Turning to this thread for accurate information is like turning to a Magic 8 Ball for accurate information.

Look behind the curtain and you'll find a Phoenix insurance salesman who spends 4+ hours a day scouring Twitter for content to call his own.

Bobodeluxe said:

---

Why wasn't the 2016 football season OC retained on staff, thus retaining all, or most, of the recruits who baled after that failure of a coach, Sonny something, who will never succeed with that gimmick offense, was fired for caring, with full compensation?

On Wisconsin?!?

---

good question but rite now that's just yesterday leaking thru the roof

Top-tier talent returning to Berkeley 📈#GoBears pic.twitter.com/151RJLb7WR

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) December 7, 2022

why did bobo get walked to his car at hooper humperdink's b-day party?#

poor bobo

Choose wisely pic.twitter.com/4OcSq7Sosi

— Andre Carter (@mr_carter93) December 7, 2022

don't be a ******* dumb azz#

the university of california, berkeley=#2 ranked university in the united states (with a degree that is worth millions even tens of millions of dollars over a lifetime if making $ is your deal)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

readers of this thread, you've been coming here for 10 weeks and the monster has yet to tell you a thing, it's now or never

this is off the record, right, look this is what happened

jake is gonna take the offense to the o in 2023, we're not gonna go to 63rd with billy m

Back in Bear Territory 🐻

Welcome home, @JakeSpavital! #GoBears pic.twitter.com/YdWaoJzBKW

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) December 7, 2022

but don't tell nobody



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (but not 63rd)

Shocky1 said:

---

unconfirmed rumour: cal's blue chip athletic department is gonna be offering collectible bobbleheads of james arthur knowlton to the first 300 fans (basically half of the expected crowd) for the december 7th showdown with northern washington in what is projected to be an epic battle in this perfect record season

Bring the wonder of Oz to your collection with The Wizard of Oz TM Scarecrow TM Bobblescapes from Royal Bobbles! Available Now! To order The ScarecrowTM  Bobblescape go to: https://t.co/Ar8TDElkiI#bobblehead #bobbleheads #royalbobbles #wizardofoz#scarecrow #dorothy #wickedwitch pic.twitter.com/NurUYEatNk

— Bobbleheads.com (@bobbleheads) June 10, 2022

vote for andrew mcgraw for athletic director#

---

big game at haas tonite, last week's trap game is behind mark fox's team

make sure you get jimmy "shell game" k to sign ur bobblehead, ok?

and don't forget to ask him (he'll be the only guy at the game in a jacket & tie, he's gotta aspen timeshare hustle presentation after the game) if he's from 63rd, ok?

tell him the monster sent u & that its now or never

mccallan castles to tennessee while decarlos brooks & slater zellers returning to asu & uncle charlie

exclusive cal's monster offensive line coach search update:

Good having the OL over this evening love them like my own and expect big things fall camp!!!#GoCoogs pic.twitter.com/EQDaIJAK1I

— Brandon Jones (@CoachJonesB) July 25, 2022

serious discussions/negotiations with current houston offensive line coach/run game coordinator brandon jones, he's 37 years old & current salary is $500,000

brandon coached with spav at cal during 2015 & 2016 as the offensive line coach/run game coordinator, blocking significantly improved during his tenure with the bears in 2016 ranking 13th in the nation in tackles for loss allowed

jones also orchestrated the o-line development from being 82nd in the nation in sacks allowed in the year before his arrival to 22nd in the nation during 2016

brandon & his wife toya got 2 daughters, londyn & jordyn

BACK ON THE ROAD!
See you in the H this spring! #GoCoogs #CommitToTheH pic.twitter.com/FpAgNRPLfi

— UH FB Recruiting (@UHFBRecruiting) April 18, 2022

eastern washington eagles 50
california golden bears 48

mark fox, cal basketball head coach: $1,900,000+
james knowlton, cal athletic director: $1,300,000+
david riley, eastern washington basketball head coach: $128,500
arturo ormond, eastern washington associate head coach: $46,200
mark darnall, eastern washington assistant coach: $42,800
pedro garcia rosado, eastern washington assistant coach: $40,010



the miserables (con games pay good)#

6' 190 lbs physical cornerback matthew littlejohn from citrus community college (with an interesting stopover at angelo state) gonna take an official visit to berkeley this weekend december 10th/11th

In the bay this weekend🐻 pic.twitter.com/keMQCJRB7v

— Matt💫 (@Mlittlejohn25) December 8, 2022

the bears are gonna have an open competition this spring as there is no clear cut 3rd corner/nickel back behind the lockdown lu magia hearns iii (gotta get stronger this offseason to withstand injuries) & future all pac 12 defender jeremiah earby

matthew is a ballhawk with sudden closing speed that already excels in press coverage, he's a december grad looking to enroll in january so this could be a final decision kinda roadtrip for the san antonio native


littlejohn took an official visit to kansas last weekend, the staff there explained how a degree from lawrence will set him up for becoming a nite shift supervisor at the topeka truck stop, reality is that today's fiercely competitive global economy favors the well educated with degrees from cal, stanford & the ivy leagues

the takers r edukated at kal

50 year decision (life after football)#

the university of california, berkeley=#2 ranked university in the united states (including the riverwalk)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

Shocky1 said:

---

so shocks is walking to his car in the lower hearst parking lot after celebrating on the bitcoin bankruptcy field tonite & he sees 3 young guys wearing campo sweatshirts, he says hello & asks them if they went to the campo football game friday nite

they say yeah and while we're walking/talking i ask how fast is robbie m?...one guy tells me he's pretty good & that he got defended last nite in their victory by 2023 cal commitment sailasa vardawale who he tells me is really good with lighting quick acceleration to the ball

ask a couple of more questions about robbie m & get kinda vague answers, then the one guy tells me "i'm messing with you, i'm robbie"

all of us get a good laugh at that & he tells me he's gonna take a pwo visit to oregon, try to squeeze in a pwo trip to washington & also take an official visit to uc davis

tole him with all the wide receiver drops tonite he's gonna earn a scholly & be in the playing rotation sooner than later...he really likes coach toler

yeah robbie m is a very likable young man with a mischievous sense of humor

it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's robbie m snagging one handed passes in the clouds

---

good luck to robbie m

Committed. Go Aggies!! 💙💙@CoachDreAllen26 @DarrenSabedra @BrandonHuffman @MitchBookLive @HaroldAbend @SportStarsMag @CoachHawkinsUCD @recruitgfx @westcoastpreps_ pic.twitter.com/V5TGMusydM

— Robbie Mascheroni Jr. (@robbiemascherjr) December 2, 2022

Excited for my official visit!! @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/3n1mVIuM5w

— Zurich Ashford (@ZurichAshford) December 8, 2022

what up zurich?

u got good numbers:

4.64 40 lasered (that's literally 1st round nfl defensive lineman speed)
405 lbs bench
3.625 gpa

bears don't got an apex predator edge defender that plays with a violence unknown to mankind right now, r u gonna be that guy?

Finally hit 405 on bench!!! @browning_coach @CalFootball @aggiefootball05 @DylanChildress_ @marcusdyoungg pic.twitter.com/kHMAJRRZGV

— Zurich Ashford (@ZurichAshford) November 30, 2022

dear sai,

how r u?

ima fine

plz let me know if u wanna double sport next year in berkeley for the new basketball coach, ok?

let me also know 2 if the little one in this video can play point guard

ur friend,

the monster

ain’t clean yet pic.twitter.com/GkWYhLscd3

— Sailasa “Sai” Vadrawale (@SailasaVadrawa2) July 10, 2020

calBlitz said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

gk, never say never, but in this case you can save never

coach sirmon is one of the top defensive coordinators in the pac 12 & his son jackson is expected to lead the pac 12 in tackles in 2023

there's a better chance that tequila is gonna wake up before noon after a nite out checking on his string of portlandia dive bars than jim leonhard (who grew up in wisconsin & never lived on the left coast) ending up in berkeley

---

You based this on what? Stats? Recruiting? I just don't see it.

---

blitzy, let's check out the other pac 12 defensive coordinators, ok?

arizona-johnny nansen: gave up 36.5 ppg & 467 ypg in 2022, dumpster fire alert

arizona state-brian ward: attacking style successful in pullman but let's how that works out with the current inferior talent level in tempe with ncca sanctions just around the corner (reduced schollys, no bowl games)

colorado-charles kelly: former alabama safeties coach, buffs gave up 44.5 ppg & 509 ypg in 2022, only offense they could stop wuz billy m's "genius" ****show

oregon-tosh lupoi; how many of the ducks 2022 rental agreement d starters would academically clear admissions in berkeley?

oregon state-trent bray: rising energetic dc gotta prove 2022 d's 21 ppg & 342 ypg wuz not a fluke

stanford-to be determined: lance anderson's 2022 d allowed 32 ppg & 434 ypg, not much hope in palo alto for football

ucla-bill mcgovern: missed last several games due to "major" health issues, good coach but kinda weekend at bernie's situation in westwood

usc-alex grinch: rumour is that dealmaker lincoln is gonna fire the grinch before xmas

utah-morgan scalley: indisputable top dc in pac 12, too bad he's been accused of being a racist

washington-chuck morrell: solid job but can he replicate with his own recruits?

washington state-to be determined: program gonna miss brian ward whose not gonna miss the cold as **** weather in the palouse

let's also keep in mind that coach sirmon recruited 3 academic silver bullet admissions prospects for the 2023 class that didn't work out: ashton sanders (onetime cal commit, oklahoma), jaedon moore (oregon) & roman reshada (ole miss)

you don't love coach sirmon, no worries & based upon 2022 results respectfully see your point...and yeah his passive defensive scheme in south bend against an undersized/underskilled starting qb making his 1st start with zero gameday experience in identifying/audibiling out of blitzing bears fronts was coaching malpractice

but the shockster thinks peter is one of the top defensive coordinators in the pac 12 & with a hopefully healthy & returning brett johnson that we will once again be a top 2-3 d in the pac 12 in 2023

sources within the program tell me that if an apex predator edge defender or two (or three) emerges & if the much anticipated spav offensive fireworks keeps the d more off the field, then coach sirmon will be inclined to scheme a more attacking defense with blitzing packages in 2023

spring ball will offer some real clues

Shocky1 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

the quest continues for an immediate impact cornerback with an offer to 5'11" 185 lbs kapena gushiken from saddleback community college who runs a self reported 4.3 40

🐻🐻🐻 @MWCherrington @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/P36YSlIKxr

— Kapena Gushiken (@kapenagushiken) November 9, 2022

gushiken is originally from kamehameha high school in maui & is interested in studying to become a teacher/coach

watch this video, notice how quickly he closes/drives on receivers & violently tackles them, that's something that did not happen last sat nite vs usc (cal's backup cornerback also often played with 10 yard cushions, that's no bueno amigo)...his press/bump coverage skills are also physically impressive & he's definitely fast enough to play tight man to man coverage

UPDATED 9 GAME HIGHLIGHTS🔒 https://t.co/qIiNnN6Bi1 @davidkamalani @CoachLukeSC @Saddleback_DC @coach_crabb @JUCOFFrenzy @JuCoFootballACE pic.twitter.com/LderyE6Q01

— Kapena Gushiken (@kapenagushiken) November 6, 2022

aloha oe e kuu hoaaloha

the university of california, berkeley=#2 ranked university in the united states of america (including ho'okipa beach)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

---

question: how many times this season did the corners/nickels deliver a brutal big hit that caused a fumble or take a felonious interception?

answer: not that often

that's why kapena gushiken is such a critical piece of the california golden bears 2023 targeted recruiting class, he could potentially be a day one starter next fall in denton texas (yeah shocky already got the invitation to walk 36 holes at the new gil hanse pga championship course in plano the friday prior for rankings purposes) against north texas alongside the remarkable ballhawk lu magia hearns (gotta build up his body this season to better withstand injuries) & virtually unlimited upside jeremiah earby

Caaalifornia love!!! @MWCherrington @AllenBrown_4 @CoachTreW @CoachTB02 @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/ev0qxLm49l

— Kapena Gushiken (@kapenagushiken) November 18, 2022

the takers gotta do more taking#

---

🔜 pic.twitter.com/p60ySsuaeu

— Kapena Gushiken (@kapenagushiken) December 8, 2022

let's ******* go#

It was great to have @CoachSirmon at the house last night. Thank you for the awesome home visit. Excited for my future as a bear @CalFootball 🐻🐻 pic.twitter.com/LphhcavyxD

— Cade Uluave (@cadeuluave) December 8, 2022

3.8 gpa#

Shocky, I run a self reported 4.6 40. . . handtimed . . . downhill . . . on a bike.

https://instagr.am/p/CLEs5VPlmyi
nice shades rkt but what's ur gpa?

panda, the biggest remaining question between fox & wyking is who got worser hair?

This is Penny. She would offer you a ride with her personal chauffeur, but then it wouldn't be a personal chauffeur anymore. Wishes she could help. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/2r4JfjJFxs

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) November 2, 2022

cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

I have officially entered the transfer portal as a graduate transfer with 2 years left of eligibility. pic.twitter.com/gJ864hgoyq

— Ben Scott (@Bscott66_) December 8, 2022

6'5" 310 lbs center ben scott is a 3 year starter at center & right tackle in tempe who is a product of famed st louis high school in honolulu

ben is not a dumb azz, he is a grad transfer with a degree in biological sciences (biomedical) & got 2 years of eligiblity

aloha baby

the university of california, berkeley=#2 ranked university in the united states (including diamond head)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/

forks up (at modern yoga)#

ucla offensive lineman tyler manoa from west hayward following johnny nansen to arizona interestingly as a defensive lineman

do u got ur tix(s) for the 2023 big game in palo alto & r u ready to storm the field again along with 10,000+ other california golden bears fans?

Thank you Stanford!! pic.twitter.com/eOQoclLs2b

— Tanner McKee (@McKeeTmckee) December 9, 2022

🐻s in #Tennessee pic.twitter.com/YVbLqeRyLI

— Aristotle Thompson (@CoachAT23) December 7, 2022

coach thompson traveling further afar to visit tight end commit ben marshall & dine at shoneys, maybe coach sirmon wanted a doggy bag or something

Shocky1 said:

---

do u got ur tix(s) for the 2023 big game in palo alto & r u ready to storm the field again along with 10,000+ other california golden bears fans?

Thank you Stanford!! pic.twitter.com/eOQoclLs2b

— Tanner McKee (@McKeeTmckee) December 9, 2022

---

yeah everybody is gonna storm the field

its kinda like going to yoga with shocky in croatia

noted life philosopher/world top100 golf traveling (21 countries/49 states) buddy slim wadie once told me: "most blondes are one appointment away at zoltons from becoming a curvy brunette yoga female with giraffe eyelashes"

https://instagr.am/p/ClYz_oqv0nZ
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrahrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#

Shocky1 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

cal's monster class exclusive footage:



what's your goals?#

---

cal's monster offensive line mike saffell sighting:

if u watch the video carefully, you can see mike tell me "that's a great look" at the 1 minute, 10 second mark as he walks by

not sure why the **** the future cal football head coach in waiting is strolling thru the west village on a sunday morning but whatever...i dunno maybe he's late for lunch date at carbone or bar pitta around the corner with bella hadid (her favorite color is blue too), will be kinda bummed if he bails on them bears for wall street

https://instagr.am/p/B7bdckuDhlD
reality check (let's do this)#

---

taylor moving boxes in nyc from the upper east side ("too many older people, mostly already married") to the "way more fun, dad, we can walk to carbone now" greenwich village


what's your dream (r u gonna make it happen?)#

the university of california, berkeley=#2 ranked university in the united states (including the island of manhattan that wuz basically stolen from the native americans back in the day)

Shocky1 said:

---

KenBurnski said:

---

Did you guys enjoy some nice meals in NYC?

---

sorry about canceling the food channel as a cost saving measure therefore missing your 1st season late nite show cookin' with burnski, did you get reoptioned for a 2nd season?

anyways, taylor & her dad walked 25+ miles while people watching (and tryna guess what's going on in their lives?) while listening to new music together (one white bud in each of our ears) & sampling small portions at as many culinary options as possible

izakaya nomad: we stumbled upon this place late at nite during my 1st nite in manhattan, it's very close to taylor's new offices on madison avenue (she's working in high tech sales for a fortune 500 company, competed for the job with no help from nobody)...we loved the small dark vibe & that all the restaurant staff & guests were japanese, it was kinda like being in toyko...we sat in front of the yakitori chef, the teba chicken wings on a skewer were intergalactic tasty...very reasonably priced, will definitely return again perhaps extending an invitation to nycgobears if he's around
https://www.izakayanomad.com/photos

levain bakery: one of our favorite bakeries in the world (b patisserie in san francisco is wonderful too, thxs to the glapions for introducing us to their scrumptious delights), the milk chocolate chunk cookie literally gives the monster a 6th grade boy sugar high & acne
https://levainbakery.com

carbone: very tuff to get a reservation, shock's probation officer got us dialed in...too be honest with you it might be slightly overrated for a world famous restaurant that sells their spaghetti sauces at the trader joe's in north scottsdale
https://carbonenewyork.com/menus.php

bar pitti: around the corner from carbone, the pro tip is arriving at 11:45 am to be near the front of the line when they open for lunch at noon...simple recipes that are perfectly executed (noodles are al dente) in a very friendly & homey setting...rivals the top restaurants in rome & the amalfi coast, it's easy to understand why celebrities do the hang here...bring cash, they don't accept credit cards
https://www.barpitty.com

catch: down the hudson pier this was the flashiest & best dressed crowd on this trip, the pro move is to be on the roof (weather permitting) with a view to a kill...the filet mignon is terrific & taylor loved her lightly seared broccolini...fun how the wait staff in the busy venue with lots of stairs yells "corner" every time they charge around corners with trays
https://www.catchrestaurants.com/location/catch-steak-nyc/

sewer dogs: the monster loves them 5 dollah dogs with grilled onions & ketchup sold outta food trucks on every corner, taylor just laughs & says no

gotta lotta walking in nyc searching for the next meal, we kinda like rescue/foster dogs looking for love

where's fast buck eddie & 5 card marvin?#
https://bearinsider.com/forums/8/topics/11616/128

---

let's add the mary lane which is a west village low key side street lunch/dinner spot which is locally sourced, the chicken cacciatore arrived ensconced in raviolis lightly dusted with olives along with my daily 32 oz green juice

this is a loose transcript of my conversation with taylor while walking to a book store:

taylor: thanks for lunch, i guess if tyler wants to walk me to the car, glad your here

dad (in a deep king triton baritone): how many times do we have to talk about this young lady, you don't have a car, cars are dangerous!

taylor (laughing): you really don't care if some people think your crazy or not, do you?

we walk in a comfortable silence while people watching the 2 teenage girls swinging their held hands back & forth, the old men playing chinese checkers in the park, the crazy guy talking to himself about how the world is gonna end, the wall streeter with his head down racing back to the office in his relentless pursuit of another dollah and the old lady who kindly smiles us as she cleans up her doggy's poopies with white gloves

can we please be absolutely sure?

exclusive cal special teams recruiting update:

Thank you Tulsa. pic.twitter.com/jQgzPJgocX

— Lachlan Wilson (@Lachie_Wilson37) December 9, 2022

coach barton has extended an actionable offer to portal transfer 6'3" 195 lbs punter lachlan wilson from tulsa who is originally from eaglemont victoria australia which is north of shocky's beloved royal melbourne east & west courses & kingston heath in melbourne's spectacular sandbelt region

this past season lachlan averaged 43.78 per punt for #32 in the nation after averaging 45.7 on punts in 2021 with 19 fair catches
https://www.ncaa.com/stats/football/fbs/current/individual/17

Lachlan Wilson (@Lachie_Wilson37) has been named to the Ray Guy Award watch list for the nation’s best collegiate punter!#ReignCane 👑🌀 #HuntForTheCrown pic.twitter.com/MDQMxpFF5r

— Tulsa Football (@TulsaFootball) July 28, 2021

is berkeley a kangaroo sanctuary or what?
https://instagr.am/p/CeNRj3fJYNL
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the warm weather penguins near melbourne at st kildas)