i dunno, maybe becky g??

https://instagr.am/p/DKIEvRlve27
^ fun fact: rebecca's fingers are not that long in real life (and those are hair extensions too)

california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused cuz he got worser seats):

doechii, why don't you introduce the yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?

2028 class:

brody rudnicki, quarterback (4.0 gpa)

2027 class:

alius mayo, cornerback (3.54 gpa)
dajohn yarborough, offensive lineman (3.1 gpa)
ace dawson-herman, offensive lineman (3.2 gpa)
zion white, wide receiver (3.1 gpa)
kamil loud, defensive back (3.7 gpa)
jamie sturgeon, tight end (3.2 gpa)
isaiah bertola, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
demare dezeure, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
jeovanni "jeo" henley, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jaderian "jd" jones, defensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
josh bunni, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rahzario (zo) edwards, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
elyjah staples, linebacker (4.2 gpa)
dane weber, quarterback (3.8 gpa)
duvay williams, corner/nickel back (3.2 gpa)
jaxsen stokes, running back (3.7 gpa)
miles isaac schirmer, defensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
antwon "aj" sanders iii, running back (3.0+ gpa)
charles "spida" davis iii, wideout (3.0+ gpa)
troy bowens, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
blake gunter, wide receiver (4.0 gpa)
zach brien, kicker (3.8 gpa)
gunnar perry, linebacker (3.7 gpa)
giovanni hodge, edge defender (4.0 gpa)

2026 class:

david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
jacob johnson, punter (3.1 gpa)
sosaia noa, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
roger vaderhoef, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
rico walker, tight end (3.1 gpa)
aj tuitele, linebacker (3.0 gpa)
joshua pierce, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
jayden williams, defensive line (3.1 gpa)
kamar mothudi, inside linebacker (3.3 gpa)
ricky "trenches" fletcher, defensive back (3.3 gpa)
jericho johnson, defensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
emmanuel okoye, edge defender (strong student from nigeria)
jackson brosseau, quarterback (3.96 gpa)
angus davies, punter (honor roll student from australia)
daniel harris, cornerback (3.1 gpa)
ashton rivera, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
kahlee tafai, offensive lineman (3.15 gpa)
ashun shepphard, defensive line (3.0+ gpa)
cooper perry, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
towns mcgough, kicker (4.0 gpa)
marquis "mgk" groves-killebrew (3.3 gpa)
justin beadles, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
tristan jernigan, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
jimothy lewis jr, offensive tackle (3.4 gpa)
michael hurst jr, safety (3.0+ gpa)
chase hendricks, wide receiver (3.21 gpa)
mykeal rabess, offensive lineman (3.68 gpa)
carter vargas, running back (3.2 gpa)
ashten emory, running back (3.7 gpa)
dorian thomas, tight end (3.6 gpa)
adam mohammed, running back (3.5 gpa)
kingston lopa, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
ian strong, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jacob arop, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
solomon williams, edge defender (3.0+ gpa)
niles davis, athlete (3.71 gpa)
daniel mcmorris, offensive tackle (3.8 gpa)
kai meza, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
tyree "reekus" sams, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
kamo'i huihui-white, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
nainoa lopes, quarterback (3.57 gpa)
kingston "lucky" schirmer, defensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
esaiah wong, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
frank fauna jr, defensive lineman (4.0 gpa)
emmanuel "ej" morgan, wide receiver/kick returner (4.3 gpa)
taimane purcell, tight end (3.9 gpa)
nemyah telona, defensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
victor santino, running back (3.0+ gpa)
elisha faamatuainu, offensive lineman (3.0+ gpa)
jaxon pyatt, linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jonathan mckinley, linebacker (4.83 gpa)

2025 class (all former walk ons are now on schollys, CONGRATS!!):

aaron hampton, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
jordan king, wide receiver (4.38 gpa)
alonzo esparza, quarterback (4.0 gpa)
belay brummell, quarterback (3.95 gpa)
carson perry-smith, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
jayden parker, running back (4.16 gpa)
isaac torres, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
mayze bryant, defensive back (3.5 gpa)
jordan franke, longsnapper (3.81 gpa)
dean taylor-chapman, running back (4.0 gpa)
tobey weydemuller, defensive back (3.92 gpa)
jude mclellan, outside linebacker (3.9 gpa)
nate escalada, defensive back (4.23 gpa)
michael cooley, outside linebacker (3.0 gpa)
ewan arechaederra, longsnapper (3.6 gpa)
lucas vanderlind, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
bj jones, inside linebacker (3.55 gpa)
sam bjerke, offensive lineman (3.9 gpa)
cole bosica, wide receiver (4.1 gpa)
myles reber, wide receiver (3.75 gpa)
jeffrey johnson, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jack olyphant, tight end (3.72 gpa)
rj stephens, defensive lineman (3.77 gpa)
dru polidore jr, safety (3.75 gpa)
michael kern, punter (3.4 gpa)
landon morris, tight end (3.7 gpa)
jayden dixon-veal, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
lj johnson, running back (3.7 gpa)
abram murray, kicker (4.0 gpa)
brent "paco" austin, corner/nickel (3.3 gpa)
jordan sanford, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
harrison taggart, linebacker (3.9 gpa)
chase meyer, kicker (4.3 gpa)
mark hamper, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
zae smith, defensive tackle (3.37 gpa)
daveion harley, offensive lineman (3.36 gpa)
kendrick raphael, running back (3.8 gpa)
quimari shemwell, corner/nickel back (3.0+ gpa)
brandon high jr, running back (3.3 gpa)
rino monteforte, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
tj bush, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
quaron adams, wide receiver (3.0 gpa)
chris victor, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
jojo genova, offensive lineman (3.5 gpa)
erik peters, kicker (3.9 gpa)
devin brown, quarterback (4.4 gpa)
dazmin james, wide receiver (2.6 gpa)
justin hasenhuetl, interior offensive lineman (3.75 gpa)
jacob de jesus, wide receiver/kick returner (3.67 gpa)
caleb johnston, longsnapper (3.5 gpa)
simon mapa, tight end (3.47 gpa)
mason mini, tight end (3.8 gpa)
john gayer, edge defender (2.8 gpa)
jordon moko, offensive line (3.8 gpa)
jayden wayne, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
brook honoree jr, punter (3.8 gpa)
dominic ingrassia, quarterback (3.2 gpa)
jaron keawe sagapolutele, quarterback (3.75 gpa)
buom jock, inside linebacker (3.1 gpa)
leon bell, offensive tackle (3.1 gpa)
tristan dunn, safety (3.0 gpa)
lamar robinson, offensive guard (3.5 gpa)
tyson ruffins, interior offensive lineman (3.8 gpa)
lajuan owens, left tackle (3.2 gpa)
hezekiah masses, corner/nickel (2.7 gpa)
kyle cunanan, kicker (3.73 gpa)
tyson ford, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
odera okaka, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
john tofi jr, edge defender (3.8 gpa)
aiden manutai, safety (4.0 gpa)
tre' harrison, safety (4.83 gpa)
mike klisiewicz, offensive lineman (3.7 gpa)
jacob houseworth, tight end (3.15 gpa)
jae'on young, corner/nickel back (3.4 gpa)
lebron williams, defensive end (3.2 gpa)
beckham barney, inside linebacker (4.2 gpa)
anthony league, running back (3.9 gpa)
ikechukwu okafor, edge defender (3.7 gpa)
ben howard, offensive guard (3.2 gpa)
meyer swinney, hybrid wide receiver/tight end (3.75 gpa)
kaden cook, cornerback (3.4 gpa)

2024 class:

will mcdonald, left guard (3.5 gpa)
cheikhsaliou fall, edge defender (3.3 gpa)
cj harris, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
serigne tounkara, edge defender (3.88 gpa)
kyion graves, wide receiver (3.3 gpa)
ryan yaites, safety (3.2 gpa)
jasiah wagoner, corner/nickel back (3.25 gpa)
tj bollers, edge defender (4.0 gpa)
corey dyches, hybrid tight end/wide receiver (3.1 gpa)
braden miller, offensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
liam johnson, inside linebacker (3.36 gpa at princeton)
khamani hudson, cornerback (3.5 gpa)
bobby engstler, punter/kicker (3.72 gpa)
jonathan "gameday" brady, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
mikey miller, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
victor stoffel, offensive tackle (motivated student in sweden)
kadarius calloway, running back (2.7 gpa)
ryan coe, kicker (3.5 gpa)
tobias merriweather, wide receiver (3.6 gpa)
ja'ir smith, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
syris corley, offensive lineman (3.0 gpa)
rush reimer, offensive lineman (3.3 gpa)
marcus harris, defensive back (3.2 gpa)
aidan ikaika keanaaina, defensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
aiden newbill, offensive line (3.72 gpa)
isaiah crosby, safety (3.0+ gpa)
luke ferrelli, inside linebacker (4.0 gpa)
chandler rogers, quarterback (3.3 gpa)
teddye buchanan, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
josiah martin, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
jack endries, tight end (3.83 gpa)
trond grizzell, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
bj canady, defensive tackle (3.91 gpa)
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu, defensive back (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (2.75 gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (2.9 gpa)
camden jones, tight end (2.7 gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)

2023 class:
barrett miller, offensive lineman (4.2 hs gpa & stanford mechancial engineering degree)
taj davis, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
king doerue, running back (3.5 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (2.9 gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquis montgomery, wide receiver (3.4 gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (2.9 gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (2.8 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0 gpa)
jaivian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, offensive line (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.85 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (2.7 gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class...don't forget to take the chicken out

https://instagr.am/p/DAb8NtkBYtv

https://instagr.am/p/Dagcg6zAdFY
https://instagr.am/p/DblQumIHZdz
spida man (a brand new day for cal football)#

Shocky1 said:

---

2026 cali bears football biggest CONCERNS heading into fall ball on august 5th:

Some Cal Football players primed for a breakout 2026👀

“I think he puts a lot into his preparation…He can go from point A to point B, very violent and physical.”

- Cal HC Tosh Lupoi told us about former PWO Aaron Hampton🤫

(+): https://t.co/QLARGUzfER pic.twitter.com/GjeUyFY5vV

— Golden Bear Report (On3 | Rivals) (@CalBearsOn3) July 27, 2026

1) inside linebackers: good news to hear that coach lup thinks highly of alaska native aaron hampton because all the guys including portal transfers (all from powerhouse football factories) tristan jernigan, aj tuitele & kamar mothudi are UNPROVEN as starters, replacing the inside steady play of cade & luke is gonna be critical to a MONSTER victories season with the uc championship game now within our sites

pic.twitter.com/4cnRZPIpPu

— John Wick (@chinesewhiteboi) July 10, 2026

2) defensive line: great news is that the 2027 high school commitment class gotta lotta immediate impact starters/playing rotation standouts with potential NFL upside but the d-line right now is a concern from both starter productivity (star power) & reliable depth

3) left tackle: let's be real here last season last season the bears got the WORST tackles in the p4, guys that that lacked the strength to impose their will in the run game & lacked the mobility in open space to nullify apex predator edge rushers in the pass game...stud jimothy lewis solves the problem in guarding the jks blindside at right tackle but the ongoing battle between frederick williams iii & jacob arop at left tackle will determine if the bears are finally gonna operate (potentially drop 50) behind a cal's MONSTER offensive line

https://instagr.am/p/DbGfauUH9BJ
4) kicking game: punter angus davies is gonna be the solution to solving the erratic/inconsistent play at this position but it remains to be seen if kickers chase meyer or towns mcough are gonna be ready to star on broadway in a potentially EPIC season in berkeley

One of the most underrated teams heading into the 2026 season is Cal 🐻

The Golden Bears have been largely off-the-radar for most of the offseason and are disrespectfully rated 62nd by the ESPN FPI heading into this fall.

However, I believe they’ve assembled a very solid roster… pic.twitter.com/m7RcHR7mms

— CFB Kings (@CFBKings) July 22, 2026

real talk: if none of this **** works out the shockster (who intends to watch all 13 games in person) is probably gonna move to ******* alaska (finding a buc-ee's & new yoga studio could be problematic) or something!!

---

https://instagr.am/p/DbqnaxLoTzN
what's the monster least CONCERN re: the 2026 football season??

Welcome to day one of Cal Football training camp

1 month away from Cal vs UCLA

It’s getting real and ever closer pic.twitter.com/X6nuEnYhDC

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 5, 2026

that would be the experience level of the current staff, coach lup has assembled a remarkable staff of guys with NFL EXPERIENCE!!

in case u haven't figured it out yet let the monster break it down for u, NFL EXPERIENCE is the highest level of football knowledge/performance for the ruthless trillion dollar+ industry, it's kinda like a ******* HARVARD MBA!!

it should be pointed out that during the wilcox era of mediocrity that his 2 most successful coaches (developed guys for the NFL) peter sirmon & gerald alexander both eventually ended up leaving to the NFL

and no a mid over the hill billy musgrave (who the shockster bumped into outside the stadium party par 3 16th hole at the phoenix open absolutely ****faced along with charlie ragle while they wuz on a "recruiting" trip," justin wuz a big fan of guys who like a drink or 7 like spavital) don't count if ur mentally a tossed salad

our berkeley bears NFL EXPERIENCED staff are gonna ensure the days of candy azz soft wide receivers not BLOCKING & mind boggling repetitive dumb as ****/dangerous (****** up the careers of ott & the jet) linear running plays directly into d-lineman without PITCHOUTS on the edges in wide open space are ******* over, u feel me??


^ #71 sioape vatikani looks noticeably more fit/slimmed down!!

Cal’s O-line getting in work. pic.twitter.com/BVACggWF89

— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) August 5, 2026

today is the FIRST DAY OUT, yeah ucla is pretty ******* confident re: the september 5, 2026 uc championship game (**** that ****, on 10 paws we stood tall, we wanted in 2 states can't move wrong!!)

One of the nastiest cases of “f*ck around and find out” just went down in Korean MMA

Straight out of a movie 😳 pic.twitter.com/tGeUbziHAp

— Happy Punch (@HappyPunch) May 2, 2026

^ if anybody (or knows somebody who is) fluent in the korean language, wut are these announcers saying??


^ shocky tole t-grizzly in person in detroit that he considers him "america's storyteller!!"

2028 high school recruiting update:

https://instagr.am/p/DbGzjFfAQjX
coach anae is prioritizing with an actionable offer national recruit +1 athletic 6'6" 285 lbs aden owolabi from san ramon valley high school (a 30 minute drive for moms & the fam to memorial stadium on fall gamedays), owolabi got an unreal relentless work ethic

C/O 28’ @Adenowolabi11 275# Power Clean💪🏼🔥…oh yeah he’s still 15y/o👀 @SRVHSFootball #srvfootball pic.twitter.com/kCj4KnoUDf

— Joseph Mar (@CoachJosephMar) March 28, 2026

aden is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.86 GPA & is taking care of biz with almost NO EFFORT!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and the best opportunity unlike usc & oregon to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH via early starting/NFL development & hard work in the classrooms of berkeley)

The World University Rankings 2026 have just been published.

The performance of Asia’s top universities has stalled for the first time in 14 years, while the US continues to decline.

Analysis of the results: https://t.co/FldnUjPV1W #THEUniRankings pic.twitter.com/v0s6ec4ErV

— Times Higher Education (@timeshighered) October 8, 2025

real talk: eugene is a rainy freezing as **** ****hole truck stop town for singularly focused low gpa disposable gladiators that put all their cards for the future on playing football on a football field with a football

go saints (don't mess with sister yolanda!!)#

https://instagr.am/p/CxRVdYQPFNO

More from the DL including one of the main expected contributors in Jericho Johnson pic.twitter.com/1AOCnRwGpg

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 5, 2026

^ unreal quick twitch fluidity/strength rep by +1 athletic 6'4" 345 lbs nose tackle1 (nt1) #44 jericho johnson



the sorry azz (coached to occupy space, not freed up to make plays) bears d-line has not had anybody drafted by the NFL during the last decade, that **** is gonna change with this staff (led by a head coach who may be clueless as **** re: maps but wuz a defensive line coach in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE)

oregon running backs coach hit another vehicle, then tried to drive away, tole the other driver he wuz "desean jackson" & then got arrested for a duii

just do it

this is oregon football (low rent/character coaches "mentoring" low gpa dumb azzs)#

I think the FedEx playoffs start next week in Memphis. Is that field the top 70 in FedEx points or top 100? I can't remember. I think both Max and Michael are within the top 70....They need to fix the handicapping for the final at East Lake. Giving Scottie a 10 stroke lead off the bat takes all of the fun out of it....

andy, all 3 cali bears (collin #6 in fed ex standings, max #51 & michael #59) will be competing in next week's 1st round playoff event in memphis (contested in lobster boiling humidity at an ugly as **** non descript corporate office complex, probably the worstest course on the pga tour that is adjacent to the fed ex world headquarters) which is for the top 70 players

https://instagr.am/p/CbnZcI5loiJ
then the top 50 will compete the following week at bellerive in st louis with the top 30 then invited to east lake in atlanta for the tour championship (thankfully the dumb azz starting strokes format has been dropped this year)...keep in mind that the season end top 50 are invited to the 2027 signature events which makes homa's absence this week in greensboro kinda puzzling

the good news is that the pga commish & staff are finally recognizing that all 3 of these playoff venues are architecturally absymal courses & there is a plan/discussions to replace these dog tracks with some of the classic golden era cathedrals of golf starting in 2028!!

https://instagr.am/p/DAACFELPQ1Q
meanwhile on the 9/11 terrorist financed (now bankrupt) liv exhibition league for morally corrupt ****tards there are literally dozens of fans following deshambles en route to a 75!!

Bryson DeChambeau was LIVID today at LIV Golf New York 🫨 @BrysonLegion pic.twitter.com/ZEdXBlxbWe

— NUCLR GOLF (@NUCLRGOLF) August 7, 2026

Two cents on middle linebackers. The initial Bear Insider depth chart for fall camp was released Here and has Jernigan and AJ as starters with Hampton and Mothudi as their back-ups. Both back-ups have the physical gifts to be starters and will still get game reps if they stay back-ups by the end of fall camp. Cal may have more depth at middle linebacker than expected with AJ being the best performing MLB in spring camp.

Two veterans of game getting into teaching today for Cal Football

HC Tosh Lupoi working with the edge rushers while Bob Gregory keeps on with the inside linebackers pic.twitter.com/c4lKdQlx6r

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 6, 2026

alex, appreciate the heads up that usc transfer aj tuitele is showing up as a standout in the inside backer room!!

A collector’s item

Welcome @TuiteleAj to the Bay

#GoBears #NSD26 pic.twitter.com/aa9kDUIXfp

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) February 4, 2026

agreed that coach gregory got 4 guys in aj, texas a&m transfer tristan jernigan, oregon transfer kamar mouthdi & alaska native aaron hampton that can play, will be interesting to see which of the young guys like beckham barney or jonathan mckinley emerges as the 5th backer (which will probably involve seeing the field on special teams)

Built for the battle, welcome back Inside Linebackers Coach @CoachBobGregory #GoBears pic.twitter.com/HgJomp0BLp

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) January 16, 2026

the shockster's plan is to see cal commit gunnar perry (the arizona republic's #1 ranked zony linebacker, reputation as a sideline to sideline relentless tackling machine) in his season opener on thursday nite august 27th

https://instagr.am/p/DbmWlH9HKa0
as you've pointed out both cade (now byu) & luke (clemson then tampered with & now at ole miss) benefited from a scheme that funneled tackles to them, will be interesting to see how their production plays out this fall

Shocky1 said:

---

2026 cali bears football biggest CONCERNS heading into fall ball on august 5th:

4) kicking game: punter angus davies is gonna be the solution to solving the erratic/inconsistent play at this position but it remains to be seen if kickers chase meyer or towns mcough are gonna be ready to star on broadway in a potentially EPIC season in berkeley

---

Could y’all field a punt with a glare in your eyes? Sheesh. pic.twitter.com/mq9ZAQLOtk

— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) August 6, 2026

A group with a ton of eyes on it, a look into the Cal Football kicking game with Chase Meyer, Towns McGough and Erik Peters pic.twitter.com/5mDdEwGSaS

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 6, 2026

2026 carolina in the pines tournament: 1st round update

The best things in life are free. pic.twitter.com/h53LUeNLVp

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) August 5, 2026

^ the shockster really admires fellow hopa/hopa poly honorary cali bear rickie's positive outlook on life despite the fact that his 4.0 gpa berkeley grad wife alison married him in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous or something

michael kim (67, tied for 37th): michael is playing the best golf of his life right now with unreal birdies on the par 4 17th & 18th holes!!...mr chipotle gotta an ideal early tee time tomorrow morning with significantly less humidity & fresh greens, let's ******* go michael!!

https://instagr.am/p/BlTzuyohOYF
^ fun day: in the morning played first out the front nine with slim wadie & the head pro at the spectacular tobacco road, went to the bears exciting victory over them tar heels thx to malik's clutch ice in his veins acrobatic 1st down/drive sustaining reception & then drove back to briskly walk with our bags over our shoulders the back nine at tobacco road with shadows falling on the 18th green as we putted out in the pines

https://instagr.am/p/DMpHaNpOzA8
cal football roadtrips are FUN!!#

Shocky1 said:

---

2026 cali bears football biggest CONCERNS heading into fall ball on august 5th:

3) left tackle: let's be real here last season last season the bears got the WORST tackles in the p4, guys that that lacked the strength to impose their will in the run game & lacked the mobility in open space to nullify apex predator edge rushers in the pass game...stud jimothy lewis solves the problem in guarding the jks blindside at right tackle but the ongoing battle between frederick williams iii & jacob arop at left tackle will determine if the bears are finally gonna operate (potentially drop 50) behind a cal's MONSTER offensive line

---

Meanwhile, Cal assistant coach Mike Saffell is straight up surfing. https://t.co/I61LhzFFHQ pic.twitter.com/PHzXzI7p3w

— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) August 6, 2026

real talk: the 2026 berkeley bears offense is gonna SAIL & drop 50+ from time to time if the unit gets solid reliable play from the left tackle position!!



to the balcony where hands embrace (to come this close, won't leave)#

Shocky1 said:

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2026 carolina in the pines tournament: 1st round update

The best things in life are free. pic.twitter.com/h53LUeNLVp

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) August 5, 2026

^ the shockster really admires fellow hopa/hopa poly honorary cali bear rickie's positive outlook on life despite the fact that his 4.0 gpa berkeley grad wife alison married him in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous or something

michael kim (67, tied for 37th): michael is playing the best golf of his life right now with unreal birdies on the par 4 17th & 18th holes!!...mr chipotle gotta an ideal early morning tee time tomorrow morning with significantly less humidity & fresh greens, let's ******* go michael!!

https://instagr.am/p/BlTzuyohOYF
^ fun day: in the morning played first out the front nine with slim wadie & the head pro at the spectacular tobacco road, went to the bears exciting victory over them tar heels thx to malik's clutch ice in his veins acrobatic 1st down/drive sustaining reception & then drove back to briskly walk with our bags over our shoulders the back nine at tobacco road with shadows falling on the 18th green as we putted out in the pines

https://instagr.am/p/DMpHaNpOzA8
cal football roadtrips are FUN!!#

---

Reminiscing, we stayed at theWashington duke, got a personal moment with the Duke golf coach, then played the traditional Trent-Jones Duke University course in the middle of campus, got our swings analyzed by each member of the championship women's team (this was a test for them), had drinks bought for us at Bull Durham Bar, was serenaded by Duke band members with Fight for California when we left the parking lot, watched Cal beat North Carolina and then drove to Pinehurst. That was pre- two lower back surgeries ago. Gotta say I loved the southern hospitality and the golf. Wished I had played Tobacco Road. Heard it is one of the most unique courses in the world.

2026 tobacco road (cough) tournament: 2nd round update

https://instagr.am/p/CwQcO5IIhL_
^ cal men's golf OFFICIAL announcement: the program is gonna be transitioning to cheerful green shirts for the upcoming season (non conformance to this bears MONSTER team rule will result in benching, shaking hands with morikawa after his 7th consecutive poopy diaper change, sharing a cart for 9 holes at silverleaf with a hangry homa with him acting out like mr grumpy pants or playing 18 holes with an imaginary golf ball, fafo trevor)!!

𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚: A guy has gone viral for being forced to play a full round of golf without a ball with complete strangers as punishment for losing his fantasy football league.

One of the greatest punishments we've ever seen.

😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/0pQihWmJZt

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) August 5, 2026

michael kim (68, tied for 35th): despite only draining 58 feet in putts, michael is continuing to play exceptional golf (ball striking is on point with 15 outta 18 greens hit in regulation) with yet another round in the 60s!!

fun fact: tournament leader (11 under par) virginia's ben james got his azz handed to him my brah ziqin zhou at this spring's acc championship tournament which wuz won by Z in a heroic playoff battle with a crying stanford cardinal

Looking for a number on Michael Kim missed cut. #USOpen

— LIV Golf Insider (@LIVTracking) June 18, 2026

^ michael, sorry for getting u dragged into the shockster's anti-liv golf agenda (and their veruka salt self-entitled rahmbo & deshambles)


^ belts, golf gloves & rounds longer than 3 hours r for losers!!

Cal tackles getting warm with Jimothy Lewis and Frederick Williams

A group with lots of eyes on it this year pic.twitter.com/G6IyZMCShm

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 7, 2026

cal's MONSTER offensive line (needs transformative tackle play this fall, u ready??)#

acc update:

UNC coach Bill Belichick announces that defensive coordinator Steve Belichick is on medical leave. I asked if he'd be back for the season opener, and Bill Belichick said only that he'd be back "as soon as possible."

— Brian Murphy (@murphsturph) August 6, 2026

0-12 in 2026 is officially on the table in chapel hill

Berkeley game pic.twitter.com/vd5EyehuJx

— Reese Adams (@ReeseAdams76102) October 22, 2025

^ nice man bun/ponytail brah, r u a teacher at modern yoga (ok, the shockster is kinda jealous despite my ability to call out during the pre call snap jaron telegraphing the audible jump ball to mark hamper, rolo needs to do better disguising ****)??

Shocky1 said:

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How it started How it’s going pic.twitter.com/2Jextz6rpU

— TheCalBears (@TheCalBears_) June 17, 2026

https://instagr.am/p/e8Xnc8hHbE


all grown up (in richmond & flagstaff)#

---

https://instagr.am/p/Davnf-9nDo-

It’s Day 3 of training camp

Daniel Harris gets in on the party with a nice play in 2 vs 2’s pic.twitter.com/1AHfomf4QG

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) August 7, 2026

the TAKERS (the past, present & future get PAID in the NFL)#

https://instagr.am/p/DaebBGcnOs6
https://instagr.am/p/DbGysQ6HJFU

2026 north carolina global cigarettes production tournament: 3rd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DW_qhU6DXmb
michael kim (69, tied for 40th): a mid 3 over par thru the 12th hole, michael woke the **** up with birdies on the 13th thru the 16th holes & then a gritti palace buried 17 foot par (after hooking his drive deep left into the pines) on the uphill par 4 18th hole to shoot in the 60's yet again!!

the bear would NOT ******* quit, the bear would NOT ******* muerte!!#

spida man (a brand new day) debuting in berkeley in the fall of 2027!!

https://instagr.am/p/DZk0GIztzJS

If Spider-Man: Brand New Day took place in Berkeley... pic.twitter.com/ZPsXP6zsiQ

— Rob Hwang (@rob11hwang) August 8, 2026

this **** is getting LIVE!!#

Stanley Saole-McKenzie committed to Cal before his senior year at Saint Louis in the summer of 2019, and has remained loyal to the program ever since. "I built relationships that will last me a lifetime," he says. #Caloha pic.twitter.com/WRaRG7YqoU

— Christian Shimabuku (@c_shimabuku) August 4, 2026

^ fun fact: stanley don't own a norelco shaver


^ white people r funny!!

cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (and a home away from home, just ask moana)

https://instagr.am/p/DZoZ89vgVfj
real talk: the snarl/wink by them cbyf1s is triggering (rebecca got this **** down too)

2026 wyndham FREE breakfast buffet tournament: 4th round update

https://instagr.am/p/60_r2alQp8
^ honestly rickie should quit being such a jealous **** (it's not a good look for him) & just get over it (there's no shame in being a plan b husband, a h2)

michael kim (71, tied for 56th): michael hit his coolest shot of the year on the severely front to back/left to right sloping (augusta national level tilt) par 3 12th hole, from 50 feet straight off a cliff (shot traveling probably 15 on the stimp) hit an unreal sand wedge with extreme spin from on the green to a couple feet beyond the cup & rolled in the par putt!!

liv exhibition league update: dozens of fans (kinda like the projected wagner game attendance due to the marie antoinette outta touch dumb azz decision to not offer FREE tixs to all berkeley students, **** the poor kids that don't got rich parents that will buy them the season student pass) are descending upon new jersey, yeah talor gooch & his oklahoma city asterisks are must watch golf along with the mirabel 3rd flight mother/daughter championship!!

Good look coming on 6 pic.twitter.com/x7SaaaQLlA

— Matt Vincenzi (@MattVincenziPGA) August 9, 2026

even tho almost everybody on planet earth knows the liv team championship in michigan is gonna be cancelled due to insufficient funds on the league's overdrawn credit cards, the official liv website is still selling tixs (with a zero chance of future refunds)

2026 us amateur at merion: good luck to ziqin zhou, trevor cox & sihao cong tomorrow & tuesday in 36 hole qualifying among 312 contestants for the 64 player match play starting wednesday!!

https://instagr.am/p/DbjeAXqv7eV
the back nine at merion east (36 hole qualifying will also be played at the fantastic philadelphia cricket) is among the best inland nines on planet earth, let's ******* go cali golden bears!!


^ rocky did it all (drinking them daily 32 oz green juices to facilitate great gut health & pooping like a race horse) for that cbyf2!!

cal is a golf school (with an above average left handed qb1 that pre snap telegraphs his audibles)#

Shocky1 said:

---

^ this fascinating interview captures the essence of the inclusive poly brotherhood within the cal football program (which is facilitated by the 9th island's randy scott off campus poly house)

what's the genesis of this cal's monster offensive line thread??

the shockster wuz tole during a conversation with someone within the program a couple of years ago that 4.0 gpa true freshman sioape vatikani wuz already the "strongest" player in the program thru the summer workouts & that he would start as a true freshman

this wuz a clear RED FLAG that the cal s&c program wuz FAILING (how could a reno high schooler already be stronger than guys who had been lifting weights for 4-5 years at the "high performance center" under the direction of a non accountable s&c staff??) along with a non existent NUTRITION program (numerous weights on the o-line wuz blatantly lied about in the above roster measurements)

most people don't know this about the shockster but he can guess males, females & doggy dog weights within a lb or two after looking at them in person for 30 seconds (this skill*?? has won/settled a lotta 19th hole golfing bets thru the years)

anyways shocky wrote the above 1st post with the intent to support o-line recruiting which ironically wuz not MONSTER at all

sioape is blessed with unique/unlimited upside from the jump but in watching the pregame warm ups in the north end zone at memorial stadium from 3 feet away from the action thru the years it's always been obvious that sioape wuz overweight (360+ lbs), outta shape (poor bend/flexibility) & moving sluggishly relative to his god given potential (which resulted in injuries & dropping off nfl draft boards)

https://instagr.am/p/DbYqY6NjjlV
so it's GREAT NEWS to hear now that vatikani is taking his nutrition seriously (funny how he admits with a sheepish grin that he "cheated" on his diets all the time) & finally getting his body/mind right heading into the EPIC uc championship game!!

gotta luv paws but note that despite the conversation re: weight, mike NEVER asks sioape how much weight he's lost or how much he weighs now!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the beautiful people of tonga)

https://instagr.am/p/DaRIR4MzxKB

---

WARNING: do NOT read the following joke if ur uptight as **** or something, got it??

question: what's black on the outside and poly/white on the inside??

answer: cal's MONSTER offensive line!!

2026 cal football roster is now online: https://calbears.com/sports/football/roster

current starting line up (subject to change/competition):

left tackle: frederick williams iii, 6'5" 335 lbs
left guard: tyson ruffins, 6'2", 310 lbs
center: bastian swinnery, 6'6" 315 lbs
right guard: sioape vatikani, 6'4", 330 lbs (last year listed at 320 lbs but wuz actually 360+ lbs)
right tackle: jimothy lewis jr, 6'6" 315 lbs

odds & ends: there are heavily contested playing rotation battles right now for swing tackle2, interior offensive lineman2 & center2...+1 athletic huge upside tackle daniel mcmorris is listed as 6'6" but only 265 lbs...the 3 o-line texans recruited by mike bloesch (now back at north texas) are no longer with the football program (tyler knape & aiden newbill are still students working toward berkeley degrees & syris corley is back in texas)...with former stanford & briefly cal assistant line coach viane talamaivo now at alabama, coach famika "potty mouth" anae is now relying upon future head coach in waiting (haas biz ad grad) mike saffell & rising +2 athletic moani for player development

https://instagr.am/p/CySV45_LX_a
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

Shocky1 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

^ this fascinating interview captures the essence of the inclusive poly brotherhood within the cal football program (which is facilitated by the 9th island's randy scott off campus poly house)

what's the genesis of this cal's monster offensive line thread??

the shockster wuz tole during a conversation with someone within the program a couple of years ago that 4.0 gpa true freshman sioape vatikani wuz already the "strongest" player in the program thru the summer workouts & that he would start as a true freshman

this wuz a clear RED FLAG that the cal s&c program wuz FAILING (how could a reno high schooler already be stronger than guys who had been lifting weights for 4-5 years at the "high performance center" under the direction of a non accountable s&c staff??) along with a non existent NUTRITION program (numerous weights on the o-line wuz blatantly lied about in the above roster measurements)

most people don't know this about the shockster but he can guess males, females & doggy dog weights within a lb or two after looking at them in person for 30 seconds (this skill*?? has won/settled a lotta 19th hole golfing bets thru the years)

anyways shocky wrote the above 1st post with the intent to support o-line recruiting which ironically wuz not MONSTER at all

sioape is blessed with unique/unlimited upside from the jump but in watching the pregame warm ups in the north end zone at memorial stadium from 3 feet away from the action thru the years it's always been obvious that sioape wuz overweight (360+ lbs), outta shape (poor bend/flexibility) & moving sluggishly relative to his god given potential (which resulted in injuries & dropping off nfl draft boards)

https://instagr.am/p/DbYqY6NjjlV
so it's GREAT NEWS to hear now that vatikani is taking his nutrition seriously (funny how he admits with a sheepish grin that he "cheated" on his diets all the time) & finally getting his body/mind right heading into the EPIC uc championship game!!

gotta luv paws but note that despite the conversation re: weight, mike NEVER asks sioape how much weight he's lost or how much he weighs now!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the beautiful people of tonga)

https://instagr.am/p/DaRIR4MzxKB

---

WARNING: do NOT read the following joke if ur uptight as **** or something, got it??

question: what's black on the outside and poly on the inside??

answer: cal's MONSTER offensive line!!

2026 cal football roster is now online: https://calbears.com/sports/football/roster

current starting line up (subject to change/competition):

left tackle: frederick williams iii, 6'5" 335 lbs
left guard: tyson ruffins, 6'2", 310 lbs
center: bastian swinnery, 6'6" 315 lbs
right guard: sioape vatikani, 6'4", 330 lbs (last year listed at 320 lbs but wuz actually 360+ lbs)
right tackle: jimothy lewis jr, 6'6" 315 lbs

odds & ends: there are heavily contested playing rotation battles right now for swing tackle2, interior offensive lineman2 & center2...+1 athletic huge upside tackle daniel mcmorris is listed as 6'6" but only 265 lbs...the 3 o-line texans recruited by mike bloesch (now back at north texas) are no longer with the football program (tyler knape & aiden newbill are still students working toward berkeley degrees & syris corley is back in texas)...with former stanford & briefly cal assistant line coach viane talamaivo now at alabama, coach famika "potty mouth" anae is now relying upon future head coach in waiting (haas biz ad grad) mike saffell & rising +2 athletic moani for player development

https://instagr.am/p/CySV45_LX_a
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

---

Some names for the moister folks to focus on when it comes to the oline for the future besides highly recruited McMorris:

Mike Klisiewicz
Justin Hasenhuetl

Shocky1 said:

---

Authentic Golden Bear

Welcome @qfromtheville to the #CalFamily#GoBears #NSD26 pic.twitter.com/PS0XsfHNxA

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) February 4, 2026

KAAAAABBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!

WELCOME arizona transfer +1 athletic cornerback/special teams standout 6' 190 lbs marquis groves-killebrew aka mgk from north cobb high school in atlanta...marquis got 1 year of eligibility after stops at texas a&m (outta high school), louisville & arizona

mgk is NOT a dumb azz, he wuz on the arizona college of humanities dean's list with distinction as an interdisciplinary studies major as a big 12 all academic honoree in 2025 along with being named to the acc all academic team in 2023

and yeah according to whoseurbabydaddyancestry.com, former minnesota twins homerun slugger harmon killebrew got "some" familial blood to the cali bears newest TAKER!!

Taking it back to the Summer of '69!

On this day in 1969, Harmon Killebrew won the American League MVP Award! pic.twitter.com/sCMR1aOCZZ

— Minnesota Twins (@Twins) November 12, 2025

^ the hair resemblance to mgk is clear as day!!



the university of california, berkeley=the #1 ranked rescue doggy dog school (for clean/healthy living) on planet earth

https://instagr.am/p/DSspPFOEu1L
^ benji & beauty are brother/sister (same moms/different dads)!!

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https://instagr.am/p/Db07f1VoCEq