https://instagr.am/p/DSf7_-6EuyZ
cal's monster class public service announcement: BEWARE of the loose lion (do NOT feed) at kahuku high school!!

https://instagr.am/p/DSgFhd9EgEZ
https://instagr.am/p/C8A_p26vxKE
how do smokeshow ponytails fit in helmets??#

Denied ❌@BlakePurchase and @jayden_limar combine for Oregon's first TD on a blocked punt since 2011!#GoDucks x @CFBPlayoff pic.twitter.com/gDd4o46cl3

— Oregon Football (@oregonfootball) December 21, 2025

^ have u evah seen a punter kick the ball into the azz of his teammate for a scoop & score touchdown for the opposing team??

oregon ducks 51
james madison dukes 34

look it's FUN during march madness when the gonzagas (with a 6 player rotation of ballers) upsets the kentuckys of the world but let's be ******* real here, coach saban is right that the non power 4 conferences like jmu & tulane don't belong in the college football playoffs

chesney is an innovative coach with the double passes & the fake field goal runs but if the bruins strategy for 2026 is his oregon state level mid major players trying to clear ucla admissions to materially improve the 2025 3-9 talent level this **** is NOT gonna work

it's the most wonderful time of the year in westworld, 10+ loss 2026 season is a real possibility, where's my underwear??


real talk: shocky NEVER wears underwear!!

8 clap#

Shocky1 said:

---

NEW: NC State starting RB Hollywood Smothers plans to enter the NCAA transfer portal, @Hayesfawcett3 reports.

Smother totaled 1,128 yards and 7 touchdowns this season. https://t.co/kSYG7dYADj pic.twitter.com/ykb3CLcQM1

— Transfer Portal (@TransferPortal) December 18, 2025

2026 acc opponent update: right now the monster got the roadie to nc state as the #2 toughest game on the bears schedule but potentially losing both rb1 (hollywood rushed for 939 yards in 2025) plus qb1 (is cj bailey gonna return to his hometown miami & take the hurricane bags??) would cause a reranking with the wolfpack's offensive taking some irreplaceable hits

with the brutal byu roadtrip gonzo now, the 2026 california golden bear season is shaping up to be ******* EPIC!!

what game(s) are u gonna attend in person (the bears need ur gameday energy)??#

---

funny hollywood story: so the north carolina state team is all boarded for the charter flight to florida for the bowl game but no rb1 on the plane...the coaches & even some of the players are calling/texting hollywood, no response

finally head coach doeren tells the pilots we gotta go, wheels up...somewhere over the atlantic ocean they get the news that hollywood is entering the transfer portal

Shocky1 said:

---

monster mailbag:

Dear Shockey,

How are you?

I am fine.

Look UCLA may have the worst offensive line in the history of college football in 2026 but make no mistake about it I've already offered Jaivian "the Jet" Thomas a $1,000,000 dismemberment and accidental death life insurance policy to protect his and Javona's best interests, got it??

And quit making FUN of James Madison you smelly azz dirty Berkeley hippie, see you on Saturday September 5, 2026 at a SOLD OUT Memorial Stadium!!

Bob Chesney
UCLA Head Football Coach


^ not gonna lie, this (at a cal basketball game back in the day) happens a lot to shocky for incomprehensible reasons

---

wut up bobby??

the monster es muy bueno, mucho gracias

ur team is a trash ******* clown show brah

don't be a dumb azz, bobby

shockey

https://instagr.am/p/DPQjzSVCNmZ

https://instagr.am/p/DSgzf5klJ2j

Hawaii's Liona Lefau gives back to his community out on the North Shore

The Texas defender was at Kahuku High School on Saturday for his 2nd annual football clinic@HawaiiNewsNow #hawaiisports #HNN pic.twitter.com/Sq0fSTLSNK

— Kyle Chinen (@KyleChinen) May 20, 2024

cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (for 50 year friendships)=summer of aloha love

Shocky1 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

how shocky got walked to his non existent car during high school, the following is a loosely edited transcript of a conversation in the outfield during stinson beach high school varsity baseball practice back in the day:

brusati (shocky's best friend): wait, tell me if i got this right, basically today at lunch in the cafeteria you asked the prettiest girl (a curvy brunette yoga female) in the school kathy toosher (name misspelled for privacy reasons, hers not mine) to go steady with you even tho we're freshmen and we don't got drivers licenses yet and she's a junior going out with senior star quarterback mitch delorenzo?

shocky (catching a pop fly): yeah that's pretty much it, bru

brusati (shaking his head in disbelief): did you even run this by your dad?

shocky: which one?

brusati (jogging to snag a foul ball by the gym): shocks, we don't even got cars, why would kathy toosher wanna go steady with you?

shocky: i got a 4.0 gpa, you and me are the only freshmen on varsity plus my mom told me my smile is beautiful since i got my braces off

brusati: but she's already going out with delo who drives a *****in' camaro

shocky (fielding a grounder and throwing a strike to the 2nd baseman): look bru, delo is a dumb azz, he got a 2.5 gpa which means the good schools like cal and stanford won't want him...he's gonna go to marin community college next year, he'll be the 4th string quarterback and quit and then he'll be a male dancer in san francisco getting touched by bi curious businessmen (this actually sorta played out that way)

brusati (obviously upset): shut up, shocky!...if delo hears what you just said your gonna get your azz kicked after practice in the parking lot!

shocky (slapping his glove): whatever

brusati (shaking his head again): honestly sometimes shocks i don't think you live on planet earth with the rest of us, your kinda crazy you know that right?

shocky (undeterred): hey bru, will your bro give me a ride home after practice?

postscript: bumped into kathy a few years later & we laughed about my crush on her and she tole me with kinda misty eyes that she regrets her decision...tole her as we hugged "life is not linear"

---

---

https://instagr.am/p/DCaDIGGze0g
back in the day when shocky wuz 8 years old his tiger moms made him take piano lessons which resulted in a saturday afternoon recital/concert at dominican college

so wearing a button down shirt & some uncomfortable dress shoes shocky gets to the piano up on the stage of the music/theatre auditorium with bright lights and blanks out, can't even remember any of the notes of "mission impossible"

**** me

my teacher mrs conklin comes up onto the stage & together we kinda play the music and everybody claps but shocky feels terrible for choking

my moms tole me i did great but shocky don't believe her, he's not a dumb azz

how many people wuz in the penguins auditorium??

about as many people at haas pavilion tonite

maybe mrs conklin should shoot some 3 pointers or something for the bears

The California Golden Bears take the floor at Haas Pavilion in search of a 9-1 record against fellow Bay Area school in Dominican pic.twitter.com/6jQFUsJaT0

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) December 10, 2025

---

https://instagr.am/p/DSasyCvFnP9
thank you mrs conklin!!

https://instagr.am/p/BrHkRbJAvrM
"low quality pic with high quality people!!"

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on every island in the pacific ocean

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of of the bearinsider.com

Here ya go!

https://instagr.am/p/DSis2Z1EpGl
real talk: the ratio of males to females at this bbq no es bueno, ay caramba!!#

https://instagr.am/p/C55P-dPOMtN

https://instagr.am/p/DSjL0RZAPXv
usc trojans 61
california golden bears 57

great experience for the bears (8-5) playing at chase arena against the 19th ranked trojans but 20 of 30 free throws along with 18 turnovers wuz the difference but no mistake about it my old pal lindsay gottlieb knows how to connect all the dots & is gonna win a national championship sooner than later!!

fight on (with air pollution)#

Kentucky is expected to hire Cal’s Allen Brown as cornerbacks coach, sources tell me and @bmarcello.

Before Cal, was cornerbacks coach at Washington State and an analyst at Florida. Helped Cal rank seventh nationally in fewest touchdown passes allowed this season. pic.twitter.com/bXmEUuzGVf

— Matt Zenitz (@mzenitz) December 22, 2025

cal coaching staff update:

allen brown wuz a big part of getting TAKERS to the national football league & will be an asset to the kentucky football program

with respects to potentially hiring a full time special teams coach, lupoi would need to reduce the # of coaches in either the defensive back or linebacker rooms from two to one

the home run candidate for st kickboxing responsibilities would be former bear & current green bay packers special teams assistant byron storer whose time in berkeley kinda overlapped with tosh


note: this is NOT byron storer or something

yeah monsterloseurazz.com is open for wagering (5 bucks minimum) re: the possibility of tosh hiring a full time special teams coach

https://instagr.am/p/DSi8SM_gbzu
https://instagr.am/p/DOaVIRSj-Hb


cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (including powerhouse st louis high school)

Oregon quarterback Dante Moore starts his press conference by giving credit to JMU and saying they deserve to be in the College Football Playoff. https://t.co/5QWdS2hwhG pic.twitter.com/ZVW4CsKeoV

— Bri Amaranthus (@BriAmaranthus) December 21, 2025

liar liar pants on fire (wut time does supercuts open on monday??)!!#

Shocky1 said:

---

https://instagr.am/p/DSi8SM_gbzu
https://instagr.am/p/DOaVIRSj-Hb


cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (including powerhouse st louis high school)

---

Granted this graphic makes the islands appear much closer than they actually are...but is it true that there's no ferry service at all between any of the Hawaiian Islands? The only way for most people to travel from one island to another is by air?

glenn, good swimmers with yoga/meditation practices like moani can easily make the swim between the islands with NO EFFORT & still have energy for dancing afterwards!!

https://instagr.am/p/lIvvJILRKn
nbfd#

did anybody bother to read the latest monthly bull**** note from worthless (both got bad attitudes & are lazy as ****) bureaucratic co athletic ****tards jay larsen & jennifer simon-o'neil??

both are paid just south of $500,000 to basically show up as "fans" on gamedays, wut a ******* waste of money, when is chancellor lyons gonna throw out the trash??

Cal QB Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele (3) warms up at Saint Louis with interim coach Nick Rolovich. pic.twitter.com/JKfE4VHxbB

— Brian McInnis (@Brian_McInnis) December 21, 2025

It’s Cal’s Rolo and Jaron ready for Wednesday’s @HawaiiBowl pic.twitter.com/nIIDUiwBNp

— Stephen Tsai (@StephenTsai) December 22, 2025

this is cal football (r u open to the truth at cal's monster class??)#

Cal is retaining Marshall Cherrington as its assistant general manager, sources tell @On3sports.

Was Director of Player Personnel for the last four seasons and helped bring QB Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele to Berkley.https://t.co/H7F38Gq0YL pic.twitter.com/QonDBapeyi

— Pete Nakos (@PeteNakos) December 22, 2025

CONGRATS to marshall for this cal's monster class advocated KEY staff retention/promotion (to assistant general manager, will be ron's future gm in training) but cherrington (in conjunction with longwell & wilcox) got a major weakness in his evaluation tool kit when it comes to kickers & punters which cost the bears a lotta games (including 3 in 2024) in recent seasons

and that's why tosh needs to hire a full time special teams coach like byron storer to make these personnel evaluations/decisions, faking it is NOT the solution

🏆FG Comp Winner ~ 2027 @mikey_barth

• 6/6 - winning ball 61 yds pic.twitter.com/GKTnGEqJSB

— Rausch Kicking (@steverausch17) December 16, 2025

ZERO communication from marshall cherrington and/or special teams assistant michael frisina to arguably the top kicker in the 2027 class 4.0 gpa mikey barth from basha high school (chandler arizona) whose dad is a former asu kicker & his uncle former bear hunter despite the monster (and a bearent) sending cherrington his prospect information

https://instagr.am/p/DP-cJ51Dr3O
this kinda stupid **** is how an all american kicker who wuz seeking admission into the haas biz school (there are ZERO bears in the b-school right now) is reneged upon a promised scholly (despite shocky getting involved at the parent's behalf & tryna broker a deal with the staff) & ends up splitting the uprights at ucla while the bears lose games due to missed field goals



fafo (stfu shocky)#

Cal interim head coach Nick Rolovich on his favorite Timmy Chang memory back when they were #HawaiiFB teammates. pic.twitter.com/sgj65slVYx

— Christian Shimabuku (@c_shimabuku) December 22, 2025

kinda glad the 2 head coaches memories of each other don't include stealing surfboards at the royal hawaiian back in the day!!

Cal QB Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele explained how he grew up idolizing Bears interim HC Nick Rolovich and Hawai‘i HC Timmy Chang for their stardom as QBs.

Rolo gave JKS an elbow after the freshman said, “Obviously, they played before I was born.” pic.twitter.com/4rXt0V35m1

— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) December 22, 2025

rolo is morphing into wilcox, blah blah blah coachspeak blah blah blah (but still gotta strong right elbow to keep the young ones in line)#

HongKong_Bear said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

https://instagr.am/p/DSi8SM_gbzu
https://instagr.am/p/DOaVIRSj-Hb


cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (including powerhouse st louis high school)

---

Granted this graphic makes the islands appear much closer than they actually are...but is it true that there's no ferry service at all between any of the Hawaiian Islands? The only way for most people to travel from one island to another is by air?

---

There have been two attempts at a interisland ferry service, the most recent, the Superferry, was launched by a friend of mine (even though he's a Furd) in 2003 and went defunct in 2009. Issues include the expense of building vessels in the U.S. to comply with the Jones Act, the distance and 3 hour trip and really bad sea conditions in the channels (seasickness), ILWU union issues if moving freight so requiring trucks to have drivers ride along, the humpback whale sanctuary off Maui, invasive species concerns, regulatory opposition from Young Brothers, the interisland ocean freight monopoly who also funded "environmental activists" to blockade Kahului (Maui) and Nawliliwili (Kaua'i) harbors on surfboards….. it is just not as practical as a Hawaiian Airlines flight taking just 30 minutes between islands with a flight leaving every 30 minutes. Easy to fly to another island for meetings and be back in time for dinner. And tug and barge is an efficient way to move freight between the islands. Barge loads all day in Honolulu, departs at 6:00 pm and arrives in Kahului first light the next morning when the trade winds are at their minimum.

Shocky1 said:

---

Source: Cal is set to hire Keith Bhonapha as running backs coach. Bhonapha grew up near Cal in Oakland and has coached RBs at Michigan State, Oregon State, Boise State and Washington. pic.twitter.com/DhscG6phO6

— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) December 18, 2025

KABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

real talk: massive addition to the staff in coaching up (catching the ball will be a point of focus) the running back room with a track record of NFL development and future recruiting the islands (hawaii grad with rolo back in the day) along with trusting relationships with both berkeley student athletes & their bearent(s)!!

WELCOME back to oaktown (the home of the jet), keith!!

---

https://instagr.am/p/DSlo1HOlLyM

https://instagr.am/p/DSlm04bFKHo
https://instagr.am/p/DLs8lncMnck
home is where the heart is (for the humble 3.75 gpa FAITH based lefty from ewa beach)#

https://instagr.am/p/DSlp-5GiZ39
^ fun fact: esaiah wong, tainmane purcell & kamo'i huihui-white are insane flame dancers!!

https://instagr.am/p/CxR2EFILDw-
the future of cal football (needs a focused marketing campaign targeting a much younger fanbase)#

https://instagr.am/p/DSjYxuukSrZ
https://instagr.am/p/Ce68RmyvS3V
real talk: some par 3s (high maintenance blondes) are tougher than other par 3s (low key curvy brunette yoga females)

https://instagr.am/p/DSfOLLjDGrE
throw me another ball, brah#

https://instagr.am/p/DSS2jiuCUk1

https://instagr.am/p/DSl-MRlkTVT
the legoland of the 9th island (right mimi??)#

Three schools are standing out for 4-star LB Toa Satele, @adamgorney reports 👀

Read: https://t.co/dGlQbgsF3P pic.twitter.com/yN0w5ap5ll

— Rivals (@Rivals) December 12, 2025

2027 cal football recruiting update:

the #1 ranked player in the 2027 hawaii class 6'3" 205 lbs +2 athletic samson toa satele from mililani high school (in the middle of oahu just south of the underrated schoefield barracks golf course) got a final 3 (usc & oregon are stacking 3 deep elite talent while cal is targeting day 1 starters) & is looking at a spring announcement

Blessed to be a Four Star and no.1 in the State of the Class of 2027! #ag2g #tyj @BrandonHuffman @GregBiggins @247Sports @satele64 pic.twitter.com/edcZBhXnVH

— Samson TOA Satele (@SamsonSateleII) April 25, 2025

toa is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.5 gpa

cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island=the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD (got it, lupoi or do u need the chancellor to explain it again??)

https://instagr.am/p/DSgK4jDkj5R
name this current california golden bear??

z, to be honest with u this don't look like charlie berridge at all cuz he's too afraid to stand on a scary azz rock or go into nyc but it do look a lot like freshman callixte alzas or something, rite??

https://instagr.am/p/DNaQpK7N-C0
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including france for those that wanna develop their games in year round ideal cali golfing weather for future ryder cup battles)

NEW: Syracuse RB Yasin Willis plans to enter the NCAA transfer portal.

Willis was the Cuse leading rusher this season. https://t.co/4FqKpHcyLk pic.twitter.com/7Dg6nzFzcd

— Transfer Portal (@TransferPortal) December 23, 2025

MAJOR cal's monster class 2026 schedule announcement:

with the current syracuse qb1 crisis coupled with this potential transfer of the orange's rb1 shocky is seriously considering flipping the current difficulty ranking of #10 for the syracuse game (only hesitating because it's gonna be played this fall in up state new york) with the #11 ucla game (home opener on saturday september 5th at hopefully a SOLD OUT memorial stadium)

anybody got any strong opinions re: the monster's current 1 thru 12 ranking of the 2026 schedule in terms of difficulty??

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of of the bearinsider.com

Once the dates come out, we may want to account for byes. Hopefully we will handle byes well with the new staff.

Shocky - what are your thoughts now on UCLA given recent developments. Nico will be back for them and it looks like they will be getting some of JMU's oline to come as well. They also just hired a GM who had success at Oregon St and at least success in 2023 at FSU.

OFFICIAL: UCLA Hires General Manager Darrick Yray

📰: https://t.co/3VSnLUBf0J #GoBruins | @dyray22 pic.twitter.com/urIlXTaVcK

— UCLA Football (@UCLAFootball) December 23, 2025

goofy, actuarially speaking byes are a tricky proposition to project particularly from an analytics perspective when the byes are contested at a neutral site, got it??

econ, agreed ucla is on an upswing with chesney as the head coach who is a huge upgrade over foster..shocky thinks just resigned qb1 nico is a self absorbed head case with +1 athletic downfield running threat capabilities (which will require an all american spy game from cade without him getting gassed like he did in the 4th quarter vs miami) who walked out on his last team at tennessee that will get seriously injured behind the current worst o-line in the p4 conferences...the good news is that the bruins fanbase is enthused right now which should help drive tix sales for a hopefully SOLD OUT season opener for both uc programs at memorial stadium on the labor day weekend of saturday september 5, 2026

darrick yray has overseen the collapse of the florida state football program the last 2 seasons (7-17 record) & it's doubtful any of the noles 2.5 gpa ballers that lack any interest in reading books & **** are even interested in transferring across the country to the left coast

yeah the monster is NOT on the ucla party bus with the scary azz lack of returning talent in westwood coupled with the unknown talent & admissions outcomes of the projected 15 mid major james madison transfers playing big 10 football in 2026

https://instagr.am/p/DPZUKuHE3HH

At the very least, UCLA freshmen attending the game will realize the grave mistake they made by not studying harder to get into Cal when they walk into our beautiful stadium on our beautiful campus and then compare that to their first home game.