what was the worst thing I ever did at cal?
yeah, i graduated with the gold phi beta kappa key, etc. but that doesn't mean my unvarnished blind ambition didn't cause me to do stuff that was wrong back in the day
so i wrote a paper for bibliography 128, children's literature, and in rereading it felt it was a technically sound paper but that it lacked interest for the reader...so i totally fabricated & included the following opening paragraph:
"I must confess that I was made uneasy to see Anne Franks's The Diary of a Young Girl on the reading list for this class. Seeing the title on the list raised several burning questions in my mind. Why had I never read this famous book? Why had my father (after a heated and lengthy debate with my mother behind closed doors) removed this work off my bookshelf as a child? It seemed to me that the answers to these questions were somehow linked to my now deceased grandfather. Although my parents never talk about him, I remembered from various bits of information pieced together that Grandpa was a figure of dubious distinction in Hitler's brass during WWII. So I was forced to think. Why were my parents, particularly my father, so reluctant to talk about my grandfather? Could the answers to my grandfather's cloudy role in Germany during WWII be found in The Diary of a Young Girl which was so mysteriously taken off my bookshelf as a child?''
and i also rewrote the following closing paragraph:
"But despite her difficult and sometimes cruel life, Anne Frank did not feel sorry for herself and she never gave up. This is a worthwhile message for both adults and children alike. All in all, The Diary of a Young Girl is a sensitive, well written, and compelling self-portrait of a brave and spirited young girl, that at least for me, will always hold a special place on my bookshelf."
absolutely none of this is true...although i have a german last name, nobody in my family has ever had any connections with any racist groups...i grew up in a culturally mixed family that celebrates individuality & diversity...my dad's sister met her jewish husband while they both were at cal
so what did my teachers say in grading the paper?
the professor: "This a fine review, not only perceptive in its commentary but in itself very well written. I hope you will keep on writing, perhaps professionally? A+"
the teaching assistant: "Your paper was very perceptive and moving because the book had a great impact on you. Though you did not generalize about non-fiction, you approached this particular book in a sensitive and understanding way. Thank you for sharing this highly personal and emotional reaction-it was very important for me personally as an Isreali jew, well versed in the literature of the holocaust, to read your reaction to the subject. The book has made you think, grow up, seek further information, and if it has instilled in you the determination not to let the horrible and shameful history repeat itself, then it has served the purpose Anne's father had when he published her diary. A+"
i'm a flawed person but i know i need to set the record straight even if it means that i'm gonna flunk the class so i go to the ta's office hours
i walk in the door & i'm blown away...she (mid to late 20s) is the cutest girl on earth (petite & curvy brunette with sparkling eyes & a dazzling smile) & we talk/laugh for about an hour about our favorite authors, recent concerts & the personalities of dogs...but i never tell her my paper is full of ****, i can't stand the thought of her hating me so quickly
so i ask her if she would like to go bike riding with me at muir woods & stinson beach that weekend (with the idea that i would tell her the truth & also see her in a bikini) & she tells me she would love to go out with me but that the university code of professional standards does not allow teachers to date students
i don't give up that easily so i suggest we bring our dogs, surely there can be no policy against our dogs hanging out together, right?
she looks at me with sad eyes & tells me "this isn't going to happen, it can't happen" and we say our goodbyes
fast forward to 2 summers ago & i take my daughters shay & taylor to anne frank's house in amsterdam...i write & leave a note to both anne frank & the teacher's assistant apologizing for my actions
don't be a dumb azz#
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