It’s official 🔱! Huge thank you to @RagleCharlie @KennyDillingham @KornblueKicking #ForksUp #ActivateTheValley #O2V pic.twitter.com/wZdTCjn7ah

— Dario Longhetto (@DarioLonghetto) January 8, 2023

mr sun angel just texted me that asu is gonna be the southern campus for berkeley

forks up#

Smiles and high-fives all around

We had a blast and it almost felt like good times at Haas, with the full dance and cheerleading teams, band and a good frisbee dog halftime. Only thing missing were the students who are on break

And 2k swished the free throw!

Big C said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

Big C said:

---

We interrupt this thread about Cal Football's offensive line to note that the Cal Men's Basketball team just beat Stanfurd 92-70, before hundreds and hundreds of fans at Haas Pavillion. This, after demonstrating up to just two weeks ago that they were one of the most inept teams in the history of the world.

16-22 on 3 point shots and 21 assists tonight. Up until a week ago, it would take them 3-4 games to get that. This turnaround may be ephemeral, but it is fun and pretty incredible, however long it lasts. Enjoy the journey. Go Bears!

---

Whoops... #AmericanFootballDay pic.twitter.com/TVjaGOTcSc

— PEANUTS (@Snoopy) November 5, 2022

congrats big c to the players (shout to my guy joel brown's facilitating/distributing 7 assists) & the old blues they wuz in the haas but since lucy pulled the ball on cal's monster class i didn't even realize there wuz a game tonite

---

it was heartwarming to see Sam Alijiki bubbling over with joy in the post-game interviews

little-reported fun moment: the game pauses for over a minute as the ref ties kuany's shoe for him at the ft line


too bad you missed the game, shocky. unfortunate situation for all concerned

---

thx for sharing, that's awesome hoop dreams but not gonna lie they make fun of t-rexs at modern yoga

But just imagine how funny it would look, a T-Rex trying to tie their shoelaces... pic.twitter.com/QouWxYWUot

— Rob Lambert (@RobLambert8) March 13, 2019

kk got skillz (but needs velcro kicks)#

After a great zoom call with @CoachVaikla I’m excited to announce that I’ve earned a scholarship offer from @WindsorLancers! Excited about the opportunity!!! @coachTcsm @trenchxchief @CoachDovenberg pic.twitter.com/ktstyNRpr6

— 4.5⭐️Wesley Brown (@Wesleyshb) October 19, 2022

this a very compelling social media offer announcement with a scary azz vibe with the creepy bay bridge, the deadly creases thru the message & the on point bears football uniform but where the **** is windsor college?...is it in transylvania?

anyways coach barton has extended an offer to 6'4" 210 lbs longsnapper wesley brown from college of san mateo fightin' benjis & carlmont high school

wesley is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.7 gpa & got his aa completed...he got good hair & is not shy
https://twitter.com/Wesleyshb/header_photo

flex#

Shocky1 said:

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After a great zoom call with @CoachVaikla I’m excited to announce that I’ve earned a scholarship offer from @WindsorLancers! Excited about the opportunity!!! @coachTcsm @trenchxchief @CoachDovenberg pic.twitter.com/ktstyNRpr6

— 4.5⭐️Wesley Brown (@Wesleyshb) October 19, 2022

this a very compelling social media offer announcement with a scary azz vibe with the creepy bay bridge, the deadly creases thru the message & the on point bears football uniform but where the **** is windsor college?...is it in transylvania?

anyways coach barton has extended an offer to 6'4" 210 lbs longsnapper wesley brown from college of san mateo fightin' benjis & carlmont high school

wesley is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.7 gpa & got his aa completed...he got good hair & is not shy
https://twitter.com/Wesleyshb/header_photo

flex#

---

I thought they already secured the services of the HS long snapper?

After a great camp and even better conversation with @mikeb_cal I’m honored to announce I have been offered a full athletic scholarship to continue my career at @CalFootball!I’m extremely thankful to @Steven_M_Bird, @Coach_Casper and Ben Bernard for helping me get here #GoBears pic.twitter.com/7neYezfYU4

— David_Bird (@LS_45DBird) June 13, 2022

tequila, the full story on the 2023 long snapping scholly (which is opening up with slater zellers who attended my kids high school here in north scottsdale returning home to asu) as handled by coach barton is an interesting one that cannot be told at this time (will send u a private message)

but yeah the players in this berkeley drama are 4.0 gpa #1 ranked longsnapper in the nation david bird from sandra day o'connor high school in phoenix who has been coached up for years by the longsnapping whisperer coach ken bernard, bird is considered a "generational talent" with nfl upside

Super thankful to everyone who has gotten me this far and a huge thanks to @Coach_Casper for the amazing write-up! Workin till Gatlinburg. pic.twitter.com/qTZy6fXx79

— David_Bird (@LS_45DBird) May 31, 2022

and then there's the #1 ranked junior college longsnapper wesley bryan & also current walk on jake arugello who got some skillz too (that's future nfl kicker michael luckhurst holding the bottle)

Made that look too easy 🎯
(via mikedalegend12/TT) pic.twitter.com/UuiQMdSXHE

— Overtime (@overtime) August 25, 2022

tip of the iceberg#

I am fully committed to the University of Missouri!🔥🐯🔥 @mjohnson7672 pic.twitter.com/0Rep6HwLAM

— Marcellus Johnson (@marcellus3006) January 8, 2023

https://instagr.am/p/CjGr_fDgA3v
heading into today's final round at kapalua colin morikawa (currently ranked 11th in the world) & max homa (currently ranked 17th in the world) got an opportunity to make a move upwards when the weekly golf world rankings (strength of tournament field is an important statistical component) are released on monday

yeah golf is a global sport, one of the most fun golf experiences in my life wuz playing golf at 2:00 am in northern norway (24 hours of sunlight in the summer, northern lights in the winter) at lofoten links while my kids went to the beach & then yelled at me from the top of the mountain ridge nearby that they hiked up at 3:00 am while i putted out on the 8th green

right now ima lobbying heavily with panelists worldwide to include lofoten links in the next world top 100 golf course rankings...traveling allows one to journey far beyond our comfort zones into new dreams & possibilities along with cultivating an appreciation for other cultures, yeah we are not alone (or really that different from one another tho the monster & the con artist r not on the same page)



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including narvik)

exclusive cal's monster class tutorial on identifying & recruiting bad tight ends to berkeley:

how does the staff know the difference between candy azz soft broken down tight end prospects & gladiator tight ends like asher aberling, jt byrne & ben marshall that wanna impose their will?

girlz that are attracted to golfers, males that read books, dudes that got yoga/meditation practices, men they wear fuschia & follow fashion trends, guys that know the top 3 sushi spots in ibiza and london & that meticulously shop with them for the perfect decor at restoration hardware:

https://instagr.am/p/Bu1wI4KHL70
girlz that are attracted to bad azz tight ends that want to relentlessly **** up the piece of **** in front of them in order to create epic 76 yard touchdown explosion running creases/windows for jaydn ott, byron cardwell, ashton stredick & javian "the jet" thomas with zero credit/appreciation

https://instagr.am/p/CeB1BenOJT7
got it?

shut up, shocky

football is a violent sport (that's won by grown azz men & the muscular women that r attracted to them)#

colin gonna rock today the all black look with a contrasting white hat & kicks

Shocky1 said:

---

girlz that are attracted to golfers, males that read books, dudes that got yoga/meditation practices, men they wear fuschia & follow fashion trends, guys that know the top 3 sushi spots in ibiza and london & that meticulously shop with them for the perfect decor at restoration hardware:

---

Shockster,

Males that read books?

Do podcasts count???

hoop dreams amigo, can't do that, bad azz tight ends like to listen to book podcasts while working out/pumping iron, they don't wanna waste a single minute of any day reading books if u wanna send the guy in front of you in the fall to the el monte spinal & taquito institute

males & females that like to read/hold books often do so in the comfy confines of their bedrooms before putting on their lattice & taking an afternoon nap before the early evening dog hike, big difference

https://instagr.am/p/CgNJnEuvtpf
2023 california golden bears tight ends r gonna be significantly different#

Here comes @MaxHoma23 🔥

He’s tied for second after holing out for eagle @Sentry_TOC. pic.twitter.com/Ap2UFSM8Eo

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) January 8, 2023

whisper rock's finest (sorry rahmbo)#

shut up, shocky#

Shocky1 said:

---

Here comes @MaxHoma23 🔥

He’s tied for second after holing out for eagle @Sentry_TOC. pic.twitter.com/Ap2UFSM8Eo

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) January 8, 2023

whisper rock's finest (sorry rahmbo)#

---

2-3-2
Is Max playing mini-golf???
Just got home. What happened to Colin?

89, rahmbo shot a remarkable en fuego 10 under par final round & colin's chipping & sand game didn't hold up under pressure but this will be a learning experience, there is no shame in doing your best/taking chances in life & failing but make no mistake about it the morikawa's current technique of flipping of the hands on chip shots (he hits so many greens in regulation as arguably the game's best current iron play ball striker that he's never had to really work on his chipping) es no bueno

Two bogeys in his last two holes after making 0 his first 67.

Collin Morikawa trails Jon Rahm by 1 with three to play. pic.twitter.com/ocDSkZaJxc

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) January 9, 2023

https://instagr.am/p/BABv2nUKQ0G
alky, love talking golf course strategy which started back in the day caddying at san francisco golf club

so my take is that it's colin's boldness/aggressiveness that started his 3 hole bogey spiral that cost him the tournament, a more "conservative" strategy on the short par 4 14th hole might've saved him from the bogey train & potentially flipped the tournament outcome

allow me to explain, morikawa entered the short par 4 14th hole (foto above fraught with danger with a severely sloping false front, awkward bunkers jealously guarding the green & unplayable native grasses surrounding the hole) with a 3 stroke lead (rahm was on the par 5 15th hole at that time) & had zero bogeys for the week...life in maui wuz blissful

the plantation course's 14th plays steeply uphill (not quite as severe as the 1st hole at tilden park) & with the tradewinds directly blowing in his face was not drivable today for morikawa with his length off the tee...so despite birdieing it the first 3 days with driver off the tee really thought that his caddie jj jakovac (former collegiate champion at chico state) should've encouraged colin to hit a layup off the tee & then flip a short wedge, there's zero chance he's gonna bogey the hole with this strategy & he will still birdie the hole probably almost half the time

instead morikawa hits driver into a predicament, skulls the long bunker shot over the green, makes bogey & then the wheels come off with the 3 hole bogey spiral

as a case in point, max homa hit driver on the 14th in the 1st round into the **** left of the green & wuz lucky to make bogey...max then laid up off the tee the last 3 days in consultation with his caddie joe greiner

colin morikawa is regarded as an elite mind with respects to course management, will be interesting to see if he & jj consider dialing it back next time he's in contention

both colin & max are gonna skip the pga tournament in honolulu next week & also the palm springs tournament the following week after that so they will both tee it up again at torrey pines on january 25th, the shockster just decided he's gonna be in la jolla there to offer his counsel & support...also gonna be available if brian driscoll needs me around to help him move his attitude from la jolla to national city or be his wingman in robbing a gas station or something

any opinions from you & other golfing bears?

Shocky1 said:

---

https://instagr.am/p/BABv2nUKQ0G
alky, love talking golf course strategy which started back in the day caddying at san francisco golf club

so my take is that it's colin's boldness/aggressiveness that started his 3 hole bogey spiral that cost him the tournament, a more "conservative" strategy on the short par 4 14th hole might've saved him from the bogey train & potentially flipped the tournament outcome

allow me to explain, morikawa entered the short par 4 14th hole (foto above fraught with danger with a severely sloping false front, awkward bunkers jealously guarding the green & unplayable native grasses surrounding the hole) with a 3 stroke lead (rahm was on the par 5 15th hole at that time) & had zero bogeys for the week...life in maui wuz blissful

the plantation course's 14th plays steeply uphill (not quite as severe as the 1st hole at tilden park) & with the tradewinds directly blowing in his face was not drivable today for morikawa with his length off the tee...so despite birdieing it the first 3 days with driver off the tee really thought that his caddie jj jakovac (former collegiate champion at chico state) should've encouraged colin to hit a layup off the tee & then flip a short wedge, there's zero chance he's gonna bogey the hole with this strategy & he will still birdie the hole probably almost half the time

instead morikawa hits driver into a predicament, skulls the long bunker shot over the green, makes bogey & then the wheels come off with the 3 hole bogey spiral

as a case in point, max homa hit driver on the 14th in the 1st round into the **** left of the green & wuz lucky to make bogey...max then laid up off the tee the last 3 days in consultation with his caddie joe greiner

colin morikawa is regarded as an elite mind with respects to course management, will be interesting to see if he & jj consider dialing it back next time he's in contention

both colin & max are gonna skip the pga tournament in honolulu next week & also the palm springs tournament the following week after that so they will both tee it up again at torrey pines on january 25th, the shockster just decided he's gonna be in la jolla there to offer his counsel & support...also gonna be available if brian driscoll needs me around to help him move his attitude from la jolla to national city or be his wingman in robbing a gas station or something

any opinions from you & other golfing bears?

---

That's definitely a course management flub. 3 stroke lead going into the 14th hole...you definitely should be playing to force others to catch you and never help them by moving back toward them. Par is your friend. Definitely play to a number, guarantee par and if you hit wedge close for birdie then bonus. This isn't as much of a dumb azz move as picking No. Texas over Harvard but it's up there.

Stephen Curry is again so giving of his time to women and everybody. He visited with the @CalWBBall team in the locker room postgame after a hard-fought 60-56 defeat to @StanfordWBB. pic.twitter.com/3nB625LO5w

— Janie McCauley (@JanieMcCAP) January 9, 2023

tequila4kapp said:

---

That's definitely a course management flub. 3 stroke lead going into the 14th hole...you definitely should be playing to force others to catch you and never help them by moving back toward them. Par is your friend. Definitely play to a number, guarantee par and if you hit wedge close for birdie then bonus. This isn't as much of a dumb azz move as picking No. Texas over Harvard but it's up there.

---

tequila, 100% agreed, 3 pars on the easiest trio of holes on the course (14th, 15th & 16th) & colin wins

Great day to be Golden Bear! 🐻

Check out the National Signing Day Hub for more information about our new signees.

🔗: https://t.co/ocY8239DRe pic.twitter.com/YUjbmylIRh

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) December 22, 2022

2023 california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake class:

doechii, why don't you introduce the 2023 yucky blucky fruitcake signees to the class?

justin wilcox, defensive back (3.43 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
javian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, athlete (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.8 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)

all 20 of these 2023 scholly recipients are beating the statistics, **** the opinions and all the logistics



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to have a talk after class

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked university in the world aka planet earth (just ask roxy)

don't forgot to take the chicken out#

Shocky1 said:

---

https://instagr.am/p/BABv2nUKQ0G
alky, love talking golf course strategy which started back in the day caddying at san francisco golf club

so my take is that it's colin's boldness/aggressiveness that started his 3 hole bogey spiral that cost him the tournament, a more "conservative" strategy on the short par 4 14th hole might've saved him from the bogey train & potentially flipped the tournament outcome

allow me to explain, morikawa entered the short par 4 14th hole (foto above fraught with danger with a severely sloping false front, awkward bunkers jealously guarding the green & unplayable native grasses surrounding the hole) with a 3 stroke lead (rahm was on the par 5 15th hole at that time) & had zero bogeys for the week...life in maui wuz blissful

the plantation course's 14th plays steeply uphill (not quite as severe as the 1st hole at tilden park) & with the tradewinds directly blowing in his face was not drivable today for morikawa with his length off the tee...so despite birdieing it the first 3 days with driver off the tee really thought that his caddie jj jakovac (former collegiate champion at chico state) should've encouraged colin to hit a layup off the tee & then flip a short wedge, there's zero chance he's gonna bogey the hole with this strategy & he will still birdie the hole probably almost half the time

instead morikawa hits driver into a predicament, skulls the long bunker shot over the green, makes bogey & then the wheels come off with the 3 hole bogey spiral

as a case in point, max homa hit driver on the 14th in the 1st round into the **** left of the green & wuz lucky to make bogey...max then laid up off the tee the last 3 days in consultation with his caddie joe greiner

colin morikawa is regarded as an elite mind with respects to course management, will be interesting to see if he & jj consider dialing it back next time he's in contention

both colin & max are gonna skip the pga tournament in honolulu next week & also the palm springs tournament the following week after that so they will both tee it up again at torrey pines on january 25th, the shockster just decided he's gonna be in la jolla there to offer his counsel & support...also gonna be available if brian driscoll needs me around to help him move his attitude from la jolla to national city or be his wingman in robbing a gas station or something

any opinions from you & other golfing bears?

---

Storming the 18th green at Torrey? You and Driscol create a mosh pit with Max and Colin?

maybe

Trending! Kansas lands a huge portal target in Spencer Lovell, Lovell stands at 6'6 and weighs in at 335lbs. The offensive line just got a lot better tonight! #RockChalk pic.twitter.com/33RMR5Wn76

— 785SportsKU (@785SportsKU) January 9, 2023

lead singer for after the dawn#

Best thing I've seen at the World Cup so far pic.twitter.com/wTB6SyzPLI

— Gecko🦋❤ (@AcevenGecko) December 9, 2022

right now the bears got 24 scholly departures:

daniel scott, safety...out of eligibility
odua isibor, edge defender...out of eligiblity
jamieson sheahan, punter...out of eligilbity
braxton croteau, outside linebacker...medical retirement
kyle smith, inside linebacker...graduation
orin patu, edge defender...grad transfer to arizona
patrick histake, edge defender...portal to hawaii...no berkeley degree
henry ikahihifo, outside linebacker...no berkeley degree
femi oladejo, linebacker...portal to ucla...no berkeley degree
trey paster, linebacker...portal as grad transfer
ben coleman, guard...grad transfer to asu
spencer lovell, guard...grad transfer to kansas
nick alftin, tight end...portal as grad transfer
keleki latu, tight end...portal...no berkeley degree
jermaine terry, tight end...portal to oregon state...no berkeley degree
j michael sturdivant...portal to ucla...no berkeley degree
ashton hayes, running back...portal to nevada...no berkeley degree
chris street, running back...portal...no berkeley degree
damien moore, running back...portal...no berkeley degree
decarlos brooks, running back...grad transfer portal to asu
slater zellers, longsnapper...grad transfer to asu
dario longhetto, kicker...grad transfer to asu
jack plummer, quarterback...grad transfer to louisville
kai milner, quarterback...portal to northern arizona...no berkeley degree

pic.twitter.com/3j3Bd3hVVX

— Out Of Context Football (@nocontextfooty) December 24, 2022

AEM80 said:

---

I think they're going to be disappointed. It's interesting that they showed him in ASU uniform. It's like he never played at Cal.

---

when we signed spencer outta the transfer portal, i asked marv lewis on the practice green at desert highlands if lovell could slide out to tackle...marv tole me "no way, he's a strong kid but no way he can play in space"

granite statue#

Shocky1 said:

---

Here is my second semester junior year report card. Happy to have finished with a 4.33 GPA.@Get__Recruited @CoachDaft @coachvips @CoachRenoYale @CoachMornhinweg @CoachAlvah @KellerChryst pic.twitter.com/i14OgHfUny

— brady weingart (@WeingartBrady) July 1, 2022

congrats to 6'3" 205 lbs redwood high school quarterback brady weingart following in the footsteps of seattle seahawk jake curhan & multiple family members in crossing the richmond bridge to berkeley

and no, weingart is not a dumb azz, he got an overall 4.2 gpa

brady is a highly efficient pwo that throws a very catchable tight spiral & also got some innate escapability abilities too, biggest downside is that he stares down receivers in his hudl videos but that's correctable with coach spav

back in the day during high school shocky used to work as a dishwasher/table cleaner at the ross arts center, the monster used to make out & palm the tight little stinson beach surfing azz of a co worker (waitress who would smile at all the patrons, then tell me later how they wuz pain in the azz rich *******) from redwood high school during our breaks...she never walked me to my car so she gets points for that

we would engage in deep (or at least we thought so) philosophical discussions (she wuz a bit of a burner) re: how do you know what's true love?...we both reached agreement that it's someone that you wanna curl up & nap with during the afternoon...and that's why shocky's upcoming t-rex yoga studio in yountville is not gonna be open between 1:30-4:30 every afternoon, got it?

and to honest with u, the shockster has never met a rescue/foster doggy/kitty that didn't wanna conk out with me on sleepy afternoons, right minko stinko?

best job evah



they might be giants#

---

what up cal or nothing?...r u the head pro at the meadow club or something?

AEM80 said:

---

Shocky1 said:

---

Trending! Kansas lands a huge portal target in Spencer Lovell, Lovell stands at 6'6 and weighs in at 335lbs. The offensive line just got a lot better tonight! #RockChalk pic.twitter.com/33RMR5Wn76

— 785SportsKU (@785SportsKU) January 9, 2023

lead singer for after the dawn#

---

I think they're going to be disappointed. It's interesting that they showed him in ASU uniform. It's like he never played at Cal.

---

LOL, see what they say when he is out all year with an undisclosed injury