My Heisman Trophy ballot following Week 3:
1. Ole Miss QB Trinidad Chambliss
2. Mississippi State QB Kamario Taylor
3. Miami QB Darian Mensah
4. Ohio State WR Jeremiah Smith
5. Miami WR Malachi Toney
6. Florida RB Jadan Baugh
7. USC QB Jayden Maiava
8. Cal S Kingston Lopa
9.… https://t.co/691LGAbOxP

— Pete Nakos (@PeteNakos) September 21, 2026

former pacer kingston lopa's sudden closing SPEED (which needs to be exploited on BLITZES up the middle vs clemson's inexperienced freshman qb1) on the ball is ******* unreal!!

Make that 5️⃣ for @LopaKingston #GoBears pic.twitter.com/kRIS9Gi2UQ

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) September 21, 2026

coach syd's grant high school in sacramento (only a 90 minute drive for moms & the fam on fall gamedays to memorial stadium) is a PIPELINE to that cali bears football program!!

real talk: apex predator edge defenders pacer giovanni hodge (tole me on the field during the ucla pregame warm ups that he got a 3.8 gpa, gio is focused & exudes intensity), 3.8 gpa troy bowens from sutter high school & 3.5 gpa miles schirmer from powerhouse corona centennial high school all got legit opportunities to start/heavy playing rotation snaps as true freshmen in 2027!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ddahawiyk1s
THE TAKERS (get PAID in the NFL!!)#

Defensive. Back. University. https://t.co/W9eSLaobKu

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) September 20, 2026

clemson update:

https://instagr.am/p/DdeYCu_Dmtq
the tigers football program (which like most predominantly white schools in the deep south neither supports nor condones slavery) is nervously (multiple players already exhibiting symptoms of level 7 panic attacks) staring down wednesday's brutal 3000 miles plane flight from their ****hole truck stop town in south carolina to the cosmopolitan & spectacularly beautiful left coast (which will result in 74 of the team issued vomit bags & all 4 tiny undersized airplane lavatories overflowing) are now anxiously taking leaks/dumps in their lockers, that's 100% uncivilized & messed up (do they not got any shame??)!!

yeah the clemson tigers are a mid football program (dabo's run wuz a good one but it's ******* over now with his disdain for the transfer portal & wilcox thematic preference for hiring non performing assistant coaches/friends) with queasy stomachs & an inexperienced freshman qb1 who is not familiar with exotic well disguised BLITZ packages that are gonna result him leaving alta bates in a ******* body bag late friday nite!!

https://instagr.am/p/DG3celVOs_4
actual text conversation (lightly edited for legal reasons) between clemson qb1 tait reyonolds & shocky:

tait: look shocky, everybody in the tigers program including dabo is reading the monster right now, as a fellow zony can you do me a solid and clarify your kinda cryptic comment that i'm going to leave friday nite's game in a body bag?

shocky: sure tait, tell me about the typical safety blitz when u wuz the qb1 at queen creek high school??

tait: ok maybe a 5'7" 165 lb white boy from mesa mountain view high school that runs a hand timed 4.85 40 obviously signaling his intention to blitz from the free safety position

shocky: so this friday from a totally disguised BLITZ package 6'5" 210 lbs kingston lopa on the 2nd play of the tiger's 1st offensive series is gonna gallop towards you like an enraged leopard with electronic 4.5 40 speed and literally knock the living **** outta you!!

tait: wowza, appreciate the heads up, since we're probably not going to a bowl game this season when i get back to the desert this december for my post wheelchair rehab will you invite me to a princess courtney's modern yoga class?

shocky: sure, we can do that but ur not feeling them clemson coeds??

tait: shocks, most of them are illiterate and have been told by their deep south moms since age 6 that if they don't lock down a man before their "expiration date" of age 20 that their lives will be ruined~~

shocky: ay caramba, no es bueno!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdSzfpQOQRk
fun fact: mi amiga becky g's pr team tole her to tell fallon that this song is about her nephew but rebbeca tole the shockster with a laugh that she kinda of thought of me when she wrote this song, this is all very confusing as there's a reference to "inteligente" but no specific reference to the monster's 3.92 gpa while at berkeley which is kinda disappointing!!

https://instagr.am/p/BK1PpkdD858
https://instagr.am/p/DIbYqfhs9ic
^ real talk: if u don't got FREE all access backstage passes given to u by a performing artist at coachella then ur probably doing something wrong in life!!

The California Golden Bears play football tomorrow pic.twitter.com/XqDVxJnrrU

— CalCentel (@TheCalCentel) September 19, 2026

oski & the 3 stooges go to the trap house (what could possibly go wrong??)!!#

Some things can’t be erased by a scoreboard. I bleed this shit and it brings a tear to my eye that it’s something I can share with my daughter for life. Tonight was painful but only because i really do care. Roll on you magnificent Bears. Bay Area till they put me in the dirt. pic.twitter.com/yiOT3BS2Hc

— Girl Father (@TIMBO_SL1CE) October 6, 2024

this is a prime example (kinda like albert & his daughter with oski last saturday) of great parenting (the MAGIC of cal football should be shared with those that u love!!)#
^ do u got ur family tixs for this friday nite at 7:30 pm at an ELECTRIC memorial stadium??

real talk: our kids will never remember who won or lost but they will remember how we made them feel!!

https://instagr.am/p/DcXwRU9h1KL

fake football player on campus 🏫

be there at 12:30pm tomorrow vs Wagner! pic.twitter.com/tUkZwhnr6b

— The Bench (@TheBenchCal) September 18, 2026

coach tinker making MOVES with special teams!!#

Cal LB Kamar Mothudi on preparing his body for Friday's game vs. Clemson and his love for yoga:

"... We finish Wagner ... treat (Sunday) like a Monday, in terms of recovering ... I'm really into yoga, so I try to do my yoga every night ... I watch a little bit of extra film ..."

— Joaquin Ruiz (@WalkingRuiz) September 22, 2026

kamar, AWESOME to hear u got a yoga/meditation practice, do urself a solid & find a studio with cbyf1s (watching just videos no es bueno)

Kamar Mothudi on navigating a short week against Clemson

“I try to keep everything the same. Try to treat Sunday as Monday. In terms of recovering, I’m really into yoga so I try to do that every night. Watch extra film.” pic.twitter.com/GPeBJIfTxL

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) September 22, 2026

yeah there's some additional benefits of a yoga practice that u may not have considered, u feel me brah??

https://instagr.am/p/DB1zlB-yXK0
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

reprint from cal's monster class back in the day:

Quote:

---

show up at the hostess stand at my daughter tayor's favorite restaurant nobu malibu very late this evening without a reservation

shocky: good evening, we'd like a table on the patio overlooking the ocean please

curvy brunette yoga hostess: i'm sorry sir, we're fully committed this evening...would you like me to put you on the waiting list for the sushi bar, there are unfortunately no guarantees that any seats will open up tonite

shocky: did you know that i'm a california golden bear?

curvy brunette yoga hostess: really?

shocky (posting up with a headstand directly in front of the hostess stand with my giuseppe zanotti kicks in the air): roarrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

polite applause/clapping from the 3 hostesses & maybe a few strange looks from the bar

curvy brunette yoga hostess (flipping her hair): i have a yoga practice too

shocky: tell me something i don't already know

curvy brunette yoga hostess (to a male server): please seat them at table 7 on the patio now

dirty looks at the shockster from those who've been told there are no tables available now

shocky: dom arigato

curvy brunette yoga hostess: namaste

---

https://instagr.am/p/DZpt2aIDgu2
^ nobu malibu's japanese a5 waygu (market price: 50 bucks an ounce, not to be confused with decidedly inferior american a5 waygu) served on a sizzling 10,000 degree hot rock is the most delicious beef served in the united states of america!!

2026 president's cup: kat & collin morikawa in the windy city

https://instagr.am/p/Ddh79JiMQ40
2026 french open: michael kim is the defending champion!!

Mic'd up with the defending champ! 🎙️

An inside look at how @Mike_kim714 takes on Le Golf National's ninth hole.#FedExOpenDeFrance pic.twitter.com/KhCWWXi1nn

— DP World Tour (@DPWorldTour) September 23, 2026

cali bears playing on the game's biggest stages!!#

https://instagr.am/p/Ddk1LPNMYp9

Shocky1 said:

---

https://instagr.am/p/DdfP884vVFc
^ val's ponytail is 3 zip codes past EPIC this season!!

california golden bears 49
wagner seahawks 7

wide receiver blocking: after a decade plus of candy azz soft blocking by the bad news bears wideouts (which contributed to zero of them getting drafted by the violent nfl) coach ike's nfl mentality is starting to show up in the perimeter blocking...the 1st play of the game wuz a stacked 4 wideout formation which had numbers against 3 seahawk defenders...and ian strong delivered a say goodnight knockout alpha predator BLOCK which for the monster wuz the highlife moment of the game (somewhere in new york nyan boateng is smiling)!!

80-YARDS TO THE CRIB 🐻@KyiongrayesII takes the rock to the endzone for his first touchdown as a Bear.

📺 @accnetwork #GoBears pic.twitter.com/FEJseeHBDp

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) September 19, 2026

^ a healthy kyion grayes got world class SPEED, he is a gamebreaker!!

---

Tosh Lupoi on his understanding of the offense and what he wants to see going forward

“From our offensive standpoint, our perimeter blocking was not up to standard after the first two weeks. [Last week], the way Ian Strong and Mason Mini blocked, that was inspiring. To see… pic.twitter.com/ltaiMuXTaS

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) September 22, 2026

Shocky1 said:

---

.@uclatheden is loving it 🗣️ pic.twitter.com/QL7Nl9IYCw

— UCLA Football (@UCLAFootball) September 20, 2026

^ massive UPTICK in ucla student attendance at the rose bowl with this week's inclusive announcement that all westwood students now got FREE tixs to all football & hoops games!!...meanwhile in berkeley the marketing "gurus" will tell u that the student section wuz SOLD OUT despite 40,000+ EMPTY seats today at memorial stadium while berkeley's innovative chancellor just looks the other way (if that makes sense to u plz explain)

---

ucla student attendance last saturday nite at the rose bowl with FREE tixs for ALL students wuz 13,000!!

contrast that to the "SOLD OUT" cal student combo passes which total 8,000

and now the dumb azzs are gonna offer FREE tixs to non profits (which is GREAT) but once again overlooking the 10,000s of thousands berkeley students that don't got rich parents (like lyons, my tiny berkeley grad tigers moms didn't have that kinda financial support) to buy them the student combo pass

yeah if u tole the monster that the unreal clowns marketing the cal football & hoops programs wuz all coked up he would believe in u

https://instagr.am/p/DcJEBHTMphV

https://instagr.am/p/DdoeG_RkSlG
what do u call a plane full of dehydrated queasy stomach with level 7 panic attacks low gpa dumb azzs dressed in orange and purple clownsuits flying across the country for the 1st time (born & raised in the deep south) for 5 hours with team issued vomit bags & only 4 undersized lavatories for explosive bowel movements??

answer: the clemson tigers football program!!

2026 president's cup: collin may not always listen to shocky about bringing in wise as **** caddie mark urbanek for 2nd opinion greens reading but will morikawa be bringing in his prez cup partner north scottsdale's wyndham clark (which is customary in these team events) for reads??...this is gonna be very interesting to see how this plays out!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdnDNU6jeHw
2026 french open: michael kim (good to know he owns a pair of shorts) est magnifique!!

On the tee with defending Champion @Mike_kim714 🤩#FedExOpenDeFrance pic.twitter.com/05cKBLzdpv

— DP World Tour (@DPWorldTour) September 23, 2026

^ fun architecture conversation: during shocky's 36 holes 25 kilometers walking (as a gallery of 1) with future superstar callixte alzas (who rode in a golf cart due to the gila river 100%+ temperatures) in his collegiate debut the shockster & very likable callixte had a chat re: great golf courses...the young parisian thinks that this week's dp tour venue le golf national is france's best golf course (it's not even in my france top 10, it reminds me of the watery back nine at tpc scottsdale) while shocks tole him that his beloved golf de morfontaine (which is somehow the most romantic golf course on planet earth) is the greatest course not only in his home country but also continental europe to which callixte responded that it's too short (a shade under 6100 meters/6700 yards from the tips)

https://instagr.am/p/DEjQ6rWRohR
bears hole in one club: in case you haven't figured it out yet noah "ace" eisen, spartans golf head coach/haas biz ad school grad walter chun, my basketball hoops brah/cal's all time greatest 3 point shooter theo robertson, dls freshman team head coach lad, cal defensive coordinator michael hutchings & future starting defensive tackle nemyah telona & kicker spencer brien all know (there is only 1 stubborn azz hold out) that berkeley is the #1 ranked public university in the WORLD!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdnPDC8sYhV

The first injury report has been released for Cal vs Clemson on Friday night

OLB Justin Beadles looks set to debut on Friday night for the Bears

Clemson's starting nickel Corian Gipson is questionable pic.twitter.com/enPzdgemsW

— Thomas Dunn (@Thomasdunn24) September 23, 2026

^ clemson gotta lotta broken down sorry azz injured tigers (are these guys eating frosted flakes & strawberry pop tarts for breakfast every morning??)!!

hutch, let's send the VIOLENT predators of war disguised BLITZ packages starting from the jump on the clemson's 1st offensive series & 100% **** up the inexperienced freshman qb1 tait anderson sending him to alta bates, then let's find out if the tiger's qb2 christopher vizzina (had fluid drained from his elbow last tuesday) is really "probable" or not, got it??

if the cal d braintrust tries the same vanilla bend don't break scheme that they did against ucla (which resulted in 45 bruins points), the bears will 100% lose this ******* acc battle with a national audience

nah Israel Adesanya out of pocket for this 💀 pic.twitter.com/9HqkBXHiyW

— LakeShowYo (@LakeShowYo) April 9, 2023

^ shocky after knocking out 25+ consecutive headstand stomach crunches at modern yoga!!

Why are Special Teams so poor? We have a dedicated Coach. We spent all Spring/Fall installing systems + selecting personnel groups. The results are maddening penalties, turnovers, missed field goals + severe anxiety...

DWM81 said:

---

Why are Special Teams so poor? We have a dedicated Coach. We spent all Spring/Fall installing systems + selecting personnel groups. The results are maddening penalties, turnovers, missed field goals + severe anxiety...

---

Has not cost us a game (yet) but when it does there will be a job opening on staff

Shocky1 said:

---

Movin’ to The Bay #committed @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/QDwqRQlZVa

— Angus Davies (@angusdavies11) January 16, 2026

KABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM(see ya ball)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's official, cleared by berkeley admissions & a signed nil deal, tulsa transfer bigfoot angus davies from torquay australia (a surfing town south of melbourne) is gonna be the california golden bears punter moving forward into the much anticipated 2026 football season this fall!!



davies is 6'1" 205 lbs & kicks the living **** outta the ball with unreal leg extension ala ray guy!!

ANGUS DAVIES WITH AN 80 YARD PUNT#PMSFirst15 #PMSLive https://t.co/mFuuwookqc pic.twitter.com/gsY17Shi3r

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) September 1, 2025

angus is NOT a dumb azz, down under they don't got no american gpa kinda system but the former hurricane (wut a dumb azz name, why not just call them the tornadoes??) has made multiple all conference & district academic teams during his time in tulsa (basically davies is a 4.0 gpa equivalent student, got it??)


^ editor's note: this is angus's favorite song (not shocky's deal as he's not on prozac for his untreated ocd issues)

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the spectacular mornington peninsula, the monterrey peninsula of oz)

---

https://instagr.am/p/Db4Qo8AmVlt
darnold & strykur, the special teams STANDOUT thru 3 games has been australian angus davies with good hang time & a solid 42.6 yards per punt average!!

since the football game isn't until friday nite there's an unconfirmed report that the low handicap angus (who will someday be the club champion at the wonderful st andrews beach on the mp) will be competing with the men's golf team tomorrow in the coed big match with stanford at menlo, wowza!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ddpws5Luyur
fun fact: the clemson punter is last in the acc in average yards per punt but kicks non returnable moonballs

fun fact deux: the clemson plane finally landed after a lotta unchecked explosive vomiting & bowel movements but now that the tigers (who will practicing at diablo valley college) are here 35 of the 44 players on their 2 deep have indicated that the fantastic year round nor cal weather & spectacular beauty is unreal compared to their ****hole truck stop town in the deep south and have indicated they would like to enter the transfer portal at it's next opening but have been counseled tonite by dabo & the staff that they don't got high enuf gpas for admission into berkeley or stanford (apparently 2 unnamed white offensive linemen started crying when tole this exclaiming "**** me, i don't wanna be working at the waffle house for 20 bucks an hour when i'm age 30")!!

The early benchmark! 🔝

Michael Kim with the perfect start to his title defence, with a bogey-free 63 (-8) which gives him a two-shot lead.#FedExOpenDeFrance pic.twitter.com/oLaiXPccLr

— DP World Tour (@DPWorldTour) September 24, 2026

2026 french open in paris: 1st round update

michael kim (63, 1st place):

VOILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

michael got the lost drive to the right straightened out that slowed him down a bit last week in asheville (still finished 15 under par), free wheeling accurate/aggressive powerful right to left trajectory draws coupled with some of the best hands in the game of golf scrambled & putted today in the city of lights like a BOSS MAN!!

"Just a dream start.

"All parts of my game were really good, especially my irons and my putting.

"This course reminds me of some of the courses I really enjoy playing back home.

"Weirdly enough, it reminds me a lot of TPC Scottsdale. It's totally different surroundings, but… pic.twitter.com/3UqysRhb3u

— DP World Tour (@DPWorldTour) September 24, 2026

funny hearing michael talk about the similarities between le golf national & tpc scottsdale and his love for both tournaments, yeah the KEY individual (the only person other than his terrific caddie danny stout who walked with him for all 72 holes this february at the phoenix open which jumpstarted his career: Z, xihuan & callixte know what how the MONSTER ENERGY results in low scores, this **** is not that complicated) responsible for his positive vibes/player development is wearing a cal golf cap/vilebrequin t-shirt/black balenciaga kicks underneath the goodyear blimp!!

Thoughts from the WM:

-I truly enjoy coming to this tournament. There’s very few tournaments that bring this level of energy. The atmosphere plus the design of the golf course fit really well together.

-There’s always the few idiots that make everyone else look bad. I feel for… pic.twitter.com/dxmSIeyiwK

— Michael S. Kim (@Mike_kim714) February 9, 2026

https://instagr.am/p/B9SOe4njett


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including the magnifique george v in the city of lights)

The Story - Game Three vs Wagner 🎬 #GoBears pic.twitter.com/n2IPAQ1Q7s

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) September 23, 2026

low gpa clemson (which like most schools in the deep south neither supports nor condones slavery) voted AGAINST cal & stanford receiving invitations to the acc, is that ok with u??

**** the frosted flakes tigers (figuratively not literally of course)

THE MAGIC of cal football (sex, yoga, golf & cal football are all more FUN in person) is within ur reach!!
^ don't be an uninformed sr citizen nega bear posting on gameday threads from ur urine stained sofa, do u got ur tix(s) for an ELECTRIC memorial stadium this friday nite at 7:30 pm??

https://instagr.am/p/DdpX_PRgdhe
life is NOT linear (celebrate our FUN finite moments alive on planet earth!!)#

Collin Morikawa and Wyndham Clark come out on top after a birdie at the par 3 16th 🙌 pic.twitter.com/9yfuc5kaoJ

— Golf Channel (@GolfChannel) September 24, 2026

^ very interesting to note that collin didn't appear to bring in wyndham or either caddie for reads today, the lone ranger didn't make any putts over 7 feet (sigh)

2026 president's cup: 1st day update

despite an uncharacteristic non conforming driver early in the round (missed 4 outta his first 5 fairways), collin played solid down the stretch including a trademark 163 yard laser iron to 4 feet on the par 3 16th hole over lake kadijah to close out the match 3&2!!

morikawa's career prez cup record is now:
foursomes: 3-2
four ball: 2-0
singles: 2-0
overall: 7-2

Matches are set for Round 2 of the Presidents Cup.#PresidentsCup | @Rolex pic.twitter.com/QkFN7To8nx

— Presidents Cup (@PresidentsCup) September 25, 2026

2026 big match cal vs stanford: the undersized team lost (counting protein grams/building s&c muscle mass is critical in today's modern game) 6 of the 7 matches (congrats to trevor cox on the lone victory)

https://instagr.am/p/DdsO8YImiGC

https://instagr.am/p/Ddr8Q4Wj-e3
^ the tigers are practicing at diablo valley community college

look, someday clemson's wildly inexperienced true freshman qb1 tait reynolds (dad played baseball at asu & then the colorado rockies back in the day) might be inducted into the queen creek high school hall of fame or something but come friday nite he's basically a dink n dunk passer with instructions to get the ball out quickly behind the tiger's mid offensive line (yeah the bears o-line isn't pancake blocking anybody either)

the bears gotta JUMP the routes of the tigers quick release passing game, yeah kingston lopa leads the nation in interceptions but also keep an eye also on quick twitch corner/nickel jae'on young for a pick 6!!

https://instagr.am/p/DB9oDTLSq5u
if this (8 bears in the run heavy d box with well disguised BLITZ packges, the tigers are gonna try to pound the ball down the bears throats like the bruins did thereby keeping jks off the field) happens this game isn't gonna be closer (and then cal & stanford can begin proceedings to kick clemson, north carolina & florida state outta the acc)...honestly what ******* conference on planet earth wants any of these 3 pompous self entitled past their prime LOSING football programs right now other than TITSC (talladega intercostal tributary super conference)??

Do you know where this was recorded? You guessed it, Berkeley, California. https://t.co/saUUxbpVcZ

— Trace Travers (@tracetravers3) September 25, 2026

2026 paris open: 2nd round update

michael kim (68, 3rd place): blocked tee balls to the right rough (which is an outta sync swing for the right to left ball flite mr 59) on the par 4 1st & 18th holes resulted in a couple of lost strokes but kim rolled in a mentally tough ice in his veins 15 footer on the finishing hole to salvage a bogey 5!!

michael is rolling the ball magnifique with 6 birds today to go with his 8 birds yesterday, tres bon monsieur kim!!


^ shocky neither owns a gun (unlike 82% of the clemson fanbase) or smokes in real life!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ddt-gklo03w
KAAAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMZZZAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREE TICKETS FOR ALL BERKELEY STUDENTS, EVERYBODY IS INCLUSIVELY INVITED TO THIS ******* PARTY TONITE AT 7:30 PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE

and if them cali bears defeat clemson (which neither supports nor condones slavery and voted AGAINST cal & stanford receiving invitations to the acc) let's STORM THE FIELD past the armed totalitarian yellow jacketed security guards & meet up at midfield for an EPIC celebration together at the #1 ranked public university on ******* planet earth at the stroke of MIDNITE CITY, u feel me??



memorial stadium is our church at midnite tonite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the struggle that must be#

.@Bryantwesco19 breaks free 😤

65 yards to the 🏡

📺: ESPN pic.twitter.com/zTePpqIEte

— Clemson Football (@ClemsonFB) September 26, 2026

clemson tigers 24
berkeley bad news bears 10

the good news is that the last minute FREE tixs inititiave for all students resulted in 3000 additional tixs distributed (with more advance notice this attendance uptick would've been 10,000+)

the bad news is that tonite's game featured zero PITCHOUTS or downfield vertical passing routes in the middle third of the field, zero defensive backs tryna jump routes against a mid tigers qb1 who wuz in high school a few months ago, a program showing zero discernible improvement with special teams & perhaps most disappointingly a candy azz soft decision to not go for it on 4th & 1 at a critical juncture



ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of the bearinsider.com

Jet gotta have like 40 fantasy points rn 😮‍💨

📺 ESPN+ pic.twitter.com/ebJufeEpTi

— UNLV Football (@unlvfootball) September 26, 2026

unlv rebels 38
akron zips 10

the rebs (2-2) went on the road to firestone south to knock the **** outta a pretty bad mac opponent with qb1 jackson arnold passing for 290 yards, rb1 jai'den thomas pounding the rock for 115 yards while the aggressive unlv d caused 3 picks/3 sacks

yeah next saturday's hook up at the nfl allegiant stadium is gonna be a revealing indicator to the monster if the cal football program can turn this **** around (before it's too late for redemption & she's gone for good), there are no FREE all you can ******* eat buffets in vegas baby!!



the struggle that must be (does not include shadow creek & the flying elvis wedding chapel)#

She is lying on top of Madden.

On the mobile site this thread is quivering like a frog's muscle plugged into a light socket.

The defending champ is still in the hunt!

Michael Kim makes birdie from 18 feet at 13 to move to within 3 of the lead 🐥#FedExOpenDeFrance pic.twitter.com/ycPx3WxMH4

— DP World Tour (@DPWorldTour) September 26, 2026

2026 french open: 3rd round update

michael kim (70, tied for 8th): for the 2nd straight day michael lost his drive into the right rough (there's a lake jealously guarding the left side of the fairway) & today it cost him with a 2nd shot water ball short of the island green on the brutal par 4 18th hole (the toughest hole at le golf national) en route to a double bogey which bounced him outta 2nd place back into the pack

hopefully mr 59 will come out loose tomorrow morning, he's currently #64 in the world golf rankings (top 50 at year end receive a 2027 masters invitation), voila monsieur kim!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdwwxKXH51o
2026 president's cup: day 2 & 3 updates

Collin Morikawa for birdie ... Tom Kim answers for @INTLTeam.

The International team ties it up on the 12th hole @PresidentsCup.

📺 NBC pic.twitter.com/78QrgjRaPg

— PGA Tour (@PGATour) September 26, 2026

morikawa lost both matches despite exceptional ball striking at times, collin has made only 1 putt over 11 feet this week & is basically guessing on the reads (the giveaway is when our cali bear rotates his right hand both ways like a puppet master/school crossing guard after a missed putt kinda like it went the opposite way than expected)

the solutions are bringing in (like he does with every other club in his bag) wise as **** caddie mark urbanek for 2nd opinions on the reads & also visit major sites in advance like jack, rory & tiger in advance for pre tournament course knowledge/strategies scouting rounds

the 2027 majors are at augusta (the masters) & pebble beach (us open) which collin already got great familiarity re: the greens & st andrews (british open) at which morikawa has already played an open...which means it's critical collin visits pga frisco (pga) at least once before next may, the gil hanse designed greens gotta lotta movement/internal contouring...mr 59 lives nearby, would be great if he would host max & collin for some prep work followed by a quick sidetrip to buc-ee's!!

tomorrow in singles collin (hopa/hopa like the shockster) will be matched against hideki (morikawa & matsuyama will NOT be sharing notes re: favorite japanese restaurants during this battle)!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdeN5fxm_Bs
^ this is the seemingly effortless (no effort) SPEED that generates ELITE power without a lotta moving body parts (other than Z our collegiate bears are swinging an over the speed limit 110% to compensate for their undersized bodies), relentless s&c work & meticulous protein based nutrition along with golf skillz development are the keys

2026 black desert tournament: max homa (who got a legit opportunity for an adam scott kinda career with longevity with his ELITE s&c conditioning, maxazillion luvs the grind & don't wanna be playing checkers with the old men in the park at sun city west until lacey texts him to come home for his salt free lunch) will be repping them cali bears this upcoming week!!

spectacularly beautiful st george utah is only around a 2 hour drive from las vegas for roadie bears that wanna combine golf & football

WHOSE HOUSE ⁉️ pic.twitter.com/4ixDOPAqZb

— Stanford Football (@StanfordFball) September 27, 2026

stanford cardinals 34
georgia tech yellow jackets 27

https://instagr.am/p/DdxSUtJF3XJ
the cards (2-2) kinda surprisingly house flushed in palo alto the peachtree mendoza jr (268 yards in the air against a porous secondary) jackets via qb1 davis warren letting it rip for a well schemed mad bombing unreal 396 yards in an aggressive downfield vertical passing attack that exploits the middle third of the field!!

DAVIS TO ZION FOR 61 OH MY 🚀

📺 ESPN pic.twitter.com/u9WgkvC5gP

— Stanford Football (@StanfordFball) September 27, 2026

yeah the 2026 big game under scorpio skies is gonna be a battle!!

https://instagr.am/p/DdxUE5uDaz3
^ a happy FUN cbyf1 letting it rip!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ddzj-CkHz-T
2026 president's cup: day 4 update

collin continues to build his WORLD golfing resume (all of which the haas biz ad grad has achieved before 30 years of age) with 2 MAJORS & today's gutty victory over hideki with a couple of ice in his veins clutch putts rolled in from the windy city's downtown's miracle mile!!

🚨🇺🇸🤯 #DRAINED IT — Collin Morikawa sinks a 45-foot putt right when he needed it

He’s now only 1 down to Hideki Matsuyama pic.twitter.com/MJ3ZcQF7rf

— NUCLR GOLF (@NUCLRGOLF) September 27, 2026

morikawa's career prez cup record is now:
foursomes: 3-3
four ball: 2-1
singles: 3-0
overall: 8-4



2026 french open: 4th round update

Thoughts from FedEx France Open

-It’s very cool returning as defending champion. I got a very warm welcome to the tee each day and everyone in France was super supportive.

-As Bill Simmons often comments, a title defense should be respected. I took that to heart and really… pic.twitter.com/cx9sdgFfU5

— Michael S. Kim (@Mike_kim714) September 28, 2026

michael kim (69, tied for 7th): michael aka mr brightside is very excited (particularly after a sandy par on the tres difficile 18th hole!!) to be flying home (after a successful 14 under tournament at le golf national which potential superstar callixte alzas tole me is his favorite course in france) rite now from europe so he can fill up his wheels at buc-ee's & thankfully (kim is not a fan of escargot) get a "normal" meal at chipotle!!

https://instagr.am/p/DbeWfndR4lW


cal is a golf & triggering ponytail (do u got an extra scrunchie??) school!!#

https://instagr.am/p/DNQhjbQtBEJ
^ the only more unlikeable acc characters other than hokie bird are evil as **** jennifer simon-o'neil & jay larson (who are failing to protect our female student athletes as multiple athletes in multiple different sports are naming them in serious coaching abuse allegations lawsuits) who are enabled by a feckless chancellor who would rather just look the other way rather than directing dan mogulof (the gabriel allon of the chancellor's office) to terminate these worthless bureaucrats along with their appointed fellow non berkeley grad minions transparency obstructionist delaney heller, spin artist gordon bayne & print newspaper hack jonathan okanes (strawberry creek studios is just rearranging the chairs on the titanic, non berkeley grads cannot be authentic storytellers, the 3rd period art class at caldecott tunnel high school is producing more compelling FUN content)

virginia tech hokies 21
boston college eagles 14

Moving with purpose 😤

Today vs. Boston College, Jeff Overton recorded the sixth-highest single-game rushing total (209 yards) by a Hokie since 1987 🔸@JeffreyOverton1 - 25 carries, 209 rush yards, TD 📊#LetsGoHokies pic.twitter.com/Mj5Hhv1oU4

— Virginia Tech Football (@HokiesFB) September 26, 2026

when the bears next opponent at memorial stadium on october 10th arrives in berkeley the james franklin well coached undefeated hokies (4-0 against mid competition) are gonna feature human bowling ball 5'9" 206 lbs rb1 jeff overton & a game managing qb1 (kinda like clemson's qb1 tait anderson) whose average completion on saturday wuz for a microscopic 4.2 yards

yeah the cancer within the cal athletic department starts with an apparently ethically challenged chancellor who instead of terminating jay & jenny opted to promote them and double their salaries (and that's why they call it the "Big Give")

**** that ****



snakes of the year#