zony, u make a lotta good points (as usual) but marcus harris is outta eligibility...trond grizzell's spectacular day as the #1 wideout target (along with nyziah hunter) & hunter barth's starting assignment at inside backer will most likely result in some very interesting conversations after the final game re: 2025 nil & playing time commitments...hunter's older bro played for asu back in the day & is still involved with the program

javian thomas wuz talking to one of his high school teachers from mack (she tole me she's so proud of what a "truly good person" he's always been) when shocky walked up on him on the field & put an arm around his shoulder (we're the same height) & mock whispered the following:

"THE JET!!!!! is a star star star star star star"

javian just looked at me with a slight grin kinda like is this guy for real or wut or something??

https://instagr.am/p/DBexEJjP-a9
stfu shocky#

https://instagr.am/p/DCohipCtJ_0
2024 pga tournament at sea island: 3rd round update

once again flighting his shots in the tricky winds & rolling in a 107 feet of putts michael kim shot a 68 & is tied for 9th heading into tomorrow's final round of the 2024 pga tour season which will also include a celebratory breath of relief on the 18th green in locking up his pga tour card for 2025

fun fact: the best course in the sea island coastal region is the fantastic nearby ocean forest golf club with its intimate iconic pink clubhouse, if this course had been designed by bill coore instead of rees jones it would be a legit world top 100 candidate course the topography is that exceptional

https://instagr.am/p/Cg7P8ekrM7W
miami hurricanes 42
wake forest demon deacons 14

wake's dance/cheer coach christy could not rally her demon deacons (4-7) past them weather channel hurricanes (10-1)

fun fact: coach chirsty probably can't dunk a basketball or something!!

https://instagr.am/p/DBwCSlMp6Qa
syracuse orange 31
connecticut huskies 24

yeah syracuse (8-3) gotta goofy as **** mascot

the university of calveston's buc-ee stands proud (with clean bathrooms, 40+ varieties of potato chips & 150+ pumps of premium 91)#

https://instagr.am/p/C2pyYVLLDzm
florida state seminoles 41
charleston southern buccaneers 14

**** disloyal fsu (2-9)#

louisville (kentucky rain) cardinals 37
pittsburgh panthers 9

advanced modern yoga logic tree: louisville beat pittsburgh (7-4), stanford beat louisville, cal beat stanford therefore cal must be better than pittsburgh & elvis must still be looking for that curvy brunette yoga female in the cold kentucky rain!!

https://instagr.am/p/DA4iDhCyehB
utah state aggies 41
san diego state aztecs 20

the bears september 2025 roadie to sdsu (3-8) is gonna probably include the 1st 200+ yards rushing game by THE JET!!!! who is a star star star star star star

https://instagr.am/p/DBR8_VuvTT5
oregon state beavers 41
washington state cougars 38

congrats to cal's dumb as **** scheduling 1st game of 2025 opponent on the road at oregon state (5-6) but why would anybody wanna live in the freezing snowy azz state of oregon (or really anywhere in the lame azz northwest) & attend one of their low gpa academically garbage time skools??

answer: someone (who is white 99% of the time) who likes to wear plaid/flannel shirts that gotta gpa under 3.0 that aspires to be a lumberman ax chopper or a nite shift supervisor at the medford truck stop

don't be a dumb azz#

"GOODNIGHT" pic.twitter.com/uiELsxa6Nz

— UC Davis Football (@UCDfootball) November 24, 2024

uc davis aggies 42
sacramento state hornets 39

shredville (10-2)#

https://instagr.am/p/CR4UpSxnxzR
auburn tigers/war eagles 43
texas a&m aggies 41

fun fact: becky g (who is hella better looking than slim wadie on cal/golf roadtrips but don't gotta as good sand game) agrees with shocky that the 2024 auburn (5-6) roadie to the deep south wuz arguably the most FUN roadtrip in the history of the cal football program!!

S/o to the team that broke the drought! Keep em’ coming! #GoBears 🪓! https://t.co/ne3lC9uTti

— Josh Drayden (@CoachDrayden) November 24, 2024

the MAGIC of cal football (requires u to get to memorial stadium on gamedays)#

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/DA4iDhCyehB
utah state aggies 41
san diego state aztecs 20

the bears september 2025 roadie to sdsu (3-8) is gonna probably include the 1st 200+ yards rushing game by THE JET!!!! who is a star star star star star star

---

Looks like first baseman's getting more than a talking to from the ump.

https://instagr.am/p/DAEWqtCP_x6
smu mustangs 33
virginia cavaliers 7

offensively the ponies qb1 kevin jennings continued his brilliant play passing for 323 yards on a highly efficient 25 of 33 completions with distributing the ball to 6 different receivers with at least 3 catches apiece, this is a multi arsenal fracking operation!!...running game is nothing special (3.2 yards per rush)

defensively smu throttled the cavs to 65 yards rushing & 108 yards passing, this is a high petroleum d!!

smu (10-1) got SMOKESHOW ponytails#

Shocky1 said:

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December 4th! @CalFootball @CoachTB02 @CoachTreW @CoachDrayden pic.twitter.com/ORAGu5UBzD

— Tre’ Harrison⛓ (@1ath1ete_) November 20, 2024

2025 4.83 gpa cal commit/future TAKER#

the university of calfornia, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including junipero serra)

---

loose transcript of a conversation yesterday morning at the oakland airport car rental center while jogging to the avis preferred kiosk:

shocky: dude, i know ur gpa!!

tre harrison (sitting with his fam): wut??

shocky: ur gpa is 4.83 with multiple ap classes, i know the gpa of everyone on planet earth!!

shocky (fist bumping dad): and that's just GOOD parenting, dad!!

taylor (shaking her head): it's true, my dad knows everybody's gpa

elle (whose practice test course for the lsat wuz 173, 170+ is a lock for boalt & 175 gets u into harvard law): tay's dad has been asking me my gpa since i wuz at desert canyon middle school!!

ur gpa matters (unless u wanna be cleaning shock's pool or something)#

https://instagr.am/p/Crek89POM-s
cal's monster offensive line update:

fiery center will mcdonald tole me during the jubilant postgame field celebration that his best golf round evah wuz a 73 at tidewater which shocky rates as the 3rd best course in myrtle beach after caledonia & the dunes club

yeah shocky is the most knowledgeable golf course architecture enthusiast on planet earth, will, hope u will keep me company on the links someday bro & no there won't be any loser azz golf carts involved in this endeavor

https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx

https://instagr.am/p/C1KmvvXrVjj
cal's monster offensive line update:

blueshirting true freshman tyler knape tole me on the field that his current weight is 285 lbs & when pressed by the monster that 285 is his "optimal" weight

real talk: somebody in the s&c program is giving tyler some really bad ******* weight advice, u cannot impose ur will & pound for ground as a starting interior lineman in the acc at 285 lbs

yeah buc-ee is the best mascot on planet earth!!

the university of calveston=#1 ranked public university on planet earth (without all the lousy azz texas weather)

https://instagr.am/p/C7U-E_0yizZ
cal's monster offensive line update:

rush reimer's FUN moms & dad tole me that their son has 100% loved his time with the cal football program (and that's it kinda sad it's coming to an end), that he's developed a close friendship with yesterday's starting guard bastian swinney & that he's down bad for a female cal volleyballer!!

cal's monster monster class investigative reporting with journalistic integrity & zero social filtering (so where's the ******* awards??)#

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/DB-XHTtuC1J
jaron keawe sagapolutele recruiting update: jaron is gonna unofficial trip with his moms to berkeley for this saturday's BIG GAME vs stanford & then fly out wednesday of next week to georgia for an official trip which will include the dawgs friday nite game against georgia tech



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including ewa beach)

---

jks recruiting update: jaron had to be physically stopped/tackled by 7 yellow jacketed security personnel when he tried to tear down the goal post in the north end zone during the on the field postgame celebration!!

apparently the goal posts in hawaii r usually on grass fields & they topple/r uprooted a lot easier...kinda thought a qb1 with a 3.75 gpa would know more about soil structure science (and astroturf) or something

whatever

Golden hour in Sea Island 💯 pic.twitter.com/yqsn557omk

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) November 25, 2024

2024 pga tournament at sea island: 4th round update

CONGRATULATIONS to michael kim on finishing #104 in the season long pga rankings & finishing in the top 125 to retain his pga tour card for 2025!!...michael shot a 68 to finish tied for 11th

shocky plans on traveling to multiple majors & pga tournaments in 2025 to walk with max, ben, collin & michael in their quests to win championships & represent cal golf on the largest stages on planet earth!!

cal is a golf school (with a really strong high gpa 2025 football recruiting class)!!#

What a weekend 🪓#GoBears | #ALLIN pic.twitter.com/lhUOkZV7XB

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) November 25, 2024

wheels up (back to the desert with the ultimate b-day weekend present!!)#

Not totally relevant but we all dogpile on Wilcon (rightfully so) for the close game losses, but Brent Pry at Va Tech is somehow 1-12 in one score games. That is so impressively bad.

Joegeo said:

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Not totally relevant but we all dogpile on Wilcon (rightfully so) for the close game losses, but Brent Pry at Va Tech is somehow 1-12 in one score games. That is so impressively bad.

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Virginia Tech brought back 20 starters from a team that had a strong finish last year to get to 7-6, they were not a dark horse per se but a shadow pick to contend for the ACC and now need to beat Virginia just to get back to 6-6, so yeah pretty bad season over in Blacksburg

Shocky1 said:

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"GOODNIGHT" pic.twitter.com/uiELsxa6Nz

— UC Davis Football (@UCDfootball) November 24, 2024

uc davis aggies 42
sacramento state hornets 39

shredville (10-2)#

---

Teddye Buchanan has been such a difference maker for us, I really hope Coach Wilcox and his staff are looking at both these local teams to see if there are other similar impact makers that can be brought in via the transfer portal for next season.

ducky23 said:

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Shocky you gonna let them talk crap like that to you?

Idk if the average Cal fan could even comprehend a Buc-ees

— $MU (@ponytfup) November 25, 2024

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https://instagr.am/p/Ca5vdn-FLDI
ducky, here's the deal, everybody on planet earth including bi curious smu fanboys r invited to the shocky/leidy hosted FREE all inclusive pregame buffet at buc-ee's next saturday morning november 30th in terrell texas next door to the university of calveston's newly constructed 2025 spring ball practice facility, ok?

buc-ee will be there explaining his/him/them's spellbrinding path from a struggling disney career as a cute method actor/animal, failing to earn tenure at tcu's unaccredited law school after losing multiple imminent domain cases involving guns/cow**** to now becoming the mascot for the university of calveston, the #1 ranked public university in the world (for high gpa friday nite lone star state ballers but without the lousy as **** texas weather)

and there will also be dean wormer from the smu biz school who will give a brief overview of the school's highly successful career training/outplacement program at buc-ee's which is literally a vertical career opportunity for those who graduated from texas high schools with sub 3.0 gpas but whose daddys own petroleum fracking companies & belong to either colonial to dallas national

yeah literally anything is POSSIBLE with a smu degree!!...a 401k is even available for those who make it 6 months without being arrested!!

https://instagr.am/p/CuIVTfIJZ2M
southern methodist university=#1 texas safety school for those declined admission to cal, stanford & the ivy leagues (and probably duke & vanderbilt too to be honest with u)

https://instagr.am/p/DCw6SYMR1VF
smu travel itinerary:

the california golden bears staff & travel squad will be celebrating thanksgiving together & taking a chartered flight from oakland to dallas this thursday in preparation for saturday's 2:30 pm local time kick off

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/-E9MQiBHRU
back in the day (4:00 am bay bridge)#

---

that wuz then, this is now (saturday nite at fino's in the city)#

Shocky1 said:

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zony, u make a lotta good points (as usual) but marcus harris is outta eligibility...trond grizzell's spectacular day as the #1 wideout target (along with nyziah hunter) & hunter barth's starting assignment at inside backer will most likely result in some very interesting conversations after the final game re: 2025 nil & playing time commitments...hunter's older bro played for asu back in the day & is still involved with the program

---

Someone sign this man 😨 pic.twitter.com/Ohql8J2VZL

— College Transfer Portal (@CollegeFBPortal) November 25, 2024

2024 transfer portal update:

shocky can confirm that both trond & hunter will be receptive to productive conversations after the smu game re: their potential futures with the program, neither player wants to leave their teammates in 2025 if it makes sense to stay in berkeley...but the timeline for these conversations needs to be as quickly as possible after the smu game & well before the transfer portal opens on december 9th (runs thru december 28th)

in the staff's scoring of nfl combine drills for linebackers (the metrics utilized by national football league scouts for prospect athleticism evaluations) barth scored the highest among all (both inside & outside) current golden bear linebackers...yeah closing SPEED matters in berkeley (let's ******* go, **** around with trev & find out)!!

🚨Cal Poly Versatile OT/OG Brady Norton - 3 Years Eligibility (@BradyNorton9) will be officially in the Undergrad Transfer Portal on Dec. 9th.

Norton, at 6’4 1/4 290, is the highest graded pass blocking OT in FCS (91%) and #4 including all FBS. In 704 Snaps this season Norton… https://t.co/iUPxwkut9S pic.twitter.com/SR63Odpu6T

— First Class Prospects (@FCProspects_) November 25, 2024

cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

6'4" 290 brady norton got +1 athleticism for his size, is from mission viejo high school, wants to work for the fbi someday & got 3 years of remaining eligibility

best pass blocker in fcs football#

Mood @b_dechambeau 🏆 pic.twitter.com/6gPW8uHD8S

— ACC Digital Network (@theACCDN) November 3, 2024

how shocky got the smu golf coach FIRED!!

back in the cal's monster class era shocky drives topless in his broke azz lexus convertible at the speed of light from north scottsdale down the i-10 to tuscon national to watch his california golden bears compete in the arizona wildcat invitational

while walking the course shocky saw the most shocking display of beyond breaking bad sportsmanship he's ever seen during a college sporting event: the smu head coach (with his assistant coach standing next to him) yelling at a tcu golfer (from a latin america country) "why don't you come over here right now you big ***** & let's settle this right now?...yeah walk away from me you piece of ****!"

3 holes later the smu coach drives his cart over & says to me "sorry you had to witness that, we had a free drop ruling dispute earlier in the round...once again, sorry you had to experience that conversation"

shocky looks him in the eye & tells him, "your apology is NOT accepted, your not ashamed that you literally challenged a collegiate student athlete during a competition to fight you, your only embarrassed that i clearly saw what happened" before the monster walks away

a hole or two later while waiting for the green on a par 5 to clear for max homa, i visit with coach desimone (everybody loves des) in the fairway & tell him wut happened...at that point a san diego state player's dad comes on over & joins the conversation

both des & stefan schauffele (who is german/french) tell me that the smu coach is an arrogant jerk...stefan tells me that his son xander (who at that point is introduced to me with a fist bump, we're the same height) gotta japanese moms & wut nationality am i?...shocky tells them he is a rescue doggy dog of mixed descent with a japanese tiger moms like rickie fowler who they all know too

stefan & xander are both good guys & fun to converse with during the ensuing years when our paths have crossed again...gonna be rooting 100% for collin morikawa (japanese dad/chineese moms) to win an epic 3rd MAJOR CHAMPIONSHIP but xander is not some evil nemesis (like mr glass)

follow up update: shocky wrote a letter to the smu president while carbon copying the smu athletic director, the tcu president, the tcu athletic director and pro golfer/neighbor of mine tom lehman (his daughter a student at tcu at the time, they attended my son's wedding last october on the usc oppenheimer gameday) outlining wut happened & praising the tcu golfer from walking away from a potential violent physical confrontation during a ncca competition

the smu athletic director wrote me back 2 months later advising that the smu head coach had been FIRED

**** with the monster & find out#

Shocky1 said:

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Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/DB-XHTtuC1J
jaron keawe sagapolutele recruiting update: jaron is gonna unofficial trip with his moms to berkeley for this saturday's BIG GAME vs stanford & then fly out wednesday of next week to georgia for an official trip which will include the dawgs friday nite game against georgia tech



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the WORLD (including ewa beach)

---

jks recruiting update: jaron had to be physically stopped/tackled by 7 yellow jacketed security personnel when he tried to tear down the goal post in the north end zone during the on the field postgame celebration!!

apparently the goal posts in hawaii r usually on grass fields & they topple/r uprooted a lot easier...kinda thought a qb1 with a 3.75 gpa would know more about soil structure science (and astroturf) or something

whatever

---

Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele and the GOAT Aaron Rodgers#GoBears pic.twitter.com/b62DS1sTLQ

— Cal Sports (@CAL_SPORTS_) November 25, 2024

jks recruiting update:

jaron posted bail & got to do the hang with aaron!!

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/CcGZW-0pwes
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

As a former ELITE worldwide fashion model with multiple online degrees, I am very proud to let you know that I'm the new Chancellor at SMU!!!!!! It's true, I interview really well!!

I really think your writing is very witty ("don't be a dumb azz, it's better to palm a tight azz") plus we both love doggy dogs, would you be willing to accept an Adjunk Professorship of Literature in addition to starting up our new Yoga/Meditation Master's Program? Realize that you're not credentialed yet as a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga but we can do a workaround on that minor issue.

Look, I realize you can play literally any golf course on Planet Earth with one phone call/email but would it help your decision making if I can arrange a FREE membership at Brook Hollow which has been faithfully restored by your favorite architects Coore & Crenshaw?

Shocky, working together we can make SMU GREAT AGAIN and in any case I'm looking forward to meeting you at your pregame FREE buffet at Buc-ee's on Saturday November 30th, is this a clothing optional event or not??

I will even confidentially whisper in your ear my GPA!!

Respectfully yours,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

P.S. > Agreed that clothes r for losers!!!

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Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine!!

Getting my nails done this morning at the Reverse Cowgirl Nail Saloon in Highland Park & thought you might be interested in my list of the TOP 3 people on planet earth that I would like to take a naked azz shower with in the very near future!!

1) Shocky, no big surprise there!!



2) Rickie Fowler, he don't gotta lotta STDS like DeChambo!!

3) George Bush, we need funding for a new Poli Sci building on campus.

See you Saturday morning at Buc-ee's, should I wear any underwear or NOT??

Hugs & kisses,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

Shocky1 said:

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wut do jaron keawe sagapolutele & jaylen brown got in common?

1) both r mama boys (kinda like shocky who wuz raised by a tiger moms)!!

https://instagr.am/p/Bd1eFXijhTU
2) both r gonna get paid, jks got the standard collective negotiating a market rate nil deal & jaylen brown signed a nba supermax contract of 5 years for $304,000,000 with the boston celtics...jared goff signed a nfl contract of 4 years for $212,000,000 with the detroit lions & aaron rodgers career nfl earnings are north of $400,000,000+

https://instagr.am/p/DAoAWBludGU
3) both are/will benefiting from shocky branding, a FUN socially aware intellectual that's safe for middle america consumption

Got'em😂😂 #DriveByDunkChallenge pic.twitter.com/nBnCWGhdQF

— Jaylen Brown (@FCHWPO) July 22, 2017

4) both are/will gonna become quick twitch healthy as **** +1 athletic with strong mental health via shocky inspired yoga/meditation practices



5) both are NOT dumb azz jocks, jks gotta 3.75 gpa (fun fact: berkeley grad jared goff gotta 3.85 gpa at stinson beach high school wuz) & jaylen took multiple upper division courses as a freshman...cal, stanford & ivy league affiliations send a powerful message!!

https://instagr.am/p/BZRTvlagD9_
6) both are/will gonna see the light re: curvy brunette yoga females with smokeshow PONYTAILS (fun fact: jaylen might've gone a bit overboard on this ****, shocky not talking)

https://instagr.am/p/C8A_p26vxKE
keep me company (every athlete on planet earth is one violent split second away from being done forever, then wut?...wut's ur gpa??)#

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna use the berkeley brand both athletically & mentally to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH while avoiding football factories that view u as a disposable 2nd/3rd option)
https://soundcloud.com/the-tribe-akashic/keep-me-company-feat-master-wendu-tae-haru?in=jay-donais%2Fsets%2Ftribe
^ co produced by jb

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From yesterday's game, Cal chancellor Rich Lyons spent a little time chatting with top Bears commit Jaron Sagapolutele ahead of the Big Game win over Stanford. pic.twitter.com/pCyd8NJ9Tp

— Cal Rivals (@CalRivals) November 24, 2024

jks recruiting update:

the mid week official visit to georiga has been CANCELLED per mori suesue (his highly regarded nil representative), final decision will be announced probably on sunday

Shocky1 said:

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https://instagr.am/p/DCmqbJ4ScQR
oregon quarterback recruiting update:

the ducks got their 2026 #1 target jonas williams who fits the ducks offensive schemes of a qb1 with elite running skills (not a nfl pro style dropback passer) who will be joining 5 star donte moore (learning the offense during the 2024 season) & incoming 5 star 6'6" freak +1 athletic akili jones jr (already a local favorite due to his dad's stardom back in the day) in a crowded qb room in eugene

oregon is a ruthless football factory that brings in as many high end disposable gladiators as possible, the ultimate winner of this hunger games qb1 competition needs to be ready if their opportunity arises because they're gonna be ****** if football don't work out for them in today's highly competitive global economy that favors the well educated such as cal, stanford & ivy league grads

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Gassed. https://t.co/DJz54NofDk

— Akili Smith Jr (@Akilismithjr) November 17, 2024

stacking qbs in eugene (disposable gladiators without academic ambition)#