cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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2025 la open at torrey pines: 2nd round update

^ shocky got no idea why 2.76 gpa rickie is wishing 3.92 berkeley gpa shockie a happy valentine's day instead of 4.0 gpa allison, this **** makes no sense at all

michael kim (72, tied for 13th): 4 pulled/hooked drives on the inward nine needs to get work out on the range but another great week for michael who is scrambling as well as anyone in the field after hitting 14 out of 28 fairways the first 2 rounds which is assisted by his superior course knowledge

collin morikawa (72, tied for 24th): bizarro decision on his 1st hole of the day the par 4 10th hole when he opted to chip (which he missed his carry spot & resulted in a missed 20 footer for par) instead of simply just putting the ball uphill a couple feet away

collin turned a potential excellent round into an average round by missing 3 five foot putts on the 4th, 7th & 15th (didn't get his body stabilized in the winds on the green closest to the pacific ocean) holes

fun fact: shocky's least favorite shot (thankfully not employed this week thus far) in the morikawa arsenal is his utilization of a fairway wood for putting around the green which is a dumb decision which often leads to a **** situation according to raye...use the putter whenever possible, champ, this isn't about style points or something

max homa (73, missed cut): missed 17 fairways in 2 days, time to go home & work on the driver at whisper rock

ben an (79, missed cut): the orlando native (lake nona) is ready to go home & get ready for the florida swing of the pga tour
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/B93P9HjDUlX
2025 kauai tournament: 2nd round update

the men's team is still struggling with the ocean course's par 3s with today's 6 over par by the 5 bears but overall played very strongly in shooting 7 under par led by freshman doggy dog ziqin zhou's 66, charlie berridge's 68 & sihao cong's 68!!

late nite hammock time by the pacific's crashing waves#

Shocky1
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cal recruiting update: the #1 ranked public university in the world is further building out the poly pipeline, the well regarded former asu staffer already got established relationships with prospects/coaches/trainers & it will be interesting to see if any sun devils (such as ELITE 4.73 gpa punter kanyon floyd, right jeff??) are targeted when the transfer portal reopens april 16th-26th

https://instagr.am/p/BbU4zjwllQA
Shocky1
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shocky growing/building out the berkeley brand (flip phones r NOT for losers)!!#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/DFd8ZeUyowJ
2025 la open at torrey pines: 3rd round update

michael kim (71, tied for 13th): thru 3 rounds michael is tied for 2nd in green in regulation (39 of 54) & tied for 6th in scrambling (up & down 11 outta 15 times), that's a fantastic combination for playing the south under us open conditions (other than the 6th hole is playing as a scoreable par 5 instead of a usga monster par 4)...another strong round/finish tomorrow will further set kim up for a thus far fantastic 2025 season!!

collin morikawa (73, tied for 33rd): despite a comfortable pairing will his fellow summit club (las vegas) maverick mcnealy, collin barely missed 6 fairways in the punishing rough which contributed to his 2 double bogeys but on the plus side morikawa rolled in 5 birdies in a forgettable round that can be erased by a tasty sushi chef & 2 bowls of miso soup with extra tofu

yeah them california golden bears are gonna return to san diego on saturday september 20th for the football roadie to san diego state's snapdragon stadium, shocky is gonna be hosting a gameday FREE buffet at carlsbad's legoland t-rex dino valley since there's no buc-ee's yet in cali
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

shocky's hawaii top 10:

https://instagr.am/p/B93P9HjDUlX
plz keep in mind that lifelong students of golf course architecture weigh heavily the architect's routing as it affects the walkability of a course...most casual golfers don't really care about this but golf purists don't consider playing in a golf cart real golf & most hawaiian island courses are really just scenic vapid cartball venues...and so with that being said, this is the monster's rankings:

1) kapalua plantation: a stunning marriage of the ocean & a challenging mountainous pineapple field, the plantation is the only must play design in the islands...finishing on the dramatic wind swept downhill par 5 18th hole with lanai in the background is one of life's great joys
https://instagr.am/p/CgUoT4QuwAs
huge chasm in the rankings

2) nanea: charles schwab's uber private venue (his partner is george roberts of kk&r) for zillionaires is a spectacular david kidd design but it's a shame that with thousands of acres at his disposal that kidd didn't create a tighter more walkable design...the outdoor shower in the modern clubhouse is one of my favorite locker room amenities in the world
https://instagr.am/p/CUgP2KPvs3u
3) mauna kea: robert trent jones sr best design in his multiple decade design portfolio, it lacks the predictability that defines so much of his work...the collection of par 3 are outstanding as is the once a week buffet on the beach after swimming with the friendly but scary azz looking sea eels
https://instagr.am/p/CuaX06WuPtx
4) mama's fish house: pro tip, get a reservation unless u wanna dine on the taco bell/pizza hut combo meal in town
https://instagr.am/p/ChFe77aJ5xz
5) kukio: one of tom fazio's best designs with more strategic options than most of his usual work, the over the top lavish refreshment stands are a great way to put another 10+ lbs on a long weekend

6) wailua: outstanding public course hardscrabbled along the coastline on kauai, 40 bucks to walk on weekdays, a morning round followed by an afternoon t-rex jurassic park hike is a perfect day...the rustic caynon of the islands

7) waialae cc: there's not much seth raynor left in the design but tom doak is taking steps to return some of it, love the tight walkable routing with views of diamond head

8) manele: dramatic nicklaus course on lanai but flawed by its cartball routing

9) kukul'ula: dramatic weiskopf course on kauai but flawed by its cartball routing

10) any ramen shop in honolulu or food truck on the epic north shore
https://instagr.am/p/Cb8LOi6B0fl


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including ewa beach & the polynesian islands, aloha baby)
2025 kauai tournament: 3rd round tournament

the bears finished 13th in the 17 team field largely due to playing the par 3s in an astounding 28 over par & finishing dead last in the par 5 scoring stats, there's talent in the program that's developing but significant improvement needs to start taking place starting with the next tournament in tuscon in early march if this team is gonna qualify for the 2025 ncca tournament

fun fact: nobody starved to death in kauai!!

https://instagr.am/p/BmROTXngLar
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

2025 cal's monster class OFFICIAL contest:

the question: can you name/identify the GREATEST (as defined by the highest gpas, don't be a dumb azz) quarterback to wide receiver combination in the history of high school football on planet earth from the video below??

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HSpfrXTJc8xvaPfh_FxtsVa2E0fl_THQ/edit

legal ****: you must be a us citizen or a curvy brunette yoga female from cuba, ibiza or mexico to be eligible for this contest & over the age of 18...those on the cal football staff may not participate unless they submit a binding notarized promissory note that the opening play of the 2025 football season on august 31, 2025 in corvallis oregon will be a PITCHOUT to jaydn ott/jaivian thomas in wide open space on the edge for a 75 yard touchdown run that is beyond our wildest dreams!!...note that all rules and regulations in this contest may be capriciously ignored at the fully insane discretion of shocky without any rational explanation(s)

contest deadline: the time is NOW for everything

prizes: the WINNER may pick one of these awards

*****lunch with justin wilcox in his memorial stadium office with unlimited nasty azz coffee & stale 30 day old avocado sandwiches with bbq chips plus a signed cal football or helmet

*****a round of golf with shocky at augusta national including a regifted cal men's golf walking bag
https://instagr.am/p/CvVQHgWJzM3
*****a day at the beach including cpr training & a swimming lesson with leidy
https://instagr.am/p/CsukIi2tyZo
*****a singing/spanish lesson from becky g including fashion training on melrose & a late lunch on the patio at nobu malibu
https://instagr.am/p/Cr83NDdOTKu
*****a vip screening of anora with probable 2025 oscar winning best actress mikey matthews including a $250 food credit for a small lunch at erewhon

cal's monster class official ANSWER to the above contest:

this grainy touchdown combo video shot from a grassy knoll in the east valley features 4.4 gpa strong armed devin brown throwing a strike to 4.2 gpa +1 athletic wide receiver hunter barth

fun facts: hunter caused 3 violent fumbles on kickoffs last season & will be the day 1 starter (with impact transfer buom jock forming a lethal 3 player inside backer rotation) next to all american candidate cade uluave (if he can stay healthy all season, his conditioning in the new s&c program needs to go to the next LEVEL) in next month's spring ball & wuz the KEY factor in the devin brown (now his berkeley roommate) recruitment

https://instagr.am/p/DBcQn0uNrPh
go jaguars!!#
Shocky1
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cal softball program (5-2) defeats kansas 2-1 in the bottom of the 7th due to home run hitter elon butler's VIOLENT (legally clean) slide into 2nd base which allows the winning walk off run to score from 3rd as the physically messed up 2nd baseman can't make the throw in time to home plate as the jayhawks head coach runs out onto the field to cry like a little baby to the ump which never evah changes ****

bears win!!

too bad the cal football team is too candy azz soft to play this physically on 4th & 1...

rock chock caulk#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:


life is NOT linear (the bear will not quit the bear will not die)#

KAAAABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM (go ******* bears)!!!
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/DBcEy-nzT2g
2025 la open at torrey pines: 4th round update

michael kim (70, tied for 12th): michael made an amazing up & down par from inches from the grandstands behind the par 3 17th hole en route to leading the tournament in scrambling with 18 out of 23 saves from off the green...kim will be the only bear competing next week as the pga tour heads to mexico, what an amazing 2 weeks for michael!!

collin morikawa (67, tied for 17th): finishing like a champ collin stuffed it to 6 feet from 150 yards on the par 4 17th hole & then knocked it to 4 feet from 260 yards on the watery par 5 18th hole to finish birdie-eagle!!...if morikawa could've made a few more of the 5-10 footers this week on the bumpy poa anua greens he would've been in contention (wish he would bring in his caddie jj more often for greens reading/confirmations), the haas biz ad grad's game is in great shape heading into the florida leg of the pga tour

funny story about runner up maverick mcnealy (stanford grad, dad is a stanford mba grad/billionaire who founded sun microsystems): last time shocky wuz at the summit club (the highest point in las vegas) where mcnealy & morikawa play/practice, the monster & slim wadie wuz having lunch with our host when shocky sez "hey, there's maverick with his girlfriend (mcnealy has since married another curvy brunette yoga female) danielle kang on the practice green"...our host kinda pompously lets us know that he personally knows both of them & that they are not dating just friends...we look out the window again in silence (never correct a host, that's how you get invited to play the world's top 100 golf courses) when maverick intimately picks danielle up from the back with his hands under her boobs & stretches her out vertically a couple of times which is really rejuvenating for the back when practice putting for hours hunched over...danielle is smiling & then leans backwards & kisses mav on the mouth...our host coughs & tells us that the mushroom soup of the day at the summit club is outstanding while slim wadie is kicking shocky under the table as we both try to keep our **** together & not start laughing out loud!!
Kinderhook
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I can't believe I just read that again. I took the bait. The great takeaway is that Shocky called somebody pompous. Enjoy your top 100 golf courses. Enjoy Nobu Malibu and Sexy Fish. It's all on brand for you. All flash and no substance. I tend to believe if you can do it, you don't have to make a lot of noise about it. But you are at around 13k on the thread. You seem really short from pictures that I have seen, that probably explains the Napoleon complex; but let's hear your GPA again (but why go into insurance if you were such a stud).

Criticize every transfer that leaves Cal as a dumb azz? Most of them went to more well regarded schools than your daughters. University of Denver? ASU? Puh-lease.
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/BRt_zeUgt5s
taylor (left in the foto, working in sales for a fortune 1000 company & living in the west village) & shay (right, already hired for 200k in her 1st job after college while finishing up in the top of her class at denver law) are both much nicer than their dumb azz dad & are thriving despite graduating from asu (the #1 ranked stripper college in the world)!!

kinderhook, shocky is exactly the same height/weight as collin morikawa & collin has already won 2 major championships but it's true that neither one of us can dunk a basketball or reach the top shelves for organic beef jerky/cranberries at whole foods with our t-rex arms but fortunately we both graduated from the haas biz school at the #1 ranked public university in the world in a fiercely completive global economy that unremorsefully favors the well educated from cal, stanford & the ivy league

look, ur obviously upset about things that are beyond the monster's comprehension but don't lose hope as maybe someday u will be able to dine at sexy fish in miami

https://instagr.am/p/DF8n4IQyPLK
but the truth of the matter is that the 30 day old deep fried barracuda at sexy fish really isn't any better than tuesday fish nites at unit 2, got it??


Shocky1
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glad novak made it out of lansing after all that happened#
Econ141
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Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/DGJ0oZ8S89Q
california golden bears 75
syracuse orange 68

ugonne foul watch: 2 of the fouls involved minor contact yet onyiah stayed on the floor during the final critical minutes & didn't foul out despite her 4 fouls...michelle is unstoppable around the rim but needs to not rush/play with composure before putting up shots at point blank to the bucket, she is the program's only +1 athlete (tho gabby might be too, too early to tell) & needs to stay on the floor

blood & guts: east coast basketball is physical as ****, loved it when lulu jumped in to defend her teammate ionna plus twidale shot in rhythm down the stretch which is critical as the acc regular season winds down


turnover watch: 12 turnovers with particularly better handles/passing in the 2nd half which wuz the key to victory, kayla controlled the tempo & overall did a good job protecting the rock (only 1 turnover)

next game: the 21-6 bears might creep back into the top 25 on monday & travel this week for must win games on the road to virginia & virginia tech

top 16 or go home (the bears can beat anybody at haas pavilion)#
Shocky1
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KEY factor in this 2026 recruitment: give hoops star dad john sr an extra KEY to haas pavillion so he can get his shots up in berkeley on gameday saturday mornings before he & moms watch their sons ball out at memorial stadium


tommy is NOT a dumb azz#

riordan high school=#1 ranked high school on planet earth for the mentally limitless tofi boyz
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/BRt_zeUgt5s
taylor (left in the foto, working in sales for a fortune 1000 company & living in the west village) & shay (right, already hired for 200k in her 1st job after college while finishing up in the top of her class at denver law) are both much nicer than their dumb azz dad & are thriving despite graduating from asu (the #1 ranked stripper college in the world)!!

kinderhook, shocky is exactly the same height/weight as collin morikawa & collin has already won 2 major championships but it's true that neither one of us can dunk a basketball or reach the top shelves for organic beef jerky/cranberries at whole foods with our t-rex arms but fortunately we both graduated from the haas biz school at the #1 ranked public university in the world in a fiercely completive global economy that unremorsefully favors the well educated from cal, stanford & the ivy league

look, ur obviously upset about things that are beyond the monster's comprehension but don't lose hope as maybe someday u will be able to dine at sexy fish in miami

https://instagr.am/p/DF8n4IQyPLK
but the truth of the matter is that the 30 day old deep fried barracuda at sexy fish really isn't any better than tuesday fish nites at unit 2, got it??





Is it really barracuda? Or is it wahoo? The two are often confused because they look similar but are very different. Barracuda can often have toxins (can cause paralysis) and parasites (maybe that is why Sexy Fish deep fries it?) whereas wahoo is the best tasting fish in the sea, so delicious the Hawaiians named it "ono" (delicious). Might be a Florida thing, calling wahoo (the old spelling for Oahu) "barracuda"?
Shocky1
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johnny brah, as a fellow high gpa well traveled berkeley alum whose living on an island in the south pacific with a curvy brunette yoga female, u already know that fish in most restaurants is mislabeled so unless ur dining at mama's fish house on maui which writes/prints a new menu everyday with the name of the fisherman/woman & a specific name/description of the fish that is prepared/presented on ur plate, who the **** really knows what kinda fish ur putting in ur mouth at most restaurants??

https://instagr.am/p/Cf2qRZNhsd-
https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-03-08/report-21-percent-of-fish-is-mislabeled-in-restaurants-and-stores

"chilean sea bass" (my azz)#
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:

johnny brah, as a fellow high gpa well traveled berkeley alum whose living on an island in the south pacific with a curvy brunette yoga female, u already know that fish in most restaurants is mislabeled so unless ur dining at mama's fish house on maui which writes/prints a new menu everyday with the name of the fisherman/woman & a specific name/description of the fish that is prepared/presented on ur plate, who the **** really knows what kinda fish ur putting in ur mouth at most restaurants??

https://instagr.am/p/Cf2qRZNhsd-
https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-03-08/report-21-percent-of-fish-is-mislabeled-in-restaurants-and-stores

"chilean sea bass" (my azz)#


True. That and "fresh." And yes, Mama's Fishhouse set the standard for displaying photos of the fish and the fisherman and when it was caught.

Winter is not only the best weather (80s with trade winds during the day, 70s at night) but it is also wahoo season.
Shocky1
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2026 3.6 gpa 6'1" 185 lbs dynamic wide receiver kai meza from draper corner canyon high school (same hs as devin brown) gonna take an unofficial visit to berkeley on march 14th

fun fact: kai is not aware that ucla's burl toler during his time in berkeley never developed/coached up a wr who wuz drafted by the nfl that didn't 1st transfer away from cal...BLOCKING matters in the national football league evaluations, if u need a friend get a rescue doggy dog instead

https://instagr.am/p/CD-RfR7jx2C
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including arches national park)

https://instagr.am/p/C9hy6DXJnXc
swan
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Shocky1 said:

"our host kinda pompously lets us know that he personally knows both of them & that they are not dating just friends.."

Just friends with benefits.
Shocky1
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^ swan is on the money, someone is always hurt in these arrangements


Shocky1
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the ******* miserables (this is cal football, pull/hold the rope!!)#
Shocky1
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nothing wrong with a little junk in the trunk!! (berkeley's no longer UNDERSIZED cal's monster offensive line, probable 315+ lbs starting five)#
Shocky1
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with virginia tech's hiring today of phillip montomgery as the offensive coordinator there is a strong probability that the hokies offensive line coach when the bears visit blacksburg in the fall of 2025 will be mike bloesch who served under montgomery at tulsa back in the day
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/C1KmvvXrVjj
cal's monster offensive line update:

blueshirting true freshman tyler knape tole me on the field during the stanford postgame celebration that his current weight is 285 lbs & when pressed by the monster that 285 is his "optimal" weight

real talk: somebody in the s&c program is giving tyler some really bad ******* weight advice, u cannot impose ur will & pound for ground as a starting interior lineman in the acc at 285 lbs

yeah buc-ee is the best mascot on planet earth!!

the university of calveston=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (without all the lousy azz texas weather)
good news, high energy/upside trench worker tyler knape no longer thinks his "optimal weight" is 285 lbs, yeah the brian johnson/mike bloesch era of undersized trench workers is finally over & the jason novak/famika anae era of grown azz men running the ball with power on 4th & 1 is now coming into view for next month's 2025 california golden bears spring ball!!

Shocky1
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2025 spring ball will start on wednesday march 12th & conclude on saturday april 12th...this will then give the staff 3 days for a deep dive on all player evaluations & then surgically attack the transfer portal when it reopens on april 16th thru the 26th for 10 absolutely frenzied days of contacts & visits in targeting a couple of critical immediate impact prospects

6 key goals for 2025 spring ball:

1) cal's monster offensive line: it all starts upfront & after multiple starters each season during the wilcox era of mediocrity actually weighing less than 300 lbs, novak & meeks are creating a dynamic situation where the bears will probably start 5 powerful trench warriors that all weigh 315+ lbs that got mobility!!

2) the kicking game: due to longwell running off bhaghani the bears lost 3 & potentially 4 games in 2024 due to ****** up kicking misses despite the bear insider myth that coe gotta "big leg" which ignored the fact that's he's a mentally agitated young man unlike the ice in his veins bhaghani...with a new kicker, new punter, new longsnapper & a new holder (none of which are highly regarded in the kicking circuit per shocky's conversations with the rausch & sailor camps) spring ball will determine if the bears gotta head back into the portal for significant upgrades

3) quarterback battle: devin vs jaron, wowza some serious TALENT in berkeley!!

4). HEAT on opposing quarterbacks: will aidan keanaaina become the 1st interior lineman in ages to get sacks?...will ryan mcculloch get his body right in the new s&c program & stay healthy in reaching his tremendous upside?...will the highly regarded san mateo fightin' benjis duo play like violent apex predator edge defenders as taught by coach hawk??

5) wide receiver BLOCKING: will coach cefalo change the culture of the room which has been ingrained for years as the worst blocking unit in college football??

6) the TAKERS: lotta unproven talent, whose gonna lockdown the starting 5??
Shocky1
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different level of intensity (on joy road in berkeley)#
Shocky1
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wut up jayden??

FACTS:

1) a north carolina degree don't mean **** in cali & is NOT even close academically to a cal, stanford or ivy league diploma...do u wanna build generational wealth or live in a box by the dumpster at the crossings when ur 30 years old??

2) bill bellechick turns 73 next month, there's a high probability that he won't be coaching (or even alive) in 5 years from now...head coaches don't coach football players, 90% of a player's coaching/development time is with their position coach(es) & s&c staff...how many TAKERS are in the national football league right now??

3) chapel hill's high temperature tomorrow is gonna be 30 degrees, do u wanna live in an igloo??...and the summers are nasty azz humid


4) there are non stop affordable southwest flights from ontario to oakland with other bearents on fall saturday mornings, have u price checked the flight costs, rental car costs & hotel costs for ur moms & fam to go to games in chapel hill??...fun fact: there are NO direct flights to bum**** north carolina (does everybody in ur fam got unlimited vacation days??)

jayden, ur a smart guy with a 3.4 gpa, a berkeley commit & a respected leader of the bears promising 2026 class, do ur homework brah!!

don't be a dumb azz#
Shocky1
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2026 4.0 gpa 6'2" 190 lbs wide receiver markus "7/11" kier from academic/football powerhouse loyola high school#

https://instagr.am/p/DD-N66uxd4X
fun fact: erewhon>>>buc-ee's>>>>>>>>>>>>>>wawa>>>>>>>sheetz>>7/11>circle k>>>dumpster diving

https://instagr.am/p/CuIVTfIJZ2M
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those with a harvard offer that wanna combine academic/football development in the acc with cali weather)
Shocky1
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nyziah hunter nebraska update: nyziah just called his moms & tole her he's never been so cooooooold his entire life & that while he regrets throwing away a berkeley degree (and a short drive on gamedays for his moms from salinas to berkeley) which will result in him working security at laguna seca when he's 30 years old but with that being said nyziah is really glad he don't gotta read books & **** anymore as he 100% focuses on being a dumb azz football player on a frozen azz football field with a cold as **** football!!



wut's ur gpa (berkeley isn't for everyone)??#
Shocky1
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geography matters (at black's beach)#
Shocky1
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do the mid year transfers/early entrants know the greatest ******* victory chant on planet earth??

this **** gives shocky chills (kinda like rescue doggy dog tongue kisses & the monster's 115 foot putt from 30 yards off the green to 3 feet for a tap in par 4 on the 18th hole this morning)!!#
Shocky1
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whose the next ccsm stud student athlete to become a california golden bear??

PIPELINE numbers don't lie (coach hawk is gonna be on the cal staff sooner than later)#
Shocky1
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fun fact: if shocky rewrote/co produced the screenplay for les miz then cosette would NOT be the heroine (and the ending would be different)

https://instagr.am/p/DGLnkMmP6EQ
this is NOT rocket science brah#

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