed strength. At least we know you're not his agent. Not that he needs a good one with moneybags Knowlton handing out contracts. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer.
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:


this is the aha moment in coach wilcox's career when he FINALLY realizes that shocky is always 100% right & that the key to unleashing an electrically dangerous bears offensive in the fall of 2024 is the utilization of the PITCHOUT to all american jaydn ott on the edges with open space, this is gonna be the key heisman play call to bringing the trophy to berkeley!!

as mentioned before by the monster, legendary nfl future hall of fame coach (and asu analyst) marv lewis always laughs whenever we talk college football at desert highlands (he lives on the right side of the tee box on the 5 11th hole) stating with a funny smirk that cal is "absolutely the easiest team to scheme again defensively in the pac 12" because of our "predictable" schemes/playcalling

cal's offenses under justin have been risk averse regardless of who is the offensive coordinator, this is why we don't risk tossing the ball on PITCHOUTs to our all american (could result in a bobbled miscue/turnover), throw passes in the middle 3rd of the field (could be tipped or overthrown for an interception/turnover, better for incompletions to be safely thrown out of bounds) & why the bears fair catch every punt (could be fumbled/turnover)

so in the simplest technical terms possible, marv has successfully game planned against cal by loading the box knowing we won't rush the ball to the perimeter & then instructing his outside linebackers/safeties to cheat to the sidelines for perimeter passing coverage support help once it's properly diagnosed as not an inside running play knowing we won't attack the middle 3rd of the field in the downfield vertical passing game

voila, the bears offense is stuffed!!

and that's why our offenses have stalled during wilcox's tenure as a head coach, he's irrationally afraid of taking chances in life...as a result of a controlling childhood (shocky took psych 1 in berkeley) justin is intensely private & don't want you to know he's been living with the same woman for almost a decade (whose family famously bleeds blue & gold) or that he's the leader singer of blur, taking chances has never been part of his dna until now thx to my work with coach in helping him develop as a human being on planet earth

and with that being said head coach justin wilcox still needs a yoga/meditation practice in the worst way possible (fishing/drinking beer at the lake is not the solution, that will only work for very few, mark my words) & to fully unchain offensive coordinator mike bloesch (the bears best coach in terms of player development) to utilize every single available weapon in his playcalling arsenal without the head coach tryna dial it back or something



this is cal football (if u see darkness don't look away, we r not gonna fall this time)#




Yes, your assessment of Wilcox fits with what I see. I just hope you are right about Bloesch. Imagine if the best OC Wilcox ever hired turns out to be the guy he hired as an OL coach? At least Bloesch is recruiting well. That is a huge part of the job.
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/C090vLpO8wx
parking lot conversation last nite at 1:47 am while shocky wuz being walked to his car in shreveport:

shocky: excuse me miss, why are your crying, is everything all right?

texas tech curvy brunette yoga female (4th from right): not really, im graduating this week from the #159th ranked school in the united states with a kinda worthless degree, as im entering the real world it's finally dawning on me that those that are undereducated in today's fiercely competitive global economy are ******, going to pool and lake parties does not build generational wealth plus ima kinda done living in texas, would really rather go explore the world with someone fun and just keep a condo at turtle creek so i can visit my parents every now and then so they can see the baby

shocky: oh come on, your raiders just dominated the #1 ranked public university in the world plus there's always a bright future at the discount tire in plano, jimmy's adult cabaret in lubbock or the buc-ee's food service statewide training program for a very pretty girl like you!

yoga girl: that's not the future i want!...i want to travel the world and take romantic stagecoach rides thru central park at midnite with someone who makes me laugh and that never takes commercial flights!...how can i meet a cal, stanford or ivy league grad to date and marry?

shocky: wut's ur gpa?


3 key reasons cal got their azzs handed to them by texas tech in the 2023 independence bowl:

1) this game should've NEVER been scheduled during finals week at the #1 ranked public university in the world with academically rigorous examinations...a competent athletic director with trusted relationships with the bowl games, other athletic directors nationwide & the pac 12 conference staff would've horse traded the independence bowl for another bowl game outside of the finals period...yeah there's a price for having a worthless bureaucrat as the athletic director

2) it wuz 100% obvious during the early pre game warm ups in shreveport that the raiders got significantly more SPEED than the bears at the wide receiver & defensive back positions...the cal staff made tremendous strides correcting this deficiency with the incoming 2024 class particularly in the transfer portal, we now got guys with elite SPEED in both the wr & db rooms...footnote: with tahj brooks at running back texas tech is gonna be a force in the big 12 this fall

3) like marv lewis, tech defensive coordinator tim deruyter knows 1st hand that coach wilcox runs a risk adverse offense so td stacked the box for the predictable inside running attempts which wuz stuffed out & then blanketed the outside sideline/perimeter passing attempts while dialing up blitzs from all angles which pressured an unprepared/stressed out nando (who took haas biz ad finals that week) into poor decision making & inevitable turnovers

the jury is still out on point #3, shocky is hopeful that the 1st play from the line of scrimmage vs them uc davis aggies on saturday august 31st will be a PITCHOUT to all american jaydn ott in wide open space on the edge with cal's monster's offensive line pulling with a crazy azz frenzied violence unknown to mankind to ensure a highlight reel 75 yard touchdown run that will be the catalyst for a season long heisman campaign for jaydn to win berkeley's 1st heisman to join all the nobel peace prizes!!

the other option is for coach bloesch on the 1st play to dial up a 2 yard inside run with 8 aggies in the box, then it will 2nd down & 8 which would be a sideline route thrown out of bounds incomplete...then it will be 3rd & 8...

question of the century: will coach wilcox's development as a head coach allow for counter tendency non risk adverse play calling at memorial stadium??

shocky is gonna watch every second of the 2024 season in person to find out...

the time is NOW for everything (cal football is outta time, it's NOW or never)#
Shocky1
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^^ calalum, coach bloesch is the best coach during the coach wilcox era...his attention to detail & football mind is off the charts and he's universally loved by the offensive players that respect his firm but direct style of communication

if the bears offense can't be explosively kinetic with mike, it's never gonna happen (there's no money for a hc buyout)

but trust me, 2024 is gonna be the year of offensive fireworks at memorial stadium, r u gonna be able to get from ur island paradise to a game this season to celebrate the magic of cal football??


Shocky1
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poised & articulate in berkeley (deshaun foster need NOT apply)#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:




real talk: curvy brunette yoga females would rather do FUN stuff together than watching u play video games, flipping channels between a dozen+ pro sports games daily or really any other boring azz **** u can imagine

don't be a dumb azz (get a ******* life such as reading a book, riding bikes while laughing thru yountville in the fall, sneaking into the beverly hills hotel swimming pool for naked azz olympics laps/conditioning after hours, people watching at tao nightclub in hollywood at 1:47 am, having limber sex against the wall by the bat rack in the visitor's dugout at evans diamond & so forth)#
https://instagr.am/p/CWofm6AvvCV
real talk part deux: and yeah cal, stanford & ivy league grads don't wanna date & marry curvy brunette yoga females that are always clutching their i-phones...putting ur phone on the table at a restaurant that don't got arches is a massive red flag that ur not the one

always tell my daughters shay & taylor that i-phones r not the center of the universe & that walking around with ur i-phone in ur hand sends the wrong message (along with also being harmful to ur mental health) that ur shallow as **** & not really living in the moment...yeah dad gotta flip phone in order to be intentionally disconnected from social media ****, he's kinda like a doggy dog that way...just pat me on my head, scratch my ears & tell me "shocky is succcch a goooood boyyy!!!!"

https://instagr.am/p/Ci7_-Q9pr3G


there's a lotta world to experience if ur emotionally present (and then we're off to the ******* races!!)#
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:

^^ calalum, coach bloesch is the best coach during the coach wilcox era...his attention to detail & football mind is off the charts and he's universally loved by the offensive players that respect his firm but direct style of communication

if the bears offense can't be explosively kinetic with mike, it's never gonna happen (there's no money for a hc buyout)

but trust me, 2024 is gonna be the year of offensive fireworks at memorial stadium, r u gonna be able to get from ur island paradise to a game this season to celebrate the magic of cal football??





Shocky, I just hope you are right. It would be something if Wilcox found a better play caller just by promoting his OL coach to the in season vacancy than he found in three previous "exhaustive" off season searches.

Heading back to the Bay next month for my dad's 90th and to see my mom in San Diego. Might stay long enough to see the the Davis game. Later this Fall I'll probably be in DC for work and will hopefully see one of the East Coast games. Otherwise I'll be watching on TV, sometimes my early Sunday mornings.
Shocky1
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this is ucla football (he's "really excited," the energy is palpable, "any questions?")#
Shocky1
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ucla press conference:

deshaun foster: any questions?

shocky: how the **** did you get hired as the ucla football head coach?



lost in translation (r u a trained actor/actress or not)?
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:

wifey (just sent u an email), cal didn't win 11 games in 2023 but if the bears played a conference schedule full of north texas mean greenies they might've won 11 games

agreed the november buc-ee homecoming game in highland park will be closely contested
Both teams have to absorb massive changes in rosters and do it quickly, and then do so while facing programs they have not faced. Somewhat similar situation to the other Pac schools. Furd and to some degree ASU are the outliers, they need to revamp the roster more to upgrade talent. The other schools are sorta there. For example, Cal has more speed at WR and upped their DB room. SMU did exactly the same thing in the Portal. Both programs also used the portal to get more depth on their lines.
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C0kXT3fvA9u
agreed wifey that both programs are on significantly upward trajectories with affluent fan bases (smu via inheritances & berkeley thru innovative capitalism)

fun fact: we're gonna have many more recruiting battles with smu for high gpa elite texas football players, the truth is that texas got the best high school football culture in the nation & also the worst year round weather in the usa...that's the perfect storm for the university of calveston

yeah a lotta texas talent plus my new buddy/school mascot buc-ee is gonna be heading to the left coast once they wake up or something

the university of calveston=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and that includes the target in lubbock that sells guns, waffles & lawnmowers!!)
Shocky1
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fun fact: jaydn ott is 5'5" & really FAST

this is cal football#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/CcY-gvov7sc
cal men's golf update: lefty with a 3.5 gpa at berkeley nathan wang is transferring to stanford (and not pepperdine as incorrectly stated here before)

**** the trees (just kidding)#
CalBearz
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Shocky1 said:


this is the aha moment in coach wilcox's career when he FINALLY realizes that shocky is always 100% right & that the key to unleashing an electrically dangerous bears offensive in the fall of 2024 is the utilization of the PITCHOUT to all american jaydn ott on the edges with open space, this is gonna be the key heisman play call to bringing the trophy to berkeley!!

as mentioned before by the monster, legendary nfl future hall of fame coach (and asu analyst) marv lewis always laughs whenever we talk college football at desert highlands (he lives on the right side of the tee box on the 5 11th hole) stating with a funny smirk that cal is "absolutely the easiest team to scheme again defensively in the pac 12" because of our "predictable" schemes/playcalling

cal's offenses under justin have been risk averse regardless of who is the offensive coordinator, this is why we don't risk tossing the ball on PITCHOUTs to our all american (could result in a bobbled miscue/turnover), throw passes in the middle 3rd of the field (could be tipped or overthrown for an interception/turnover, better for incompletions to be safely thrown out of bounds) & why the bears fair catch every punt (could be fumbled/turnover)

so in the simplest technical terms possible, marv has successfully game planned against cal by loading the box knowing we won't rush the ball to the perimeter & then instructing his outside linebackers/safeties to cheat to the sidelines for perimeter passing coverage support help once it's properly diagnosed as not an inside running play knowing we won't attack the middle 3rd of the field in the downfield vertical passing game

voila, the bears offense is stuffed!!

and that's why our offenses have stalled during wilcox's tenure as a head coach, he's irrationally afraid of taking chances in life...as a result of a controlling childhood (shocky took psych 1 in berkeley) justin is intensely private & don't want you to know he's been living with the same woman for almost a decade (whose family famously bleeds blue & gold) or that he's the leader singer of blur, taking chances has never been part of his dna until now thx to my work with coach in helping him develop as a human being on planet earth

and with that being said head coach justin wilcox still needs a yoga/meditation practice in the worst way possible (fishing/drinking beer at the lake is not the solution, that will only work for very few, mark my words) & to fully unchain offensive coordinator mike bloesch (the bears best coach in terms of player development) to utilize every single available weapon in his playcalling arsenal without the head coach tryna dial it back or something



this is cal football (if u see darkness don't look away, we r not gonna fall this time)#

I'd venture to say that the fishing/drinking at the lake actually hasn't always worked out so well for the few.
juarezbear
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/CcY-gvov7sc
cal men's golf update: lefty with a 3.5 gpa at berkeley nathan wang is transferring to stanford (and not pepperdine as incorrectly stated here before)

**** the trees (just kidding)#
Ugh. That's salt in the wound.
Shocky1
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CalBearz said:


I'd venture to say that the fishing/drinking at the lake actually hasn't always worked out so well for the few.
agreed, mark my words

https://instagr.am/p/CxwhizTxTBd
Shocky1
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2024 3m pga tournament in minnesota:

fun fact: playing in the 1st group & holing ur approach for an EAGLE 2 is not a dumb way to start a golf tournament!!

michael kim staggered thru 18 holes with wild azz shotmaking (only 6 of 14 fairways & 8 of 18 greens hit in regulation) but still managed to break par with his phenomenal short game & shoot 70...michael is very close to putting together some major ****


haas biz ad grad/former nordstroms women's shoe salesperson james hahn got into the tournament at the last minute & shot a 73

on the korn ferry tour haas biz ad grad kk limbhaust is playing some of the most consistently great golf of his professional career with an opening round en fuego 65 & tied for 10th ...is this the week kk wins on the korn ferry tour in his quest to earn the coveted pga tour card??

on the pga americas tour long ball driving champion/haas biz ad grad brandon hagy missed more than half of the fairways but still shot a 71 which included driving into a green side bunker on the 430 yard par 4 14t hole, that's pure power!!

https://instagr.am/p/C90fBAYPtsw
clothes r for losers#
Shocky1
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fun facts: 3 reasons why florida state (and clemson) got nowhere to go (other than shoneys)

1) sec commish sankey sez "we are not gonna take our pie and share any slices with any redneck dumb ***** from tallahassee"...and yeah florida is lobbying against in state rival fsu for a membership invitation just like south carolina is lobbying against in state clemson

2) big 10 presidents demand that schools got aau (association of american universities), neither florida state or clemson got the aau designation...and to throw further injury to insult, south florida recently got aau status unlike the mecca for low gpa day drinkers in tallahassee
https://www.tallahassee.com/story/opinion/2023/06/15/aau-selects-usf-in-stunning-rebuke-of-fsu-where-is-the-accountability/70318114007/

3) there's an ironclad acc gor that contractually requires a $500,000,000 early exit fee...big 12 propagandists don't got the financial expertise to understand how private equity money works, the bros of wall street are NOT gonna give florida state (or clemson) a half a billion dollars to join the big 12 truck stop conference with lot lizards as mascots, got it?

yeah r u gonna join shocky in tallahassee on saturday september 28th for the oppenheimer game??

https://instagr.am/p/C0p9PFJub7E
**** the seminoles (cal football roadtrips r FUN)#
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:


fun facts: 3 reasons why florida state (and clemson) got nowhere to go (other than shoneys)

1) sec commish sankey sez "we are not gonna take our pie and share any slices with any redneck dumb ***** from tallahassee"...and yeah florida is lobbying against in state rival fsu for a membership invitation just like south carolina is lobbying against in state clemson

2) big 10 presidents demand that schools got aau (association of american universities), neither florida state or clemson got the aau designation...and to throw further injury to insult, south florida recently got aau status unlike the mecca for low gpa day drinkers in tallahassee
https://www.tallahassee.com/story/opinion/2023/06/15/aau-selects-usf-in-stunning-rebuke-of-fsu-where-is-the-accountability/70318114007/

3) there's an ironclad acc gor that contractually requires a $500,000,000 early exit fee...big 12 propagandists don't got the financial expertise to understand how private equity money works, the bros of wall street are NOT gonna give florida state (or clemson) a half a billion dollars to join the big 12 truck stop conference with lot lizards as mascots, got it?

yeah r u gonna join shocky in tallahassee on saturday september 28th for the oppenheimer game??

https://instagr.am/p/C0p9PFJub7E
**** the seminoles (cal football roadtrips r FUN)#
Add, the Big 12 provider, ESPN, has a financial disincentive to break-up its existing contracts with the ACC and Big 12 to allow Clemson and FSU or anyone else to move from the ACC to the Big 12. or to the B1G and Fox fort that matter. Ain't gonna happen y'all.
Shocky1
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shame on billboard obstructionist markeisha who got zero interest in innovatively building the cal football brand nationwide via this project which can than transition into a jaydn ott hesiman trophy campaign

https://instagr.am/p/CvVQHgWJzM3
atlanta is bear territory thx to boz, kevin, bear cam & lance cooper!!!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including georgia)
Shocky1
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stinson beach high school grad/2028 prez of the united states gavin newsom is not a far left wing wacko that's he's painted to be by the unreliable fox news, the time is now to clean up cali's homeless encampments!!


phoenix's democratic mayor (while also legalizing accessory dwelling units for properties previously zoned for single family homes) recently successfully/methodically cleared the city's major homeless (and highly dangerous crime ridden) encampment "the zone" just west of downtown street by street by street, wut wuz interesting is that a high percentage of the homeless that wuz offered housing (which comes with house rules re: no drugs & curfews) passed on that opportunity for free shelter...despite being one of the wealthiest cities in the world, scottsdale has zero homeless shelters (for humans, doggy dogs are protected) & the quality of life for its residents (particularly children) in a safe environment is outstanding

so now the question in berkeley is when is chancellor lyons gonna clean up the odious useless bureaucrat garbage time in the athletic department?


it's time for the con artist knowlton, the evil as **** jenny & the obstinate/non visionary markeisha to be shown the door...the 4th anti football/basketball propagandist cfo tom lowry retired june 1st (calling him financially reckless would be an understatement)

rich, if u don't take action & cal football goes away & then mega donors stop visiting their alma mater on fall gamedays then the future donor funding so vital to the university in a time of projected future defunding by the state of california will be at risk...do u really want ur legacy to be the chancellor that lost berkeley's ranking as the #1 ranked public university in the world??

clean up the trash, rich, it's the right thing to do!!


andrew mcgraw for athletic director!!#
Shocky1
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august 1, 2024 announcement date (nusi's b-day)#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (for high gpa violent apex predator edge defenders that wanna be mentored by cade uluave in the acc & build GENERATIONAL WEALTH thru hard work in the classrooms of berkeley in a family based atmosphere)
Econ141
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It is almost Aug 1, do you know where your AD is?

It is almost a month into Lyons tenure. Crickets on Knowlton/Markeisha. They are enjoying themselves, drinking wine with interlocked elbows in Jim's Colorado mansion while our football team prepares to save Cal athletics from itself.

Is doubt setting in that Lyons will rid the program of these two? What could he be waiting on?!?
Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Alkiadt
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Econ141 said:

It is almost Aug 1, do you know where your AD is?

It is almost a month into Lyons tenure. Crickets on Knowlton/Markeisha. They are enjoying themselves, drinking wine with interlocked elbows in Jim's Colorado mansion while our football team prepares to save Cal athletics from itself.

Is doubt setting in that Lyons will rid the program of these two? What could he be waiting on?!?

Maybe Lyons is waiting on you to write the big payout check?
Econ141
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Alkiadt said:

Econ141 said:

It is almost Aug 1, do you know where your AD is?

It is almost a month into Lyons tenure. Crickets on Knowlton/Markeisha. They are enjoying themselves, drinking wine with interlocked elbows in Jim's Colorado mansion while our football team prepares to save Cal athletics from itself.

Is doubt setting in that Lyons will rid the program of these two? What could he be waiting on?!?

Maybe Lyons is waiting on you to write the big payout check?


At this point, my great fear is that he would extend him. Bear Territory isn't the story - mismanaged athletics is.
Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
petalumabear
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Alkiadt said:

Econ141 said:

It is almost Aug 1, do you know where your AD is?

It is almost a month into Lyons tenure. Crickets on Knowlton/Markeisha. They are enjoying themselves, drinking wine with interlocked elbows in Jim's Colorado mansion while our football team prepares to save Cal athletics from itself.

Is doubt setting in that Lyons will rid the program of these two? What could he be waiting on?!?

Maybe Lyons is waiting on you to write the big payout check?
Shocky1
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michael kim: missed cut
james hahn: missed cut
kk limbhaust: missed cut
brandon hagy: missed cut (shot 67 today but hit only 15 of 28 fairways)
collin morikawa: just got the pre olympics vacay room bill for shocky's favorite hotel in the world the george v in paris
ben an: all the remaining south korea olympics team men's gear is in extra small
max homa: changed multiple smelly azz diapers when lacey took off for scottsdale fashion square for "some me time"

calumnus
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Alkiadt said:

Econ141 said:

It is almost Aug 1, do you know where your AD is?

It is almost a month into Lyons tenure. Crickets on Knowlton/Markeisha. They are enjoying themselves, drinking wine with interlocked elbows in Jim's Colorado mansion while our football team prepares to save Cal athletics from itself.

Is doubt setting in that Lyons will rid the program of these two? What could he be waiting on?!?

Maybe Lyons is waiting on you to write the big payout check?


I am still hoping the university's long overdue report on the investigation into Knowlton's violations of university, state and federal rules and law when dismissing claims of abuse and discrimination,much less his rewarding McKeever with a multimillion dollar contract, will be grounds for termination for cause.

C'mon Rich!
Shocky1
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econ, one of chancellor lyon's 1st steps of action upon his coronation july 1st wuz initiating an outside audit of the athletic department, this is a behind the scenes monster look at this report

https://instagr.am/p/C93Bv-TvvtY
______________________________________________________________________________

HIGHLY CLASSIFIED super duper top secret audit report re: the Cal Athletic Department for Chancellor Richard Lyons

Executive Summary: This is a ******* financial ****show!!!!

1st recommended corrective action: Chancellor Lyons should issue an Executive Proclamation from the top of the Campanille prior to the August 31, 2024 home game at Memorial Stadium against the UC Davis Aggies that ALL students are invited/welcomed to attend all Football and Basketball games for FREE!!!

The future of the University is going to need a significant infusion of NEW season tixs buyers and future mega donors to financially survive the expected severe budget cuts from the State of California. Attending Football and Basketball games at their alma mater is a critical pipeline measure to developing the necessary school spirit to ensure future generational wealth donations particularly as the current Berkeley donor pool is dying due to poor diets/excessive drinking and old age.

With the escalating number of 1st generation Berkeley college students who come from poor as **** socioeconomic backgrounds (like Shocky's moms back in the day) and an increasing number of international students who have never attended a Football and/or Basketball game in their native countries, it is critical that the future fanbase/Builders of Berkeley be inclusively exposed to the Magic of Cal Football and Basketball during their formative college years!!

Please note that if any of these students are a curvy brunette yoga female Shocky will personally sit by them on gamedays & explain the nuances of the sports to them.


2nd recommended corrective action: Personnel changes

James Arthur Knowlton: The "Con Artist" is financially illiterate with poor judgement (Mark Fox contract extension), possesses an anti Football and Basketball bias and functions as a seasonal part time worker from Colorado Springs, he should be terminated immediately as the current Athletic Director based upon his role in the McKeever suicidal women's swimmers scandal as documented in the Dan Mogulof 2nd outside legal counsel investigation.

Jennifer Simon-O'Neil: "Jenny" is truly evil as **** with an anti Football and Basketball bias who has been a bad human being since her Bay Area prep school days, she should be terminated immediately as the #2 in Charge based upon her role in the McKeever suicidal women's swimmers scandal as documented in the Dan Mogulof 2nd outside legal counsel investigation.

Andrew McGraw: The Berkeley grad should be immediately appointed as the acting Athletic Director with the understanding this will become a permanent promotion upon successful results.

Jay John: The most savvy person in the Athletic Department should be immediately appointed as the #2 in charge.

Markeisha Everrett: Should be immediately reassigned to Berkeley Campus Parking Enforcement pending her successful completion of all mandated defensive driving classes.

Sierra Achin-Cryns: The Berkeley grad should be immediately named Chief Financial Officer with the June 1, 2024 retirement of Knowlton's handpicked CFO from the Air Force Academy Tom Lowry who shared his useless bureaucratic's boss anti Football and Basketball bias.


3rd recommended corrective action: Righting the department to a financially sustainable number of sports programs in full compliance with Title IX.

Programs to be prioritized:

1) Football (118 counters): The HIGHEST priority for all future expenditures.
2) Men's Basketball (21): Revenue growth potential with Coach Madsen.
3) Women's Basketball (14): WBNA growth is explosive, Cal's WBB program is currently poorly marketed.
4) Men's Golf (11): The $37,000,000 current endowment is the highest of all cal sports teams including football.
5) Women's Golf (6): Significant donor support
6) Women's Gymnastic (15): Championship program
7) Women's Swimming & Diving (32): Championship program
8) Men's Swimming & Diving (38): Championship program
9) Women's Volleyball (17): Required by the ACC for membership
10) Men's Tennis (11): Significant donor support
11) Men's Water Polo (34): Championship program
12) Women's Rowing (60): Huge roster "counters" is key to overall Title IX compliance.
13) Women's Softball (23): Growth sport in the United States with high school females.
14) Women's Tennis (10): Championship program
15) Women's Water Polo (24): Championship program
16) Women's Soccer (31): Growth sport in the United States with high school females.

Programs to be terminated/reclassified as Club teams:

1) Baseball (46 counters): Terminated. The original $18,000,000 fundraising to save the program has been spent and the program talent gutted by the MLB draft and transfer portal this offseason. Evans Diamonds should be "sold" to the Central Campus to burn down the massive debt liabilities incurred by Knowlton with zero probability of future revenues to repay this debt as it becomes due and repurposed for the greater good of the University.
2) Men's Gymnastics (23): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
3) Men's Rowing (69): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
4) Rugby (53): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
5) Men's Soccer (38): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
6) Men's Track and Field (58): Terminated. Edwards Field should be "sold" to the Central Campus to burn down the massive debt liabilities incurred by Knowlton with zero probability of future revenues to repay this debt as it becomes due and repurposed for the greater good of the University.
7) Women's Track and Field (57): Terminated. See above.
8) Women's Beach Volleyball (18): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
9) Women's Cross Country (16): Terminated
10) Men's Cross Country (13): Terminated
11) Women's Lacrosse (34): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.
12) Women's Field Hockey (28): Reclassified as a club sport with no AD financial support.

Bottom line, failure to take ACTION at this time would be a dumb decision and result in a further **** situation.

Chancellor Lyons, do you want your legacy to be the Chancellor who lost Berkeley's ranking as the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD??


Econ141
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Great to hear about the audit. I hope any small infraction is used to clean the house. Everything outside of the admin looks to have momentum.

HUGE season - can't wait.
Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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best prospect hype video evah (cried, smiled & laughed...thx u nusi)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C95gTZ5ubz0
https://instagr.am/p/C95eMZPv6Sk
2024: year of the california golden bears (buc-ee got bear blood too)#
Shocky1
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exclusive video footage of the 1st auburn football player in the history of the program earning a 3.0 gpa in a semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://instagr.am/p/CxdR58kOjMe
shocky & slim wadie r confirmed for their tee time at coore & crenshaw's new wicker point on lake martin in alabama...also invited to peachtree in atlanta & will be reaching out to shoal creek & the country club of birmingham (west)

no golf carts for those guys, the game is afoot, u gotta hydrate (24 hours in advance) in the deep south

cal football roadtrips r FUN (experiencing the MAGIC of cal football on tv is for the candy azz soft)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C9zqvG6p83p
FACTS: wykoff & buc-ee flipped to the university of calveston!!#
Shocky1
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demand the ball, michelle!!!! (berkeley's only +1 athletic basketball player)#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for ELITE skateboarders)
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