6'5" 288 lbs tenacious pulling guard austin boyd from lehi utah currently got a conditional offer but after taking an unofficial visit this weekend on his own dime he's moving closer to that becoming an actionable offer
when the rebels starting center (all mountain west guard last season) austin boyd went down in the 2nd half of the season opener the unlv o-line literally collapsed allowing multiple sacks/groundball pistol snaps, he's literally the leadership glue for the rebs football program
wut up spida man, the monster will be sure to say hello/give u a fist bump during the early pre game warm ups on the field tomorrow nite, u feel me brah??
me & my good friend rogg machine (graduated together from the haas biz school back in the day) visited with 2027 high school commits wr1 charles davis aka spida man, wr1 demaredezeurn & qb1 dane weber during the FUN & lively atmosphere on the field during the pregame warm ups
when asked by the shockster who wuz a better BLOCKER between him & demare, charles diplomatically said "both of us!!"
demare's trademark look is the crooked azz lid, his moms & dad tole us the are very much looking forward to becoming bearents next season...when asked whose the fastest wideout in cali dezeurn tole me with a smile that he's the #1 guy!!...fun fact: oklahoma is finally leaving him alone, he could not explain why he evah committed to the sooners in the 1st place
dane tole us that his super healthy moms makes green juices all the time & that not surprisingly he wuz not eating junk food growing up...his wrist bandages will come off soon & he hopes to return to friday nite lights in a couple of weeks, dane is gonna make plays both with his arm & his legs!!
super impressive trio of likeable (unlike jay & jenny) future bears!!
me & my diehard cal football fan cousin sydney visited with future qb1 dane weber & his clean nutrition lifestyle moms rebecca during the pregame warm ups on the field last friday nite...dane got his bandages off & is looking forward to his 1st day out during his senior season...when shocks asked rebecca if dane evah ate mcdonalds growing up she laughed & tole us that's a running joke for them with coach lup too!!
also visited with demare dezeurn who confirmed he's already taken multiple passes to the house with his ELITE SPEED!!...demare is FUN to talk too with positive energy (unlike the incel sr citizen nega bears on this board like the alcoholic trumpanzee) & wuz hosted by 2 very attractive & bubby cbyf1 berkeley student hostesses (they got good gpas, yeah u knew the monster would ask, rite??)
the program is gonna have to show significant utilization/development of the wideouts to keep the spida man in the fold with his older brah niles who is showing upside as a true freshman db
as for jc cornerback alius mayo flipping to georgia this has absolutely nothing to do with the bears 2-2 record & everything to do with his very involved agent (kinda looks like gary coleman) who shows up in every official visit foto...in the sec it's a common recruiting tactic to offer agents a "bonus" for delivering a recruit to the school, academic ambition is not a thing in the deep south (rite jt??)
the shockster absolutely loves (cried like a 12 year old girl a couple of times) authentically fabulous author john green's Hollywood, Ending!!
this novel employs the hollywood cinematic screenwriting plot construction device of the OBSTACLE which is the reason characters don't naturally/quickly fall in love with each other in a 2 hour movie...trust me, u will root for kai & juniper all the way to the final page!!
^ homa wore today arguably the ugliest ******* outfit in the history of professional golf (can't believe lacey & lululemon signed off on this fashionista ****show!!) with a picasso cubism shirt coupled with baggy azz spoiled mustard pants (from the colt knost play it again sports men's fashion line)
^ max got a lucky break with his overcooked 3 wood tee ball not going into the desert on the par 4 12th hole (he wuz one more bounce on the cart path from a lost or unplayable scenario, as a right hander he could not take a FREE drop right of the cart path in the lite rough) & his out of sync (only really bad swing of the day) driver on the par 5 18th which somehow bounced outta the black lava back into the fairway (a 2 stroke swing!!)
2026 utah black desert tournament: 1st round update
max homa (65, tied for 17th): max hit a couple of exceptional unreal iron shots on the back nine & rolled in a tricky 9 foot birdie on the postage stamp par 3 15th hole with an aim point 2nd opinion read (unlike that lone ranger morikawa) from his FUN caddie john ellis who looks kinda like an unshaven chronically unemployed minor league pitching coach or something
fun fact (listen up our collegiate bears): s&c grinding maxazillion led the pga tour in 2026 with the greatest DISTANCE improvement over 2025 (10.8 yards, now driving it 311 yards with no effort) due to his workout/nutrition (counting protein grams) work at age 34!!
don't like homa's decision to lay up with an iron on the drivable par 4 5th hole today which resulted in a par, homa later rocketed a 3 wood to 10 feet on the drivable par 4 14th hole en route to a tap in bird
tommy lasorda's favorite golfer played in the slightly tougher afternoon wave & will get an opportunity to go low tomorrow morning at 7:03 am in the calmer st george (2 hour drive from las vegas) high desert winds, let's ******* go max!!
2026 notre dame invitational: update
starting line up for this upcoming sunday/monday tournament at the walker friendly old school low key coore & crenshaw (no homes but got some ugly azz power line views) designed warren course:
1) ziqin zhou 2) sihao cong 3) callixte alzas 4) trevor cox 5) charlie bundy individual) graham christopher
https://instagr.am/p/DWQI0AiDY90 ^ the world's next great course is the currently under construction bill coore designed torch cay on a small private island in the bahamas
meanwhile the frustration levels of the liv exhibition league golfers are boiling over (ben an got no status on the pga or the dp tours & is gonna be a club fitter in 2027 at the orlando airport golf galaxy close to his lake nona home)!!
https://instagr.am/p/DdpPrOLEzZR my daughter taylor tole me with a laugh that this cartoon is kinda reminiscent of her doggy doggy dad at her sister shay's FUN wedding to her one true love (kinda like the lana song re: being off to the races) micah this summer at the denver botanical gardens!!
https://instagr.am/p/Daq_rXXpahb ^ modern yoga is using the above foto as conclusive proof to justify the completely unfair evaluation of me as a substitute yoga teacher17 (syt17) because the shockster don't got no ponytail/man bun (which is entirely a byproduct of not owning a black or fuchsia scrunchie, duh) & visible tattoos...this older & bipolar decision as the weather is getting colder wuz recently upheld on appeal due to a bull**** ruling from the maricopa county supreme court citing the kinda questionable legal doctrine of inverse condensation or something...whatever
life is ruff if ur a doggy dog (or a bears special team player)# ^ quitting is never an option
max homa (68, tied for 24th): after yesterday's FUN clown suit outfit, max wuz more conservatively attired today in a dodger light blue shirt paired with fitted dark pants, put out hancock park commercial real estate broker vibes tryna to close a mixed use retail/condo building development near the grove
the glue to the round wuz a clutch 15 footer to save par on the tough 13th hole to avoid back to back bogeys, hopefully homa will find the fairway on the par 4 12th hole (which gotta 50+ yard wide fairway) mañana
max's game (12 birds with only 3 bogeys-2 of them on the 12th hole) is in EXCELLENT shape with beautiful (not crushed) tempo thru shots (the hard work with mark blackburn to eradicate the 2 way driver miss is paying massive dividends now) & a flowing aggressive putting stroke (highlighted by a 22 foot deuce from the fringe on the par 3 2nd hole playing to false front pin)
yeah max homa is a ******* NATURAL!!
cali bears in the windy city: update
https://instagr.am/p/DeA7aSZMuxw ^ butler national is a well conditioned architecture brute (the par 4 10th hole over a ravine is insano) that when lining up shots on a couple of holes at the men's only club (sadly cbyf1s are not allowed) u aim at mcdonalds university (which academically is comparable to florida state) in the oak brook skyline
make no mistake about it the pitt (5-0) last second field goal defense is ELITE (shocky should probably be in therapy after the longwell ****show at allegiant but cali bears roadtrips are still FUN when combined with rounds at oakmont & the criminally underrated fox chapel)
key injury news: the panthers qb1 tore his acl, the bears will face pitt's qb2 in the regular season finale at memorial stadium
^ 6 panthers at the line of scrimmage stunting & blitzing
virginia tech (4-1) lost the game in the turnover battle (2 hokie interceptions & 2 lost fumbles) but qb1 ethan grunkmeyer torched the panthers for 434 yards in the air, if the bears don't aggressively BLITZ the grunkmeister into poor decision making next saturday's acc battle in memorial stadium is gonna be an aerial air raid
the following is a video of the monster taking over during a class when master teacher anton stepped out for a slow dance with his cbyf1 wifey & now it's being used against shocky by modern yoga in unfairly evaluating him as a substitute yoga teacher17...and that's just total bull**** (why can't yoga be FUN??)!!
^ cal's monster class vip (no brahs invited, **** that ****) pool party at the wynn!!
Dear Shockey,
How are you?
I am fine.
Thank you for sharing with me Beckham Barney's ambition to apply to your alma mater the Haas Business School, I will speak with the former Dean of the Business School (who is now the Chancellor) re: his upcoming application. Agreed that it's embarazzing that the only 2 football Bears accepted into the Haas B-School in recent years are RJ Stephens and Fernando Mendoza.
Per your Assistant Coach duties for the program I totally appreciate your leadership building recommendation that all the Bears at the hotel tonight need to learn all the lyrics to the Cal's Monster Class theme song until as you say they "get it tight & right!!"
Thank you Shockey for all that you do (particularly leading the charge/movement to get the worthless bureaucratic ****tards Jay and Jenny terminated) on behalf of the #1 ranked university in the Country and just on a personal level appreciate your sharing with me how you paid your way thru Berkeley, I'd never met a male azz stripper (do you pay any taxes?) until you (no wonder your a SYT17 at Modern Yoga)!!
love the fight/no quit spirit of our cali golden bears (2-3) but at the end of the day this is an undisciplined (16 often self induced penalties) team, defensively lacking a tackling machine SPY (#32 is not the answer) that can take down scrambling qb1s & offensively failing to attack the middle 3rd of the field (the misuse/underutilization of the tight ends is bizarro land) in the non existent vertical downfield passing attack regardless of the scheme
so what needs to happen moving forward?
the transfer portal (which wuz absolutely necessary for 2026 due to the lack of talent in the program) is not the solution, coach lup needs to keep together the 2027 class of high school americans particularly at the ****show positions of outside linebacker/defensive end, offensive line, wide receivers, defensive backs & special teams
selling IMMEDIATE playing time is gonna be very attractive to high gpa IMPACT high school talent that is also interested in earning generational wealth building berkeley diplomas
and yeah with the fallout from this game it's gonna be pretty important that there be an announcement monday morning that ALL berkeley students are invited to attend next saturday's 12:30 pm battle with virginia tech for FREE!!
The continuing abundance of penalties is a huge red flag on the coaches' ability to teach these young men. From week one you have tape of the penalties. Things can be reviewed and corrected, or you put someone in who can follow directions. Another big concern, in all three losses we've been in the game in the 4th quarter. And we've crumbled against three different opponents, while surviving against Syracuse. Is it a lack of conditioning, mentally or physically, that is failing us in the 4th quarter? Ron Rivera has been through all of this before, I hope he is spending time with these new coaches and some of the player-leaders and providing some perspective and insight in to how to improve moving forward. The fact we've been in these games in the 4th tells me there isn't a talent gap, but the players need to cut out the penalties and have a desire to compete at the end of the game and that should be coming from the coaching staff.
glenn, agree with ur assessment of the proliferating penalty problem particularly late in games
Tosh Lupoi on the title wave of Cal penalties
“Unacceptable. When our team meeting starts with the word discipline, showing the penalties that lack it. Got to do more. I got to do more and I will. We can’t expect to get any different results if we’re just highlighting them in… pic.twitter.com/AlKeJMbwiD
5 games into the season, guys who are still getting the yellow flags need to be BENCHED, a couple of the depth chart guys like tyree sams, carson perry-smith & niles davis plus te2 taimane purcell made key plays today when given the opportunity
https://instagr.am/p/DeDIxRKAUDB this is particularly true of the ineffectual offensive line that regularly gets pushed backwards in short yardage situations & tackles that struggle to play in space, coach famika benched senior sioape vatikani early in the game for freshman ben howard tho vati returned late in the game...ucla gotta 8-9 player steady o-line rotation which not only keeps guys fresh but also allows for the development/competition with the 2s, perhaps this model should be tested in berkeley until the ELITE 2027 commits arrive on campus
https://instagr.am/p/Dd-ftVqjHEN ^ this is a fashionista ****show but we're not here to judge, the monster is a judgment free SAFE zone for all readers (including the angry incel sr citizen nega bears!!)
2026 utah black desert tournament: 3rd round update
max homa (67, tied for 21st): just another fabulous legoland building block round in max's continued ascension/upward trajectory in the world golf rankings, no ******* drama (2 way misses with the driver and/or mental anguish meltdowns from unresolved childhood john induced angst) on a perfect late fall round in spectacular st george!!
max is now 13 under par thru 3 rounds with no chip ins/putts rolled in over 20 feet, a tournament victory is within reach at some point in the near future & then we're gonna be off to the ******* races (particularly if we all drink daily morning 32 green juices which facilitates excellent gut health & pooping like a racehorse)!!
still don't like homa's decision to lay up with an iron on the scoreable/drivable par 4 5th hole which has resulted in birdie putts of 20, 20 & today's 25 feet in route to pars all 3 rounds...the tournament leader smotherman bombed a driver to the front edge en route to a simple tap in bird to the very accessible front right pin (which fits our cali bear's left to right ball flight)
https://instagr.am/p/DeCv1p5vCga ^ fun fact for monsieur alzas: señor schulzy has played every hole evah designed by my only idol in life bill coore (a wake forest grad) and coore & crenshaw (the greatest design team in the history of golf architecture, both ben & bill are hookers off the tee) gems including notre dame's warren course 100% favor ur right to left slinging draws mon ami!!
the deacs (4-1) are an extremely well coached (last season's 9 victories wuz no fluke) team in all 3 phases of the game, there are a lotta happy (except former dance coach christy who quit after shocky refused to enter the transfer portal, winston salem is just too far away for my doggy dogs) wake fans in the cancerous cigarette capital of planet earth!!
look it's not a MYSTERY that if our cali bears don't start to limit the game changing penalties, identify a tackling machine SPY against running qb1s (the demons qb1 gio lopez rushed for 88 yards on 12 carries & is a straight up dangerous run/pass threat kinda like future qb1 dane weber) & start attacking the middle 3rd of the field (the current misuse/underutilization of the bears tight ends is criminal) in the downfield vertical passing game, then the demons visit to memorial stadium in 2 weeks is gonna be a funeral like wake!!
it's elementary my dear watson, the berkeley 3.91 gpa monster knows almost (except how to do a handstand) everything
https://instagr.am/p/Dd_re1sT9UT ^ fun fact: my full legal name is william sherlock schulz aka shocky and i approve the above post!!
https://instagr.am/p/DRhmKkcjQE4 ^ real talk: the shockster did not see any syracuse coeds during the up state new york gameday that looked even remotely like this cbfy1!!
syracuse (2-2) head coach fran brown is not a great gameday coach (his approving an intercepted pass play call at the goal line by his qb2 when they wuz pounding the ball on the ground late in the game wuz throwing super bowl pete carroll vibes) but he's entertaining as **** to watch on the sidelines (brah needs to lay off the red bulls for a couple of months until his body can recalibrate)
https://instagr.am/p/CtHXtzbgVfE ^ arches is probably the monster's favorite national park for hiking en todo los estados unidos (do u got a favorite??, sorry sweetie but walking at fashion square or rodeo drive don't count)
2026 arches national park tournament: 4th round update
max homa (68, tied for 26th): final round punctuated by a 40 foot EAGLE on the drivable par 4 14th hole & a 20 foot BIRDIE on the finishing par 5 18th hole!!
16 under for the week es muy bueno as max is now flying to toyko to join his fellow cali bears michael kim & collin morikawa at shocky's beloved coore & crenshaw masterful renovation of yokohama west
https://instagr.am/p/DWTtbY4lhUu trevor cox (66 & 70, tied for 2nd): trevor, the time is NOW for ur 1st collegiate victory, let's ******* go brah!! sihao cong (68 & 71, tied for 11th): the cong show got his **** together (particularly his hair)!! charlie bundy (70 & 71, tied for 16th): warren is throwing old school vibes like baltimore (five farms)!! ziqin zhou (72 & 73, tied for 43rd): Z is gonna bounce back hard mañana!! callixte alzas (71 & 76, tied for 56th): allons-y monsieur alzas!! graham christopher (72 & 71, tied for 28th): competing as an individual, solid play for the true frosh!!
trevor wuz lightly recruited outta legoland high school primarily because his only tournament victory wuz winning with moms the fiercely contested mother/daughter putting championship at mickelson national!!
not so fun fact: trevor tole me last month that despite living just minutes away from legoland (which is way more FUN than dizzyland without the long ride waits) that he never goes there, what's up with that stoopid bull****??...boooooooo
https://instagr.am/p/DcCCXNZj01R them cali bears are in 1st PLACE with a 2 stroke lead over illinois (**** them liv exhibition league golfers detry & pieters), texas a&m (why the **** would anyone with 2.5+ gpa wanna live in college station??) & host notre dame (lu wuz not offsides) heading into tomorrow morning's final 18 holes!!
Tied for second with one round to go! Back at it tomorrow, Ags 👏 First tee time at 12:30. Follow along!
in the lead up to the 2026 season the monster mistakenly thought that the road game to smu (4-1) would be the toughest battle on the schedule, it turns out that the ponies defense really isn't that great for a nationally ranked team
the shockster's favorite (non berkeley bear) player in the acc is eagles qb1 mason "hair on fire" mckenzie who is of mid athletic talent but would 100% fearlessly run thru a burning wall with reckless abandonment re: his body to get his team another yard & when he inevitably gets the **** knocked outta him he immediately bounces up & screams at the top of his lungs to his teammates that we got this, luv this ******* badazz!!
u might ask "shocks, why the **** should we care about bc's qb1?"
because in watching the cal o-line during the pregame warm ups on the field from only feet away (yeah u can smell the sweat) there is a total disconnect from the very fiery/loud as **** coach anae & his very quiet/non demonstrative room (the vets tyson, sioape & bastian are naturally not vocal guys & that culture has been handed down to the younger guys)
and that's been a problem this season, there's been very little physicality and/or imposing their will PASSION from the offensive line room in what is a VIOLENT sport that favors confident apex predators
cal's offensive line should NOT have the same mindset on gamedays as cal's chess club, got it??
yeah this is the monster's letter to them, our time on planet earth is finite & not maximizing our gifts/hearts with those that we love is honestly just a real sad story
in the lead up to the 2026 season the monster mistakenly thought that the road game to smu (4-1) would be the toughest battle on the schedule, it turns out that the ponies defense really isn't that great for a nationally ranked team
the shockster's favorite (non berkeley bear) player in the acc is eagles qb1 mason "hair on fire" mckenzie who is of mid athletic talent but would 100% fearlessly run thru a burning wall with reckless abandonment re: his body to get his team another yard & when he inevitably gets the **** knocked outta him he immediately bounces up & screams at the top of his lungs to his teammates that we got this, luv this ******* badazz!!
u might ask "shocks, why the **** should we care about bc's qb1?"
because in watching the cal o-line during the pregame warm ups on the field from only feet away (yeah u can smell the sweat) there is a total disconnect from the very fiery/loud as **** coach anae & his very quiet/non demonstrative room (the vets tyson, sioape & bastian are naturally not vocal guys & that culture has been handed down to the younger guys)
and that's been a problem this season, there's been very little physicality and/or imposing their will PASSION from the offensive line room in what is a VIOLENT sport that favors confident apex predators
cal's offensive line should NOT have the same mindset on gamedays as cal's chess club, got it??
yeah this is the monster's letter to them, our time on planet earth is finite & not maximizing our gifts/hearts with those that we love is honestly just a real sad story
Absolutely right about Cal OL. It's been a 10 year problem. Last year there was one kid who played with real aggression: Moko (I think). I'm having a hard time finding info on him for 2026. Looks like he may be in the CFL (?). Not surprisingly he was an ex rugby player. Cal needs an entire infusion of OL coaching and players if Tosh wants to start building his team in his 'hair on fire' mode.
https://instagr.am/p/DSst9S_EXMm 82, what the above video don't show is that rainbow player literally knocking the **** outta the bears smallest player quaron adams on the wild final play of the aloha bowl...jordan moko is a poly from australia so while his actions wuz misguided it didn't represent any racial disrespect against the home team, it wuz the actions of a fiercely aggressive offensive lineman WARRIOR defending his smaller teammate
in an interview last season jaron wuz asked whose the funniest guy on the team, jks said moko kept everybody loose in the huddle
coach famika is the most fierce potty mouth coach on the staff but coaches don't play the game, right now the o-line is playing quietly & without PASSION (almost seem more involved with technical/intellectual assignment focused responsibilities than tryna **** up the defender(s) in front of them)
THE CALI BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE CALI BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE CALI BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the bears starting 5 played the warren course's brutal par 4 18th hole (a 455 yard MONSTER with a stream all the way down the left side) in an ice in their veins even par while the aggies starting 5 played the finishing hole in 4 over par & that wuz the difference!!
architecture tidbit: an EPIC dogleg left (favoring those of us that luv to draw the ball like ben & bill) MONSTER par 4 18th hole is a coore & crenshaw template design feature at sand hills, friar's head, brambles (can also be played as a short par 5), dormie club, sheep ranch (can also be played as a short par 5), cuscowilla, trinity forest (gentle dogleg left), we ko pa saguaro, talking stick north, barnbougle lost dunes, golf de medoc les chateaux, etc & of course the warren course
trevor cox (69, tied for 2nd): trevor, u got an insatiable fire in ur belly/chip on ur shoulder like max homa, let's add 5+ lbs of muscle during the 100 day winter break & go WIN a collegiate tournament, got it?? sihao cong (69, tied for 5th): sihao, now that ur off triple secret probation let's get ur body built up rock solid like xander schaufele (who wanted to commit to cal but his dad/swing coach wanted him to stay home at san diego state), u feel me?? charlie bundy (69, tied for 12th): charlie aka the wolf of street, u showed veteran leadership this week, as a fellow haas biz ad guy ur gonna be minted someday in the c-suite & the club champ at winged foot!! ziqin zhou (74, tied for 47th): Z, just like collin morikawa (half chinese/half japanese) ur a smiling assassin on the golf course, let's embrace a yoga/meditation to ensure ur back can stay loose moving forward, 100% confident in u at tara iti brah!! callixte alzas (75, tied for 57th): callixte, la vie n'est pas toujours aussi belle qu'une nuit au george v; tirons les leons de cette semaine et oublions-la mon ami graham christopher (76, tied for 47th competing as an individual): u got a chance to follow in ex baseball player 4.0 gpa from westlake village brandon hagy's footsteps (earned a haas biz ad degree & played on the pga tour with top 5 ball/club speed, both of u are blessed with long levers) if u start tracking ur protein grams like we talked about at lacosta back in the day
https://instagr.am/p/DTGyvnkDBj6 ^ the golf s&c coach jonathan mccuaig should be held accountable by listing all the roster players heights & weights which isn't happening right now (this is a norm at ALL the national powerhouse programs)
do u wanna know what's scary (other than halloween & the bears field goal kicking??) as ****??
this CHAMPIONSHIP against national programs wuz achieved with Z & callixte not having their best stuff, just wait until we get all 5 berkeley bears at the #1 ranked public university on planet earth cooking at the same time in the croc pot at 10,000 degrees fahrenheit!!...coach wilson & coach ireland are building/developing a legit NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP contending program!!
why do golfing cali bears put in the tireless relentless hard work (when no-one is watching) to improve their craft, bodies (today's competitive golf demands s&c/nutrition discipline, if u think otherwise ur only fooling urself) & their minds/brains (ability to problem solve regardless of stressful situations) while earning a generational wealth building berkeley degree??
is it for the money??
**** no (collin morikawa's career earnings on & off the course are $100,000,000+, max homa is $50,000,000+ & michael kim is south of $20,000,000)
is it for the green jackets & ****??
**** no
it's for shocky bestowing upon them the greatest gift of all, this BEARY WHITE song recognizing cali bear championships at the cathedrals of golf on the game's largest stages!!
https://instagr.am/p/DeHgKOORUum real talk: max homa works on his body via relentless s&c work & nutrition (tracking daily protein grams) as much as any golfer on planet earth, the result of this WORK is a birdie from the cart path this past sunday in st george on the par 5 18th hole!!
at age 34 max had the greatest increase in driving distance in 2026 (hitting it 10.8 yards longer, now up to 311 yards off the tee) vs 2025 driving distance of anybody on the pga tour
this powerful ball/club SPEED allows homa (who is trending towards adam scott career longevity) to swing 80% off speed NO EFFORT lasers at the hole without swinging 110% with a lotta moving body parts which invariably breaks down under pressure
the cali bears gotta almost 100 days between this winter's final tournament at the ft ord bayonet & the spring's 1st tournament in late january, we're gonna find out who is gonna put in the semi off season work in order to play the cathedrals of golf on the game's largest stages
fun fact: 72% of the 2.5+ gpa virginia tech players & staff have NEVER been to cali before, they've never seen the golden gate bridge, a $5,000,000+ 2500 square foot house or an asian/poly (that wuz not working in a laundry and/or chinese restaurant in blacksburg)!!
whatever
in any case tomorrow's 12:30 pm kickoff at memorial stadium is gonna hinge on whether or not the bears offensive line is gonna be quiet as **** & take yet another silent azz beating or if they gonna relentlessly **** up the hokies, got it??
One of the nastiest cases of “f*ck around and find out” just went down in Korean MMA
^ FUN cal's monster class contest: how many palm trees (shocky's favorite tree on planet earth, he gotta bunch of them in his back yard framing the cobalt azul pool which is in 100% violation of his gated homeowner association's strict non indigenous vegetation rules, sue me) are in the above cali video?
the winner (unless they be a cbyf1 & would prefer to go with me to coachella with a FREE all access backstage pass) will receive a $20 gift card to chopshop which will buy a morning 32 oz green juice which facilitates excellent gut health/flat stomach & pooping like a race horse (and then we'll both be off to the races)!!
— Baycurrent Classic Presented by LEXUS (@Baycurrent_Clsc) October 9, 2026
max homa (65 & 68, tied for 3rd): if homa wins this tournament, the winning shot wuz early in the 2nd round (starting on the back nine) on the brutal dogleg right 501 yard par 4 14th hole when our cali bear got trapped in the MONSTER fairway bunker complex on the inside of the dogleg & rolled in a clutch ice in his veins (throwing kirk gibson we will never ******* quit vibes) 10 footer for a double bogey 6!!
Max Homa got off to a strong start across the Pacific, firing an opening 65 to sit T-3 early in Japan 📈
Max Homa is currently T3 at the Baycurrant Classic after rounds of 65 and 68. After the 2nd round he spoke about how good the the Japanese fans are:
“They're just amazing. My wife mentioned it yesterday just walking around there, just it's cool. They're just happy to have us… pic.twitter.com/P9AfNHfbYa
michael kim (68 & 68, tied for 13th): michael is magnificently rolling the rock like a BOSS MAN, 140 feet in the 1st round & 86 feet in the 2nd round drained on the greens!!
collin morikawa (67 & 73, tied for 38th): golf is a really hard game, near the top of the leaderboard collin inexplicably/uncharacteristically lost his swing late on his back nine & missed hitting the final 6 greens in regulation en route to 5 bogeys during that forget about it stretch...fully expect a bounce back 3rd round
https://instagr.am/p/DeNdg-kI8ej cal men's golf team: VIEW TO A KILL with the iceman trevor "legoland is for losers like shocky" cox!!
https://instagr.am/p/DeKyuljyVeH ^ the pathetic timid as **** golf clapping (this is 5 zip codes past disappointing, did someone just win a piano recital??) in the background by the golf team (white shirts) is gonna ******* change when shocks (who will bring the bail bond cash) is there next time for a victory & we ******* STORM THE GREEN at the speed of light screaming from the ******* rooftops like dangerous outta control coked up/triggered wild azz feral bears!!
https://instagr.am/p/DdSzfpQOQRk fun fact: mi amiga becky g's pr team tole her to tell fallon that this song is about her nephew but rebbeca tole the shockster with a laugh that she kinda of thought of me when she wrote this song, this is all very confusing as there's a reference to "inteligente" but no specific reference to the monster's 3.92 gpa while at berkeley which is kinda disappointing!!
do u got ur FREE all access backstage pass for becky g's concert tonite in phoenix at the veterans memorial coliseum (seats 15,000, it's a tired old facility that wuz the home court for the phx suns back in the day, the cow palace would be the bay area comp)??
https://instagr.am/p/DeSSkCAp3zL becky g (who got 35,400,000+ gram followers, she could sell out the phoenix cardinals 70,000+ capacity state of the art glendale stadium many times over) listens to her biz advisors & understands that negotiating a relatively inexpensive venue like veterans on 19th avenue during the state fair (for which admission is FREE with a reasonably priced concert tix which is great for financially struggling young families with little kids that wanna see their idol) helps significantly drive down the tix cost for her global fanbase & also puts the concert closer to the heavy hispanic population of phoenix's westside...building a fanbase with FREE & heavily discounted tixs is an investment in the future plus it's just the right thing to do!!
https://instagr.am/p/DeMy_VARW2D meanwhile the corrupt/ineffectual cal athletic department (multiple female athletes in multiple sports are bringing lawsuits against the university alleging serious coaching abuse allegations) run by the worthless bureaucrats/non berkeley grads jay & jenny as enabled by a feckless chancellor who instead of firing them doubled each of their salaries to $500,000, that's why they call it the Big Give) has made the decision to not offer FREE tixs to ALL students for tomorrow's football game with virginia tech which is just a big **** u to poor kids (like my tiny berkeley grad tigers moms who grew up without parents who could afford to buy her the student sports combo pass)...berkeley's outta touch decision makers involved in/with the athletic department are self entitled with their outdated thinking that anything FREE isn't valued/appreciated which reflects their pompous marie antoinette white centric perspective of the world, **** that ****
too bad the unlikeable evil as **** ****tards jay & jenny don't have any connections/relationships to get rebbeca to play a SOLD OUT 16 minute half time show at a cal football game, yeah fafo (the monster wuz born without a social filter under scorpio skies)
— Baycurrent Classic Presented by LEXUS (@Baycurrent_Clsc) October 10, 2026
max homa (70, tied for 9th): despite a water ball, 2 missed greens with gap wedges from the middle of fairway from 100 yards, 2 missed birdie putts from 3 and 5 feet & GODZILLA blowing up **** in the middle of the golf course max battled like a doggy dog and is now still only 3 strokes off the lead within legit striking distance heading into the final round!!
let's ******* go max (and dodgers, whatever)!!
"I get to watch before I play, so I'm not stressed while I play"
michael kim (68, tied for 12th): despite a +2 start after 2 holes michael (315 feet in made putts thru 3 rounds, wowza!!) got on a roll like the head sushi chef at nobu malibu & knocked out 7 birdies (with mouth watering japanese a5 waygu) including a SPECTACULAR 100 foot sand bunker hole out on the brutal 506 yard par 4 14th hole!!
mr 59 is 3rd in the field in strokes gained around the greens (homanation is 1st in the field), cali bears got great scrambling games despite ******* paws!!
collin morikawa (69, tied for 38th): nice bounce back round with collin refinding/recalibrating his driver swing hitting a near perfecto 14 outta 15 fairways in regulation (only "miss" wuz in the front right green side bunker on the drivable par 4 13th hole that he got up & down for a bird), would not be surprised if morikawa goes LOW playing 1st out off the 10th tee with clear sailing for 9 holes!!
MONSTER complaint: threesomes are playing split tees 5 and a half rounds (shocky likes playing in walking twosomes in under 3 hours) at yokohama, it's surprising that the pga tour isn't playing the only 72 player field in the customary twosomes off the 1st tee on the weekend in around 4 hours...yeah the shockster is gonna write commish rolapp (who is older & bipolar) a letter now that the weather is getting colder
タオル、揃えてみませんか？🎵
Baycurrent Classic Presented By LEXUS公式グッズの中からタオルをご紹介🔥
prospect, back in the day shocky hosted around 20+ friends & family in downtown phoenix at the closest cali bears football game to the monster's north scottsdale tree fort of my lifetime with the strict instructions to everybody to not talk/distract me during the game (the monster likes to be 100% dialed in on gamedays without social interactions like shay asking me how many points is a field goal or taylor telling me about the hot new pilates studio on shea, yeah ima mr fungi!!)
and yeah there wuz a postgame late nite celebration after the 52-49 victory at some ****hole downtown dive bar (don't even remember the name) near the stadium with a lotta singing & ****
**** dog fighting abuser hokie michael vick (he's in the same piece of **** grouping with the ****tards jay & jenny who are not PROTECTING berkeley female student athletes)!!
More than six years ago I arrived in this ****hole low key racist truck stop town called Tallahassee with my uprooted family in our quest to make this football program for low GPA dumb azzs our Seminole home forever.
Well that **** didn't happen.
Like many White people in the Deep South I neither support nor condone slavery but that's not important now that I'm stepping away leaving the Athletic Department hundreds of millions of dollars in debt and the inevitable decision to fire Mike Norvell (and eat his remaining $51,000,000 contract) left to the next Athletic Director.
I'm proud of this institution voting with Clemson and North Carolina to NOT offer ACC invitations to Cal and Stanford, we do not need Left Coast liberals bringing their disturbing ideology (like reading books and ****) to our special Seminole community.
A good luck shout out to current 2027 commit 3.4 GPA defensive tackle Sam LeJuene on his upcoming decision to either attend a skool with 3 inch blood sucking insects and Hades level insufferable humidity that will at best prepare him for making 20 bucks an hour at age 30 working at a Waffle House or flipping to the #1 ranked public university in the World in beautiful ideal weather California that facilities building generational wealth both thru hard work in the Berkeley classrooms and NFL coaching development at Memorial Stadium.
Please know that while I may look like an alcoholic high school baseball coach with a crew cut and bad dental work in a Hallmark movie with all White characters except the one funny Black that works at the gas station and the short always smiling Asian at the cleaners, I will bleed Seminole maroon and gold all the way to Wells Fargo while double checking my direct deposit payments for the rest of my life and will terribly miss getting ****faced hammered with all of you on Nole gamedays!!
https://instagr.am/p/Db11E8mEfvh ^ fun fact: nobody in the 4th foto got a gpa over 2.5, it's true that cbyf1s from academically mid skools like fsu wanna date & marry berkeley, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world!!
louisville cardinals 44 florida state seminoles 20
florida state (3-3, will invade memorial stadium in 2027) is taking the next steps for its exodus from the acc by applying to TITC (talladega tributary intercoastal conference) which requires all of its football membership programs to recruit sub 2.5 gpa dumb azzs!!
ALL. THE. WAY 💨
Isaac Brown goes 97-yards to the house. The longest play in program history.
https://instagr.am/p/DeVSYbrh7TC ^ the most beautiful chant on planet earth, this **** makes the monster mist up with tears!!...if shocks wuz gonna go on a drive down pacific coast highway 1 with his brahs he would wanna ride shotgun with #97 michael anthony-okwura!!
california golden bears 25 virginia tech hokies 20
https://instagr.am/p/DeVON0GhlQP one of the most ******* EPIC (that does not mean perfect, life is not linear) victories in the history of cal football!!
THE CATCH: 4.1 gpa carson perry-smith (from granite bay near sacramento) finished fall camp as the rb5 but has relentlessly continued to work hard/be a great teammate & he's made plays in the last 2 games when given the opportunity!!
https://instagr.am/p/DeVLWJfAaYt 7-8 man defensive front: this is 100% the scheme the monster has wanted during the last decade, the overwhelming vast majority of college qbs are not skilled in audibiling/making good decisions when relentlessly pressured, the bears are gonna be able to ratchet the ******* HEAT (legend journey can rush the opposing qb1) another notch when kingston lopa returns to action
ashten emory: rb3 (next man up) ashten emory is the courageous mother****** u want standing by ur side when ur getting robbed/pistol whipped on an underpass under a freeway in medellin columbia after the taxi cab driver sold u out (that's a monster world top 100 story for another day)
https://instagr.am/p/DeVNlI0gPGJ jackson brousseau/pat mccann: this seriously looked like a vintage tedford offense with misdirection, my favorite play of the game (along with the dorian thomas rumble up the middle ballsy as **** fake punt) wuz the confused qb1 looking towards the sideline with the direct snap to the rb1 for a critical 1st down, 4.0 gpa jackson is a poised non stressed out leader with ice in his veins (modern yoga would probably even evaluate him as a syt16 ahead of the monster)!!
Tosh Lupoi on the offense under Jackson Brousseau and Pat McCann
“Picking up right where we left off. It’s ignited the team, feeding off the energy of efficiency and distributing the ball. Love what our offense is looking like. Jackson has been a tremendous, mature leader from… pic.twitter.com/0m1L14BuTv
jericho johnson: real talk: the bears would be 1-5 without this WARRIOR, moana is proud of jj!!
towns mcgough: towns, ur my favorite 4.0 gpa kicker from the deep south (would be fun to play shoal creek with u someday) & u made huge strides forward in ur development today, CONGRATS!!...with a berkeley degree (vs an auburn degree) the monster no longer thinks ur gonna be working at the waffle house at age 30 making 20 bucks an hour!!
bottom line: sports are never PERFECT (a fact that is often lost to those that don't compete in the global economy), the cali bears are now 3-3 & when's the last time we got a winning record (2-1 in the acc) in a conference??...monday morning there should be an announcement that ALL (not just the white middle class plus kids) berkeley students are inclusively invited via FREE tixs to next saturday nite 7:30 pm acc battle with a dangerous wake forest program (the deacs are the best coached team of the bears remaining 6 opponents)!!
recruiting: coach hutch's high pressure d is 100% the scheme that cal's monster class of 2027 apex predator edge defenders wanna play in en route to the violent NFL!!
Jericho Johnson on the onslaught of rushes against Virginia Tech
“One of our identities is we want to be aggressive. Coach Hutchings let us know, he’s taking nothing off. He wants to show that aggression. I think you see a lot of people fold under that pressure and that’s what… pic.twitter.com/AM6H2yY36q
I caught the game end on youtube. It's nice payback for the loss a year ago. Also nice to see a back up qb step up and do well. It's a positive that we've already upgraded the play calling, improved results over the last 6 quarters. If Tosh can just recruit and have good co-ordinators in place coaching up the talent, that's our best case scenario. Again, a close game with a 4-1 team coming in, we have the talent to compete in the ACC. Still need to eliminate the penalties and improve our kick coverage. Next up, Wake Forest. Safe travels home Shocky, we're off to Bangkok n Hua Hin next Friday.
the deacs (5-1) qb1 gio lopez (who has made tremendous strides in his development since we saw him last as the north carolina qb) passed for 303 yards on 26 of 33 passing, the bears are gonna need to confuse gio during next saturday's 7:30 pm kick off at memorial stadium with coach hutch's 7-8 defenders at the line of scrimmage
wake's defense swarms to the ball & hits ball carriers really ******* hard in limiting the wolfpack to an unreal 15 yards rushing on their home field
north carolina state (3-3) is one dimensional offensively with their dangerous passing attack with qb1 cj bailey, the pack d is adequate at times but nothing special when the bears travel to charlotte in a couple of weeks for the acc roadie battle
https://instagr.am/p/DQhrKQ1AaHN ^ shocky got into it with cav man (the goofiest looking ******* mascot on planet earth) back in the day when i wuz the de facto general manager of the cal men's hoops program sitting in the 1st row behind the cal bench next to roberta martin during our epic battle against #5 ranked virginia in charlottesville, the monster relentlessly asked their mascot "hey cav man, wut's ur gpa and do u know how to read books and stuff??" which made uva students behind the basket laugh until he finally got close enuf at the end of halftime warm ups to tell me to "**** off"...ouch (hopefully mr short temper is not an air traffic controller or something these days)
virginia cavaliers 28 syracuse orange 25
kinda surprising how ineffectual the virginia (4-2) offense wuz at home with qb1 beau pribula only passing for 119 yards as the cavs only generated 288 yards of total offense on their home field...the cavaliers most explosive offensive threat is rb1 jekail middlebrooks
the bears should be able to exploit the virginia d which gave up 267 yards in the air to the syracuse qb2 & qb3
**** real, this is NOT last year's virginia team, the november roadie to charlottesville will be a challenging but potentially winnable acc showdown for the cali bears
^ dr shock (not licensed to practice anywhere in the united states & its territories with the lone exceptions of bali & ibiza) is not recommending this unsanitary drinking practice which could result in multiple stds that got no medical treatable cures on planet earth that usually results in slow painful deaths!!
notre dame fighting irish 58 stanford cardinals 7
the bears staff will not allow our guys to get overconfident for the 2026 big game, the #3 irish are a very talented dangerous football program & are the premiere football team in the acc along with miami
yeah anybody who wuz in palo alto for the total ****show DEFEAT that put a damper on my scorpio skies b-day celebration last year can tell u that my berkeley bears got 6 remaining regular acc games, literally all of them are both winnable (a 8-1 record & a spot in the acc championship game is realistic) & losable (3-9 is also realistic)
this is honestly the most FUN & compelling (both good & bad) to watch in person football team in over a decade but sometimes u just want her after a shoulder massage to throw her t-shirt down the pike right past the wawa as she alligator cries & screams **** balenciaga, u feel me??
