2023 california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake class (mr spieker not amused):

doechii, why don't you introduce the 2023 yucky blucky fruitcake signees to the class?

shocky schulz, substitute yoga teacher (3.92 gpa haas biz school, phi beta kappa gold key honors)
trevonte sylvester, offensive tackle (3.2 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquise montgomery, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (3.1 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
javian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, athlete (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.8 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)

all 35 of these 2023 scholly recipients are beating the statistics, **** the opinions and all the logisitics



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world

don't forget to take the chicken out#

scholly roster math=35 new players=35 departures

tilden park rollercoaster (buckle up, baby)#

Congratulations to the Class of 2023!#GoBears | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/olm1IR5u5M

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 13, 2023

marshall, when r u gonna update ur graphics to reflect that cal is the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD?

also this is a 50 year decision (not a 40 year deal) unless u got life expectancy actuarial tables that suggest our bears r not gonna live full lives on a beach in ibiza or something

Congrats to all our grads today!!! BIG TIME degree in hand that will be with you for the rest of your life 🎓🐻 #GoBears #40YearDecision pic.twitter.com/DY6Jy2BSXy

— Marshall Cherrington (@MWCherrington) May 13, 2023

bears r good swimmers (floaties r for little kids)#

me too!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including ibiza)

Just a bunch of Berkeley grads 👨‍🎓#GoBears pic.twitter.com/A2wDaVMTia

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 13, 2023

50 year friendships (brothers from different mothers)#

“I am grateful for all of the academic and athletic achievements that Cal has provided me over the four years I’ve been here. I will cherish the friends and experiences I have gained along the way. Go Bears!”@Brayden7475 | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/1qPCwdgNqA

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 11, 2023

the leadership of cal's monster offensive line (focused & articulate)#

“I can do anything I want but I don’t want to lose. Big blessings, Go Bears”@Myles6ixJ_ | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/oBLoa9W9gW

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 12, 2023

2023 apex predator edge defender 1st team all pac 12/nfl draft boards riser#

Shocky1 said:

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trading their berkeley degrees (which can be used to build generational wealth) for what???

Blessed to receive an offer from Minot State @Coach_MikeBruno @coachshields @MSUBeaversFB pic.twitter.com/3aZblVd7D5

— Aidan Lee (@lee_leeaidan) April 27, 2023

note: aiden one academic year away from a berkeley degree

excited to share i have received an offer to Sac State ! wanna give a huge thanks Coach Thompson , @Allen_Perryman , and @CoachCherokee for this incredible opportunity ! #StingersUp 🐝 pic.twitter.com/SiYYFBOzVn

— Kaleb Higgins (@kk_higgins) May 8, 2023

note: kaleb halfway done academically to a berkeley degree

Offered ‼️ pic.twitter.com/HCYh5uoPJ9

— Chris Street (@christreet527) January 6, 2023

note: this wuz posted 5 months ago, likely not an actionable offer...chris got 3 years of academic work in the books in berkeley

pic.twitter.com/zMXUdk0iXR

— Fatuvalu Iosefa (@fatuvalu) April 25, 2023

note: no offers reported on fatu's twitter feed

Blitz Pick Up pic.twitter.com/qvayckgIv4

— 🙏🏾 (@mckyle_sooto) May 4, 2023

note: no offers reported on mckyle's twitter feed

Live look @ThePortalReport after 60 straight days of “heard from” lists… pic.twitter.com/XwFooHt0ZM

— Samurai Hoops (@samurai_hoops) May 12, 2023

where r the adults/mentors?#

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MINOT STATE BEAVER INTENSIFIES!!!!

125 YEAR DECISION!!!! NCAA DII LIFE!!! NOBODY CAN LICK OUR BEAVERS!!!

“A decision I won’t regret, Cal has taught me a lot… now BeauxKneauxz” @b_tagaloa | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/O7sX1cDAOR

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 13, 2023

it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's beaux the fullback!#

“From DTX to the Bay, it’s all love. Go Bears Forever!”@_CraigWoodson | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/KZQ745UBsN

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 12, 2023

the takers next nfl draft choice, upholding the legacy, calveston grad#

“Very fortunate to have graduated from this prestigious institution. I am thankful for my brothers I have met along the way. This experience has made me into a better man. Rest in Peace Coach Maberry and Antonio Stinson.”@Miles_Williams2 | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/VZ0IXyo7Kt

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 11, 2023

future ford agency male model/calveston grad#

“Being born and raised in the Bay Area, I’m incredibly blessed to be graduating from Cal. Grateful to have been able to play on the field and learn at one of the most prestigious schools in the world. Go Bears”@Dooneeey | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/y693weQA3b

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 12, 2023

Thankful for 2022 pic.twitter.com/spzFQxPZp4

— Darius Long (@Dooneeey) January 1, 2023

talk about beating the statistics, **** the opinions & the logistics (the san mateo college fightin' benjis)

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/CrzJJvdrJEu
https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/computer-science/data-analytics-science

congrats to elite speedster wide receiver mason mangum graduating next saturday in a remarkable 3 and a half years with a degree in data science, yeah berkeley is the #1 ranked college in the united states for that major ahead of the massachusetts institute of technology & stanford

if mason decides to pursue his post grad elite educational aspirations in berkeley, he got the potential to be the MONSTER breakout player of the 2023 season

https://instagr.am/p/Cr7jtVcAo9L
speed kills (lack of speed kills too)#

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“Couldn’t have asked for a better place to learn and grow, thankful for every minute of it. Go Bears!”@MasonMangum | #CalGrad 🎓 pic.twitter.com/hTBHVcvK1O

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 13, 2023

the smartest bear of them all (along with cindo, hunter barth, fernando mendoza & dylan jemtegaard)#

To all of the amazing mothers, thank you for everything you do! 💛 pic.twitter.com/LztSlWn48q

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) May 14, 2023

First Mother’s Day 😊 I love these 2 so much. I’m treating them to a flight to Rochester, NY today! It’s like breakfast in bed but instead of that we’re in the sky and there’s no bed and we’re with a bunch of strangers, just how she always imagined this day would go 💙 pic.twitter.com/VA91gr2vZW

— max homa (@maxhoma23) May 14, 2023

2023 pga championship at oak hill east (upstate new york)#

https://instagr.am/p/CZMr92Aujcl
my daughter taylor just called me on her morning walk (she misses our epic mountain hikes with them doggys) from soho to madison avenue to work to let me know about her 1st date with a young wall streeter, they went to the harvard club of new york city (a not so subtle flex on his part imo) & he gave her a tour (which she loved) while they discussed books (a passion of hers, she's a daddy's girl) & favorite literary authors

t explained to me that's the difference between dating in the valley of the sun & manhattan...here a typical date is with a former asu athlete who's kinda still sponging off his parent's $ who works for some unclear kinda biz but also does personal training on the side along with sports book betting on pro sports & still likes to do hook ups in old town on friday nights & go to pool parties at the valley ho on sundays for even more drinking

yeah it's true, curvy brunette yoga females from academically mediocre schools like asu wanna date & marry cal, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real ******* world that unremorsefully favors the well educated & intellectual capitalism

hold my wrist, sweetie & then let's storm the floor together at the #1 ranked public university in the world, ok?





don't be a dumb azz (r u on track with ur berkeley degree?)#

First of all I want to thank the coaches at The University of Cal for giving me the opportunity to be apart of their program, but with further thinking along the way I have decided to Decommit.

— Trevonte Sylvester (@TrevonteSylves1) May 15, 2023

one less monster in the room#

Shocky1 said:

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First of all I want to thank the coaches at The University of Cal for giving me the opportunity to be apart of their program, but with further thinking along the way I have decided to Decommit.

— Trevonte Sylvester (@TrevonteSylves1) May 15, 2023

one less monster in the room#

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Our lines are in shambles with no depth and limited talent. Sorry but bet the under for this team

SBGold said:

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Shocky1 said:

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First of all I want to thank the coaches at The University of Cal for giving me the opportunity to be apart of their program, but with further thinking along the way I have decided to Decommit.

— Trevonte Sylvester (@TrevonteSylves1) May 15, 2023

one less monster in the room#

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Our lines are in shambles with no depth and limited talent. Sorry but bet the under for this team

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mo money, mo money, MO MONEY

Why announce commitments if they're not binding? Also, why waste time money and energy recruiting guys at all? Seems like the better strategy is to let other schools do the hard work of identifying and recruiting talent, and then chase those guys with a few extra dollars.

bearsandgiants said:

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Why announce commitments if they're not binding? Also, why waste time money and energy recruiting guys at all? Seems like the better strategy is to let other schools do the hard work of identifying and recruiting talent, and then chase those guys with a few extra dollars.

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I believe that's what we had done with Sylvester, right?

Oakbear said:

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SBGold said:

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Shocky1 said:

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First of all I want to thank the coaches at The University of Cal for giving me the opportunity to be apart of their program, but with further thinking along the way I have decided to Decommit.

— Trevonte Sylvester (@TrevonteSylves1) May 15, 2023

one less monster in the room#

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Our lines are in shambles with no depth and limited talent. Sorry but bet the under for this team

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mo money, mo money, MO MONEY

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It wasn't about the money.

Rationale in this particular case aside, why again is anyone here expecting positives from this program? In his X weeks at Cal, Madsen has shown more life, energy and resolve than the cardboard cut out you call a football coach has in X years. MM may turn out to be a nothing, but his football counterpart has proven himself to be that a thousand times over....Again, if you're expecting anything but further slippage into the quicksand, you're deluded.

EDIT post reading why this particular recruit is going away. The tag team between sallow, twitchy head coach and both athletic and non-atheltic administrators at Cal means every dollar you invest in this program would be better spent on cigarettes and pork rinds. In fact, an Export A and a cheech-a-rone sound pretty good right now.

xultaif said:

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Shocky1 said:

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news flash: regon & washington do not have big 10 offers & are not leaving the pac 12 conference

so who is the person behind the big 12's misinformation campaign that comes up with fake news that's repeated (with payments to him) by brett mcmurphy re: the demise of the pac 12?

that would be one of the most alpha bad azz *****es on earth, meet karen brodkin who rivals the iraqi minister of information for making **** up, compounding problems is that brodkin wuz passed over for the pac 12 commissioner job in the last recruitment, she got zero ethics/moral compass

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Cal State Berkeley's very own?? What's the angle here?

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x-man, she gets paid a lotta money by endeavor to engage in corporate misinformation/espionage by creating fake twitter accounts (run by her), creating fake "fan" profiles on sports message boards (particularly the arizona & colorado boards) & buying unethical journalists (brett mcmurphy is the most obvious paid hack, none of his pac 12 "news" has come to fruition) to print pro big 12 (her client, brett yormak, the commissioner) anti pac 12 fake news

that's public relations in 2023, it works both ways...asu's major donor/nil facilitator & golf buddy mr silverleaf sun angel is particularly knowledge re: her pr work

trust me, karen brodkin don't got a yoga/meditation practice