cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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benny, both gameday & mikey got **** going on inside their heads that nobody on planet earth including their moms knows about but yeah they ripping off shocky in a candy azz soft somersault kinda way

just ask stinson beach high school grad jared goff...

Shocky1
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not exactly nobu malibu (forget the nasty azz yams & pumpkin stuffing, where's the miso soup chef??)#
Shocky1
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this is cal football (50 year friendships)#
Shocky1
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2025 grad transfer portal update: doms to smu??

https://instagr.am/p/DCuYnMYyg6X
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/CcGZW-0pwes
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

As a former ELITE worldwide fashion model with multiple online degrees, I am very proud to let you know that I'm the new Chancellor at SMU!!!!!! It's true, I interview really well!!

I really think your writing is very witty ("don't be a dumb azz, it's better to palm a tight azz") plus we both love doggy dogs, would you be willing to accept an Adjunk Professorship of Literature in addition to starting up our new Yoga/Meditation Master's Program? Realize that you're not credentialed yet as a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga but we can do a workaround on that minor issue.

Look, I realize you can play literally any golf course on Planet Earth with one phone call/email but would it help your decision making if I can arrange a FREE membership at Brook Hollow which has been faithfully restored by your favorite architects Coore & Crenshaw?

Shocky, working together we can make SMU GREAT AGAIN and in any case I'm looking forward to meeting you at your pregame FREE buffet at Buc-ee's on Saturday November 30th, is this a clothing optional event or not??

I will even confidentially whisper in your ear my GPA!!

Respectfully yours,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

P.S. > Agreed that clothes r for losers!!!
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine!!

Getting my nails done this morning at the Reverse Cowgirl Nail Saloon in Highland Park & thought you might be interested in my list of the TOP 3 people on planet earth that I would like to take a naked azz shower with in the very near future!!

1) Shocky, no big surprise there!!



2) Rickie Fowler, he don't gotta lotta STDS like DeChambo!!

3) George Bush, we need funding for a new Poli Sci building on campus.

See you Saturday morning at Buc-ee's, should I wear any underwear or NOT??

Hugs & kisses,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor



wut up tiffs??

how r u??

ima fine

just wrote a poem for u, see u saturday morning at buc-ee's, yeah clothes r for losers



-shocky
Shocky1
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Shocky1
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MAJOR university of calveston annoucement: there will NO food/drink limit (basically unlimited doritos, slushees, slabs of chocolate fudge & bbq brisket sandwiches) at tomorrow morning's FREE all inclusive sponsored by shocky buffett at buc-ee per the acc's new associate commissioner of public relationships & her twin sister!!
[url=?w=4000&h=6000][/url]
do u need premium 91 too??#
Shocky1
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shocky's updated top 10 rankings for texas:

1) wolf point: in the middle of nowhere (port lacava) the wild azz undulating greens rival augusta national in their audacity/sheer terror...architect mike nuzzo hosted me for a fun 36 hole walking day & explained/answered my questions re: the thought provoking shotmaking strategies

2) whispering pines: magical retreat that celebrates the beauty & simplicity of the game

3) trinity forest: arguably the most strategically complex coore & crenshaw design in their portfolio

4) austin golf club: luv doing the hang with ben crenshaw, pure azz golf experience

5) blackjack national: tiger woods design, easily the best course in the houston region

6) brook hollow: tony affluent stuffy as **** club near smu, old world design features

7) dallas national: splashy dramatic high end fazio for new money, nothing original architecturally

8) colonial: historically overrated, currently closed for a 1 year restoration by gil hanse

9) memorial park: wonderful tom doak restored muni, the rustic canyon of texas

10) fields ranch east: future ryder cup venue but gotta lotta ugly azz housing construction

fun fact: there is nothing even remotely a world top 100 candidate course in texas, that could change with the current coore & crenshaw construction of the 2400 acre pure golf experience (no homes/cart paths/limited golf carts) with public access wild spring dunes in east texas in nacogdoches
Shocky1
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*****syris corley, taylor
*****isaiah crosby, manor
*****collin gamble, flower mound
*****khamani hudson, houston
*****legend journey, arlington
*****tyler knape, austin
*****matthew littlejohn, san antonio
*****josiah martin, corinth
*****aidan newbill, austin
*****michael-anthony okwura, katy
*****eze osundo, trophy club
*****chandler rogers, manfield
*****marcus scott ii, houston
*****curlee thomas iv, keller
*****serigne tounkara, league city
*****jamaal wiley, stafford
*****miles williams, mansfield
*****craig woodson, grand prairie
*****matthew wykoff, magnolia
*****ryan yaites, denton

https://instagr.am/p/B08dpIgpmlt
the university of calveston (ELITE world class education without the lousy as **** texas weather/humidity/natural disasters, buc-ee now lives in bodega bay)#
Shocky1
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wut up jaron?

how r u??

ima fine

look brah, it's obvious that aidan & lebron wanna room with u in berkeley as part of cal's 2025 tropical thunder BIG 3 but ima working rite now on a way better roommate fit for u, got it?

makemake 'o mona e 'ike he aha kau gpa a hu 'oe??

-shocks
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:

MAJOR university of calveston annoucement: there will NO food/drink limit (basically unlimited doritos, slushees, slabs of chocolate fudge & bbq brisket sandwiches) at tomorrow morning's FREE all inclusive sponsored by shocky buffett at buc-ee per the acc's new associate commissioner of public relationships & her twin sister!!
[url=?w=4000&h=6000][/url]
do u need premium 91 too??#
Great recap, including ARod getting in front of the team and saying beat the Furd [yes, he said Furd] and you can come back in 20 years and do something special! Goose bumps.

The most interesting thing was the usually even keeled Wilcox losing it when the Bears made the first down at the end of the game. Most emotional I have seen from him on the sideline. That comeback really got him in the moment.
Shocky1
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thx wifey for the compliment re: the great recap of tomorrow's FREE tailgate party at buc-ee's!!


next time our paths cross again remind me to give u a groupon pass for 15% off buc-ee's turbo synthetic fracking premium 91, this is really good **** (plus gas in dallas is around 2 bucks less per galloon than the oc)!!

Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/BTDLsODj_n1
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including mauna kea)
Shocky1
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boise state broncos 34
oregon state beavers 18

when the bears travel to corvallis for the 2025 season opener on saturday august 30th (perfect timing for a cal/golf roadie with slim wadie to bandon dunes, gotta book now) they will be playing a declining but still dangerous program that finished 5-7 that will not benefit from the additional 15 ncca allowed 2024 bowl game practices

offensively the beavs will probably be led by former cal recruit (4.0 gpa future med school student) ben gulbranson or maybe the much more mobile gevani mccoy (expected to bail) at quarterback...whoever wins the qb1 battle will have 3 major weapons in rb anothony hankerson (110 yards on 10 carries), wr1 trent walker (77 receptions for 849 yards) & michigan transfer wr darrius clemons (breakout game with 8 receptions for 123 yards)...but the beavs are gonna lose at least 3 starting offensive linemen & the back ups are not uber athletic


defensively oregon state gave up 465 yards (fun fact: boise state isn't that good, they play in a **** conference that cal almost became a part of under knowlton's clueless watch) & return a majority of the d's 2 deep much of which wuz injured this season...in the 1st game of the 2025 season this well coached bray unit will be much more healthy/attacking than the broken down d we saw at memorial stadium a couple of weeks ago

will be very interesting to see which of the beavs better players enter the transfer portal when it opens on december 9th, center van wells (houston native) & hankerson would be impact additions in berkeley
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

dumb azz stanford scheduling move to play at san jose state, this highly anticipated (hundreds of fans for both programs) game should be played at a neutral site like the city park behind the winchester mystery house with a 9:00 am kickoff in order to not conflict with the silicon valley 8-9 years old girls playoffs schedule or something

https://instagr.am/p/C_d2SauJPdV
this is stanford football#
san jose state spartans 34
stanford cardinal 31

despite 2 acc upset victories the stanford cardinal finished 3-9 for the 3rd straight season despite arguably the most dangerous wr duo in the nation...look shocky got nothing but mad respect for anybody accepted to cal, stanford or an ivy league school but cards qb1 ashton daniels (3 interceptions with a couple of other dropped picks by the spartans dbs) got a really low football iq/situational football awareness despite his +1 athleticism


the entire starting stanford offensive is very young & can return next season in palo alto

the cards d is an average at best acc defense, they play hard but lack playmakers & the corners/nickels are actually pretty bad/ineffective right now

the next 30 days will be critical as all american wr elic ayomanor gotta make a decision about potentially entering the 2025 nfl draft & it remains to be seen if the stanford administration will actually be more flexible with respects to mid year transfer admissions from garbage time academic dumpsters like literally every skool in the big 12

19,117 attendance today at the winchester mystery house (now that's scary azz!!)#
Shocky1
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^ coach lit at the 49 second mark, running toward the cal section/tossing the cap at auburn, now this??

this **** is getting live!!#
Shocky1
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#1 2025 jc targeted prospect, ELITE apex predator edge defender from them san mateo fightin' benjis!!

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of nigeria)
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

real talk: utah is cold as ****, the offensive coordinator andy ludwig is being forced to step down, the utes play in the **** academics big 12 truck stop conference, flights from the west coast to salt lake city are expensive for the fam & nobody in corporate america is impressed when a resume from a candidate with a utah degree floats across their desk on the way to the trash can

plus there are zero legit usa (forget world) top 100 golf courses, sand hollow's big course is scenic as **** but ruined by an unwalkable cartball routing on the dramatic back nine & the recently opened black desert's pure golf experience is gonna be ruined by ugly azz housing

honestly the only truly awesome things about utah are cade uluave, trond grizzell & arches national park!!!

https://instagr.am/p/C9hy6DXJnXc

tavian, 2 serious questions, r u an eskimo & how the **** do u throw/catch a football when it's FREEZING??

Shocky1
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wheels up (to the lone star state)#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:


2025 class recruiting update:

right now the bears got 14 high school commitments, the #1 junior college target on the staff's 2025 big board is jc all american 6'4" 240 lbs apex predator edge defender odera okaka from national powerhouse san mateo college (developing under coach ben hawk schrider's tutelage) & previously pittsburg high school


with both current starting outside backers david reese & the x man outta eligiblity & pursuing nfl careers after this season, there is a legit opportunity for odera to come in & be an impact starter from day 1 in berkeley...odera is a high motor violent defender that got offers from both sec & big 10 schools

odera is not a dumb azz, check out this dean's list letter


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the beautiful people of nigeria and a short drive for the fam to memorial stadium on gamedays)

https://instagr.am/p/C9-HpkkI7f8
KEY 2025 class recruiting update:

odera okaka officially visited hometown cal on november 16th, kinda racist mississippi state last weekend, west virginia on october 11th & will visit penn state this weekend before making his FINAL decision as a january 2025 enrollee

there are 4 huge pluses in cal's favor:

1) the bears are losing both outside linebackers, next season ryan mcculloch (who wuz odera's host on his official visit to berkeley) is penciled in as one starter with okaka in a strong position to win the other starting apex predator edge defender job

2) the college of san mateo fightin' benjis defensive schemes (as taught by berkeley grad/future bears assistant coach ben hawk schrider) are very SIMILAR to coach sirmon's schemes...the more comfortable/familiar a player is in his new team's schemes, the faster he can play with violent SPEED

3) the cost of travel & lack of direct flights (requiring multiple connections) to remote university park, starksville & blacksburg will require thousands of dollars & 3 day trips for his fam to watch him vs the short drive (maybe 2-3 galloons of gas, $15 bucks max total cost with no airfare, hotels, rental cars or meals) from pittsburg to berkeley on gamedays

4) let's be real here, ok, all of okaka's other choices are mediocre as **** academic skools that view football players as disposable gladiators, if building GENERATIONAL WEALTH thru hard work in the classroom is a priority for odera then berkeley stands out with it's promise of a brighter future


update: odera did not take an official visit to penn state for this weekend, it's 25% degrees there right now

how much do igloos cost??#
Shocky1
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real talk: texas is humid as **** more than half the year & then cold as **** almost the rest of the year except for 15 minutes in the fall, dallas (literally the flatest place on planet earth) is NOT santorini island

yeah the **** it's cold right now, supposed to warm up tho for our buc-ee's pregame tailgate party!!

https://instagr.am/p/CQMGWj7DW1d
shocky is dressed like an eskimo (brrr, he hates cold weather)#

https://instagr.am/p/C0ZwL18MOaH
Shocky1
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backnote info: the bears are staying at the omni frisco (after a positive experience with the north texas game hospitality) again which is adjacent to the dallas cowboys indoor practice facility the ford center where the bears are practicing in the above video, got it?

the following is a loose transcript of a conversation in the fall of 2023 (prior to the mean greenies season opener) when slim wadie's gps/smart phone to the omni pga resort sent us to the omni frisco which is 10 minutes away & much closer to the freeway (and buc-ee's):

curvy brunette yoga female receptionist: my apologies gentlemen, we don't see you on our confirmed visitors list for arrival today but we would be more than happy to arrange accommodations for you at this time

slim wadie: that's not gonna work, shocky here (pointing at me) has major unresolved ocd issues plus complimentary tee times at the new gil hanse golf course at the resort, will you please let them know we're on the way?

curvy brunette yoga female receptionist: are you sure, the dallas cowboys stay here and their practice facility is literally thru that tunnel door!!

shocky (looking at her name tag): mercedes, i don't believe you!!

slim wadie (audibly sighing, he's seen this movie before): miss, please just ignore him, ok?

mercedes (mock horror with her hand over her heart): why not??

shocky: because the ford center gotta really low roof, mercedes are you telling me the cowboys punter can't kick a punt over 30 feet in the air or does he just practice in the vacant field next door??

mercedes (coming out from behind the front desk counter): let's go for a quick tour, the practice field inside the ford center is actually way below ground!!

shocky (getting a good look at mercedes): ok but let me show you my headstand first here in the lobby!!

slim wadie (under his breath): just kill me

mercedes: please do so!!...did you know i have a yoga practice too??

postscript: shocky posted up with his headstand, we toured the ford center together & then checked in at the omni pga resort

https://instagr.am/p/C8fRrnuv7cu
stfu shocky#
MiZery
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This thread is like 3 percent somewhat helpful information and 97 percent some old dude's (shocky1) spank bank

Painful to read on cell phone.
Shocky1
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mizery, my apologies but the targeted audience of the monster thread is not avowed incels like u

have u tried joining the premium board and/or calbears.com for ur cal football information??

sorry
Shocky1
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let's ******* go!!#
Econ141
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Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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smu mustangs 38
california golden bears 6

this afternoon has to be the final nail in the coffin in the failed s&c program, the continued physical breaking down of our student athletes at truly epidemic numbers is a clear indicator that brian johnson & his staff need to be replaced this month...but will justin be willing to terminate a good guy who recently beat cancer in order to upgrade the football program??

although today's absolute dominance by the ponies stings the actual trajectory of the 6-6 season wuz impacted by the following 3 factors:

1) a FAILED again s&c program (without a yoga component) with multiple injured starters at every position

2) longwell unfairly & unwisely running off mateen with wilcox/cherrington not willing to intervene on this issue even when shocky approached them with the parent's concerns when this wuz still solvable

3) bloesch's trash run game schemes with predictable slow developing interior run calls which failed over & over & over & over & over & over

smu crowd: there wuz actually less than 20,000 fans at gerald ford stadium to watch an 11 win smu football program, the wealthy (oil & gas) 100 boosters sit/booze it up in their private suites while the students are more focused on their phones than the game & the greater dallas community don't bother to show up for games because of the university's not likable/non inclusive reputation as a snobby school for future trust funders that don't got the gpas for cal, stanford & the ivy leagues (and probably duke & vanderbilt too)

so wut happens now??

the next 30 days are gonna be captain insano:

*****jks will announce his collegiate announcement between cal & oregon in the next 48 hours...there are at least 3 high school flip candidates still considering the bears along with a critically targeted jc all american apex predator edge defender...the 2025 class is currently at 14 high school commits & will be announced on wednesday december 4th/6th

*****nil/playing time discussions with KEY current players that got remaining eligibility are the TOP priority as this is written with commitments secured by the end of this upcoming week to ensure minimal losses to the transfer portal

*****transfer portal opens on december 9th thru december 29th, 12+ hour days will be necessary by the recruiting/coaching staff...while the ncca scholly limit is being raised from 85 to 105 for next season expect the bears to be very close to 85+++

*****probable bowl game in los angeles at so fi stadium in the middle of berkeley final examinations on wednesday december 16th...the bears need to maximize the value of as many of the ncca allocated 15 practices in terms of 2025 player development

wheels up (back to the desert, the sky is not falling)#



89Bear
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This year has proven, yet again, that you can't Wilcox-proof the roster. His inept leadership defeats whatever else is out there.
89Bear
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Shocky1 said:


smu mustangs 38
california golden bears 6

this afternoon has to be the final nail in the coffin in the failed s&c program, the continued physical breaking down of our student athletes at truly epidemic numbers is a clear indicator that brian johnson & his staff need to be replaced this month...but will justin be willing to terminate a good guy who recently beat cancer in order to upgrade the football program??

although today's absolute dominance by the ponies stings the actual trajectory of the 6-6 season wuz impacted by the following 3 factors:

1) a FAILED again s&c program (without a yoga component) with multiple injured starters at every position

2) longwell unfairly & unwisely running off mateen with wilcox/cherrington not willing to intervene on this issue even when shocky approached them with the parent's concerns when this wuz still solvable

3) bloesch's trash run game schemes with predictable slow developing interior run calls which failed over & over & over & over & over & over

smu crowd: there wuz actually less than 20,000 fans at gerald ford stadium to watch an 11 win smu football program, the wealthy (oil & gas) 100 boosters sit/booze it up in their private suites while the students are more focused on their phones than the game & the greater dallas community don't bother to show up for games because of the university's not likable/non inclusive reputation as a snobby school for future trust funders that don't got the gpas for cal, stanford & the ivy leagues (and probably duke & vanderbilt too)

so wut happens now??

the next 30 days are gonna be captain insano:

*****jks will announce his collegiate announcement between cal & oregon in the next 48 hours...there are at least 3 high school flip candidates still considering the bears along with a critically targeted jc all american apex predator edge defender...the 2025 class is currently at 14 high school commits & will be announced on wednesday december 4th/6th

*****nil/playing time discussions with KEY current players that got remaining eligibility are the TOP priority as this is written with commitments secured by the end of this upcoming week to ensure minimal losses to the transfer portal

*****transfer portal opens on december 9th thru december 29th, 12+ hour days will be necessary by the recruiting/coaching staff...while the ncca scholly limit is being raised from 85 to 105 for next season expect the bears to be very close to 85+++

*****probable bowl game in los angeles at so fi stadium in the middle of berkeley final examinations on wednesday december 16th...the bears need to maximize the value of as many of the ncca allocated 15 practices in terms of 2025 player development

wheels up (back to the desert, the sky is not falling)#





Shocky:
-Wilcox hired and empowered the current S & C program.
-Wilcox hired and empowered Coach B to call plays as his OC.
-Wilcox has brought on and empowered Longwell to deal with the kickers and make decisions.

Do you see a pattern dumb azz????
Yet, you want him to make the next decision on a new S & C program? Smart. You are not making Haas proud!
Shocky1
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duke blue devils 23
wake forest demon deacons 17

one of the 2024 season highlights for shocky wuz tryna learn coach christy's dance moves up close & personal on a FUN (snagging kicks/punts in the early pre game warm ups on the hilly grass knoll behind the goal posts wuz also a great memory) friday nite gameday in winston-salem, the monster would replace wilcox with christy in a heartbeat!!

yeah berkeley got oppenheimer who blew up part of the world & wake forest (4-8) got the cigarette industry which continues to kill hundreds of millions, it's a shame the demon deacons r not on the 2025 schedule (boo)
Shocky1
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89, all of ur points are VALID but with a $14,000,000+ buyout & new lakehouse in coeur d'alene that's only accessible by boat (our head coach is a very private person in a profession which as 4th gen bear accurately points out is dominated by extroverted leaders) the current hc is not going nowhere

shocky's gameplan is lyons firing the ****tards knowlton, jenny (who is conspiring with the con artist to divert the $20,500,000 nil dollars to the quidditch team instead of the football program via a woke/liberal campus legal interpretation of title ix) & markeisha (the men's & women's basketball attendance at an empty haas is abysmal) while promoting berkeley grad andrew "football first" mcgraw to athletic director to balance the budget & then in time him promoting berkeley grad future head coach in waiting mike saffell to head football coach which will send asu dillingham shockwaves thru college football!!
89Bear
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Shocky1 said:

89, all of ur points are VALID but with a $14,000,000+ buyout & new lakehouse in coeur d'alene that's only accessible by boat (our head coach is a very private person in a profession which as 4th gen bear accurately points out is dominated by extroverted leaders) the current hc is not going nowhere

shocky's gameplan is lyons firing the ****tards knowlton, jenny (who is conspiring with the con artist to divert the $20,500,000 nil dollars to the quidditch team instead of the football program via a woke/liberal campus legal interpretation of title ix) & markeisha (the men's & women's basketball attendance at an empty haas is abysmal) while promoting berkeley grad andrew "football first" mcgraw to athletic director to balance the budget & then in time him promoting berkeley grad future head coach in waiting mike saffell to head football coach which will send asu dillingham shockwaves thru college football!!
So, you are saying we are screwed until Saffell takes over.
Ok.
Shocky1
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one of the monster favorite players is high gpa/former walk on (shocky identifies with the underdoggy dogs) jack endries (why bloesch went away from him on interior post routes after the pittsburgh game is mind boggling/coaching malpractice) but the biggest disappointment today wuz jack just standing there with his hands on his hips after an interception & not even making any attempt to run down the pony defensive back
Shocky1
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89, not saying that at all, justin got this program via his positive work with the defense & the recruitment of high gpa/high character true student athletes (with only an exception or two) of a 10-2 season vs the actual 6-6 season, ok?...and an experienced fiery (which is the opposite of wilcox) qb1 with perhaps the addition of the best passing qb in the 2025 class could result in offensive FIREWORKS next season in berkeley!!

culturally wilcox has surrounded himself with "yes" men that are team players & that stay in their own lanes...so guys like aristotle (who despite coaching for decades has never had a rb drafted in the nfl) don't really lobby for the running backs as to why there are slow as **** developing run calls instead of quick PITCHOUTS in open space on the edges

cal football is not a ****show rite now, it needs refinement in areas outlined here, yeah it wouldn't hurt either if coach toler's ineffectual wideout room would actually BLOCK in the run game...can anyone recall even one VIOLENT BLOCK by a bears wideout this season??

Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C3Ldz-LPmSp
north carolina state wolfpack 35
north carolina tar heels 30

a sincere thank you again to the ncsu (6-6) prez for reversing his 12th hour vote to ensure an acc invitation to cal (despite the colossal lies spread by the clueless as **** knowlton & 78 year old senior citizen ineptness by christ that wuz navigating the cal football program straight into the mountain west)!!
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