with 4 california golden bears participating in this year's final major, now is a good time to remember the greatest interview in the history of unprofessional golf!!
Undrafted rookie free agent and former all pac -12 Cornerback / return specialist @Hearns_21 available and looking for an opportunity.
Lu-Magia Hearns III 2024 Graduate: University of California Berkeley 43 games played with 23 starts 2021 Runner up PAC 12 Frosh of year 2022… pic.twitter.com/y2VWIdjENn
CONGRATS lu magia hearns jr on earning ur berkeley degree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
above list will be edited to reflect lu's significant achievement & also nohl williams & ryan lange earning degrees too from the world's #1 ranked public university!!
jermaine terry earned an oregon state degree in sociology
kaylin moore & j michael sturdivant left westwood without earning ucla degrees unlike femi oladejo who got his diploma
simon mapa transferred to new mexico
camden jones (whose family home burned in the la fires) is still in the transfer portal with no takers at this time after one year in berkeley
tidiane jalloh (football retirement, no degree) is now a fitness coach in lausanne switzerland
aidan lee is departing bluefield state into the transfer portal with no takers at this time, no degree
martin tine is departing texas state into the transfer portal with no takers at this time, no degree
academically struggling at cal sam jackson v is now at his 4th college at oklahoma state, no degree
kai millner (and his overly involved dumb azz dad dwayne who threw away his berkeley 3.5 gpa son's chance to be accepted into the haas biz ad program) is not listed on the 2025 nau football roster
marquis montgomery is still a student at byu studying american studies with a minor in business and now goes by the name marquis taliulu and is not listed on the 2025 byu football roster
cal's monster class mailbag: shocky has received the following email from utah tech trailblazers running back coach jamison clark:
"Hey Bill, Chris is a great kid and does really well as a leader for our team. He is set to graduate here shortly. We hope he and the Bears both have great years this year!"
https://instagr.am/p/ClKRJAgPwdt schulzie is asking that every player & football staff member including coach wilcox reach out to chris today & encourage him in the most positive/loving way imaginable to FINISH HIS DEGREE!!
a college degree is gonna be the whip/wheels for a brighter future for this likable young man with so much promise, let's ******* go chris!!
Great story! Like good bear fans, we will be at every roadie. The exception being Oregon State.
During my courting days, my southern wife was tiring of fall revolving around Cal football. So I put together a nice vacation in the PNW for her. Wine tasting in Willamette, up the Columbia Gorge, Eastern Washington wines and Couer D'Alene. We would fly back out of Spokane.
During packing, I pulled out my phone and excitedly told her. "WOW, Cal is playing at Oregon State and then Washington State while we are there. We get two football games as well!"
As a former ELITE worldwide fashion model with multiple online degrees, I am very proud to let you know that I'm the new Chancellor at SMU!!!!!! It's true, I interview really well!!
I really think your writing is very witty ("don't be a dumb azz, it's better to palm a tight azz") plus we both love doggy dogs, would you be willing to accept an Adjunk Professorship of Literature in addition to starting up our new Yoga/Meditation Master's Program? Realize that you're not credentialed yet as a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga but we can do a workaround on that minor issue.
Look, I realize you can play literally any golf course on Planet Earth with one phone call/email but would it help your decision making if I can arrange a FREE membership at Brook Hollow which has been faithfully restored by your favorite architects Coore & Crenshaw?
Shocky, working together we can make SMU GREAT AGAIN and in any case I'm looking forward to meeting you at your pregame FREE buffet at Buc-ee's on Saturday November 30th, is this a clothing optional event or not??
I will even confidentially whisper in your ear my GPA!!
Respectfully yours,
Tiffany Von Strudel the Third SMU Chancellor
P.S. > Agreed that clothes r for losers!!!
Dear Shocky,
How are you?
I am fine.
Just wanted to give you a quick update regarding some of the improvements we've made in our quest for SMU not to be just viewed as a preppy rich kid's school that is low key racist:
1) The football staff is no longer going to refer to our Black student athletes as "disposable gladiators," all of our football players are equally important to us and particularly those in the Mustangs 2 deep depth chart!!
2) Our handful of Asian, Indian and Hispanic students will now be able to enter the premises of all of our 149 fraternities and sororities. Yes, that's right, I've issued a directive that they are 100% welcome if they are either assisting our White students with tutoring and/or they are working in the kitchen!!
3) Dakota Dickson will not be funneled into our Black football academic curriculum which mostly consists of life building skills for Blacks like parking (instead of stealing) BMW's at our spring lily white Panhellenic formals and White only oil industry fracking networking cocktail seminars in the Ritz Carlton's Petroleum Club Penthouse Suite!!
4) We are no longer marketing at the Madison Club or Jetset Magazine to uber affluent parents with promises of "100% guaranteed admission if your Trust Fund child is not accepted at Texas, Stanford, Vanderbilt and all the Ivy League and UC System schools."
5) The Student Conduct handbook has been updated advising all SMU students to no longer start conversations with "Do you know who my Daddy is??"
Shocky, too bad you don't have an I-phone, otherwise I would send you a very FUN foto of me skinny dipping!!
XXXOOO
Tiffany Von Strudel the Third SMU Chancellor
Fun Fact: Your North Scottsdale neighbor Colt Knost was recently inducted into the SMU Hall of Fame, still can't believe he could walk almost a dozen rounds on the hilly Olympic Club Lake course in winning the US Amateur back in the day without a golf cart!!
Great story! Like good bear fans, we will be at every roadie. The exception being Oregon State.
During my courting days, my southern wife was tiring of fall revolving around Cal football. So I put together a nice vacation in the PNW for her. Wine tasting in Willamette, up the Columbia Gorge, Eastern Washington wines and Couer D'Alene. We would fly back out of Spokane.
During packing, I pulled out my phone and excitedly told her. "WOW, Cal is playing at Oregon State and then Washington State while we are there. We get two football games as well!"
Pretty sure I am not allowed to go back.
Lol, one of the many benefits of marrying a Cal alumna that shares my Cal fandom so we can celebrate a rare win or commiserate after a beautiful Fall Saturday is spent watching Cal lose.
as a berkeley grad that only played football for the bears because of me (bro, kapp had NEVER even ******* heard of you until shocky tole him that there wuz a 45+ yard all MCAL punter already enrolled in berkeley & that he wuz playing 3rd base for milano) it's kinda disappointing that ur 3.7 gpa son is naming his 1st daughter "romy isabelle" instead of our mutual favorite high school "stinson beach"
wouldn't it be ******* great if in high school she annoys her girlfriends and they tell her, "Look Stinson, sometimes you can be a real Beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and yeah maybe take a moment or two & start looking over the edge of the tee boxes on the semi-blind downhill drivable par 4 10th hole at indian valley before u start launching missiles at the green like cade uluave
see u at china palace champ, the beef tofu with green onions is ******* unreal
Top 3 things I believe will be improved this upcoming season:
1) Less injuries & stronger athletes
2) More cohesive OL
3) Offensive play calling creativity
Top 3 things I believe will still be the biggest issues this upcoming season:
1) Speed at skill positions
2) DL getting to opposing QB
3) FG kicking
shocky's biggest 3 things to be concerned about:
1) all of cal's MONSTER offensive line playing rotation weighing the famika/novak/shocky mandated 315+ lbs instead of being undersized like they've been during the 1st 8 years of the wilcox era
2) defensive pressure from the bears edge defenders & d-line up the middle that VIOLENTLY knocks the **** outta qb1s that results in the opposing unprepared qb2 & qb3 taking gameday snaps under duress
3) coach frisina & any offense coaches actually listening to wilcox on gamedays
fun fact: jacob de jesus is gonna lead the acc & perhaps even the nation in punt returns & kickoffs (if wilcox don't mandate fair catches like he does every season in his unsuccessful quest to avoid all potential turnovers & win games 14-10)!!
shocky's 1st round of golf: 9 years old playing the nle las gallinas par 3 course with my pal sandi & her dad mr zogg, making a 12 (sandi had a 11 from the same tees) on the 155 yard 1st hole & being hooked for a lifetime!!
collin playing with the defending open champ last time it wuz held at portrush & the world's #1 ranked player in his quest for a 3rd major (there's no pressure, koa don't care who wins this stupid tournament)
Open champ Diaries (Tue) -Played the front nine today with some flushers. JT Bud Harris. -Most notable hole of the day is easily the 5th hole. It was slightly downwind and reachable to all of us. Starts off with a very cool view of the ocean and then I realized that the OB is… pic.twitter.com/azfXsOscbq
ben with the all important uk culinary update (and he speaks the truth)
https://instagr.am/p/DMILlZCtxLI sampson has been dreaming his whole life about playing on golf's largest stages (gotta get the equipment dialed in), it's go time brah!!...and let's forget about pursuing the 9/11 terrorist financed liv exhibition league, ok?
https://instagr.am/p/DMGZpeztvKY 2026 cal commit callixte alzas from france, incoming true freshman xihuan chang & sophomore zinqin zhou are gonna be a trio of california golden bears showing out at the MAJORS (yeah they are 100% legit that talented) with a little more development with coach wilson & coach ireland!!
in other news...
Years ago me (and Brandi) got banned from Tour 18 in Dallas but never really cared because it’s a shit hole and we never planned on going back. https://t.co/RsVtRFvgdu
my daughter taylor just called me during her subway & power walk from the west village to her midtown office in new york city telling me about the unreal flooding in manhattan & her plans for today
https://instagr.am/p/Ci7_-Q9pr3G please be safe sweetie, ur dad loves u very much (even more than levain bakery gooey double fudge cookies!!)
if we don't take better care of mother earth we're gonna leave planet earth with devastating natural disasters for future generations, check out the apocalyptic zombie flooding movie scene in the below video at the 1 minute 24 second mark that is playing out in real time right now
**** around & find out (long live the sierra club & other pro environment groups)#
collin morikawa interview: this is arguably the most REVEALING interview evah with my fellow OCD (who even keeps track of every restaurant they've ever been too??...11,167 r u serious??) afflicted haas biz ad grad who also briefly reflects upon my yoga brah jaylen brown being more famous in his class year in berkeley https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/collin-morikawa-extra-time-interview-2025
shocky would also point out (not mentioned in this article) that collin is NOT into music at all which is absolutely bizarro to me but that's just how he rolls & yeah cal's monster class is a judgment free zone (haha)
fun fact: collin & kat really live in california, the home in las vegas adjacent to the summit club is really just for state income tax purposes
nainoa, shocky is helping the football staff out with future roommate assignments, do u wanna room with moani or some random dude from lake havasu city that snores like a wounded elephant & that eats all ur tuna & salmon onigiris in the mini fridge when ur at practice at memorial stadium??
alex, gotta love rory calling out degenerate gambler/inside stock trading criminal phony phil for tryna pay off his debts by joining the 9/11 terrorist financed liv exhibition league
scottie's insightful interview shares his healthy balance outlook/perspective that the euphoria of winning a major golf tournament wears off in about 2 minutes & then it's kinda like ok, what's our plan for dinner??
self-actualized people know that meaningful fulfillment in our finite lifespan is the process/pursuit & the people you meet along the way and not just the final outcome...it's being your authentic self, a lotta people try to mask that true self but the happiest people on planet earth accept others & themselves with all our beautiful imperfections and to be honest with you that is my most cherished takeaway from a berkeley education which celebrates individuality & free speech
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx spoiler alert: all 4 california golden bears lack of experience in playing links golf showed up today in northern ireland, they did not successfully control the trajectory of flighting their shots thru the blustery irish sea winds or make the adjustment/adaptation to the much slower united kingdom fescue greens
At what point do we start thinking about moving @theopen to a milder climate like say...Spain? Year after year it's umbrellas and wind. There's a reason we don't hold the Super Bowl in Cleveland every year. pic.twitter.com/TgHPZzrTTG
yeah shocky has been screaming from the rooftops that playing links golf is different than american trackman dialing up the numbers golf but nobody is bloody ******* listening & the open scores are telling the truth to those who don't got much experience playing links golf...real talk: 2026 commit callixte alzas already plays with better/proper links knowledge/imagination than these guys judging by his fantastique quarter final play at the 2025 british amateur in southeast england in deal
michael kim (74, tied for 99th): the drained 43 foot birdie 3 on the brutal dogleg right par 4 18th hole wuz clutch, will probably need to break par tomorrow to make the cut for the weekend
Overall thoughts: -Links golf in tough conditions really tests every facet of the game. You have to shape shots the right way with the right distance. You can’t get away with hitting one shot shape the entire day because of the wind and the firmness. -Back nine much tougher…
Page 420 and closing in on 3 million views, the original small ball obsession
What do Cal folks do on 420?
Give to Cal Legends!
https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx spoiler alert: all 4 california golden bears lack of experience in playing links golf showed up today in northern ireland, they did not successfully control the trajectory of flighting their shots thru the blustery irish sea winds or make the adjustment/adaptation to the much slower united kingdom fescue greens
At what point do we start thinking about moving @theopen to a milder climate like say...Spain? Year after year it's umbrellas and wind. There's a reason we don't hold the Super Bowl in Cleveland every year. pic.twitter.com/TgHPZzrTTG
yeah shocky has been screaming from the rooftops that playing links golf is different than american trackman dialing up the numbers golf but nobody is bloody ******* listening & the open scores are telling the truth to those who don't got much experience playing links golf...real talk: 2026 commit callixte alzas already plays with better/proper links knowledge/imagination than these guys judging by his fantastique quarter final play at the 2025 british amateur in southeast england in deal
michael kim (74, tied for 99th): the drained 43 foot birdie 3 on the brutal dogleg right par 4 18th hole wuz clutch, will probably need to break par tomorrow to make the cut for the weekend
Overall thoughts: -Links golf in tough conditions really tests every facet of the game. You have to shape shots the right way with the right distance. You can’t get away with hitting one shot shape the entire day because of the wind and the firmness. -Back nine much tougher…
byeong an (71, +6 for tournament, missed cut): ben, terrific bounce back round today!!
collin morikawa (74, +7 for tournament, missed cut): collin, do us still want me to interim caddie for u for FREE until kk decides on the direction of his golf career??
sampson zheng (73, +8 for tournament, missed cut): congrats sampson on competing in ur 1st major!!
2025 pga tournament in truckee at old greenwood: 1st & 2nd round update
james hahn (stableford scoring, missed cut): the 44 year old is gonna clean up on the champions senior tour in a couple of years!!
2025 korn ferry tournament in springfield missouri: 1st & 2nd round update
kk limbhaust (70 & 70, missed cut): kk is currently 168th in the rankings: top 20 earn a 2026 pga tour card, #21 thru 75 earn 2026 korn ferry tour cards & players ranked 76-100 retain conditional kf status...the top 156 ranked players are eligible for the 2025 korn ferry championship playoffs starting in mid september which means limbhaust has 4 more tournaments ending with the boise tournament the week of august 14th-17th to move up in the rankings
yesterday is leaking thru the roof (can we please be absolutely sure??)#
Page 420 and closing in on 3 million views, the original small ball obsession
What do Cal folks do on 420?
Obviously we just continue falling for the grift in thinking that we will miraculously find relevant, non-recycled Cal fb or fb recruiting news in the "Football" Growls/Monster "Offensive Line" thread. Only to be [95%] duped again.
pitts, it's a shame ur not happy with shockley but unfortunately the content ur seeking is only available to those that are PREMIUM members of cal's monster class...non subscribers only get the BASIC package which includes repetitive reminders that low gpa curvy brunette yoga females from academically mediocre schools wanna date & marry cal, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world which unremorsefully favors the well educated in building generational wealth & receiving pacific ocean patio table seating at nobu malibu
so plz leave 5 bucks every month in a fuschia unmarked envelope behind the stop sign at the 4th exit turnoff for telegraph island & then the monster will immediately start sending u the news & **** ur seeking from his flip phone, got it??
so quit getting content that's of ZERO ******* interest to u, buy a PREMIUM membership which includes a laminated official club card, 15% off on modern yoga substitute teacher 500+ hours teacher training & all of shocky's football pregame FREE buffets at buc-ee's on gamedays & an invitation to our annual bbq non philanthropic golf tournament at brambles...life is too short for u to be wasting time reading stoooopid ****!!
pitts, it's a shame ur not happy with shockley but unfortunately the content ur seeking is only available to those that are PREMIUM members of cal's monster class...non subscribers only get the BASIC package which includes repetitive reminders that low gpa curvy brunette yoga females from academically mediocre schools wanna date & marry cal, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world which unremorsefully favors the well educated in building generational wealth & receiving pacific ocean patio table seating at nobu malibu
so plz leave 5 bucks every month in a fuschia unmarked envelope behind the stop sign at the 4th exit turnoff for telegraph island & then the monster will immediately start sending u the news & **** ur seeking from his flip phone, got it??
so quit getting content that's of ZERO ******* interest to u, buy a PREMIUM membership which includes a laminated official club card, 15% off on modern yoga substitute teacher 500+ hours teacher training & all of shocky's football pregame FREE buffets at buc-ee's on gamedays & an invitation to our annual bbq non philanthropic golf tournament at brambles...life is too short for u to be wasting time reading stoooopid ****!!
upgrade today brah!!
shoski gets PAID!!#
I actually have a "premium membership", both here at BI and at TOS (which sucks because they only rarely have any meaningful engagement and are typically WAY behind BI with the premium content they do post). So there's always that.
MONSTER clue re: the qb1 battle in berkeley: leidy is currently qb7 despite throwing tight dimes/spirals into windows & a smokeshow ponytail primarily because she lacks nfl metrics/measureables like jared goff & aaron rodgers plus she can be stubborn as **** when she don't get her way
nfl scouts have also noted that like shocky leidy got ZERO interest in professional sports teams such as the nfl, nba, mlb, the 9/1ll terrorist financed liv exhibition league, etc and so forth
Collin Morikawa will take the course this week with his fourth different caddie of the season as he continues his lonely search for a partner who can unlock his A-game https://t.co/Xlkr6lUPSk
haas biz ad grad collin morikawa featured in today's wall street journal
shocky's take (which ur not gonna read anywhere else) is that in the modern era of golf that pga pros spend many days with more quality time with their caddies than their wives/girlfriends/doggy dogs...and that's why rory's caddie is his childhood buddy from northern ireland & xander's caddie is his former san diego state teammate...fun fact: des tole me at this year's ncca championship at la costa that he recruited xander (who is not a dumb azz) but that his dad made the final decision telling des it wuz really close but he wuz his son's swing coach & that he lived in san diego
billy foster is gonna caddie for collin at the scottish & british opens (his links knowledge could help morikawa get to the finish line) but the 59 year old yorkshire england native is not interested in relocating to the united states again...interesting to note that foster loves the euro team at the ryder cup & would never caddie for morikawa this september at bethpage black so the caddie musical chairs isn't done yet
kk limbhaust is collin's best friend & they worked effortlessly together in detroit with low key on the same page decision making (shocky loved seeing the stubborn azz collin allowing the elite putting kk read some of his putts)...they both graduated from the haas biz school like des, hagy, weaver & the shockster and share many common interests such as gaming (cal's monster class is a judgement free zone, haha)...but right now kk is tryna to earn his korn ferry tour card again for 2026 despite currently being ranked #155, it's gonna be an uphill battle...right now there are 10 korn ferry tournaments left in the season which includes the playoffs & limbhaust is competing this week at tpc colorado & we're gonna track this quest
if kk (who in shocky's honest opinion lacks the distance/clubhead speed to compete on the pga tour, he's 140th outta 155 players in current driving distance on the kf tour at 288 yards) loses his korn ferry tour card he will have a decision to make, either go play (returning to thailand) on the asian tour on shorter courses in front of 500+ fans for relatively small purses or caddie for his best friend on golf's largest stages around the world & earn millions of dollars over time while buying/building his dream home in las vegas??
yeah chemistry is rare & the key to winning a 3rd major championship!!
Meals for Maui ❤️
This week, @Collin_Morikawa visited Hua Momona Farms to help prepare boxes for the community.
cal's monster class collin morikawa caddie assessment:
interesting to note that this week at the open that both lee westwood & henrik stenson got their wives carrying much lighter bags, it should be noted that kat morikawa wuz on the nobu malibu pepperdine women's golf team back in the day
so whose gonna caddie for collin this upcoming week at the travelers in minnesota (the land of 10,000 lakes & mosquitoes)??
predictions:
1) shocky: will not only caddie for FREE but schulzie will also handle all those pesky pre & post round interviews on behalf of his fellow haas biz ad grad brah!!
2) kat morikawa: but then who play with koa??
3) billy foster: but does the 59 year old yorkshire england native wanna relocate short term to the states for the travelers & then the 3 fed ex playoff tournaments particularly since he got no interest in looping for an american in september's ryder cup on long island??
4) joey greiner: still don't got no new bag yet
5) steve desimone: collin would have to carry the bag but haas biz ad grad des could administer tough love
6) cade uluave: this would be a total ****show but entertaining plus cade could throw menacing stink eyes at any fans that are making too much noise or something
7) jj jakovac: this would require the pga tour staff to pair collin with stanford grad michael thorbjornsen in every round but how awesome would it be for jj to double bag loop during a pro golf tournament??
editor note: shocky is a dumb azz & didn't realize max wuz a last minute add to the barracuda, if ur looking for a fun sunday activity in tahoe, go follow homanation!!
2025 barracuda pga tournament at old greenwood: 1st, 2nd & 3rd round updates
max homa (stableford scoring: -1, +14, +12, tied for 16th): max finished today like a boss man with birdies on the 15th thru 17th holes in basically shooting a 66 after yesterday's 65!!
thru the first 3 rounds homa is driving the ball accurately (hitting 79% of the fairways in regulation) with laser like iron play (78% of greens in regulation) but gotta improve on his lackluster bunker play (getting up & down outta the sand only 1 in 5 times)
max is basically 4 strokes behind the journeymen/no name leaders, let's ******* go, max!!
it wuz an absolutely beautiful sunny & breezy day in the sierra pacific with brutal pin placements & tricky swirling winds
max got good rhythm with his new caddie lance bennett (whose wife showed out in her baby blue romper outfit with her brown skin shining in the sun) with less confusion/conversation & started with a momentum building buried 7 footer for par on the 1st hole followed by two beautifully stroked 7 footers but missed birdie (worth 2 points) on the short par 4 2nd hole & eagle (worth a game changing 5 points) after a spectacular 375 yard pipeline drive & stuffed short iron (homa's swing is mostly synched up & organized) on the par 5 3rd hole
but then **** happened & shocky's coaching up wuz kinda ******* worthless in a ryan longwell coaching up field goal kickers last season for them bears kinda way
homa spun a short wedge into the water, drove a 396 yard drive that wuz pin high into a bush enroute to a double bogey & some other stuff that we all need to just ******* forget about en route to a 39 on the front nine
so shocky just fired himself & took off after the 9th green walking himself to his car (illegally parked at the entrance gate in the hedge with the permission of the tournament director who would love for collin to come back someday & defend his cuda title, he also tole me it's possible the tournament's dates may get shuffled in future pga schedules) for a late lunch at incline village and max apparently played better on the back nine breaking par in shooting a 35 with a little voice in his head telling him "don't look back, u can never look back"
yeah max & shocky may be cali boyz of summer that got no wayfarers but today summer wuz outta reach
life is NOT linear# ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of of the bearinsider.com
