cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:24p, 7/28/26
Shocky1 said:

^ fun story: shocky took shay on a michigan world top 100 golf daddy/daughter roadtrip (crystal downs, oakland hills, franklin hills, meadowbrook, indianwood, kingsley, greywalls, forest dunes & arcadia bluff) with her serving as my caddie ($150 bucks per loop, the pine valley going rate, plus a pga/high gpa bonus at the end of the trip) to help her save up some money before attending denver law school

so our 1st nite out (on 10 paws we stood tall) we're in downtown detroit checking out a brand new ramen place when leaving we see a bunch of walking traffic towards the arena...shay asks me do i think it's a baseball game or something??...dad says no, most of the young ladies are wearing dresses showing half of their boobs/azzs

shay checks her phone & says it's a concert next door do we wanna go??

we got nothing going on so dad says sure & shay buys 2 tixs with her phone for the front row

anyways it's drake (who as a canadian across the border view spent a lotta time in detroit) & migos (the shockster realized he ****** up his career choices, he should've been a "hype" man who basically got no musical talent but amps up the crowd by yelling **** like "croc pot" or "drop top" while jumping up & down like a dumb azz)

there's a guy standing by us ready to go on stage next, shocks tells the guy he's the only guy in the arena whose more excited to hear t-grizzly (america's storyteller) than that loser drake!!...shay tells t-grizzly that's 100% true, that cal's monster class has always featured his music, t thinks this **** is funny as **** as we talk for maybe 5 minutes & fist bumps the MONSTER before he's introduced by drake as "detroit's greatest mother******" and runs on stage!!



joy road (ruff)#


everybody gotta detroit story, what's yours??

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wifeisafurd
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:08p, 7/28/26
Shocky1 said:
alex, good to hear aj is showing out for a room losing 188 tackles from last season's starters, my take re: the virginia tech ****show is that the bears wuz playing with 10 defenders (zeke wut literally playing non contact flag football on the edges in run game support) & that instead of incessantly yelling at the staff on the sideline the entire 2nd half because cade & luke wuz running into the wrong fits/gaps that wilcox should've benched masses in favor of aaron hampton as a qb1 spy to counterattack the all nite long keepers


A few things:

Let's start with the 188 tackles. Tosh traditionally plays four down linemen (e.g., a 4/3). The edge really is a DE most of the time. Tosh then has 3 "true" linebackers who have to both chase receivers/TEs and stop the rush. But in this scheme, linemen are supposed to hold lanes and make contact with ball carriers.

In contrast, Wilcox ran a 3/4 or even a 2/4/5. The idea was on runs the outside LBs hold the edge and \d-line occupies linemen so everything is funneled into the two middle linebackers, who if they read things right should get guady numbers. That isn't Tosh's defense (in fact the change in scheme factored in Ulave leaving), so don't expect the same big numbers out of this unit, and expect bigger tackle numbers on the d-line, especially from JJ, who would get doubled team under Wilcox's scheme.

As for the VT game, Masses should be benched after the first couple of tackle wiffs. But the bigger problem is that VT kept running the same freaking play, where the QB word feign a run wide, one of the middle linebackers would bite on the fake, and actually break inside containment by running after the quarterback OUTSIDE the OL, LEAVING THE MIDDLE WIDE OPEN (which is a major scheme sin), and the QB then would hand off the RB who had a gapping hole where the middle linebacker was supposed to be. Meanwhile the rest of the defense was funneling the linebacker into the middle under the scheme, where the missing linebacker was MIA. Just horrible team defense. Va Tech ran the same f'ing play something like 12 tines in a row (just to different sides) because the Cal middle linebackers just kept biting. The TV announcers were incredulous that the coaching staff didn't adjust either scheme or personnel. Hampton should have come in for Felli, and maybe you take Ulave for a play to lecture him. Also either get the linebackers to play more disciplined, run a run blitz or do something different.

You can't possibly mean to replace Masses, a cornerback, with a 240 LB linebacker. That is an automatic TD. You had to mean put in another CB that wasn't afraid of contact, not Hampton.

The problem with the LB play is it wasn't just VA Tech, it was other games. Nor was it just the 4th quarter of the game when Masses decided not to lay his body out. The middle linebackers were breaking scheme in other games. I expect UCLA will show similar problems on defense this year. Leave it at that.

Another thing: is it is up to the head coach to lead. At the end of that game, call time out, get your players and d-coaches in a huddle and have a Come to Jesus discussion. The VA Tech game probably sealed Wilcox's fate, and I suspect Wilcox was gone except that RR couldn't pull the trigger when Cal played number 18 Virginia so tough (Cal had the ball with a chance for a tying or winning score in the last minute of the game, when JSK threw a pick 6) and beat ranked Louisville away. In some ways, the team laying down in the Big Game provided RR the opportunity to do what he already decided, and the Chancellor had approved. Just my two cents. The important thing is what Tosh & company do going forward, and not what happened last year. If Tosh allows somebody to run the same play 10 plus times in a row, Ron's head will explode.

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10:08p, 7/28/26
cal football tight end room:


the DEEPEST room in the cali bears football program heading into 2026 fall camp is the tight end room with two te1s in dorian thomas & mason mini while the current te3 true freshman from honolulu taimane purcell is getting rave reviews with his legit NFL upside!!

https://instagr.am/p/DSAW8xUDgZU
and 2027 commits rahzario edwards & jamie spurgeon are both +1 athletes


this fall the jordan somerville offense is gonna feature jaron keawe sagapolutele under center (NFL draft development starts in berkeley) often in heavy 2 tight end 12 formations (potentially 3 in goal line elephant packages)

yeah gonzo got PAID in the NFL & is now happily retired con un poco loca cbyf1 wifey october!!

https://instagr.am/p/DayqiceD2w0
berkeley (like stanford & the ivy league) is a tight end DREAM school if ur willing to put in the hard work (it's not for everyone)#

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Shocky1
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10:30p, 7/28/26
alex, a lotta great insights re: the virginia tech roadie in blacksburg, could you explain why replacing zeke (who we both agree wuz useless *2 tackles in 70+ snaps, masses also didn't show up in san diego either) with another linebacker in the box like aaron hampton with a primary assignment of spying on the hokies qb1 drones would've been "an automatic touchdown"??

from my perspective virginia tech had ZERO intent of throwing the ball in the 2nd half (rushed for an astounding 275 yards in the half, 357 run yards overall)

https://instagr.am/p/DQN0AeJjRU7
other than the metallica shivers up the spine pregame hype song, my lasting memory of this roadie wuz a bears head coach (who wuz previously a defensive coordinator) literally screaming at the staff & players non stop during the 2nd half instead of adjusting the scheme

insanity#
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4:29a, 7/29/26
https://instagr.am/p/DbWuv6DIeeI
it's a great day to be a hungry bear (no 32 oz green juices in berkeley)!!#

https://instagr.am/p/Daysi_RDK5f
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5:17a, 7/29/26

2026 western amateur: 1st & 2nd round updates

ziqin zhou (73 & 71, missed cut): z's 1st round wuz suspended due to darkness after 16 holes (2 under par at that point) so he teed it up this morning at 7:10 am chicago time (5:10 am cali time) & made a bogey & triple bogey on the 8th & 9th holes...zhou is a really smart guy, he's gonna learn from this experience (did he get enough sleep the night before, wuz he the 1st guy on the range this morning when it opened, did he hit the right clubs off the tee with the damp fairways, did he look carefully at the pin positions for his final 2 holes on the walk/ride in the nite before??)...forward & onward

golf is for drunks & zombies!!#
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3:31p, 7/29/26

the shockster is rooting for all them cali bears to achieve their goals/dreams in life but not gonna lie to u he might be cheering a little louder for tennessee transfer (sec all academic honors) current outside linebacker2 (olb2) 6'5" 240 +1 athletic emmanuel okoye who has beaten the odds every ******* single time!!

emmanuel okoye=unforgettable=future berkeley grad (that will be a SPECIAL day!!)



https://instagr.am/p/xCSBNphHVZ
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (including the beautiful people of africa)
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wifeisafurd
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:19p, 7/29/26
Shocky1 said:
alex, a lotta great insights re: the virginia tech roadie in blacksburg, could you explain why replacing zeke (who we both agree wuz useless *2 tackles in 70+ snaps, masses also didn't show up in san diego either) with another linebacker in the box like aaron hampton with a primary assignment of spying on the hokies qb1 drones would've been "an automatic touchdown"??

from my perspective virginia tech had ZERO intent of throwing the ball in the 2nd half (rushed for an astounding 275 yards in the half, 357 run yards overall)

https://instagr.am/p/DQN0AeJjRU7
other than the metallica shivers up the spine pregame hype song, my lasting memory of this roadie wuz a bears head coach (who wuz previously a defensive coordinator) literally screaming at the staff & players non stop during the 2nd half instead of adjusting the scheme

insanity#

Masses was covering WRs as a cornerback. Replacing him with LB on the WR or not covering the WR (which is what happens since the WR blows out Hampton in a microsecond) is an automatic touchdown. Also, when the WR is lining up wide, how does Hampton cover anything in the Box? If you said put Hampton in on the line or in the box and take out a safety, that is a different story. Just not following your logic.
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6:25p, 7/29/26
^ in the above virginia tech touchdown offensive formation (with basically a variation of the same highly successful play as you point out they ran down our throats the entire 2nd half with no schematic adjustments by the cal staff) the hokies got basically a jumbo package of 6 linemen plus an in motion tightend (functioning kinda like a fullback), a running back & qb1 drones...that's 9 guys between the yard lines & 2 wide receivers flexed out wide

my point is that we needed only 2 corners/nickels on the field in single coverage against the wrs, replacing masses with hampton would've allowed aaron to play in the box (with no passing coverage responsibilities) & serve as a spy on drones on every play in run support

next time shocky sees NFL hall of fame defensive coordinator marv lewis he'll ask him if this spy strategy would work in the real world (the not adapting **** strategy certainly didn't work in blacksburg) or if maybe the monster is just talking outta his azz or something



stfu shocky (do u really ******* think u know more about football such as the kicking game and so forth than justin wilcox??)!!#
^ asking for a friend named mateen (83% career conversion rate on field goals, 5 fgs last season 50+ yards)
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10:08p, 7/29/26
ucla roster update: de ryan mcculloch injured for all of spring ball is still not cleared for fall ball and dt tyson ford missed time during spring ball with injuries but is cleared for fall ball
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10:27p, 7/29/26
cal's monster class mailbag: **** me


Dear Shockey,

How are you?

I am fine.

Would you do me a solid as the only legit and/or FUN source of information for potential NEW fans particularly high school prospect recruits and Berkeley students (or anybody whose emotional development has not surpassed puberty) of the Cal football program, please let everyone on Planet Earth know that the 2027 Spring Game for the #1 ranked public university in the Country (POW!!, hahahahahahaha) is gonna be played in Ibiza on April 31, 2027 with maybe a stop in Dubai along the way (realize this may not make travel logistical sense for McPaws but as you have relentlessly pointed out I don't know **** about maps).

And when the **** are you gonna get over your hurt butt feelings because you never got to hang a NCCA National Championship banner for men's basketball at Haas?? After almost a decade haven't the statue of limitations for feeling sorry for urself run out (clearly ur mental health no es bueno, you probably need therapy or something)??

Go Bears!!

-Coach Lup

P.S. Go ahead and continue to make fun of my "3 Stooges" trim but the reality of the situation is that Modern Yoga has correctly evaluated you as a Substitute Yoga Teacher17 (SYT17) because you don't got any visible tattoos and/or a smokeshow PONYTAIL, good luck evah teaching a class with them Curvy Brunette Yoga Females1 (CBYF1s)!!

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4:27p, 7/30/26
2026 motown coney grill tournament: 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/DbJ9XJQwqzI
michael kim (65, tied for 6th): the KEY to the round wuz the par saves late in the round (started on the back nine) on the par 4 6th (holed a 25 footer from off the green) & 7th (sandy from 90 feet) to keep this **** together, yeah kim is playing some of the best golf of his life right now!!

detroit golf has undergone a fantastic golden age era restoration by talented architect tyler rae (worked for coore & crenshaw on several projects) with beautiful native vegetation ("eyebrows") on the attractive bunkering (brambles would benefit from this look as it would add another layer of texture to already the best pure golf experience in the golden state), there are 6 500+ yard par 4s (all played over par in the 1st round) that will need to be safely navigated

the winner of this tournament will possess both ball/club SPEED (par 70, 7328 yards) & be an ELITE putter (michael rolled in 113 feet of putts today), our cali bear meets (and surpasses) both of these requirements

shocky's future t-rex yoga studio in yountville: GREAT NEWS, the pga tour is gonna return to silverado at this time next summer for a championship series tournament (before moving to a new venue the following year), riding the bardessono FREE colorful bicycles around town is FUN!!


real talk: there's no mountain high enuf in detroit that's gonna prevent michael from adding 5+ lbs this week with the tasty (and mostly unhealthy, don't wash it down with morally/financially bankrupt new liv coke) dining options (tell si woo there's no need to cross the border to windsor brah)!!

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6:54p, 7/30/26
2028 high school recruiting update:


cali's #1 ranked linebacker in the 2028 class & national recruit with unreal closing SPEED 6'25" 210 lbs langdon miller from local powerhouse delasalle high school would be a DAY 1 ilb1 starter (which may or may not be the case in eugene, columbus & south bend) as a golden bear!!

https://instagr.am/p/DPYkpzrDvuI
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (in case u haven't figured it out yet coach)
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Shocky1
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10:50p, 7/30/26


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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:37a, 7/31/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 junior college recruiting update:


after a standout performance at memorial stadium's showcase last weekend, the staff is officially tripping physical with a crazy azz +1 athletic 44" vertical jump ELITE length 6'4" 190 lbs alius mayo from modesto junior college (1st team all conference) & originally lincoln high school who is gonna be a december grad this upcoming weekend june 12-14th

alius is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.54 gpa & knows cal defensive backs get PAID in the NFL!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and an hour plus drive on fall gamedays for the fam from stockton to the lair of the bear)



what up alius??

https://instagr.am/p/DXYP9Wrj3Xy
in case u haven't figured it out yet, let the monster break it down for u re: ur sunday afternoon finalists:

louisville: ur agent's childhood relationship with the cards general manager should NOT be a factor in a collegiate decision with 50 year life altering consequences

alabama: nasty azz humid ****hole tuscaloosa is straight up RACIST, that's why ur 48 hour official visit to the redneck truck stop town wuz so scripted to ensure u didn't get to talk to any non football black students about wut it's really like living in the deep south...ask the fake friends tide staff to give u an update list of all the former defensive backs that turned 30 years of age in the last couple of years, how many of them are basically ****** working on the loading dock at buc-ee's or cleaning dishes at the local waffle houses??...yeah roll ******* tide (to the smelly azz dumpster out back)!!

lsu: does not prepare its low gpa disposable football gladiators for life after football but baton rouge is the #7 ranked MURDER capital in the united states...do u like sweating & looking over ur shoulder, geaux tigers!!

mississippi state: starkville isn't exactly the bay area brah

asu: a lotta muy caliente chicas at the nation's #1 ranked stripper college, make sure ur health insurance covers stds & ****

cal: year round cali weather (and only a 90 minute drive from stockton to memorial stadium on fall gamedays for those that have always loved u from the jump) for a football program with a genuine family first culture that is losing/developing multiple corners/nickels starters to the NFL (there's a documented track record of bears dbs getting PAID in the league) after the 2026 season, u gotta 3.54 gpa so balancing football & academics won't be a problem in earning a berkeley degree & building GENERATIONAL WEALTH on the west coast
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2:09p, 7/31/26
2026 motown joy road tournament: 2nd round update

https://instagr.am/p/Dbd49MlljEl
^ the shockster really admires honorary poly cali golden bear rickie's positive outlook on life despite the fact that his 4.0 gpa berkeley grad wife allison married him in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous or something


michael kim (67, tied for 6th): michaell's UNREAL short game creativey showed out again with some mad scrambling & 102 feet in rolled in putts!!

gotta work out tho a couple of closed down short irons that got pulled left & long this afternoon

not sure exactly when we're gonna see michael in the winner circle again but it's gonna be sooner than later!!



note: great vibes/pairing tomorrow for michael with positive energy peter malnati (who along with tommy fleetwood is arguably the nicest guy on the pga tour), remember golfers are athletes (particularly colt knost)!!

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Shocky1
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6:02p, 7/31/26

who is dreaming up these sorry azz "team bonding" exercises??"

if ron had given the MONSTER the keys to the berkeley bears football program, the "get togethers" would be a whole lot more PHYSICAL (raise ur paws if the bears brutal beatdown/annihilation 35-3 at the hands of them san diego state aztecs wuz acceptable to u, ok??) & the bears would've WON the fiesta bowl last season by a couple of touchdowns before michigan tapped out or something



yeah the entire cali football program is candy azz soft with the lone exception of my zony brah explosive wideout QUARON ADAMS (who got more BIG play ability than anybody in the program including jks), moana could literally kick all these guys (except Q) azzs sideways if she wanted to but she don't because she's a positive role model for kindness/goodness (along with protecting the most vulnerable in society) on planet earth!!

https://instagr.am/p/DbDloFqoBU9
mai lilo i azz leo#

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com
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BearForceOne
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8:23p, 7/31/26
I hope the ATO and calgorithm promote the heck out of the season opener to start the Lupoi era with a bang!
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Shocky1
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9:02p, 7/31/26
forcey, calgorithm will continue to support fall fb tix sales via their FUN content but the non innovative/rudderless athletic ticket office/marketing department/strawberry creek studios (overlorded by the unlikeable non berkeley grads/anti revenue sports jay & jenny as enabled by a feckless chancellor) is not doing anything beyond sending out their usual mistake riddled repetitive blast emails/solicitations (that are promptly deleted) as they've always done before to fans that already got tixs


the mind boggling biz 101 decision (giving substance to shadows) to not offer FREE tixs to all berkeley students (which discriminates against socioeconomic disadvantaged students like my berkeley grad moms who grew up poor as **** in a small space on the 2nd floor above a laundry in san francisco) for all football games is gonna result in potentially 35,000-40,000+ EMPTY seats at memorial stadium for the wagner game on september 19th, building a fanbase sometimes requires upfront investment costs to attract NEW fans in today's highly competitive 6 second attention span economy

it's an outdated con fallacy thinking winning is the solution to tix sales but that just isn't the case anymore, the bears men's & women's hoop teams both fielded highly competitive teams last season with 20+ wins but still had ABYSMAL acc attendance metrics (with aging out sr citizen fanbases that can't remember where they parked their cars at haas after games, minimal student energy/interest in the programs which means no pipeline to future season tix buyers/donors) at a time when a wnba franchise across the bay (with no history of winning) averaged 18,046 spectators per game via professionally orchestrated dynamic targeted marketing

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Shocky1
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3:21p, 8/1/26
2026 motown summer of love tournament: 3rd round update

https://instagr.am/p/DavBDTAgYFR
^ translation: "I'm wildly attracted to all them triggering high GPA California Golden Bears golfers, hopefully incoming true freshman Parisian Callixte Alzas won't think I'm too old for him (as Americans would say a **** or Cougar) but no worries because Shocky is more age appropriate for me anyways (plus we're already in full agreement re: yoga, golf, afternoon naps, healthy dining *daily 32 oz green juices that facilitate pooping like race horses, that clothes are for losers and that the cliffside Il San Pietro di Positano on Italy's sun drenched Amalfi Coast is the most romantic hotel in the world!!"

michael kim (67, tied for 7th): michael is an absolute BOSS shooting 3 under par despite missing 8 greens in regulation (figured out the closed down pulled short iron shots from yesterday but left a couple out to the right today) via a spectacular holed out bunker birdie on the par 3 9th hole (6 for 6 on sand saves this week) & an unreal 140 feet in drained putts!!

michael, really hate ur strategy today of hitting a fairway wood off the tee on the MONSTER 528 yards par 4 17th hole (a converted par 5 with a looming bunker jutting into a third of the left side of the fairway for an overly cooked/hooked drive) which resulted in a predictable bogey, tomorrow u gotta just pound a ******* driver aimed down the right rough mow line & let it fly, got it??


more helpful hints: and yeah don't leave ur putter with the club storage guys (or frowny patrick cantlay) & since ur paired with si woo tomorrow maybe give him a ride to the course or something (would a map help??)



https://instagr.am/p/Dbed7JVDIkR
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:46p, 8/1/26
Shocky1 said:

gotta love all them california golden bears but not gonna lie these guys in the o-line room are by far & away my favorite guys on the team...look at their genuine kinda tired smiles, they all are truly one love...they toil in obscurity & when they **** up everybody in the stadium knows it, when they hustle to the 2nd level & knock the defenders on their ******* azzs like they did on saturday everybody praises the all world explosive freshman running back...they just can't win

but that's ok, these are some of the highest gpa & academically successful guys on the team, they not dumb azz fake models or something

check out the eternal happiness etched on #71 6'3" 335 lbs sioape vatikani sprawled out in the foto like a 12 year old haka dance warrior at camp friendly pines with his brahs, what time is benji's bbq?

notice coach mcclure's hand on the back of #62 6'4" 330 lbs ben coleman, they got a connection

#73 6'4" 295 lbs matthew cindric look like he auditioning for a rogaine hair commercial, sure hope cindo decide to return to berkeley next season for a 6th year so he can continue to save money at the supercuts on durant getting the tuesday afternoon baldy special discount

#72 6'4" 300 lbs tj session look happy (kinda like greg) with the folded arms at being back in the warm cali fall sunlite & outta the depressing as **** white azz montana snowstorms & #63 6'6" 285 lbs brayden rhome is signaling with his right hand the gpa necessary to play for them arizona wildcats

great to see #78 jackson brown fill out his 6'6" 305 lb frame, his continued development will be the #1 story at the next spring ball as he competes as an athletic tackle with upside

only guy not smiling is 6'6" 335 spencer lovell & that's only cuz he got a boot on his right foot & he the lead singer of before the dawn...do not **** with this guy

this **** is personal for coach johnson who is vamping for the foto like a sugar upped 4th grader at a b-day party & the s&c bad azzs

where is mikey?...is his peeing again on coach wilcox's fake rubber tree in the corner of his office?...that's a bad boy, mikey is not a good boy, go outside mikey

yeah this is a foto of a lifetime, a foto of 60+ year friendships for adoptable forgotten rescue mutts that nobody gives a **** about except shocky



impose ur ******* will (in a pitch black universe)#


^ this fascinating interview captures the essence of the inclusive poly brotherhood within the cal football program (which is facilitated by the 9th island's randy scott off campus poly house)

what's the genesis of this cal's monster offensive line thread??

the shockster wuz tole during a conversation with someone within the program a couple of years ago that 4.0 gpa true freshman sioape vatikani wuz already the "strongest" player in the program thru the summer workouts & that he would start as a true freshman

this wuz a clear RED FLAG that the cal s&c program wuz FAILING (how could a reno high schooler already be stronger than guys who had been lifting weights for 4-5 years at the "high performance center" under the direction of a non accountable s&c staff??) along with a non existent NUTRITION program (numerous weights on the o-line wuz blatantly lied about in the above roster measurements)

most people don't know this about the shockster but he can guess males, females & doggy dog weights within a lb or two after looking at them in person for 30 seconds (this skill*?? has won/settled a lotta 19th hole golfing bets thru the years)

anyways shocky wrote the above 1st post with the intent to support o-line recruiting which ironically wuz not MONSTER at all

sioape is blessed with unique/unlimited upside from the jump but in watching the pregame warm ups in the north end zone at memorial stadium from 3 feet away from the action thru the years it's always been obvious that sioape wuz overweight (360+ lbs), outta shape (poor bend/flexibility) & moving sluggishly relative to his god given potential (which resulted in injuries & dropping off nfl draft boards)

https://instagr.am/p/DbYqY6NjjlV
so it's GREAT NEWS to hear now that vatikani is taking his nutrition seriously (funny how he admits with a sheepish grin that he "cheated" on his diets all the time) & finally getting his body/mind right heading into the EPIC uc championship game!!

gotta luv paws but note that despite the conversation re: weight, mike NEVER asks sioape how much weight he's lost or how much he weighs now!!



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the beautiful people of tonga)

https://instagr.am/p/DaRIR4MzxKB
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10:13p, 8/1/26
https://instagr.am/p/DP8JrTCAAbs
academic eligibility (did he pass his classes??) & roster space (a current walk on could be offered a student assistant role) will be among the KEY issues (keep in mind the transfer portal is closed *jaydn ott CANNOT return & that the ncca will be appealing this 2022 class preliminary injunction) in potentially corner/nickel BRENT "PACO" AUSTIN returning to berkeley!!

https://instagr.am/p/DPo2w_DEn8H
^ paco got good hair (unlike coach lup)

THE TAKER$#
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12:26p, 8/2/26
https://instagr.am/p/DTBHE5lAf45
stockton is bear territory#
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8:18p, 8/2/26
2026 t-grizzly's joy road tournament: 4th round update


michael kim (69, tied for 8th): mad PROPS to our fearless golden bear playing boldly to WIN on the back nine with aggressive shotmaking strategies after making the turn in a 6 way tie for 1st place!!

*****on the short par 3 15th hole with the pin diabolically tucked in the front right corner, michael tried to attack/flight a wedge right to left but it missed it's target by a yard or two & bounced down into the native grasses in the ditch which resulted in a bogey

*****on the cyclops par 4 17th hole michael followed the shockster's course strategy advice & smashed a MONSTER 305 yard drive aimed at the right rough line that ended up in the fairway which resulted in a tap in par after yesterday's ****show bogey!!

*****on the challenging par 4 18th hole michael's aggressive approach ended up in the ditch right of the pin by a couple of paces which resulted in a bogey

michael, ur playing to ******* WIN trophies/championships, ur dreams are NOT for sale (unlike the soon to be playing on the yucatan peninsular mini tour ****tard liv golfers like rahmbo & deshambles) and shocky luvs that about u!!

416 feet in drained putts & an unreal 21 outta 27 up & downs scrambling for the tourny es muy bueno brah!!

yeah michael (now #59 in the fed ex standings, #55 in the official world golf rankings) is the only bear competing next week in greensboro while max (#51 in the fed ex standings, #78 in the official world golf rankings) & collin (#6 in the fed ex standings, #8 in the official world golf rankings) take another week of vacay back home before the playoffs


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In reply to Shocky1 • 9:04p, 8/2/26
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
2027 junior college recruiting update:


after a standout performance at memorial stadium's showcase last weekend, the staff is officially tripping physical with a crazy azz +1 athletic 44" vertical jump ELITE length 6'4" 190 lbs alius mayo from modesto junior college (1st team all conference) & originally lincoln high school who is gonna be a december grad this upcoming weekend june 12-14th

alius is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.54 gpa & knows cal defensive backs get PAID in the NFL!!


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (and an hour plus drive on fall gamedays for the fam from stockton to the lair of the bear)



what up alius??

https://instagr.am/p/DXYP9Wrj3Xy
in case u haven't figured it out yet, let the monster break it down for u re: ur sunday afternoon finalists:

louisville: ur agent's childhood relationship with the cards general manager should NOT be a factor in a collegiate decision with 50 year life altering consequences

alabama: nasty azz humid ****hole tuscaloosa is straight up RACIST, that's why ur 48 hour official visit to the redneck truck stop town wuz so scripted to ensure u didn't get to talk to any non football black students about wut it's really like living in the deep south...ask the fake friends tide staff to give u an update list of all the former defensive backs that turned 30 years of age in the last couple of years, how many of them are basically ****** working on the loading dock at buc-ee's or cleaning dishes at the local waffle houses??...yeah roll ******* tide (to the smelly azz dumpster out back)!!

lsu: does not prepare its low gpa disposable football gladiators for life after football but baton rouge is the #7 ranked MURDER capital in the united states...do u like sweating & looking over ur shoulder, geaux tigers!!

mississippi state: starkville isn't exactly the bay area brah

asu: a lotta muy caliente chicas at the nation's #1 ranked stripper college, make sure ur health insurance covers stds & ****

cal: year round cali weather (and only a 90 minute drive from stockton to memorial stadium on fall gamedays for those that have always loved u from the jump) for a football program with a genuine family first culture that is losing/developing multiple corners/nickels starters to the NFL (there's a documented track record of bears dbs getting PAID in the league) after the 2026 season, u gotta 3.54 gpa so balancing football & academics won't be a problem in earning a berkeley degree & building GENERATIONAL WEALTH on the west coast


KAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WELCOME 3.54 gpa alius (luv that name!!) & his bearents (who are probably breathing a sigh of relief about driving an hour plus from stockton to berkeley for future fall gamedays vs expensive and time consuming all day flights/travel to tuscaloosa) & beautiful family to the inclusive california golden bear football program!!

mayo is the NATION'S #1 ranked junior college player (will transfer to berkeley in january of 2027) & gotta continue to build strength on his +1 athletic wiry with length frame to lead the TAKERS to championships & get developed for the NFL!!

and yeah that day alius earns a berkeley degree & walks across the stage is gonna be a day to remember (moms tears of joy/happiness will be EPIC)!!

HOME is where the heart is (and those that loved u from the jump)#

https://instagr.am/p/DbddOUFpai2
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HongKong_Bear
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:21p, 8/2/26

Delighted to see us getting a player from Modesto JC. Back in my junior year (83) I was on the basketball club B team and one of our away games was against Modesto JC. So long ago now I don't remember the outcome but it was a competitive game. I wonder how the jc's will do in the age of NIL. Not so long ago Josh Allen of the Bills came out of Reedley College. BTW got our tix for the UCLA game, see you in a month!
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10:48p, 8/2/26
glenn, great to hear u & ur wife are doing the transatlantic travel in order to cheer on ur cali bears in the wildly anticipated battle of the barricade uc championship game on saturday september 5th at 7:30 pm!!

100% agreed that if ELITE junior college prospects got the necessary strong GPA (any cal fb recruiting story without a gpa is worthless as ****) in order to compete in the classrooms of berkeley then we need to pursue/recruit them relentlessly like 3.54 GPA alius mayo


and yeah alius gotta a WICKED sense of humour, he's gonna fit in just fine with them berkeley bears!!


gotta luv the entire beautiful mayo family (their reactions r priceless), can't wait to meet them on fall gamedays!!


**** ****hole truck stop towns with low gpa disposable/exploitable gladiators (that are ****** when they're 30 years old and the nil money is spent/long gone) like alabama (sorry jt, ur still my favorite golfer college drop out from the deep south)

roll tide (to the smelly azz dumpsters behind the waffle houses)!!#
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11:36p, 8/2/26

mr ruiz, if ur gonna include topless fotos as part of ur future content, would you please include becky g instead of ilb1 tristan jernigan??

https://instagr.am/p/DbesB3ykcIc
mucho gracias

https://instagr.am/p/DIbYqfhs9ic
^ fun fact: the best way to enjoy coachella is with a FREE all access backstage pass given to u by one of the artists!!
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2:24p, 8/3/26
https://instagr.am/p/DbjIWSoPzTZ

cheer$!!#


^ this is a typical low key monday evening "get together" hang for cal's defensive line room (sigh, no wonder the recently incorporated monsterloseurazz.com got ucla as 19.5 point favorites in the uc championship game)
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8:23p, 8/3/26
https://instagr.am/p/DbdyHo2IQ7J
real talk: ian strong & chase hendricks are gonna be a star star star star star star

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4:26a, 8/4/26

this is cal football (lost in the unknown, don't leave)!!#

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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:07p, 8/4/26
Shocky1 said:
2028 high school football recruiting update:


right now the cali golden bears got 4 brother duos:

niles & charles "spida man" davis, los angeles
lucky & miles schirmer, la verne
cooper & gunna perry, scottsdale
bastian & meyer swinney, edina

real talk: brahs attending the same school make it a million more times easy (and less costly) for moms & the fam to get to ur fall game days without splitting up tryna to make the travel logistics work

the bears staff is targeting elite SPEED linebacker 6'2" 210 lbs taualli purcell (brother of early playing time true freshman tight end taimane) from kamehameha high school in hawaii


tau is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 3.8 gpa!!

https://instagr.am/p/DasnIDbI4lv
cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island (and a home away from home)

2028 high school recruiting update:

priority target for the staff with an actionable offer is +1 athletic 6'2" 195 lbs ernie tofi from academically strong riordan high school in san francisco


this is gonna be a cal (brother john) vs oregon (brother tommy) recruiting battle, there's no way moms & dad wanna try to get to a 3rd school on fall gamedays

ernie is NOT a dumb azz, he got a 4.0 gpa (which obviously favors berkeley)!!



did ernie learn how to swim at garfield when he wuz 5 (dipping thru the avenues)??#
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:23p, 8/4/26
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/DTTakjlEqBY
cal's monster class translation:
https://bearinsider.com/s/5175/mason-mini-in-his-words-why-i-chose-cal/2

"Hi my name is Mason "Not So" Mini and I got soft hands, a good GPA like Shocky and I'm from Pacifica which got the greatest ******* Taco Bell on planet earth!!"

https://instagr.am/p/DOzc6fRD0FX

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6:29p, 8/4/26

kamar mouthdi=hard hitting inside linebacker with a soft side (and legit creative talent)

https://instagr.am/p/C64b6JSImZI
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6:43p, 8/4/26

https://instagr.am/p/DXKiZUigYpk
jordan king=future michelin 3 star restaurant owner/part time chef (when he feels like it)
^ refined culinary palette despite growing up on them heart attack cardboard tasting voodoo donuts!!

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com
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