ferCALgm2 said:

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Thanks for the updates, Shockster!

I'm actually pretty surprised there's nothing else, including posts or from admin on early signing day.

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thx fersquared, everyone probably busy today...nooner modern yoga with anton (used to train kyle allen when he wuz a kid) wuz challenging with holding the 5 minute princess pose...shocky wuz kinda squirmy with her but got it done with his fit as **** azz muscles...hmmmm, r clothes really for losers?

pretty in purple (that curvy brunette yoga female iz a bad bunny)#

Alkiadt said:

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ferCALgm2 said:

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Thanks for the updates, Shockster!

I'm actually pretty surprised there's nothing else, including posts or from admin on early signing day.

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Those are all on the premium site.

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curious alky, did they tell u the name of the kicker that isn't even in the portal yet that longwell intends to sign for a 2024 scholly 10 days ago like the monster?

this is a yes or no question, an essay response is not necessary

u might consider not belittling cal's monster offensive line, the reality is that cal football needs as many diverse voices as possible to grow the program, right?...if the secret premium society is working for u, that's great too

quick question, how many basketball games has mbb won since shocky & his yoga buddy jaylen brown walked away from the program since cal's monster class which wuz the most read thread in the history of college basketball?



just like berkeley, the monster isn't for everyone

dom arigato

How many tries would this take you? 😳

(via @michaelluckhur3, @JakeArguello) pic.twitter.com/vEGt4P9Sh3

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) August 26, 2022

ursine, michael luckhurst arrived in berkeley as a exceptional high school kicker & student with a 4.37 gpa as a preferred walk on for his freshman season while ryan longwell stuck by his guy the beyond breaking bad dario longhetto who contributed to multiple bears losses during his time in berkeley

this season luckhurst got the kicker scholly on a one year basis, it wuz not guaranteed thru graduation

longwell called both michael & mateen a little over a week ago to tell them they would not be receiving the kicker scholly in 2024 & that he would be bringing in his own guy

once again, ima gonna 100% support the new scholly kicker for the bears (the special teams ****show is not their fault) but longwell's track record in developing kickers & punters is only slightly better than mark fox's abysmal metrics

^ probably when longwell stops paying for the drinks at happy hour

Shocky what about the D? The regression is not normal why not get a new DC?

^ coach sirmon is a good dc (tim deruyter is a great defensive coordinator) & an exceptional inside linebacker's coach, he does not need to be replaced but both peter & justin need off season self reflection to realize that our late in the season 3 game winning streak wuz directly a result of dialed up pressure & more guys violently attacking (and in the case of ethan garbers injuring) opposing quarterbacks

the shoneys bend but don't break at the waist defensive scheme is a 500% record mindset with no upside

2024: the year of living ******* DANGEROUSLY in the acc#

Shocky1 said:

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How many tries would this take you? 😳

(via @michaelluckhur3, @JakeArguello) pic.twitter.com/vEGt4P9Sh3

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) August 26, 2022

ursine, michael luckhurst arrived in berkeley as a exceptional high school kicker & student with a 4.37 gpa as a preferred walk on for his freshman season while ryan longwell stuck by his guy the beyond breaking bad dario longhetto who contributed to multiple bears losses during his time in berkeley

this season luckhurst got the kicker scholly on a one year basis, it wuz not guaranteed thru graduation

longwell called both michael & mateen a little over a week ago to tell them they would not be receiving the kicker scholly in 2024 & that he would be bringing in his own guy

once again, ima gonna 100% support the new scholly kicker for the bears (the special teams ****show is not their fault) but longwell's track record in developing kickers & punters is only slightly better than mark fox's abysmal metrics

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Specifically, when a player walks on and then is later awarded a scholarship, it is on a year-to-year basis.

Wow, if that's true about Longwell, his new guy had darned well better come through. Also, as he is not even officially an Assistant Coach, it surprises me a little the authority he has, informing players about their scholarship situations.

ucla's highly productive defensive linemen grayson & gabriel murphy have declared for the 2024 nfl draft joining teammate laiatu latu...the dumb azz critics of nando who didn't realize he wuz tryna balance haas biz school finals with a bowl game might keep in mind the bears put 33 on the board against this vaunted defense with multiple legit nfl talent

8 clap (monster 4-8 prediction in the bruins inaugural big 10 season)#

https://instagr.am/p/Bds2GjQDyp4
big c, ryan longwell (unlike shocky) rides in golf carts, that's all u need to know about him, amigo

cartball is for losers (and not those that have played the last 17 world top 100 lists on foot)#

kaleb elarms orr to tcu

north texas offensive lineman howard sampson to tcu

Shocky1 said:

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Lit up the stat sheet this year and he’s got more in him 📈

Welcome to the #CalFamily, @_chandlerrogers 🐻#GoBears pic.twitter.com/Umokjl7v9L

— Cal Football (@CalFootball) December 20, 2023

2023 stats: 3382 passing yards & 150.1 qb rating (big daddy baller)#

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I see that he already has an NIL deal in place with 4 Leaf Trading Cards, and an on3 NIL valuation of $462,000.

https://instagr.am/p/Cm7aGCqye9r
pitts, shocky would rather play with his rescue doggys than collect any sports memorabilia but congrats to chandler on the leaf deal...fyi the on3 nil valuations are about as accurate as james arthur knowlton's updates re: the basketball practice facility which doug goldman (who wuz committed for a $10,000,000 lead donation back in the cal's monster class era, that offer is no longer actionable) tole me directly last month will NOT anytime soon aka happen in this decade despite the con artist saying otherwise

FINAL: CSUN 76, UCLA 72#GoBruins pic.twitter.com/P8pxvUAqAi

— UCLA Men’s Basketball (@UCLAMBB) December 20, 2023

congrats to cal state earthquake on the epic victory at pauley pavilion (ruh roh in westwood)#

coach wilcox national signing day press conference:

translation of the 1st question: "is it really true or is shocky just making up **** that cal in 2024 is gonna innovatively play the fastest, quickest & smallest safeties in the nation like isaiah crosby & sailasa vadrawale both at 170 lbs because you share the monster's frustration with this year's slow azz safeties lacking the footspeed to close on the ball in coverage thereby leaving the corners & nickels on an island?"

coach wilcox: "dayday (165 lbs) we like at safety...isaiah crosby (170 lbs), real fast, really really fast, safety prospect"



another monster class scoop (not available anywhere else on planet earth)#

2024 scholly roster departures: right now there are 22 PUBLIC departing bears

matthew cindric, center...out of eligibility...berkeley degrees w/haas biz school & masters education
barrett miller, tackle...out of eligibility...stanford engineering degree & berkeley cert program
isaiah ifanse, running back...out of eligibility...berkeley cert program
monroe young, wide receiver...out of eligibility...berkeley degree
brian hightower, wide receiver...out of eligibility...berkeley cert program
darius long jr, defensive tackle...out of eligibility...berkeley degree
jackson sirmon, inside linebacker...out of eligibility...berkeley haas global grad program
raymond woodie iii, safety...out of eligibility...berkeley degree
patrick mcmorris, safety...out of eligibility...berkeley cert program
ben finley, quarterback...grad transfer portal...berkeley cert program
tyson mcwilliams, cornerback...grad transfer portal...berkeley degree
brayden rohme, offensive tackle...grad transfer portal...berkeley degree
kaleb elarms-orr, inside linebacker...transfer portal to tcu...no berkeley degree
everett johnson, offensive tackle...grad transfer portal to montana...berkeley degree
blake antzoulatos, inside linebacker...grad transfer portal...berkeley degree
king doerue, running back...football retirement...purdue degree
jeremiah earby, cornerback...transfer portal...no berkeley degree
sam jackson v, quarterback...transfer portal...no berkeley degree
taj davis, wide receiver...no longer with program...washington degree
michael luckhurst, kicker...will not be on scholly in 2024
muelu iosefa, inside linebacker...no longer with program
moso'oipala "nunie" tuitele, te/olb...no berkeley degree

2024 new schollys: right now there are 24 NEW scholly additions

ja'ir smith, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
syris corley, offensive line (3.0 gpa)
rush reimer, offensive line (3.3 gpa)
marcus harris, defensive back (3.2 gpa)
aidan keanaaina, defensive tackle (4.0 gpa)
aiden newbill, offensive line (3.72 gpa)
isaiah crosby, safety (3.0+ gpa)
luke ferrelli, inside linebacker (4.0 gpa)
chandler rogers, quarterback (3.3 gpa)
teddye buchanan, inside linebacker (3.5 gpa)
josiah martin, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
jack endries, tight end (3.83 gpa)
trond grizzell, wide receiver (3.8 gpa)
bj canady, defensive tackle (3.91 gpa)
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (3.0+ gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
camden jones, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)

Waffle House is a 10/10 in Bossier Louisiana

— Brayden Rohme (@Brayden7475) December 15, 2023

https://instagr.am/p/C1AtvTbPzLG
brayden's nationwide culinary tour of waffle houses (burp)#

Jaden earned a Bachelor in Economics with minor in Finance and Entrepreneurship at Tufts, to go along with his school record 20 touchdowns.

So is this the kicker that Shocky said Longwell was going to get?

Committed!!! @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/8ZMU8Vl0dm

— Ryan Coe (@RyanCoe34) December 21, 2023

Shocky1 said:

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monster analysis of cal special teams:

note: the following evaluation is based on multiple sources & my personal observations:

*****ryan longwell is a paid special teams consultant that lives 3000 miles away from berkeley that shows up around once a month, his personality is such that he is not really nurturing/encouraging in his coaching style which is kinda mind boggling from someone who is a scratch golfer who understands the mental fragility of golf swings/kicking motions

*****the kicking during the longwell era other than mateen bhaghani have been been beyond breaking bad with his unreal loyalty to the 3 iron trajectory dario longhetto which cost the bears multiple games in every season of his cal career

*****the punting during the longwell era has been somewhere north of mediocre with inconsistent distance & hang time

*****mateen bhaghani wuz a perfect 27 of 27 on extra points & 8 of 9 on field goals, he wuz not given any opportunities to kick any over 50 yards...he is now the ucla kicker, his 2024 big 10 season will be interesting to track

*****mateen bhaghani wuz given the assignment to kick off in only one game, his pregame instructions were to "kick the ball high & to the right" which wuz not practiced during the week...the dumb azzs will tell you he failed to kick the ball deep & lacks leg strength based upon this

*****it wuz a major 2024 recruiting miss & poor player evaluation of personnel by the staff not to offer all american punter kanyon floyd who will be heading to hometown asu with a full scholly...kanyon would've given the bears a potential 4 year all acc punter who with his current 4.73 gpa would've been a strong candidate to gain acceptance into the haas biz school

*****coach so'oto is nowhere in sight during special teams pregame warm ups (presumably vic is with the outside linebackers room), anyalyst zack tinker handles the warm ups

*****tinker preps during the week the punting & kick off coverage & return gameplans

*****the usc special teams play wuz terrible under coach so'oto (coach wilcox referenced his "experience" when he assigned the room to vic)

*****no team fair catches punts more than cal, the decision to have sure handed jeremiah hunter as the punt returner despite lacking lateral explosiveness to make the 1st tacklers miss is mind boggling

*****kickoff returns other than the epic jaydn ott touchdown return in the rose bowl have been non existent

*****shocky bumped into the last special teams coach charlie ragle & then recently hired bill musgrave in february of 2021 outside of the raucous world famous 16th hole of the phoenix open, both guys were absolutely **** faced & mostly incoherent during our 5 minute conversation...the person with me noted that both of them had the bulbous red noses of those with major drinking problems

*****former special teams analyst michael barton is "a terrible communicator"

special teams bottom line: cal has fielded the worst special teams units in college football during the coach wilcox era, a full time special teams coach needs to be hired as the bears can no longer afford the luxury of 2 defensive back coaches

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important payment notification (from the bill collector):

some of u r remiss in making ur 5 bucks payment for this membership only information, once again plz leave the gold & **** in an unmarked envelope addressed to shocky behind the dumpster at the 3rd island exit off treasure island, ok?

rush the field said:

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Jaden earned a Bachelor in Economics with minor in Finance and Entrepreneurship at Tufts, to go along with his school record 20 touchdowns.

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rush (r u related to reimer or geddy lee?), jaden richardson is not a dumb azz

tufts is no joke#

philbert said:

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So is this the kicker that Shocky said Longwell was going to get?

Committed!!! @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/8ZMU8Vl0dm

— Ryan Coe (@RyanCoe34) December 21, 2023

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Lost the job last year at NC but their kicker was pretty good so may not mean much.

Shocky1 said:

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ferCALgm2 said:

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Thanks for the updates, Shockster!

I'm actually pretty surprised there's nothing else, including posts or from admin on early signing day.

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thx fersquared, everyone probably busy today...nooner modern yoga with anton (used to train kyle allen when he wuz a kid) wuz challenging with holding the 5 minute princess pose...shocky wuz kinda squirmy with her but got it done with his fit as **** azz muscles...hmmmm, r clothes really for losers?

pretty in purple (that curvy brunette yoga female iz a bad bunny)#

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important modern yoga error correction notification update:

ok, this morning at master teacher anton's 9:30 am class i wuz actually paying attention for once & learned that's there no such thing as a princess pose (other than my delusional imagination), there's only a goddess pose

sorry, did not mean to mislead u re: yoga pose terminology

reality is that shocky does not practice yoga/meditation with 100% focus & intention, he just kinda shows up and daydreams (gazing at the teacher or classmates) thru the class kinda like his rescue doggys particularly benji going thru the day just happily wagging their tails with not a thought in their heads...no es bueno en la cabeza

the truth is that shocky is never gonna be hired nowhere as substitute yoga teacher, he just wants to live in biscayne bay like the cuban gentlemen that sleep (unlike nando who got mountains of haas biz schoolwork) all day & sing that stoopid song all nite long

**** me

Bearly Clad said:

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weird top 6. you have 5 of the most historic/dominant schools that people immediately associate with the college football elite, but what is texas doing there? https://t.co/gWPx0V9JuS

— rex volcanø (@RexVolcano) December 21, 2023

Kicked in 12 games at Cincinnati during the 2022 season, earning second-team All-AAC honors • Went 19-of-23 on field goals with a long of 52 yards and made all 44 PATs • Made 16-of-17 field goals to end the season • Set UC’s single-season record for field goal accuracy • https://t.co/rcjNMqPeAS

— Piotr with the Axe and Bowl Invite (@PiotrLe) December 21, 2023

USC five-star freshman quarterback Malachi Nelson plans to spend the next 2 weeks narrowing down a list of schools and making visit plans.

Nelson's camp has had preliminary talks with Tulane, TCU, South Carolina, Houston and Cal, per source.https://t.co/bLEKf1T5Ot pic.twitter.com/wbSOGTWBPB

— Pete Nakos (@PeteNakos_) December 19, 2023

The expectation is that former Notre Dame wide receiver Tobias Merriweather is going to transfer to Cal, sources tell @247sports.

Former top recruit who had 284 yards for Notre Dame this season.https://t.co/h4M7RZMAsh pic.twitter.com/T9D5sfI7my

— Matt Zenitz (@mzenitz) December 20, 2023

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This would be a good pickup for us. Any idea when we'll know for sure?

oskiswifeshusband said:

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I mean this kicker seems good. Is proven. Has a leg. Not a big deal IMO.

Was Mateen good or better? Possibly.

Is Luckhurst good or better? Possibly.

But we got a proven guy.

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Hopefully he has two legs! (ta dum dum... )

Agree though. He's a kicker and he's got some credentials. At age 21-22 or so, you never exactly know if they're about to get a case of the yips. Hopefully not. The one thing we did know about Bhaghani was, even though he had two legs, the staff didn't have confidence with him at 45+ nor on kickoffs.

So we move on...

Curious if the new guy will be on scholarship and when that would commence, or at least maybe he gets some NIL to mitigate...


Even more curious if we're gonna be able to bolster the WR room!

No idea on his timeline. Seems like he's still mulling his options and/or putting together a commitment post so there's time for someone else to swoop in with NIL money and change his mind but all the 24/7 crystal balls say Cal, there's been other reports that he's coming here, and Keanaaina (his teammate at Notre Dame) reposted a tweet saying he's on the way.

It's not official until it's official but this would be huge to make up for the loss of Hunter since they're similar players and we have a lot of WR speed coming in

Bearly Clad said:

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No idea on his timeline. Seems like he's still mulling his options and/or putting together a commitment post so there's time for someone else to swoop in with NIL money and change his mind but all the 24/7 crystal balls say Cal, there's been other reports that he's coming here, and Keanaaina (his teammate at Notre Dame) reposted a tweet saying he's on the way.

It's not official until it's official but this would be huge to make up for the loss of Hunter since they're similar players and we have a lot of WR speed coming in

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When you say a lot of WR speed coming in, who are you referring to? I can't recall a freshman WR making a significant impact since Desean. So are you referring to some redshirt freshman or dortch who transferred in last year but didn't play? Or do you think a freshman will really star on this team?

Edit: I forgot about JMike who definitely contributed his freshman year. So that might be a good benchmark - any freshman we think can contribute similarly to him?

I think Rogers has the best chances of being an immediate WR contributor with his size and speed but Josiah Martin could work his way into a slot job by midseason. The Tufts walk-on Jaden Richardson is also more equal to a JUCO transfer than a freshman. Oh, and there's also this

go time 5️⃣ pic.twitter.com/SsPKqQsohZ

— Tobias Merriweather 🧘🏾 (@TM5IVE) December 21, 2023

Econ141 said:

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Bearly Clad said:

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No idea on his timeline. Seems like he's still mulling his options and/or putting together a commitment post so there's time for someone else to swoop in with NIL money and change his mind but all the 24/7 crystal balls say Cal, there's been other reports that he's coming here, and Keanaaina (his teammate at Notre Dame) reposted a tweet saying he's on the way.

It's not official until it's official but this would be huge to make up for the loss of Hunter since they're similar players and we have a lot of WR speed coming in

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When you say a lot of WR speed coming in, who are you referring to? I can't recall a freshman WR making a significant impact since Desean. So are you referring to some redshirt freshman or dortch who transferred in last year but didn't play? Or do you think a freshman will really star on this team?

Edit: I forgot about JMike who definitely contributed his freshman year. So that might be a good benchmark - any freshman we think can contribute similarly to him?

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Sturdivant was a RS frosh the season before this one when he had 65 catches for us. The year before as a true frosh he didn't have a catch despite appearing in 3 games. Notably he had a cast on one hand which didn't help. Same for Hunter, who was hurt his true frosh year and didn't play. DeSean and Keenan are the only true frosh WR I can remember making a significant impact. We only have 1 scholly RS FR WR on the roster next year. Class doesn't matter though IMO. Production from the position and winning are all I care about. Big questions to answer.

Somewhat surprising to me Harper and Lawler are in the general neighborhood of true FR production with DeSean and to a bit lesser extent Keenan. https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/schools/california/receiving.html