cal's monster offensive line

2,031,396 Views | 11954 Replies | Last: 7 hrs ago by Shocky1
Shocky1
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Shocky1
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Official annoucement from the empty desk of the athletic director:

Greetings Cal Berkeley Bears Fans!!!

It's yet another beautiful fall day here in Colorado Springs & my new Coors power leaf blower is doing a fantastic job at all of our house flipping properties!

Football might be heading for a 3-9 season with predictable offensive play calling & our Shoney's bend but don't break at the waistline defense & who knows if our kickoff coverage teams can tackle anyone? We just need to make a couple of more plays a game to turn this around!

As for basketball the #1 NBA prospect Jaylen Tyson has not received eligibility confirmation from the NCAA (trust me, I'm not doing anything to mess that up) & our women's team with Coach Charmin probably won't win a single Pac 12 game this season!

As all of you know, I'm 100% committed to all of our Olympic sport teams and please be assured that I will NOT cut any teams or reduce any of our wonderful staff just to save money, ok? In fact Jenny & Markesiha will be accompanying our Quidditch team during their stay at Shocky's favorite hotel in the world, the George V in Paris, when they fly business class to Europe next week for their big road match against the #6 ranked Transylvania Bisexual Brooms!

Anyways we're tens of millions of dollars in debt but what me worry???

Best regards,

General James Arthur Knowlton

P.S. What's a pitch out?
HoopDreams
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Shocky1 said:



berkeley is the epicenter of planet earth for really smart people that go to SPACE & **** like that

don't be a dumb azz (better to palm a tight azz)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/Cyj0ssqrc9s
yeah berkeley/corona centennial grads luv dancing with the stars, making moves baby

beezy wit the curvy brunette yoga female wife (dancing with the takers)#
Shocky1
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^ real talk: curvy brunette yoga females from academically mediocre schools wanna date and marry cal, stanford & ivy league grads when they enter the real world & finally realize that the fiercely competitive global economy unremorsefully favors the well educated

just say no to truck stop academics



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including ibiza, hollywood & new york city)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
Shocky1
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real talk ii: it's highly doubtful that james arthur knowlton can read/decipher a complex financial statement, knows any high ranking ncca administrators that can facilitate the jaylon tyson waiver or has any relationships with any current football & men's basketball head coaches outside of those employed at the air force academy

real talk iii: if this site wuz operated by ownership similar to those at literally every fan message board at a major school in the united states they would be making public information requests re: knowlton's schedule & scheduling interviews with his staff in an effort to ascertain how much time he actually spends in berkeley vs colorado springs...this type of investigation would result in the con artist's employment termination notice being sent to his residences in the rocky mountains

real talk iv: flat stomachs r sexy as ****

real talk v: clothes & golf carts r for losers

real talk vi: shocky likes/luvs doggys more than most human beings on planet earth, this fact is probably gonna be used against him (along with his abject failure to do a handstand) in his quest to become a substitute teacher at modern yoga, hence the upcoming grand opening of the t-rex yoga & meditation studio in yountville which will be all about the brunch at bouchon afterwards

Shocky1
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Shocky1
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truck stop academics#
Shocky1
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free ika (nevada to college of the canyons (jc) to cal to nevada)#
GCGBear
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At the sports Intro at Haas. Cal MBB will win best beard team. Jalen Cone can shoot 3s - made about 15 of 21 in a minute.
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/CyjyNQivw9L
gcg, that's great to hear cone wuz en fuego tonite at the sports intro...in speaking with jalen at the last 2 football games he's very confident in his shooting abilities & also appreciative of coach madsen giving him the unconditional green light including one shot he tole me which wuz from a couple feet inside the mid court line

basketball is best played when it's fun & celebrated like little kids balling out on the playground with their best friends



this is cal basketball (in 2023)#
Blueblood
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"Shocky1"
"F".................................................."U"........
Shocky1
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crazy azz windy day round in toyko skies as colin morikawa shoots a 73 hitting only 11 of 18 greens in regulation, the dominant ball striker is now 5 strokes off the lead heading into the zozo 3rd round



life is not linear#

Econ141
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Shocky1
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^ zero coverage by the bearinsider.com re: the munger investigation into the athletic director & his #2 confidante jenny which is actually the BIGGEST STORY surrounding the future of cal athletics

heads in the sand (is not a successful problem solving solution in life, just ask emu)#

mbBear
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Shocky1 said:

^ zero coverage by the bearinsider.com re: the munger investigation into the athletic director & his #2 confidante jenny which is actually the BIGGEST STORY surrounding the future of cal athletics

heads in the sand (is not a successful problem solving solution in life, just ask emu)#


"Coverage" isn't going to matter, and considering resources, this isn't surprising anyway. You can't talk this into truth. Number of posts aren't going to matter. Before you rip me-as an alum, the whole McKeever thing is beyond unacceptable, from all AD's involved, but right, including the most recent.
philbert
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Econ141 said:



I'm curious about the lawsuit the swimmers have filed against the UC Regents. Would this lawsuit delay any personnel actions the University might take against JK and JSO? If they fired them, wouldn't that put them at a disadvantage in the lawsuit? Can any of the lawyers weigh in?
Shocky1
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^^ mb, gotta yes or no answer question for u: do u gotta a friend who coaches one of the women's olympic sports teams that is protected by christ/knowlton as the athletic dept heads towards bankruptcy?
Econ141
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How have we not found a way to market Marshawn and drum up some interest in the program? Maybe after we start winning?
SBGold
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Econ141 said:



How have we not found a way to market Marshawn and drum up some interest in the program? Maybe after we start winning?
when he turned the sign upside down for the standing on his head, lol
mbBear
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Shocky1 said:

^^ mb, gotta yes or no answer question for u: do u gotta a friend who coaches one of the women's olympic sports teams that is protected by christ/knowlton as the athletic dept heads towards bankruptcy?


I know a swimmer. Don't even try to come at me or this is going to turn into an ugly discourse. You totally think this is important because you say it is.. this isn't your issue alone oh mighty Shocky. You think I was defending someone?!
Don't ever think I owe you answers.
Go back to golf clubs that lick your balls.
Econ141
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SBGold said:

Econ141 said:



How have we not found a way to market Marshawn and drum up some interest in the program? Maybe after we start winning?
when he turned the sign upside down for the standing on his head, lol


That got me too lol.
Shocky1
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love collin's color choices & the 66 including a double bogey 6 after a wayward drive/penalty stroke off the 1st tee, that's mental toughness for the haas biz ad grad


bears move briskly when on the prowl in japan#
Shocky1
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colin at 7 under par in 4th place & only 2 strokes off the lead heading into the final round...morikawa working after the round on the practice facility with extra reps with his taylor made stealth driver, he's in the bottom 10% of the field this week in driving accuracy with an uncharacteristically low 36% fairways hit off the tee yet his iron play particularly on the par 3s is stellar

this **** is getting live#
Shocky1
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coach wilcox could learn from collin's candid & insightful interviews, notice how morikawa answers the aggro media question re: his "not handling the wind" the day before without become defensive or trite in his responses...justin is kinda like groundhog day with his "we just need to make a play on a couple more plays" (which ignores the fact that opposing teams with more quick twitch athletes (which can be developed thru yoga) make those key plays...and then our dumb as **** athletic director repeats that excuse making **** in his financially ignorant communication from his office in colorado springs



who knew coach is also the lead singer of blur?#
Shocky1
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monster top 10 in japan:

1) kawana (fuji): yeah the dumb azz is tryna rep a "c" in the above foto (which he's doing backwards) on the oceanside par 5 11th hole but this charles alison design is the best course in the land of rising sun with its fun playability, undulating coastal fairways & dramatic views of iconic mt fuji and perhaps most importantly a lotta shocky's beloved palm trees

2) hirono: the most private club in japan, this rugged yet walkable alison masterpiece recently underwent a successful & architecturally fateful restoration by gil hanse...the best par 3s in japan & the postgame lunch at the clubhouse got augusta national vibes

3) yokohama (west): a 2015 rebuild with new holes by my idols at coore & crenshaw (https://www.golfpass.com/travel-advisor/articles/coore-crenshaw-new-2023-golf-course-openings) coupled with the firm & fast turf conditions (which is not common in asia)...the 18th hole for the japan open is actually the 2nd hole of the east course & the magnificent uphill with forever memorable bunkering carved into the hillside is a brute par 4 for the pros but plays every day as a scoreable par 5 for the members, my favorite hole in japan

4) japanese a-5 waygu beef: my favorite cut of meat on planet earth followed by king island grassfed beef off the coast of australia & steaks from western nebraska's sandhills...dom arigato



5) toyko golf: the exclusive club got a gil hanse renovation that asks a lotta thoughtful questions but it's limited by the relatively flat topography that only pheobe bridgers could love on her day off under scorpio skies

6) kasumigaeski (east): tom fazio rebuilt this colt design with unfortunately an american 1980s style of architecture, the course hosted the 1st olympics golf competition & kinda reminds me of harding park but without the lake merced views

7) the bullet train: always on time & fast as ****, kinda like oakland's jet on the sweep to open space on the edge & an unlimited future



8) naruo: built into a caynon (that's perfect for late nite drag racing singing big boys don't cry) cove ala bel air, this scenic monster is easily the hardest golf course in japan

9) hakone: arguably the best course in the country built by a japanese architect, good but not great

10) the hedge hog cafe in toyko: my daughter shay's favorite memory (holding the feisty adorable creatures is not easily forgotten) of japan other than swimming with her dumb azz dad at the peninsula's top floor pool with dazzling nighttime views of toyko



lost in translation (talking is overrated, actions speak louder)#
Shocky1
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those north texas mean greenies (3-4) got surfboarded 35-28 on the road against them #23 ranked tulane green waves (6-1)

in a perfect world elite offensive lineman & native denton gabe blair will decide after the 2023 season that he can do his own laundry without trucking it over to the house to moms & enter the transfer portal en route to rejoining coach bloesch in cali for nfl development...the strong academic profile true student athlete would be an ideal candidate to fill cindo's scholly with cal's monster offensive line



the university of calveston=#1 ranked university in the world (for seabirds flying in the sun over the golden gate bridge)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
Shocky1
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them idaho vandals (5-2) got vandalized 23-21 by those non hibernating travis decuire coached up montana grizzlies (6-1) in cold azz moscow idaho
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:



unfortunately usc & ucla are never gonna schedule us again in football in our lifetimes, west coast rivalries other than the big game are gone for good for financial biz reasons...someone left that cake out in the rain & we'll never have that recipe again...and after all the loves of my life you'll still be the one

october 28th=the oppenheimer game at memorial stadium

https://instagr.am/p/CwNtqagRjoE
https://instagr.am/p/CvVQj-RPjH_
who is cal's most sorry azz fan that's gonna miss the oppenheimer game?

shocky, **** me but my son is getting married in so cal on october 28th

so if u want my 50 yard line perch (1 tix) & parking pass at underhill for FREE & u bleed blue n gold then send me a pm & the monster will get the tix/pass in the us mail to u



the most bitter rivalry game in the history of memorial stadium (theory will only take you so far)#
last chance for shocky's FREE 50 yard tix (sc fans, don't waste my time)

the oppenheimer game (theory will only take you so far)#
Shocky1
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4th round zozo update:

collin morikawa's work session into last evening is paying off as he birdied the 180 yard 3rd hole (morikawa is skewering the par 3s this week) & is now in a 3 way tie for the lead early in the final round

bears r not lazy as **** (except knowlton)#
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:


4th round zozo update:

colin morikawa's work session into last evening is paying off as he birdied the 180 yard 3rd hole (morikawa is skewering the par 3s this week) & is now in a 3 way tie for the lead early in the final round

bears r not lazy as **** (except knowlton)#


Knowlton is not a Bear just because he steals $millions from us anymore than a Bear becomes a bee just because he steals their honey.
Shocky1
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^^ tix/pass gone
Shocky1
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those auburn tigers (3-4, awaiting the arrival of the cal faithful in the fall of 2024) got sent to the zoo 28-21 by lame kitten's cheating #13 ranked ole miss rebels (6-1)
Shocky1
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the oppenheimer game (the trojans are good not great)#
Shocky1
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zozo update:

collin morikawa at 11 under par leading by 3 strokes after a remarkable birdie on the brutal par 4 9th hole (toughest hole on the course) heading into the back nine
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