cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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hey napa, when u drive daily to berkeley do u pick up a friend in marin for carpooling purposes?

november 28th at 10:42 am#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

special teams recruiting update:

the staff's plan which is being implemented by coach michael barton is to utilize 3 schollys for the these roles but never with the schollys overlapping for a specific position...mike is 26 years old & part of coach wilcox's adaptive plan to the current era of college football in transitioning key recruiting responsibilities to those under 30 years old (recruiting is best done by non old white guys)



punter: jamieson sheahan is one of only 3 seniors (thus the very size limited 2023 class) along with daniel scott & odua isibor that don't got no more eligibility after this season, jamieson is currently 7th in the nation in average punting distance: https://www.ncaa.com/stats/football/fbs/current/individual/17

when sheahan pursues a nfl opportunity in january the punter scholly will transition to fellow australian ethan baxter from shepparton (which is north of shocky's beloved sandbelt courses like royal melbroune & kingston heath)...ethan is already impressing with his athleticism & good hands (which is an underrated skillset in punting), in australian rugby you can get tackled/clobbered in any second from a 360 degree point of attack, american football punting in contrast is a lot simpler with just the rushing defensive line

placekicker: dario longhetto is 6-8 on field goals (with both misses from over 40 yards) and 15-15 on extra points this season, tho he got another year of eligibility longhetto will be pursuing a nfl free agency opportunity this january after 5 years in berkeley

that means the placekicker scholly in january will transition to current walk on michael luckhurst (4.37 gpa) from santa barbara who is the son of former cal/atlanta falcons kicker mick luckhurst who made 70.1% of his kicks in the national football league...michael got nfl leg strength & an impressive towering early ball flight trajectory on his kicks, he is currently handling kickoffs this season



longsnapper: tho slater zellers got another year of eligibility, his older bro (who is a coach at notre dame high school in north scottsdale, all 3 of my kids went to school there despite us not being catholic, taylor told me that slater used to throw food at her in the cafeteria, dude likes to fire projectiles i guess) told me it's unlikely he will return for a 6th year in berkeley as he pursues a nfl free agency opportunity

the staff's plan is targeting the nation's #1 ranking longsnapper david bird (4.0 gpa) from phoenix who is a generational talent & a likely longtime future snapper in the national football league...bird tripped to both notre dame & ohio state this summer (his older bro steven is the snapper at eastern michigan) & he got a full actionable scholly offer to berkeley


david is coached/mentored in phoenix by the respected longsnapping whisperer ben bernard who demands academic excellence from his students (he sets forth gpa requirements to be coached by him) & has sent several snappers to berkeley including longtime nfl veteran nick sundberg


if the bird flys in berkeley maybe him & billy m could go to the supercuts on shattuck together or something



the university of california, berkeley=#3 ranked university in the united states of america
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

aussie jamison sheahan is currently 12th in the nation in average punting distance & will definitely have a nfl opportunity after this season
https://www.ncaa.com/stats/football/fbs/current/individual/17

this is exclusive nfl scouting footage of jamieson's pre snap punting posture, notice the alert ears

bare azz yoga/meditation on the beaches of tasmania & the mornington peninsula (clothes r for losers)#
Shocky1
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it is **** like this why some fans are starting to lose interest in college sports

shocky don't need this ******* drama, in fernando my boy from biscayne bay we trust (even if his gf camila cabello nap/sleep all day)




brickell avenue's finest (wear short dresses from zimmerman & long jackets)#
JB was a Chieftain
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Shocky….. here is a trivia question. If correct you will receive lifetime supply of star'd posts.

Michael Barton went to the same elementary school as Jahvid Best. Which school was that?
Shocky1
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jb, wuz gonna guest montera middle school with miss paddlebrooks as the chainsmoking recess monitor but that's in oakland so my wild azz guess is gonna be mira vista elementary school?

if ima winner can i get a free slice of thick crust ham & pineapple with a sparkling water from pupatella instead?
Shocky1
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marv lewis told me that the 1st time that jaden ra$shada $r (former sun devils defensive back in the day) met former asu head coach herm edwards the 1st thing outta his mouth wuz "how much is my $on gonna get paid?"
JB was a Chieftain
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Unfortunately no pizza for you! Both ran the basketball courts under the BART tracks on San Pablo Ave. in El Cerrito. Catholic school educated at St John the Baptist.
Shocky1
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****, not happy about this jb


shocky iz a lozer (no pizza slice for u)#
Bobodeluxe
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I was there when they were building BART. A ground rule double if you hit it into one of the big holes. Only Wiley Willy could do it, being left handed and all.
Shocky1
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estoy confundido, como es que camila no esta aborando el avion con fernando?

ay caramba, no es bueno#
Shocky1
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cody & jalen williams:

at nooner modern yoga today my brah elite basketball skills/development coach padraig o'brien (works with multiple nba, college & high school players, we worked together back in the day to deliver kingsley o'koroh to coach martin despite padraig telling me the king gotta be more of a bad azz) told me that his client 6'8" 180 lbs 5 star #14 ranked player in the 2023 class cody williams of perry high school (same hs as brayden rhome) committed to colorado ($100,000+ nil)

cody got a 3.8 gpa & his lead cal recruiter was andrew francis who is highly regarded by the family but the failure to recruit his older bro back in the day hurt the bears...reality is that in speaking with numerous aau, high school & trainers/development coaches the current men's basketball staff is not considered active or particularly likable with the exception of andrew francis...quite a few past & current players actually strongly dislike marty wilson whose got the same stern non relatable personality as the head coach

jalen also had a 3.8 gpa & was very lightly recruited out of high school despite padraig telling me about his absolutely pure shooting stroke (anybody with a basketball iq will honestly tell you that more than half of the guys on this year's roster got uncorrected crooked azz shooting mechanics), i can tell you with 90% confidence that if i had not been terminated from cal basketball that jalen williams would've been a california golden bear...bet

jalen williams ended up at santa clara & was drafted #12 in the 2022 national basketball league draft



both cody & jalen williams should've ended up in berkeley (it should also be pointed out that 2 of padraig's biz partners are cal grads), the point here is that it takes a lifetime to build a love affair with cal basketball but only 2 emails to terminate that love

this is cal basketball#
Chapman_is_Gone
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Shockey,

Can you get me a sweet deal on insurance? A "Cal fan special"? How about if I combine my auto and two motorcycles with my two houses for a multi-line discount?

Are you licensed to sell insurance in CA or do you only sell in AZ?

Thx bud,
CIG
Shocky1
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why did the bears lose again tonite"

once again, more than half of the players on this year's roster got uncorrected crooked azz shooting mechanics which has manifested in the team shooting an abysmal 28.6% on 3 pointers this season...combined with the slow tempo of play, this team will struggle to score 60 points in most games

and now for the bad news, poor shooting mechanics will reveal themselves even more on the road at faraway venues away from haas

the head coach makes his excuses to the athletic director that cal can never get nba players because of academics & the lack of a practice facility, jimmy "shell game" k repackages those excuses to the few remaining well intended but naive oligopolist donors...maybe the funniest thing ive been told in a long time is califortunate (who i truly luv as a human being) told me that ima "person non grata within the athletic department"...newsflash: jimmy k is not a fan of the monster, who knew?

fix the crooked azz shooting strokes via better developmental coaching & the wins will come

hire a relentlessly recruiting head coach (preferably joe pasternak) that surrounds himself with 3 under 30 energized as **** assistant coaches in conjunction with cal's monster class & the nba prospects will come

yeah cody & jalen williams should be in berkeley
Shocky1
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turn up the volume as loud as possible, this is gonna be the music playing inside my head the day that jimmy "shell game" k is replaced as the athletic director of the university of california, berkeley by current football chief of staff (26 years building relationships within the ad, berkeley grad) andrew mcgraw
https://instagr.am/p/B9SOe4njett

the sound of music (shouting over the monkey voices inside the monster's head)#
Shocky1
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congrats austin heading into the state championship game, beat ur opponent by 6 touchdowns, r u serious?

dominance is ur innate thirst for knocking defenders on their azzs & then doing some kinda somersault roll on them to bury them for good

dominance is also ur mentally limitless thirst for knowledge as evidenced by ur 3.88 gpa & harvard recruiting interest


my only advice is to stay outta scary azz abandoned resorts with ur teammates & stay outta room 6277

the kill featuring #78 (bury me)#
Chapman_is_Gone
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C'mon, bro, don't leave me hanging. My annual term rolls on Tuesday.

Christ, I'll drive out to the forsaken desert if I have to.
Shocky1
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gameday, wheels up (what's this blue button for, dr shock?)#
SBGold
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Ask for the discount double check
Bobodeluxe
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SBGold said:

Ask for the discount double check
Moving along
Shocky1
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Shocky1
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no lu
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

thy unvarnished truth:

if either of the 2 long distance fields are successful, this game does not go to overtime...that's not why the bears lost this afternoon but in the year 2042 there's gonna be the following california golden bears trivia question: can you name the placekicker that started back in 2022 instead of current 10 time all nfl pro bowler michael luckhurst?



the mysteries of life (true love is not always reciprocated & allowed to flourish)#
it took 10 games for the staff to figure it out but the reality is that not only is that future nfl kicker michael luckhurst clearly the team's best kicker but he's also the team's best tackler too

unfortunately thru 10 games billy m still hasn't figured out that still playing a physically limited jack plummer who has sustained an aggregation of more brutal hits this season than any qb in the nation in blowouts instead of a healthier more mobile kai milner to give the blueshirt freshman more gameday experience is kinda kinda boggling

monday november 28th at 10:42 am, circle ur calendars

best news of the nite: seeing true freshman trent ramsey, jackson brown & sioape vatikani on the field together, they are the future of cal's monster offensive line...the recruiting message to both isaiah kema & austin boyd is very clear: come to berkeley this summer at 300+ lbs & compete for a starting position/major playing time in the fall of 2023

worst news of the nite: reading this board & finding out that jimmy "shell game" k spoke at halftime about women's soccer & his new women's quidditch program, his ability to not be able to read the room is staggering but then again so is his almost $1,000,000 annual salary thru 2029 & his failure to respond to my email to him re: my 18 points of concern
Shocky1
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top 10 major factors that are impacting the ascension of cal's monster offensive line

1) coach mcclure's development of players is not working, at season's end fully expect him to be replaced as the offensive line coach...his son malcolm as a hard working walk on linebacker will be the angus legacy in berkeley & it's my understanding this will not affect the 4.0 gpa sioape vatikani's thirst to tap into his unlimited potential nfl upside as an offensive guard for the bears & earn a berkeley degree...big time talents jackson brown & trent ramsey also picked cal for reasons beyond the position coach, this trifecta of true freshmen are the future of cal's monster offensive line

2) coach wilcox's dumb azz scholly allocation decisions that resulted in this year's o-line room with only 14 schollys, this needs to be rightsized to 16 with the 2023 class...4.0 gpa isaiah kema & 3.88 gpa austin boyd are huge priorities for the 2023 class

3) s&c coach brian johnson's current program with respects to bend, flexibility & quick twitch movements for the o-line room is not working, he either needs to be replaced (which will never happen with justin's loyalty which supersedes making tough staff decisions that result in more victories) or his o-line development needs to be reviewed by outside nfl/collegiate experts & significantly revamped including yoga

4) as coach wilcox has his year end conversations with all players re: which seniors will walk with their families/friends prior to the ucla game, the very uncomfortable but necessary conversations with several of the current scholly o-line members needs to happen...focusing on academics solely in berkeley and/or medically retiring should be options presented during these discussions...it should be noted as a potential clue that there were several missing bears in the "name the bears" dinner contest almost won by harebear

5) recruiting is the solution to improving the talent level in the o-line room, mike saffell got the smarts & relentless energy to get this figured out in a much greater role within the program...the hiring of a new offensive coordinator that don't talk to prospects like it's still 1950 with tired cliches will infuse much needed energy into offensive line prospect recruiting for 2024

6) grayshirt nick morrow (his high school coach told me he weighed 265 lbs this summer) got more foot speed than any of the current offensive linemen but can he build his 6'8" frame to 300+ lbs & be ready to compete in the 2023 spring camp?

7) fully expect ben coleman's nfl dad to recommend a return to berkeley for next season, be needs to become more athletic/quick twitch to get paid in the national football league...with 100+ starts in the nfl, ben sr's feedback re: the next offensive line coach should be sought by coach wilcox

8) will matthew cindric return for a 6th season & complete his current 2 year education master's program?...the nfl is not an option at this time so cindo can either retire, enter the transfer portal & take his chances trying to start elsewhere (which will not be guaranteed unless he steps down to a mid major program) or return to berkeley?

9) brayden rhome (who lost weight from an illness prior to last spring's ball) cannot play again next season as an undersized 285 lbs, that is not acceptable...brayden needs to play at 300+ lbs if he is to succeed as a 2023 starting tackle in the pac 12

10) brian driscoll's attitude needs to move from la jolla to national city...if this offseason he robs a gas station & pistol whips someone at a campus party those will be taken as positive signs for our future hollywood oscar winning sci fi executive producer

shut up, shocky (it's the summer of love)#



Bobodeluxe
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FYI:

In response to allegations of J.K. Rowling's "anti-trans positions", US Quidditch and Major League Quidditch announced in 2022 that they were renaming the sport "Quadball"

Worse, or worst?
6956bear
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Shocky1 said:

top 10 major factors that are impacting the ascension of cal's monster offensive line

1) coach mcclure's development of players is not working, at season's end fully expect him to be replaced as the offensive line coach...his son malcolm as a hard working walk on linebacker will be the angus legacy in berkeley & it's my understanding this will not affect the 4.0 gpa sioape vatikani's thirst to tap into his unlimited potential nfl upside as an offensive guard for the bears & earn a berkeley degree...big time talents jackson brown & trent ramsey also picked cal for reasons beyond the position coach, this trifecta of true freshmen are the future of cal's monster offensive line

2) coach wilcox's dumb azz scholly allocation decisions that resulted in this year's o-line room with only 14 schollys, this needs to be rightsized to 16 with the 2023 class...4.0 gpa isaiah kema & 3.88 gpa austin boyd are huge priorities for the 2023 class

3) s&c coach brian johnson's current program with respects to bend, flexibility & quick twitch movements for the o-line room is not working, he either needs to be replaced (which will never happen with justin's loyalty which supersedes making tough staff decisions that result in more victories) or his o-line development needs to be reviewed by outside nfl/collegiate experts & significantly revamped including yoga

4) as coach wilcox has his year end conversations with all players re: which seniors will walk with their families/friends prior to the ucla game, the very uncomfortable but necessary conversations with several of the current scholly o-line members needs to happen...focusing on academics solely in berkeley and/or medically retiring should be options presented during these discussions...it should be noted as a potential clue that there were several missing bears in the "name the bears" dinner contest almost won by harebear

5) recruiting is the solution to improving the talent level in the o-line room, mike saffell got the smarts & relentless energy to get this figured out in a much greater role within the program...the hiring of a new offensive coordinator that don't talk to prospects like it's still 1950 with tired cliches will infuse much needed energy into offensive line prospect recruiting for 2024

6) grayshirt nick morrow (his high school coach told me he weighed 265 lbs this summer) got more foot speed than any of the current offensive linemen but can he build his 6'8" frame to 300+ lbs & be ready to compete in the 2023 spring camp?

7) fully expect ben coleman's nfl dad to recommend a return to berkeley for next season, be needs to become more athletic/quick twitch to get paid in the national football league...with 100+ starts in the nfl, ben sr's feedback re: the next offensive line coach should be sought by coach wilcox

8) will matthew cindric return for a 6th season & complete his current 2 year education master's program?...the nfl is not an option at this time so cindo can either retire, enter the transfer portal & take his chances trying to start elsewhere (which will not be guaranteed unless he steps down to a mid major program) or return to berkeley?

9) brayden rhome (who lost weight from an illness prior to last spring's ball) cannot play again next season as an undersized 285 lbs, that is not acceptable...brayden needs to play at 300+ lbs if he is to succeed as a 2023 starting tackle in the pac 12

10) brian driscoll's attitude needs to move from la jolla to national city...if this offseason he robs a gas station & pistol whips someone at a campus party those will be taken as positive signs for our future hollywood oscar winning sci fi executive producer

shut up, shocky (it's the summer of love)#




So we should not expect Jemtegard, Lange or Swinney to return to the program?
Shocky1
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the monday november 28th at 10:42 am billy m "retirement" date got moved up, we gotta roll with the identification & hiring of a new offensive coordinator & offensive line coach prior to the big recruiting weekend of december 3rd & 4th & then the portal activation date of december 6th which is basically college free agency

as the world turns (in berkeley)#
Shocky1
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this accurately reflects my enthusiasm for the staffing changes reported today & the future of cal's monster offensive line



let's roll, baby (started at the bottom)#

Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

cal's monster offensive line exclusive tmz footage:



not gonna lie, this morning's game planning staff meeting in the football team conference room in memorial stadium for this saturday's game against colorado turned into a real ****show

this is off the record but this is what happened, ok?

the meeting started with billy m (he don't good hair) sitting at the head of the table making a blockbuster announcement: he don't give 2 ***** that future nfl hall of fame defensive mastermind marv lewis has told shocky multiple times that "cal is the easiest team in the pac 12 to gameplan against" because we don't attack the middle third of the field with a vertical downfield passing game

beth-tafolla voetsch confirmed this is true

that's when the 2 gingered haired bros in the meeting just lost it, mike saffell & coach wilcox did not take this news well at all, they started crying like candy azz soft little girls

at that point the shockster tried to explain without a socially acceptable filter (as usual) whose fault it is but it was too late, nobody was listening to nobody

when mikey hurled on the carpet, benji got the mop & he was not happy (saffell has been disinvited to all future bbq's)

this is cal football (a messy family)#
the next couple weeks are gonna be a golden opportunity for future head coach in waiting mike saffell to assume significantly more responsibilities in returning the cal offensive unit to its rightful place as one of the most explosive units on the west coast

mikey, but don't be hurling on coach wilcox's carpet, that's not a good career move, got it?
Econ141
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Now that is a burn from an alum:



Shocky1
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econ, hear what ur saying but we're gonna be fine at the offensive line coach position

relentlessly recruiting high school prospects 24/7/365 is not everyone's dream, u don't gotta do that in the nfl & quite frankly some guys aren't wired for that type of non stop relationship building

and that's why the remarkable tarik glenn is not a candidate for the ol coaching position & future nfl special teams head coach ($1,000,000 annual salary with no recruiting responsibilities) byron storer is not the bears special teams coach (michael barton is excellent in building relationships)

gotta love mitchell schwartz tho, arguably the greatest jewish player in the history of cal football

#71 (the road grader in a cal era of smash mouth football)#
Shocky1
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not gonna lie, today has been the best day for cal football since the sioape vatikani's haka hand chopping dance vs arizona at memorial stadium

can't wait to see how this **** plays out this upcoming saturday at the big game

and for me personally it's the best day since she tole me ima gonna be a fantastic substitute yoga teacher at the t-rex yoga/meditation studio in yountville once she teaches me how to do a ******* handstand (apparently headstands r for losers)

what's ur dream?
Shocky1
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shocky's late nite snack, yeah it's been a good day


who's ur favorite mutt?#
Shocky1
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there is a growing movement that is gaining energy daily that jimmy "shell game" k is the ultimate source of the football & men's basketball issues and that if he is implicated that he needs to be terminated

he it tone deaf to the fact that 95%+ of cal football & the few remaining basketball season tix buyer & donors do not really care about the non revenue sports or his incessant annoying talk about the progress of women's soccer & his new quidditch program

not a single donor i've spoken spoken/communicated with during the last 2 months thinks he is fit for the job, when the benevolent chancellor chirst (who is 78 years old) sadly retires in the near future, it is likely that the less supportive next chancellor will cease the current almost $30,000,000 athletic subsidy which is gonna truly expose jimmy's complete financial mismanagement of the department such as his sand castle promise of a new men's & women's basketball, women's volleyball & women's gymnastic practice facility which will require him to collect $125,000,000+ cash in hand before the 1st shovel can be in the ground

reality is that knowlton's primary goals other than deemphasizing the revenue sports that all of us love & that are passionate about is to continue collecting his nearly $1,000,000 annual salary thru 2029, hopefully if he is implicated in the mckeever/simon-o'neil suicidal abuse claims he will be terminated

cal needs an athletic director that don't wanna waste money on sports that almost nobody cares about & financially rightsize the ship...this will require an athletic director that is willing to cut sports programs to either the ncca minimum of 15 or perhaps our sister school's ucla's low 20's

due to title ix requirements this will require some brave decision making such as dropping baseball with 32 counters & dropping rugby with its 53 counters to the club level (it can still compete with life university with life university for national championships with a couple of hundred fans) which will then allow the cutting of women's sports

probably the dumbest thing i've ever heard with respects to cutting sport teams at cal is oligopolist califortunate telling me that "dropping teams won't save the department any money"...that myth has been perpetuated by the athletic department based upon their own self reporting flawed accounting and is absolutely not true

the andrew mcgraw era as athletic director cannot happen soon enough in berkeley

con games pay good (gotta watch the moving shells)#
Shocky1
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who should be cal's next athletic director once jimmy "shell game" k is terminated?

clue #1: they should know how to read a financial statement, audited financials are the dna of the global economy, hiring a dumb azz who can't read one will only lead to financial mismanagement & eventual bankruptcy...immediately fire current cfo tom lowry & his obvious anti cal football bias after coming to berkeley from the air force kinda like his like minded olympic sports shell game boss

clue #2: they should be relentless supporters of football & men's basketball as these 2 revenue sports reflect the passions of 95%+ of their fan base of season tix buyers & donors

clue #3: they should recognize that running a 30+ sports teams empire with almost 1000 student athletes is not financially sustainable & that when the benevolent christ (78 years old) retires that it's probable that the new chancellor will not continue the current almost $30,000,000 annual subsidy of the athletic department

clue #4: they should rightsize the number of sport teams programs to the ncca minimum of 15 or model our sister school ucla's low 20s

clue #5: they should solicit donations for a simple functional one story men's & women's basketball facility that meets title ix requirements with the vision that if additional practice time is available it will be allocated to women's volleyball & gymnastics rather than wasting everyone's time with architectural renderings of a $125,000,000+ sand castle that is never gonna get built

clue #6: they should form an advisory committee for men's basketball that includes jaylen brown, mike montgomery, sean marks, kevin johnson, shareef abdur rahim, jason kidd & 3 key major donors including doug & randy that offers ncca & nba feedback re: all personnel issues & contracts

clue #7: outside search companies should never be utilized, 99% of the time they recommended white male over the hill broken down coaches they got past dealings with in the retread used tire sale biz

clue #8: fire the lazy azz matthew honerkamp & reinstate cal's monster class with its 5,000,000+ views & shocky as the director of recruiting/gameday energy

clue #9: they should surround themselves with energized non bureaucrats that are preferably berkeley grads & not name their #2 in command someone like the evil as ***** jennifer simon-o'neil

clue #10: a financial conservative unlike markeisha everett that will rightsize the communications department from 11 to 2-3 with the expectation that all program coaches with the exception of football & both basketball programs will write their own media releases

clue #11: they should form an outside football gameday advisory committee to figure out how to return the collegiate gameday experience with the band, dance/cheerleaders, oski, etc. being the focal point & not all the annoying **** that goes on now

clue #12: all sports need to follow the men's golf model & make significant progress towards becoming 100% financial sustainable or being cut/becoming non financed club sports

clue #13: they should not annoy the **** out of alums when speaking by not talking about about statues, women's soccer or women's quidditch

clue #14: someone who loves all rescue animals/mutts

clue #15: the ideal candidate would be a berkeley graduate, a person who is a tireless advocate of the football program, someone who knows everyone in the athletic department after 26 years of employment & someone who would ideally work for tasty dog treats instead of money...please note that dumb azzs like shocky & mike williams should not be under consideration



who the **** is andrew mcgraw with a cal football in memorial stadium?#
Bobodeluxe
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Quidball.
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