https://instagr.am/p/DcU25attG9t
literally the most unreal display of +2 athleticism in the history of ucla football!!

do u got ur tix(s) for 9/5/26??

the monster wuz just tole that some of the tarps are being removed (by cal's monster offensive line, cheap/strong labor) rite now!!

get ur spot at the center of the universe on a beautiful fall evening gameday, there's no backing down now (this **** is NOT that complicated)~~

https://instagr.am/p/Dcb_6G7y0Sy
yeah the uc championship game is kinda important, ucla played a key role in breaking up the pac 10 unbeknownst to a lost in the clouds chancellor christ, clueless as **** athletic department officials including jay & jenny and the university of california board of regents

it took a flip flop last minute acc invitation vote by the north carolina state president (due to intense lobbying from condoleezaa rice (stanford), george bush (smu) & the notre dame's then athletic director jack swarbrick) to save cal from an irrelevant conference & the existential end of cal athletics as we know it

posting on this board's pointless gameday thread instead of being at memorial stadium basically means ur candy azz soft (or maybe aged out of sports fandom, sorry bingo nite don't count) & don't really give a ****

Hi Bill:

Let me simplify the numbers further. To comply on Prong 1 of Title IX, the ratio of male-to-female athletes at Cal must be approximately the same as the ratio of total male students to total female students at the school.

That ratio is 46 percent male students, versus 54 percent female students. Therefore, for every 46 male athletes at Cal, there must be 54 female athletes to comply.

My count, based on the (perhaps not very accurate) rosters on Calbears.com, is that there are 508 male athletes, versus 314 female athletes. Therefore, Cal is not currently in compliance with Prong 1. Your cuts would reduce the male total to 285, and the female total to 207. Cal would still be out of compliance, because the make-up of the student body and the requirements of Prong 1, mean that Cal must have more women athletes than men athletes to comply. That's very hard to do if you have a football team, because football rosters are so large. IMHO, this is the reason most schools in the SEC have small non-revenue athletic programs, so they only have to offer the bare minimum of women's sports to comply with Prong 1.

Again, this math makes it unlikely that Cal is going to comply on Prong 1, so it's left with Prongs 2 and 3, which essentially require it offer women's sports any time women express an interest in having them. Expanding with a focus on women is Prong 2. Accommodating athletic interests of women is Prong 3. So if some women want to start wrestling, or bowling or fencing, Cal will probably have to pay for it.

https://instagr.am/p/DcezdQ0Mjdp
CONGRATS to ziqin & sihao hitting in regulation the iconic par 3 16th hole at cypress point and callixte pounding a drive over the hedge on the par 4 1st hole at cpc without involving any physical damage to vehicles!!

but hitting driver for long hitters (with the tree/sand clump jealously guarding the center of the fairway) on the par 4 17th hole at arguably the most SPECTACULAR cathedral of golf is a freshman (or colt knost) dumb azz course management decision

https://instagr.am/p/DSS2jiuCUk1
^ real talk: shocky walks 36 holes in the same time that the bears play 18 holes, sigh

THE ADVENTURE (who's gonna be ur all in ghostriders in traveling further afar to the unknown??)!!#

https://instagr.am/p/DMiYw8XuMmL
hey jeff, wuz talking with a longtime fellow golf course architecture enthusiast (sr partner at nashville's largest law firm, diehard volunteer sports fan and a member of augusta national & the honors club) & in response to my questions regarding title ix tole me "billy, i've got associates that could devise a workable plan to make berkeley title ix compliant in 15 minutes" with a chuckle

so here's the counters from the vols streamlined 18 programs with sec media dollars vs cal's bloated bureaucratic 28 programs with reduced share acc media dollars:
https://utsports.com

men's programs:
baseball-39 counters
basketball-17 counters (including dai dai ames)
cross country-9 counters
football-113 counters
golf-8 counters
swimming-25 counters
tennis-10 counters
track & field-33 counters
total counters-254

women's programs:
basketball-15 counters
cross country-14 counters
golf-8 counters
rowing-68 counters
soccer-26 counters
softball-22 counters
swimming-35 counters
tennis-10 counters
track & field-45 counters
volleyball-18 counters
total counters-261

my point is that jay & jenny are perpetuating the knowlton bull**** that cal athletics can't field winning teams in most sports & balance the budget because major donors don't want that which is 100% NOT true, the university's largest donors the builders of berkeley are not demanding the presence of these losing programs that are poorly attended & ignored by the student body and alums

how **** works in the sec/deep south: my golf buddy for years has invited out the vols men's & women's golf teams including the head coaches and athletic director to augusta national every spring (and on the final night in the butler cabins hands over a check for $250,000 for each program)...well one year he wuz upset with one of the coaches so that spring he just invited one of the teams & not the athletic director...low key southern hospitality message sent, that summer the athletic director fired the failing coach & my buddy invited everybody out to augusta the next spring without anybody ever mentioning anything

how **** works in berkeley: the bureaucrats in the athletic department will set remarkably low metrics & then say they SOLD OUT the student section of its allocation even tho memorial stadium will have potentially 40,000+ EMPTY seats for the wagner game because the outta touch white management team FAILED to offer FREE tixs to ALL berkeley students...yeah there's an art to being a disingenuous bureaucrat that manipulates the facts, kinda waiting for the announcement that cal hoops student section is SOLD OUT this season too despite once again finishing at the bottom of the acc in attendance

https://instagr.am/p/C7rJmB1ufmr

Shocky1 said:

---

^ fun story: shocky took shay on a michigan world top 100 golf daddy/daughter roadtrip (crystal downs, oakland hills, franklin hills, meadowbrook, indianwood, kingsley, greywalls, forest dunes & arcadia bluff) with her serving as my caddie ($150 bucks per loop, the pine valley going rate, plus a pga/high gpa bonus at the end of the trip) to help her save up some money before attending denver law school

so the 1st nite out we're in downtown detroit checking out a brand new ramen place when leaving we see a bunch of walking traffic towards the arena...shay asks me do i think it's a baseball game or something??...dad says no, most of the young ladies are wearing dresses showing half of their boobs/azzs

shay checks her phone & says it's a concert next door do we wanna go??

we got nothing going on so dad says sure & shay buys 2 tixs with her phone for the front row

anyways it's drake (who as a canadian across the border view spent a lotta time in detroit) & migos (the shockster realized he ****** up his career choices, he should've been a "hype" man who basically got no musical talent but amps up the crowd by yelling **** like "croc pot" or "drop top" while jumping up & down like a dumb azz)

there's a guy standing by us ready to go on stage next, shocks tells the guy he's the only guy in the arena whose more excited to hear t-grizzly (america's storyteller) than that loser drake!!...shay tells t-grizzly that's 100% true, that cal's monster class has always featured his music, t thinks this **** is funny as **** as we talk for maybe 5 minutes & fist bumps the MONSTER before he's introduced by drake as "detroit's greatest mother******" and runs on stage!!



joy road (ruff)#

---

wut up twon, t-grizzly just texted me & tole the monster ur his favorite cali bear or something!!

https://instagr.am/p/DbCNGPBnF5x

https://instagr.am/p/Dce6pz9M8fo

day in, day out pic.twitter.com/GrdFzoJqEf

— UNLV Football (@unlvfootball) August 12, 2026

real talk: when them high gpa berkeley bears travel to sin city on saturday october 3rd to battle unlv at allegiant stadium's nfl dome, our opponent will be a football program that is favored to win the mountain west conference via an exceptional rb1 with literally no academic component that best prepares its low gpa dumb azzs for future exciting hourly wage careers with meaningful majors such as casino valet car parking tourism, advanced slot machine repair technology & upscale escort management aka the strong pimp hand!!

oppenheimer wuz a berkeley professor, he never took a recruiting trip to unlv!!

KAAAAABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go rebels!!

EXCLUSIVE footage of max homa's 1 hit wonder caddie pappageorge reminiscing about that cbyf1 scorer with the blue sleeveless polo & mythical triggering ponytail thru the back of the white cap at colonial that he wuz macking on with not even low key/subtle (monster level) sideway glances instead of cleaning homa's clubs & raking traps!!

https://instagr.am/p/DTgqgNejJpJ
yeah behind the scenes the pga tour is NOT all ***** & giggles, there's the struggle that must be

OFFICIAL CAL'S MONSTER CLASS PGA TOUR UPDATE:

https://instagr.am/p/Dcg5Q7TvNtM
in response to commish rolapp's request for a "fair pathway back for LIV golfers" in order to avoid current anti monopolistic & reverse condemnation lawsuits before the maricopa county supreme court, the shockster's recommendation of a 57 player hexagon gauntlet fight to the end (with no water or medical aid) for 1 spot on the pga tour in the 2027 season has been accepted to be contested tomorrow at noon on the asphalt parking lot at the tpc scottsdale stadium course!!

admission for all students (including apollo, basha, chandler, notre dame, cactus shadows, mountain view & sandra day o'connor high schools) will be FREE!!

cal drop out after 1 year (shades of jt, books r for losers, roll tide!!) byeong hun an could not be reached for comment

MMA fighter got knocked out after calling his opponent’s wife fat 😬

“His b*tch is fat, bro. Give her some dieting tips. All them rolls.” pic.twitter.com/NUw11XGWjl

— Happy Punch (@HappyPunch) August 25, 2026

https://instagr.am/p/DceH8vLBeDq
^ apparently the criteria unbeknownst to me for becoming a substitute yoga teacher1 (syt1) includes being a CUTE cbyf1 which wuz reaffirmed to me today by modern yoga's senior management which got shocky unfairly evaluated as a syt17

**** me

anyways, a yoga/meditation practice is critical for golfers that are chasing SPEED with the ball/club speed metrics that are necessary for today's championship golf via relentless s&c weight training/high protein nutrition...3 of the 4 greatest cali bear golfers Ziqin Zhou, michael kim & collin morikawa all got on & off back issues, they desperately need yoga/meditation practices...max homa is the best built with his unreal workouts & is ******* unbreakable kinda like his idol kirk gibson!!

back in the day the #3 ranked hoops player in his class visited berkeley in a super secret visit (that wuz known of course to the de facto general manager of the program, after all jaylen brown read cal's monster class daily during his jr & sr years of high school)...the KEY to this successful recruitment wuz his conversations with all world s&c coach nicodemus christopher who outlined a detailed developmental gameplan for getting to the league via gym work with nico & yoga flexibility/fluidity/injury avoidance with the monster



yeah jaylen is an alpha predator male (which is impossible if u got back issues) in the violent nba & currently got a 6 year super max contract worth $305,000,000

it all started at modern yoga (how did it end up like this??)#

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

Free Shocky

Shocky1 said:

---

2028 high school recruiting update:

Sophomore year Varsity Highlights
⭐️ 5.2 TPG
⭐️ 9 TFL’s
⭐️ 4 Sacks
⭐️ 1 FF
⭐️ 1 TD
(5 games missed due to Injury)https://t.co/W6gRaOnMmp pic.twitter.com/fSELMLBsjX

— LandonMiller4⭐️ (@LMiller2028) December 19, 2025

cali's #1 ranked linebacker in the 2028 class & national recruit with unreal closing SPEED 6'25" 210 lbs langdon miller from local powerhouse delasalle high school would be a DAY 1 ilb1 starter (which may or may not be the case in eugene, columbus & south bend) as a golden bear!!

https://instagr.am/p/DPYkpzrDvuI
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (in case u haven't figured it out yet coach)

---

Concord (Calif.) De La Salle linebacker Landon Miller has lined up a handful of game visits for this season, including stops at Cal, Oregon and USC, and continues to work on possible dates with a few Midwest suitors.

The latest on the talented defender: https://t.co/RfyQrwf8Hv pic.twitter.com/hKviFYllNA

— Blair Angulo (@BlairAngulo) August 26, 2026

CalCentel has released its first team injury report of the season, with several projected starters in jeopardy going into Week 1 against Cal’s southern satellite campus.

Will this move the betting odds? pic.twitter.com/fxSQhT69Ti

— CalCentel (@TheCalCentel) August 20, 2026

INJURY UPDATES: dangerous bears all banged up, telepathic bruins in perfect health *tho they all look kinda skinny!!

https://instagr.am/p/DchNZZjyV2U

Shocky1 said:

---

hey jeff, wuz talking with a longtime fellow golf course architecture enthusiast (sr partner at nashville's largest law firm, diehard volunteer sports fan and a member of augusta national & the honors club) & in response to my questions regarding title ix tole me "billy, i've got associates that could devise a workable plan to make berkeley title ix compliant in 15 minutes" with a chuckle

so here's the counters from the vols streamlined 18 programs with sec media dollars vs cal's bloated bureaucratic 28 programs with reduced share acc media dollars:
https://utsports.com

men's programs:
baseball-39 counters
basketball-17 counters (including dai dai ames)
cross country-9 counters
football-113 counters
golf-8 counters
swimming-25 counters
tennis-10 counters
track & field-33 counters
total counters-254

women's programs:
basketball-15 counters
cross country-14 counters
golf-8 counters
rowing-68 counters
soccer-26 counters
softball-22 counters
swimming-35 counters
tennis-10 counters
track & field-45 counters
volleyball-18 counters
total counters-261

my point is that jay & jenny are perpetuating the knowlton bull**** that cal athletics can't field winning teams in most sports & balance the budget because major donors don't want that which is 100% NOT true, the university's largest donors the builders of berkeley are not demanding the presence of these losing programs that are poorly attended & ignored by the student body and alums

how **** works in the sec/deep south: my golf buddy for years has invited out the vols men's & women's golf teams including the head coaches and athletic director to augusta national every spring (and on the final night in the butler cabins hands over a check for $250,000 for each program)...well one year he wuz upset with one of the coaches so that spring he just invited one of the teams & not the athletic director...low key southern hospitality message sent, that summer the athletic director fired the failing coach & my buddy invited everybody out to augusta the next spring without anybody ever mentioning anything

how **** works in berkeley: the bureaucrats in the athletic department will set remarkably low metrics & then say they SOLD OUT the student section of its allocation even tho memorial stadium will have potentially 40,000+ EMPTY seats for the wagner game because the outta touch white management team FAILED to offer FREE tixs to ALL berkeley students...yeah there's an art to being a disingenuous bureaucrat that manipulates the facts, kinda waiting for the announcement that cal hoops student section is SOLD OUT this season too despite once again finishing at the bottom of the acc in attendance

---

Bill, I don't agree with the Knowlton/dual ****tards bull**** either, but that's a different issue from complying with Title IX. According to AI, the Tennessee student body is 53.5 percent women and 46.5 percent men. Based on the numbers above, the atletic program is 51 percent women and 49 percent men, so they're a lot closer to being in numerical compliance than Cal is. Also, it may be that the flower of Tennessee womanhood is a lot less litigious than the Cal field hockey players that sued when football took over their field, and IAD didn't do anything to replace it. In any event, I've told you why the Cal structure is the way it is, and we've really beaten this horse to glue. I'm sure we're boring the hell out of eveyone else looking in. Peace out.

2026 coca cola museum in atlanta tournament: 1st round update

https://instagr.am/p/DVd7HrNAcxp
^ on the auburn roadie me & slim wadie spent our 1st nite out in buckhead at the new nobu hotel, wuz a first out twosome at the fantastic peachtree (arguably the 2nd best course in the south) in a 2 & a half hours walking round & then we went (at my urging) to the absolutely waste of time coca cola museum (slim wadie made me reimburse him for his admission tix in order to avoid potential litigation) in downtown atlanta

collin morikawa (64, tied for 2nd):

what is the greatest INJUSTICE of the pga tour??

no, it's not the good good bull**** (there is no place on planet earth for even fake violence towards females), it's morikawa not properly being recognized as the winner of the 2024 tour championship

collin wuz 18 under par for that week, the next lowest score wuz 17 under par but because there wuz this dumb azz pre tournament awarding of strokes scottie "won" the tournament because of the now defunct "starting strokes" advantage...for those of u not quite following along (like jeff faraudo who also mistakenly thinks golf fans give 2 ***** about tournament purse dollars which is 1980s sports journalism), this would be like wagner starting the september 18th football game with the scoreboard at memorial stadium before the opening kick off showing the score as "wagner 21, california 0"...got it??

anyways the monster is working with commish rolapp's minions to get this corrected & a proper apology announced on sunday afternoon that morikawa is the rightful winner of the 2024 tour championship (with no changes in prize award dollars, we just want the record books to be accurate)

repeat after me: collin morikawa straight up WON the ******* 2024 tour championship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today collin is continuing to roll the rock with 123 feet in drained putts!!...but in his postgame interview with the golf channel he attributed his improved putting to advice from max homa, tiger woods & kevin kisner with ZERO appreciation for the monster's multi year lessons re: releasing the putterhead (to avoid his shoves right of the cup with a slightly open putteface) & bringing in his caddies for greens reads, sigh
https://www.golfchannel.com/watch/pga-tour/2026-tour-championship-collin-morikawa-round-1-recap



my only constructive criticism of morikawa today wuz his dumb azz course management decision in laying up with a utility wood on the 450 yard slightly uphill par 4 13th hole which he did so into the punishing left rough which required a scrambling par save from over the green after his tee ball only traveled 250 yards...there are 2 fairway bunkers at east lake down the left side of this fairway, collin should be able to carry the 1st bunker which protrudes into the fairway with a solid drive & he can't reach the 2nd bunker which is 325 yards out...hit the ******* DRIVER mañana, u feel me brah??

cal men's golf update:

https://instagr.am/p/DchwMkaMBwS
will be very interesting to see who are the lowest 5 scoring qualifiers (coach wilson runs a meritocracy program which replicates the pga tour) for the team's opening tournament september 7th/8th at the gila river whirlwind resort just south of phoenix...the shockster's original travel plans wuz to fly after the ucla game from san francisco to new york for him & his daughter taylor's week long roadie from nyc thru the hudson valley & niagara falls (never been, it's been suggested that the best falls viewing is at nite from the canadian side, gotta remember to bring our passports) up to the syracuse game but now he may fly back to the desert to watch his bears on monday or something before traveling to the eastcoastie

throw it down Michelle Onyiah 💥 pic.twitter.com/2cb036B2gz

— Indiana Fever (@IndianaFever) August 24, 2026

michelle onyiah-my favorite women's hooper of all time whose limited collegiate development (which is impacting her wnba opportunities) wuz marked by poor coaching of defensive fundamentals (i.e. reaching with the hands, moving the lower body when posted up, lack of awareness of the principle of verticality), foul trouble (the bears all time leader in moving screens), playing outta position (onyiah is a natural post interior 4, not a banging 5 defensively) & a program culture ingrained with an acceptance of correctable turnovers (i.e. attempting cross court passes that are often intercepted)

but charmin's biggest failure wuz revealed in my conversations with michelle on fall football gamedays at memorial stadium when multiple times we discussed her bizarro (and entirely inaccurate) perception that the refs wuz intentionally biased against her which she tole me the head coach agreed with her on this strange unjustified paranoia

go be great michelle!!