cal's monster offensive line

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Shocky1
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2:59p, 9/27/23


zony, great post (and we're 100% on the same page as usual), ima gonna tell u about my favorite cal defensive performance of all time, ok?

there wuz a hungry young linebacker coach in berkeley named jw who from the very 1st play of a home game at memorial stadium against an inexperienced high school football & baseball all american dennis dixon unleashed the dogs of war via alpha predator edge defender zach follett which resulted in absolute duck carnage

remember after getting the **** violently knocked out of him multiple times during the 1st series running down from my 50 yard line perch to the stadium wall behind the bench & watching dixon interact with the oregon coaches, you could clearly see the panic is his eyes & hand movements...he wuz mentally done

whatever happened to that aggressive young coach?

game over (or we can just stand around & palm/scratch each other's azzs)#


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5:42p, 9/27/23


mateen got good hair (unlike coach browning)#
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In reply to LongTimeBearFan • 6:07p, 9/27/23
LongTimeBearFan said:
Shocky1 said:

allison still tryna make shocky jealous by doing the hang with her baby daddy rickie, she needs to grow up or something

2023 ryder cup (ciao bella)#
Is it just me or does Sam Burns have an EPIC mullet going on?

sam don't got good hair (unless u live in the deep south in a trailer park)#
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:36p, 9/27/23
Shocky1 said:

2023 & 2024 california golden bears yucky blucky fruitcake classes (mr spieker not amused):

doechii, why don't you introduce the 2023 & 2024 yucky blucky fruitcakes to the class?

2024 class:
legend journey, apex predator edge defender (3.3 gpa)
rashawn clark, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
ej caminong, quarterback (3.5 gpa)
dayton "dayday" aupiu (3.51 gpa)
jamaal wiley, running back (3.0+ gpa)
trevor rogers, wide receiver (3.5 gpa)
michael-anthony okwura, defensive lineman (3.4 gpa)
eze osondu, inside linebacker (3.0+ gpa)
brookyln cheek, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
camden jones, tight end (3.0+ gpa)
tyler knape, offensive line (3.8 gpa)

2023 class:
barrett miller, offensive lineman (4.2 hs gpa & stanford mechancial engineering degree)
taj davis, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
king doerue, running back (3.5 gpa)
isaiah ifanse, running back (3.2 gpa at montana state)
marcus scott ii, cornerback (3.3 gpa at missouri)
tidiane "frenchy" jalloh (motivated student from france)
matthew wykoff, offensive tackle (3.75 gpa)
marquez "mojo" dortch, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
ben finley, quarterback (4.308 gpa)
patrick mcmorris, safety (3.65 gpa)
david bird, longsnapper (4.0 gpa)
marquise montgomery, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
martin tine, offensive tackle (3.0+ gpa)
stanley mckenzie, nose tackle (3.3 gpa)
david reese, outside linebacker (3.7 gpa)
sam jackson v, quarterback (3.1 gpa)
brian hightower, wide receiver (3.2 gpa)
justin williams-thomas aka j-will, running back (4.0 gpa)
asher alberding, tight end (3.85 gpa)
jt byrne, tight end (3.75 gpa)
lachlan wilson, punter (strong student from australia)
byron caldwell, running back (3.3 gpa)
sergio allen, inside linebacker (3.4 gpa)
matt littlejohn, defensive back (3.0+ gpa)
javian "the jet" thomas, running back (3.4 gpa)
nohl williams, defensive back (3.61 gpa)
kaylin moore, defensive back (3.4 gpa)
frederick williams iii, athlete (3.6 gpa)
zurich ashford, defensive end (3.62 gpa)
ben marshall, tight end (3.4 gpa)
ryan mcculloch, outside linebacker (4.1 gpa)
tiumalu afalava, defensive line (4.1 gpa)
cade uluave, inside linebacker (3.8 gpa)
sailasa vadrawale, defensive back (3.46 gpa)
nyziah hunter, wide receiver (3.0+ gpa)
nick morrow, offensive tackle (3.7 gpa)
michael luckhurst, kicker (4.37 gpa)

all 37 of these 2023 & 11 2024 scholly recipients are beating the statistics, **** the opinions and all the logisitics



wow, that was quite the introduction, doechii, we're gonna have to talk after class

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world

don't forget to take the chicken out#
__________________________________________________

2024 recruiting update:

right now the bears got 11 2024 high school commitments:

5 from texas (the university of calveston is not imaginary, smu as an acc rival is an integral component of the staff's 2024 & 2025 targeted recruiting strategy in texas)
4 from california
2 from washington (rashawn clark got +1 athleticism & nfl upside)

fully expect coach bloesch to secure the commitment of another high school trench worker, potentially two if it's the right guy...any other position will need to be an early impact elite prospect, high school schollys will not go beyond 13

transfer recruiting will begin in december with crazy azz energy as players formally enter the portal then

MAJOR cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:

4.00 gpa 6'5" 280 lbs quick twitch david abajian has decommitted from oregon state

david got an actionable offer from coach bloesch & would an elite addition to the cal 2024 high school class which currently got 11 commitments

abajian's other finalist wuz kansas which got truck stop school academics, lousy weather most of the year, lawrence is not even close to being a diverse community & would be very expensive for his fam to visit on gamedays

the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including chaminade college prep in west hills)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
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Shocky1
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6:41p, 9/27/23
https://instagr.am/p/CilV96nrXJw
wut up david?

3.8 gpa tyler knape is still looking for a roommate at the cal's monster offensive line abode

wut could possibly go wrong?

50 year decision/friendships#

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Shocky1
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7:03p, 9/27/23

david, sometimes our path in life is the long walk home



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna build generational wealth thru nfl development with coach bloesch & hard work in the classroom)
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Shocky1
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10:06p, 9/27/23
https://instagr.am/p/CxqwSzWNquq
same size as shocky (why don't my tee balls go as far?)#
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HoopDreams
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10:26p, 9/27/23
it's been a long time since I posted this ...



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Shocky1
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3:18a, 9/28/23
https://instagr.am/p/CxuxAOOMjN5
whoops dept: 1st time the monster is in italy checking into hotel hassler roma he heads outside with the kids & asks the doorman in broken down sorry azz italian where's the spanish steps?

the doorman thinks ima tryna be funny & just grins back at me, then taylor points out the front of the hotel is literally at the top of the spanish steps

don't be a dumb azz, dad

shocky needs directions such as maps and so forth#



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the spanish steps)
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10:18a, 9/28/23

2023 ryder cup update:

colin playing with rickie in one match & max paired with brian harman in another match as both california golden bears are in the starting line ups (4 usa players will sit) for the morning matches

the lineups for the afternoon 4 matches will be determined during the lunch break tomorrow


the foundation of the house that des built (that is adding a new wing with walter)#
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UrsineMaximus
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:23a, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CxqwSzWNquq
same size as shocky (why don't my tee balls go as far?)#
that is upsetting, w/ all of the yoga u do your hips should be flexible, smooth and fast. Alas, u are not using your lower body correctly. Or, you could just be an old fart. dunno
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10:36a, 9/28/23
https://instagr.am/p/CuxKIOEIazx
ursine, don't tell nobody but shocky actually focuses on golf course architecture (and the splendor of nature) more than scoring the vast majority of the time

another ******* problem is that the monster loves them vending machine milk chocolate cupcakes at sprinkles on scottsdale road by fashion square...not once have i ever seen homakawa or rickie (with allison) there secretly eating this ****, that's why they better at golf tho ima better at yoga

https://instagr.am/p/CvPvNU6Nb31
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In reply to Shocky1 • 11:16a, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:

major cal's monster class exclusive annoucement:

working closely with my good friend/marketing legend markeisha, shocky is very pleased to announce that the 1st 300 non armed attendees at this saturday's tailgate party at the 7/11 on ashby will receive a FREE bobblehead of starting quarterback sam jackson v

plz note that those selling sam's wobbly head on e-bay will be fully prosecuted to the full extent of the law & that those arriving at this family social event from the kingfish will be subject to an exhaustive breathalyzer series of checks as administered by the monster's security detail of curvy brunette yoga females...yeah talking to u bearister & vandalus



the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including chicago)
sign ups for the inclusively FREE saturday pregame tailgate party at the 7/11 on ashby are blowing up...loving cal athletics shouldn't cost a premium

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In reply to Shocky1 • 11:40a, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:

2024 cal's monster class recruiting update:

the 2024 acc california golden bears are once again open for biz & one of the 1st official visitors of this exciting new era of east coastie fun gamedays is 6'5" 260 lbs apex predator edge defender bj canady from topeka high school in kansas

bj is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.91 gpa...his sister nijaree is a star for stanford softball...trust me he's not gonna pick a big 12 truck stop academic skool


listen to this articulate & poised young man, the big news is that he's gonna also play quarterback this season


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna build generational wealth thru nfl development with coach browning & studious work in the classrooms of berkeley)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
https://instagr.am/p/CxGMrn_O5DZ
cal's monster class update:

3.91 gpa bj canada gonna announce his collegiate destination on october 4th

academics will be a big part of this decision
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philbert
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:20p, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:

2024 cal's monster class recruiting update:

the 2024 acc california golden bears are once again open for biz & one of the 1st official visitors of this exciting new era of east coastie fun gamedays is 6'5" 260 lbs apex predator edge defender bj canady from topeka high school in kansas

bj is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.91 gpa...his sister nijaree is a star for stanford softball...trust me he's not gonna pick a big 12 truck stop academic skool


listen to this articulate & poised young man, the big news is that he's gonna also play quarterback this season


the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (for those that wanna build generational wealth thru nfl development with coach browning & studious work in the classrooms of berkeley)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
https://instagr.am/p/CxGMrn_O5DZ
cal's monster class update:

3.91 gpa bj canada gonna announce his collegiate destination on october 4th

academics will be a big part of this decision
I hope this is a no-brainer based on the final 3.

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12:35p, 9/28/23
^ philbert, family is huge on academics, sister at stanford

looks shocky luvs prairie dunes in hutchinson but truck stop academics es no bueno amigo

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6956bear
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:45p, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:
^ philbert, family is huge on academics, sister at stanford

looks shocky luvs prairie dunes in hutchinson but truck stop academics es no bueno amigo

C



Crystal Ball predictions are coming in for Cal.
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In reply to Shocky1 • 12:55p, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:

cal's monster offensive line gameday snaps vs north texas:

tj session: 86
brian driscoll: 84
sioape vatikani: 69
barrett miller: 62
matthew wykoff: 52
brayden rohme: 37
matthew cindric: 31
bastian swinney: 22
trent ramsey: 13
everett johnson: 13
dylan jemtegaard: 13
dashaun harris: 13

pound for ground#
cal's monster offensive line gameday snaps vs auburn:

tj sessions (best overall game of his collegiate career outside of the brutal holding penalty): 80
brian driscoll (strong in pass blocking): 80
sioape vatikani (not living up to his unlimited physicality potential in run blocking): 80
barrett miller (trench worker needs to move guys off the ball in the run game): 80
matthew wykoff (gotta be more quick twitch in pass blocking): 80

coach bloesch gotta find gameday snaps for 6th man brayden rohme, it's gonna be a long season with battle scars along the way

cindo & barrett are out of eligibility after the 2023 season

both brayden & brian got a 6th season of eligibility left for the 2024 season if they opt to return to berkeley...keeping them engaged & luved up is very important

unicorns r hard to find in recruiting#
cal's monster offensive line gameday snaps vs idaho:

tj sessions: 70 (poor pass blocking)
brian driscoll: 70
sioape vatikani: 54
bastian swinney: 16 (entered game at beginning of 2nd q, excellent in run blocking)
barrett miller: 70
matthew wykoff: 70

work in process#
cal's monster offensive line gameday snaps vs washington:

brian driscoll: 86
tj sessions: 86
sioape vatikani: 85
barrett miller: 69
bastian swinney: 49 (finally healthy trench worker)
matthew wykoff: 38
brayden rohme: 17 (great to see rome compete)
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 1:46p, 9/28/23
Shocky1 said:

monster berkeley organizational chart:

chancellor carol christ: 78 year old is retiring in july of 2024 (successor will be recommended to the board of regents for affirmation in may of 2024)...the benevolent christ forgave the memorial stadium debt (the greatest gift to athletics of any berkeley chancellor during the last century)...only major mistake wuz hiring & then believing the lies of the athletic director re: the northwestern ad opening

james arthur knowlton: the con artist is an absentee bureaucrat living in colorado springs, the only athletic director in the nation that refuses all interview requests...currently under investigation by the chancellor's office as a result of the munger report

jennifer simon-o'neil: jenny is the con artist's #2 in charge confidante, her involvement with the mckeever female suicidal swimmers reveals someone who is evil as ****

markeisha everett: pompous & unqualified for selling tickets/building a future pipeline of future donors, oversees a bloated 11 person communications department...the primary obstructionist to the offering of FREE football & basketball tixs to all students for all games...will be demoted by the next ad

vasileios iliopoulos: should be selling knock off watches at the concord mall, not cal football & basketball season tixs

shrill voiced gameday promotion announcer: would rather listen to sorry azz adele or dishes crashing on my kitchen floor than her annoying voice...80% less words out of her mouth would be a good thing

dustin coder: the highly organized & professional director of ticket operations who goes the extra mile in customer service

thomas lowry: cfo handpicked by the con artist from the air force, wuz directed to hide from me the secret $11,000,000 loan from the central campus that wuz finally discovered thru the monster's relentless public information requests

dr adela de la torre: the current prez at san diego state is the frontrunner to be the next berkeley chancellor...the bay area native got 3 berkeley degrees & luvs sports as a key catalyst of student spirit & alum engagement...she is vibrant & gets it

andrew mcgraw: the current director of football operations (and former walk on quarterback & band member) & longtime cal athletic department employee should be named as the interim athletic director, we don't got the luxury of hiring another outsider who don't get/like berkeley...reducing costs/cutting sports is the #1 priority to steer the course away from the current cliff of bankruptcy in emerging with a rightsized, more streamlined with better talent athletic department

beth tafolla-voetsch: should be promoted to the #2 position responsible for all women's sports & title ix compliance

jay john: the braintrusts right arm of hall of famers lute olson & mike montgomery wuz inexplicably pulled away from men's basketball by knowlton but is now back working with mbb which is a huge boost to coach madsen...should be tasked with hiring the next women's basketball coach after the upcoming probable winless pac 12 season

oski: drunk azz & unreliable mascot recently released from the silverado rehab & wellness institute

https://instagr.am/p/CxYQ4owMdEW
absolutely everybody who reads this board should read (and reread like me) sebastopol's analysis of the cal athletic department & specifically its financials

honestly if kevin decides to walk away (or heaven forbid strokes out) there realistically isn't college football in berkeley anymore so his thoughts are important

we are 100% in agreement that sport teams need to be cut, there's zero chance these programs are gonna fundraise enough money to be self sufficient or that the next chancellor is gonna increase the athletic department subsidy (in fact it will likely be reduced)

so there's an approximately $50,000,000+ annual deficit

with that in mind her are 10 fun facts re: james arthur knowlton

1) knowlton lives in colorado springs & rents in lafayette, it's well known within the athletic department that he is an absentee bureaucrat whose primary focus is the family house flipping biz in the rocky mountains

2) despite being a grown azz man, knowlton had never been to california before the athletic director interview

3) knowlton lied to chancellor christ re: the northwestern ad opening which resulted in him receiving an annual salary of $1,300,000 thru 2029...my source is a chicago golf club member who has served as a northwestern trustee

4) the con artist has rerouted past donations earmarked for football & basketball to his olympic sports, he wuz caught & changes are being made but the vast majority of donors are not gonna donate any more money to the cal athletic dept until there is a new ad...hoping guys like jaylen brown (new $306,000,000 nba contract) are gonna donate is a fairy tale until knowlton is gone

5) knowlton is not an effective fundraiser for either football or basketball, he is intensely disliked by most donors and his lies (which resulted in coach madsen incorrectly stating it's close to happening, in actuality it hasn't even started) about the progress of the basketball practice facility are beyond breaking bad

6) our inept athletic director's #2 in charge confidante jennifer simon-o'neil is the enabler of the mckeever women's suicidal swimmers...knowlton hired the unqualified & pompous markeisha everrett who is the dumbest person in the room & cfo tom lowry (who anti football agenda wuz clear to me within speaking with him for 5 minutes) from the air force

7) the gameday football experience is not getting better & the band is not actually playing more according to students in the band...this is knowlton's responsibility (as is the shrill voiced promotional announcer) but he's more focused on esp food services

8) knowlton told me to my face that billy m wuz "a genius" and unilaterally extended mark fox for another $4,000,000+ (including staff costs) only to be forced to fire him a year later

9) james arthur knowlton is the only athletic director in the united states of america to not have an active social media presence & also turn down every interview request

10) knowlton has neither the skills nor the inclination to run a balanced budget which would require cutting sports programs which will not happen on his watch & winning the future lawsuits against the department...in fact the above math fails to include the covert $11,000,000 loan knowlton directed his cfo to take from the central campus which only came to light after my relentless public information requests & stalling tactics by lowry

andrew mcgraw for athletic director & dr adela de la torre for chancellor (is the only realistic path forward)#
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89Bear
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5:19p, 9/28/23
Shocky, is it a mistake to not send out Spieth/Thomas tomorrow morning?
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8:43p, 9/28/23
^ certainly wuz a surprising decision, right?

thrilled to see how the cali boyz colin & rickie play together, really good chemistry between them

max & harman is more interesting, much less of a longtime relationship
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9:17p, 9/28/23
^ as someone who is 100% against liv golf & its saudi arabia sportswashing, also very glad that bruce kopeka is gonna be benched in the morning matches & that the early talk will not be focused on the the venerable ryder cup as a referendum on liv golf

9/11 (we will never forget)#
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9:45p, 9/28/23

congrats to both golf teams on the mixed teams upset at the big match at menlo cc

cal is a golf school#
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OsoDorado
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10:43p, 9/28/23
Hey Shocky:

I admit I don't know the details of your proximity to the Cal football, basketball and golf programs. Obviously, you must be a major donor if you have field passes for football and court-side seats for basketball, so thanks for that!

That said, please don't take any offense if I offer this unsolicited advice with the best of intentions:

Why not make it easier to follow your content by separating it into 3 separate posts?

How about:

1) "Cal's monster football tradition" (please include your iconic headstands here, since I follow football most);
2) "Cal's monster basketball tradition"; and
3) "Cal is a Golf School#" ?
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82gradDLSdad
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:04a, 9/29/23
Shocky1 said:

congrats to both golf teams on the mixed teams upset at the big match at menlo cc

cal is a golf school#


I've told this story before but worth repeating...even though there are vastly different dynamics involved, the fact that Cal now has two great golf programs is proof that anything related to Cal sports can can for the better. The Cal men's golf team was shut down shortly after I tried out for it (at public course Boundary Oaks, no less) in 1977. There was no women's progsram. Things change. Go Bears.
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OsoDorado
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In reply to 82gradDLSdad • 7:45a, 9/29/23
82gradDLSdad said:

I've told this story before but worth repeating...even though there are vastly different dynamics involved, the fact that Cal now has two great golf programs is proof that anything related to Cal sports can can for the better. The Cal men's golf team was shut down shortly after I tried out for it (at public course Boundary Oaks, no less) in 1977. There was no women's progsram. Things change. Go Bears.
'82: As a Cal golf enthusiast, would you agree with me that it would be helpful if Shocky divided his Cal Football, Basketball and Golf content into 3 different posts?

It's probably simpler for Shocky to post everything in one single "Monster" thread, but for the reader (speaking at least for myself), it would be a lot easier to digest if the topic-matter were separated.

What do you think?
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82gradDLSdad
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In reply to OsoDorado • 8:07a, 9/29/23
OsoDorado said:
82gradDLSdad said:

I've told this story before but worth repeating...even though there are vastly different dynamics involved, the fact that Cal now has two great golf programs is proof that anything related to Cal sports can can for the better. The Cal men's golf team was shut down shortly after I tried out for it (at public course Boundary Oaks, no less) in 1977. There was no women's progsram. Things change. Go Bears.
'82: As a Cal golf enthusiast, would you agree with me that it would be helpful if Shocky divided his Cal Football, Basketball and Golf content into 3 different posts?

It's probably simpler for Shocky to post everything in one single "Monster" thread, but for the reader (speaking at least for myself), it would be a lot easier to digest if the topic-matter were separated.

What do you think?


Definitely.
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AZ Bear
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In reply to Shocky1 • 9:19a, 9/29/23
cal's monster offensive line gameday snaps vs washington:


brian driscoll: 86
tj sessions: 86
sioape vatikani: 85
barrett miller: 69
bastian swinney: 49 (finally healthy trench worker)
matthew wykoff: 38
brayden rohme: 17 (great to see rome compete)

Anyone know why Wykoff only saw 38 snaps vs. UW? Was it injury or underperformance?

If it's the former, that sucks. If the latter, that's pretty surprising to me. If it's "Bastien Swinney has improved so much we just can't keep him off the field", then this is probably a good thing. But I don't think that's the most likely case.

I've been viewing Wykoff as not only one of our best O-linemen this season, but also as a guy who will be a stalwart on our line for 2 more seasons after this, and hopefully get Cal back into a tradition of putting OL into the NFL.

Any insights?
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Shocky1
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9:43a, 9/29/23
^ zony, wykoff gotta a significant upside & tool kit but the hard working trench worker is still in a development mode with coach bloesch & coach saffell, talk of matthew's nfl potential is way too premature at this time

https://instagr.am/p/CNlmQS0H_jg
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Shocky1
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9:53a, 9/29/23


oso, unfortunately cal's monster class does not prioritize readability & the monster is not a journalist tho he did write a kinda obnoxious column entitled "shock's rock" for the stinson beach high school newspaper back in the day

https://instagr.am/p/CnSBeOMNzqt
life is not linear (just ask max & colin today)#

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OsoDorado
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In reply to Shocky1 • 10:30a, 9/29/23
Shocky1 said:
oso, unfortunately cal's monster class does not prioritize readability & the monster is not a journalist tho he did write a kinda obnoxious column entitled "shock's rock" for the stinson beach high school newspaper back in the day
I realize it's easier to just post everything in one "Monster" thread, but how much more difficult would it be to separate content into just 3 distinct posts?

I won't belabor this beyond this post, but why is this too much to ask?
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oskiswifeshusband
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10:38a, 9/29/23
This thread gets lots of views. This is shockys tread. He does as he pleases.
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Shocky1
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3:15p, 9/29/23


oso, i realize it's easier to score touchdowns if coach wilcox would let spav attack the middle 3rd of the field in the passing game but how much more difficult would it be for curvy brunette yoga females to not wear clothing at modern yoga?

i won't belabor this beyond this post but why is too this too much to ask?



star stuff (clothes r for losers at the t-rex yoga studio in yountville)#
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Cal_79
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In reply to OsoDorado • 3:23p, 9/29/23
OsoDorado said:
Shocky1 said:
oso, unfortunately cal's monster class does not prioritize readability & the monster is not a journalist tho he did write a kinda obnoxious column entitled "shock's rock" for the stinson beach high school newspaper back in the day
I realize it's easier to just post everything in one "Monster" thread, but how much more difficult would it be to separate content into just 3 distinct posts?

I won't belabor this beyond this post, but why is this too much to ask?

My opinion, some of us are enjoying everything mashed into one thread.
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Shocky1
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3:50p, 9/29/23
such a tragic short life in the passing of vei moala from sacramento, his turbulent time in berkeley included bringing a gun to a party & not finishing his degree



'ikai ha to'a 'e tu'u tokotaha#

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