cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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11:34p, 11/16/23
Quote:

left to right, devin "cool as **** shades" askew, jaylon "nba body w/7 assists" tyson, jalen "range to midcourt" cone, fardaws "luxury watches r tacky as ****" & jalen "let it fly" celestine

wow, this wuz a significant step forward in ball movement, unselfishly sharing the ball with one another passing up good shots for great shots (devin wuz particularly noticeable in this regards) which resulted in 15 moneyballs from behind the line...this bears team is exciting to watch & could potentially lead the pac 12 in 3 point shooting in 2023

defensively, that's a whole different story, no es bueno...daws (fouled out) & jalen (got more burned by kaleb higgins more than a george foreman grill in the 1st half, no steals on the nite) are realistically the worst defenders in the pac 12 at this time...it's pretty obvious that they did not focus on playing high intensity/embracing fundamentally sound d at their last schools, hopefully mad dog will be able to get thru to them in developing them defensively...right now there's zero chance they gonna get paid at the next level with their ineffective candy azz soft d that is a ****show of reaching with their hands, not moving their feet & low basketball iq anticipation of wut's gonna happen next

yeah daws & jalen play d like 16 year old aau "stars" in the summer circuit...and let's be real here, as grad cert students they got a fraction of the academic work of their teammates earning undergraduate berkeley degrees, they got ZERO excuses

championship basketball starts on the defensive end of the court#
deja vu all over again but this time against a better basketball team than pacific which resulted in the loss to montana state

real talk: daws (brandon walker lit him up for 26 points) & jalen (no steals again) are ineffective defenders at this point in their careers, mixing up more zone d schemes might be necessary

jaylon is an alpha predator with 27 points but 8 turnovers no es bueno

attendance: 2638 (markeisha crushing it)#
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In reply to Shocky1 • 7:13a, 11/17/23
Shocky1 said:
^^ hare the reality is that there's no way driscoll is ever gonna let go off that football, ok?

plus the party at the louvre is getting risky, we made it thru the hurricane

https://instagr.am/p/B9SOe4njett
let's be real here hare, cal fans from around the world on planet earth including those at the louvre are already practicing their stormin' the field in preparation for tomorrow's big game in palo alto...look, this linear line for these kinda hungry looking females is kinda rigid but that's ok, this thread is a judgment free safe zone for those that love the magic of cal football & basketball (and golf too)

shocky's purple (its not fuschia) stormin' the floor celebrations include flapping his t-rex arms like an angry seagull at fisherman's wharf & jumping up & down with a 7 inch vertical jump...plz note whose the 1st fan to reach the epicenter of the universe at center court & no doubt ima gonna bring a lot more quick twitch +1 athleticism now thx to modern yoga & also don't forget bring a lotta bail money to palo alto, ok?



watching cal sports on tv is for losers (get off ur azz & live/celebrate a little bit)#

ps benji aka scrappy doo, beauty & misty mae also getting ready jumping over rocks & **** on our morning daddy/doggy hike up the mountain this morning with our lucky leashes

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7:26a, 11/17/23
wut's the best part of the usc celebration video?

watch very carefully at the 32 second mark coach tracy webster (wearing a dark suit) do the HAPPY DANCE all by himself at center court by the scorer's table

https://instagr.am/p/BE9F0k-h0uQ

benji aka scrappy doo 100% endorses the HAPPY DANCE 24/7/365 (sigh, take a nap, doggy)#
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7:36a, 11/17/23


monster stormin' the field/court/yoga studio tip #269:

shocky recommends eating a well rounded balanced pre game meal that includes pasta carbs for energy, a 32 oz green drink for overall great health & if ur a good doggy maybe a single sprinkles chocolate cupcake with glitter on top outta the late nite vending machine on scottsdale road by fashion square

a flat belly is sexy as **** (and a catalyst for ensuring gameday bedlam)#
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Econ141
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7:59a, 11/17/23
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Shocky1
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8:29a, 11/17/23
^ on point, shocky (who attended stanford between his jr & sr years at stinson beach high school & lived in the branner hall dorm (with late nite showers with a curvy brunette yoga female from the jersey shore) for a fun summer does not hate stanford at all, they are one of the GREAT universities in the world along with harvard, cambridge & the #1 ranked public university in the world

and the reality is that condoleezza rice (cypress point & augusta national member) along with notre dame jack swarbrick wuz the benevolent facilitators that got cal into the acc while the 78 year well intentioned but clueless chancellor & her dumb as **** athletic director ate popcorn on the sidelines

the monster is gonna root for the cards & irish in every game in that both elite academic institutions embody the high academic ideals of college athletics along with the bears EXCEPT when we meet on the field/court

yeah my favorite stanford grad is k flay



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1:36p, 11/17/23

some weird azz **** going on down at the farm (100% incoherent)#
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Big C
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In reply to Shocky1 • 1:45p, 11/17/23
Shocky1 said:
^ on point, shocky (who attended stanford between his jr & sr years at stinson beach high school & lived in the branner hall dorm (with late nite showers with a curvy brunette yoga female from the jersey shore) for a fun summer does not hate stanford at all, they are one of the GREAT universities in the world along with harvard, cambridge & the #1 ranked public university in the world

and the reality is that condoleezza rice (cypress point & augusta national member) along with notre dame jack swarbrick wuz the benevolent facilitators that got cal into the acc while the 78 year well intentioned but clueless chancellor & her dumb as **** athletic director ate popcorn on the sidelines

the monster is gonna root for the cards & irish in every game in that both elite academic institutions embody the high academic ideals of college athletics along with the bears EXCEPT when we meet on the field/court

yeah my favorite stanford grad is k flay




Dear Shocky,

Happy Big Game Week! There is personal hatred and then there is "rivalry hatred". If you can't muster up some of the latter this week, then I just don't know about you.

I would never personally hate people just because they went to a different school. After all, effete private-school wimpy snobs are human beings, just like us.

Go Bears!
Big C
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1:46p, 11/17/23
cal fans who don't got tix(s) to the big game: do not let the fake "sold out" news stop u from attending tomorrow's 3:30 pm kick off, ok?

there will be plenty of online tixs & scalper tixs reasonably priced available outside the stadium

the fun factor of stormin' the field in palo alto: priceless (epic memories of a lifetime)

let's roll baby, get ur gas in the car tonite in prep for tomorrow's roadtrip, life is an adventure

it's a shame this important attendance advice is not being tole to u by the current athletic director but he's kinda busy rite now checking the colorado springs real estate marketplace this friday afternoon for his primary biz of house flipping
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1:48p, 11/17/23
dear big c,

how r u?

i am fine

john elway got bad teeth, he look kinda like a whiny azz drunk azz mule...once played a summertime round with elway (who rode in a golf cart while shocky walked) in couer d'alene (he's a member at black rock, neighboring gozzer ranch is a significantly better golf course) & found him to be self absorbed with not a lotta interests outside of sports & oblivious to the fact that there are a lotta guys like me who got zero ******* interest in the national football league

**** the cards

shocky

paws up#
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2:41p, 11/17/23

pressuring the qb (the difference between winning & losing football games)#
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5:07p, 11/17/23
fun compatibility/personality quiz brought to u by cal's monster class & ur alma mater:

*****do u smile a lot or do u got a resting ***** face?
https://instagr.am/p/B0t0aGUFWqU
*****do u think benji aka scrappy doo is more huggable or buggable?...do u like/luv doggys more than most human beings?...promiscuity (s****s) weeding out question: have u kissed more dudes than doggys in ur life?


*****do u got good eyelashes?...r u over 5'9"?


*****do u got a yoga/meditation practice?...is ur favorite pose doggy style? (shut up, shocky)


*****if u got a yoga/meditation practice, r u willing to post up at anytime/anywhere?...not wearing any underwear is never a legit excuse


*****do u basically live each day in anticipation of someday stormin' the field/court/yoga studio?

*****r u wanted in 2 states, can't move wrong?...do you stand on 10 paws?


*****do think cal can win national championships?...r u kinda crazy as ****?


*****do u think the sofa king should take so many naps?
https://instagr.am/p/CgNJnEuvtpf
*****do u hate the *****es & hoes that hate u the most?
https://instagr.am/p/BG2c9tghHcW
*****do u eat kinda clean & drink 32 oz green drinks?...do the staff at the local mickey d know u by name?


*****do u think golf carts r for losers & r u adaptive to time zones all around planet earth in shocky's playing the world top 100 golf courses?
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx


shocky's alma mater (is the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD)#
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7:35p, 11/17/23

r u gonna be there?#
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7:38p, 11/17/23

3.4 gpa university of calveston commit#
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8:07p, 11/17/23

california golden bears: 67
auburn tigers: 53

arguably the biggest out of conference win during the coach charmin era on the road in sec country, the bears are now 4-0 & play florida a&m on monday in tallahassee

my favorite cal hooper (on either mens or womens team) michelle onyiah dominated the boards with an unreal 19 rebounds, 2 blocks, 2 steals along with zero turnovers & only 3 fouls...michelle is an unreal +1 athletic dominant force & when she's on her game the bears can literally compete with anybody

hoop dream's favorite bear/the energizer bunny leilani mcintosh scored 19 points on an efficient 7-16 field goals & 5-6 free throws but more importantly controlled the ball against the auburn pressure en route to 6 assists...how does the 5'3" smallest player on the floor snare 8 boards?...yeah the filipina gotta lotta heart

6'3" tennessee transfer (left the volunteers during the 2nd half of last season to be with her moms in oviedo spain dying of cancer) marta suarez returned to the sec & played the game of her life with 27 points on 9 of 19 fields goals & 5 of 9 3 pointers...her shooting stroke from distance is pure moneybags with ice in her veins

kemery martin plays bad azz defense & unselfishly shares the ball on offense, she got 9 points & zero tunrovers

6'1" guard (smith has wisely recruited taller guards with length, the mini guards held back the trajectory of the program for multiple years) gonzaga transfer mckayla williams also played physical d & hit the boards for a critical 7 rebounds

these 5 starters scored 65 of the 67 points with mia mastrov adding a bucket & playing high energy d with length in the passing lanes

all of this wuz accomplished without leading scorer 15 ppg usf transfer ioanna krimill from greece

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Big C
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:03p, 11/17/23
Shocky1 said:
dear big c,

how r u?

i am fine

john elway got bad teeth, he look kinda like a whiny azz drunk azz mule...once played a summertime round with elway (who rode in a golf cart while shocky walked) in couer d'alene (he's a member at black rock, neighboring gozzer ranch is a significantly better golf course) & found him to be self absorbed with not a lotta interests outside of sports & oblivious to the fact that there are a lotta guys like me who got zero ******* interest in the national football league

**** the cards

shocky

paws up#

THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!! See you at the game. Go Bears!
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2:03a, 11/18/23




shocky's alma mater (**** balenciaga)#
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3:19a, 11/18/23
2024s cal defensive back commit dayton aupiu & key targeted cal's monster offensive line high priority prospect kalolo ta'aga are visiting arizona this weekend for the utah game

just so no to truck stop skool academics#
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3:46a, 11/18/23
ucla update: inside backer femi oladejo has publicly commented about the division within the bruins football program & wipeout j mike (28 receptions for 428 yards in westwood vs 65 receptions for 755 yards in berkeley) whose nfl draft stock is plummeting (lack of development with running disciplined routes) are likely to not be returning to ucla in 2024 & entering the transfer portal (if they can be eligible for a 2nd transfer)

wasserman is right (retain the unlikeable arrogant chipster, he hasn't "lost" the team)#
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3:51a, 11/18/23
hybrid running back/defensive lineman ashton hayes & his moms blew up on the field this season in reno rushing for 102 yards on 30 carries

yeah trading that degree from the #1 ranked public university in the world for that highly regarded nevada double major in slot machine repair technology & escort management wuz in retrospect a smart 50 year decision
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3:59a, 11/18/23
kai milner is the 2nd string qb in flagstaff, keleki latu caught 14 passes at te this season in reno & chris street is the back up rb at the harvard of the wasatch mountains utah tech
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:06a, 11/18/23


Shocky1 said:

california golden bears: 67
auburn tigers: 53

arguably the biggest out of conference win during the coach charmin era on the road in sec country, the bears are now 4-0 & play florida a&m on monday in tallahassee

my favorite cal hooper (on either mens or womens team) michelle onyiah dominated the boards with an unreal 19 rebounds, 2 blocks, 2 steals along with zero turnovers & only 3 fouls...michelle is an unreal +1 athletic dominant force & when she's on her game the bears can literally compete with anybody

hoop dream's favorite bear/the energizer bunny leilani mcintosh scored 19 points on an efficient 7-16 field goals & 5-6 free throws but more importantly controlled the ball against the auburn pressure en route to 6 assists...how does the 5'3" smallest player on the floor snare 8 boards?...yeah the filipina gotta lotta heart

6'3" tennessee transfer (left the volunteers during the 2nd half of last season to be with her moms in oviedo spain dying of cancer) marta suarez returned to the sec & played the game of her life with 27 points on 9 of 19 fields goals & 5 of 9 3 pointers...her shooting stroke from distance is pure moneybags with ice in her veins

kemery martin plays bad azz defense & unselfishly shares the ball on offense, she got 9 points & zero tunrovers

6'1" guard (smith has wisely recruited taller guards with length, the mini guards held back the trajectory of the program for multiple years) gonzaga transfer mckayla williams also played physical d & hit the boards for a critical 7 rebounds

these 5 starters scored 65 of the 67 points with mia mastrov adding a bucket & playing high energy d with length in the passing lanes

all of this wuz accomplished without leading scorer 15 ppg usf transfer ioanna krimill from greece


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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:47a, 11/18/23
Shocky1 said:

cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

coach bloesch has extended an offer to 6'5" 315 lbs keyshawn blackstock an offensive tackle from michigan state who played 74 snaps in the spartans first 4 games before entering the transfer portal yesterday morning

keyshawn wuz a junior college all american at coffeyville community college, he's a grad of newton high school in covington, georgia

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
keyshawn has taken official visits to both arkansas & north carolina state, he will be officially tripping to asu this weekend

right now coach bloesch got 14 (that # needs to be rightsized to 15-16 keeping in the mind the maturation/development timelines necessary for the o-line) scholly trench workers with one 2024 high school commit in future starter tyler knape & multiple likely departures after the 2023 season

pounds for ground (will be active in the transfer portal when it reopens on december 4th)#
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8:56a, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/CzyvP3Wrxk7
wheels up with the remarkable barth family (southwest flight attendant actually tole me over the plane intercom to get outta the aisle & sit the **** down)#
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11:40a, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/ChqnZSpDWf1
que pasa, nando?

congrats on ur recent acceptance into the haas biz school, the #1 ranked undergraduate biz school in the united states of america including ibiiza...hope this isn't supposed to be a secret or something

anyways, ur doing a great job of foliowing in my footsteps as a future haas biz ad grad...we're kinda just like each other tho ur a 6'5" quarterback & ima maybe 5'9" future substitute yoga teacher

look, ima gonna be in miami after xmas for a couple of nights with my kids on the way to swim with the piggys in the bahamas, hit me up if you wanna join us for late nite dining at sexy fish, ok?

and here's the pro tip: don't order the 30 day old deep fried barracuda, it will mess u up

https://instagr.am/p/CzwgVG9rYzH
gulp#
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12:40p, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/CWLfHjarjjV
congrats to future acc protected rival smu on winning their 9th game (only losses to tcu & oklahoma) with their only impressive victory of the season today with a 38-34 road win at memphis (8-3)...the ponies defeated our only mutual opponent north texas 45-21 in dallas vs the bears 58-21 victory in denton

offensively smu is led by qb preston stone who reads defensive alignments well, works thru his progressions with a calm demeanor & is mobile tho not a running threat...stone throws a highly accurate catchable ball but his arm strength is average as his ball floats a bit, he's not the same calibre of the multiple nfl qbs that the bears faced this season

the wideouts are solid (with no superstars) & the running backs decent but not great...the offensive line will lose some starters after this season that will be out of eligibility

defensively the ponies gotta lotta grad transfers, will be interesting to see how they restock in the transfer portal this offseason...not a scary azz d with their bend don't break scheme, nando will able to put up numbers

yeah the acc roadtrip to dallas in 2024 will be a fun matchup against a well coached but beatable smu ponies
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12:53p, 11/18/23
ethan garbers is the starting qb for ucla today vs usc
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9:51p, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/Cz0FRh2Lc0z
with the final seconds winding down on a special nite for the ages shocky leaped from the stanford end zone fence (security wuz more lax than the cal end zone, this wuz the tactical strategy of an experienced storm trooper) & ran into the drizzy nite towards midfield thru the existing cardinals players & then posted up with a headstand on the stanford 50 yard logo

my yoga/meditation practice is making me kinda more emotional & kinda candy azz soft, while running thru the cali nite towards the unknowable blue light of the future i got a little misty with joy towards my alma mater



the magic of cal football (happy b-day, shocky, ur a dumb azz)#
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:06p, 11/18/23
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CinJIYorcYG
prayers up for the jet#
talked with my guy javian "the jet" thomas from oaktown during the celebration on the field, tole the jet how happy it made me see him healthy & smiling, we hugged it out

javian tole me he weighed 163 lbs at mack & that now he's 174 lbs, with the physical nature of next season's acc schedule thomas wants to ideally weigh between 185-190 lbs without losing any speed

one of the benefits of cal athletics is free dental work, javian got braces now & already got a beautiful smile that could lite up the bay bridge

in talking about gpas & academics javian tole me he just got his grades yesterday & that he did well (comfortably passed all of his classes) and that mack prepared him for the intellectual rigors of berkeley

he tole me he's not sure if he'll be cleared to play against ucla but that he's 100% gonna be doing magical stuff on the football field in the future

luv the jet & his unlimited future at the #1 ranked public university in the world
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10:16p, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/C0ALwQgSumG
future 2024 acc 1st teamer inside backer cade uluave got injured in the 1st half & dnp in the 2nd half which resulted in converted safety (wuz recruited by deruyter to play the star position) hunter barth starting the 2nd half with nate rutchena also getting snaps in the big game

during the field celebration cade emphatically tole me he's gonna be ready to play at the rose bowl next weekend against ucla, this guy is +1 athletic bad azz poly warrior who is very well spoken...he loves the bay area weather & is very appreciative of the opportunity he's been given (actually it's been earned) both on & off the field

yeah #27 paired with rising superstar kaleb alarms-orr is gonna form the best tandem of inside backers in the acc next season

the building of an elite d starts with strong inside backer play#
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10:31p, 11/18/23

cal's monster offensive line update:

during the field celebration visited with greyshirt nick morrow from flagstaff high school

tole nick that i saw him play as a senior when his team visited phx to play thunderbird high school (back in the day when shocky moved from the bay to the desert he lived in an apartment with ugly azz orange carpeting across 19th avenue from t-bird hs) & that the then tight end got more foot speed than anybody in coach bloesch's room which is a highly valued skillset

nick tole me he weighed 245 at the time of that game & the he weighed 280 lbs when he arrived as greyshirt in berkeley in january of 2023...right now the 6'8" mobile athlete tole me he weighs 310 lbs...he's not 100% sure wut weight coach bloesch wants him to play at this spring when he makes a legit move towards earning playing rotation snaps

morrow is an excellent student & comes from a highly competitive family of athletes, cal's monster offensive line got a future trench worker in the young man from grand canyon high school in scenic 7000 elevation coconut county
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10:43p, 11/18/23

cal's monster offensive line update:

got to visit with blue shirting juco transfer martin tine during the field celebration

martin tole that when he left houston for east los angeles community college that during his time in so cal his nutrition decisions & opportunities to eat healthy wuz limited & that he carried some bad weight in the 325+ lbs range

now he tole me he's 305 lbs & to be honest with u he looks like a chiseled nfl prospect at the combine...martin can't wait for 2024 spring ball to make his move, he prefers left tackle but either side is fine with tine if it gets him on the field



the university of calveston=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna trade in texas weather for cali sweater weather)
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10:57p, 11/18/23

cal's monster offensive line update:

after taking a dozen fotos with beaming little kids on the field got to visit with blueshirt true freshman frederick williams iii & his proud/congenial moms & sister

like his teammate nick morrow, fwiii played tight end in high school & got serious footspeed for a trench worker

frederick tole me he's built himself up to 285 lbs right now & is targeting 300 lbs for 2024 spring ball

this young man is very confident & looks you right in the eyes when he talks, that's just great parenting

pound for ground (got some serious talent waiting this season developing/waiting for their opportunity)#

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Shocky1
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11:21p, 11/18/23
https://instagr.am/p/B3ipY7SHlXi
cal's monster offensive line update:

what wuz the the most joyous player celebration of the 2023 season?

that would be when senior everett johnson got inserted into the game in the red zone at the cal fan end of the field...after he made a critical physical block to help facilitate jaydn ott's touchdown scamper, he did the happy dance with tj sessions that wuz PURE UNADULTERATED HAPPINESS

look, one of the reasons the most negative bears on this board like strykur are that way is because they don't actually go to the games in person & unfortunately television don't show those truly special moments of brotherhood that brightly illuminate the magic of cal football

everett tole me on the field that when coach bloesch inserted him into a heavy run package that he wuz ready for that moment in the big game

when I introduced myself to johnson & tole him ima shocky & that sometimes he kinda look like big foot, everett surprised me by picking me up & giving me a bear hug (this week has been a very good week for hugs for the monster)

luv this guy & hoping coach bloesch yells his # again in the red zone against them bruins



big foot (is real & smart/funny as ****)#
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Shocky1
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11:32p, 11/18/23

during the postgame epic celebration chatted with walk on quarterback belay brummel

tole belay that he wuz firing impressive high precision passes during warm ups, his throwing motion is quick twtich for which he sincerely thanked me with a big azz smile

brummel tole me that right now he's the #3 qb on the depth chart & when we talked about his need to gain solid lbs he told me wuz adopted so he's not totally sure wut's his ideal genetic weight might be

belay wuz surprised i knew his chicago gpa wuz 3.8 at wrigley stadium high school, we both laughed about that

wut's ur gpa? (shocky is gonna find out)#
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