I broke up with my girlfriend in the canned vegetables aisle in the Shattuck Co-op Market because I'd never broken up with a girl before and I just blurted it out.Shocky1 said:
as the bears handle final examinations on the 2nd day of the 2024 fall finals academic calendar & i drive recklessly at the speed of light with the top down the 101 to noon modern yoga with the princess, a quick 32 oz green juice stop at sprouts & then my weekly 2 hour deep tissue massage at the quiet center, now is a good time to tell you again about the worst thing i ever did in berkeley
and with that being said, this isn't gonna be a pretty story
so i wrote a paper for bibliography 128, children's literature, and in rereading it felt it was a technically sound paper but that it lacked interest for the reader...so i totally fabricated & included the following opening paragraph:
"I must confess that I was made uneasy to see Anne Franks's The Diary of a Young Girl on the reading list for this class. Seeing the title on the list raised several burning questions in my mind. Why had I never read this famous book? Why had my father (after a heated and lengthy debate with my mother behind closed doors) removed this work off my bookshelf as a child? It seemed to me that the answers to these questions were somehow linked to my now deceased grandfather. Although my parents never talk about him, I remembered from various bits of information pieced together that Grandpa was a figure of dubious distinction in Hitler's brass during WWII. So I was forced to think. Why were my parents, particularly my father, so reluctant to talk about my grandfather? Could the answers to my grandfather's cloudy role in Germany during WWII be found in The Diary of a Young Girl which was so mysteriously taken off my bookshelf as a child?''
and i also rewrote the following closing paragraph:
"But despite her difficult and sometimes cruel life, Anne Frank did not feel sorry for herself and she never gave up. This is a worthwhile message for both adults and children alike. All in all, The Diary of a Young Girl is a sensitive, well written, and compelling self-portrait of a brave and spirited young girl, that at least for me, will always hold a special place on my bookshelf."
absolutely none of this is true...although i got a german last name in schulz, nobody in my family has ever had any connections with any racist groups...i grew up in a culturally mixed family that celebrates individuality & diversity, i'm a ******* mutt raised by a japanese tiger moms (also a berkeley grad)
so what did my teachers say in grading the paper?
the professor: "This a fine review, not only perceptive in its commentary but in itself very well written. I hope you will keep on writing, perhaps professionally? A+"
the teaching assistant: "Your paper was very perceptive and moving because the book had a great impact on you. Though you did not generalize about non-fiction, you approached this particular book in a sensitive and understanding way. Thank you for sharing this highly personal and emotional reaction-it was very important for me personally as an Isreali jew, well versed in the literature of the holocaust, to read your reaction to the subject. The book has made you think, grow up, seek further information, and if it has instilled in you the determination not to let the horrible and shameful history repeat itself, then it has served the purpose Anne's father had when he published her diary. A+"
i'm a flawed person but i know i need to set the record straight even if it means that i'm gonna flunk the class so i go to the ta's office hours
i walk in the door & i'm blown away...aubrey (mid to late 20s) is the cutest girl on planet earth (petite & curvy brunette yoga female with sparkling eyes & a dazzling smile) & we talk/laugh for about an hour about our favorite authors, recent concerts & the personalities of doggys...but i never tell her my paper is full of ****, i can't stand the thought of her hating me so quickly
so i ask her if she would like to go bike riding with me at muir woods & stinson beach that weekend (with the idea that i would tell her the truth & also see her in a bikini) & she tells me she would love to go out with me but that the university code of professional standards does not allow teachers to date students
i don't give up that easily so i suggest we bring our doggys, surely there can be no policy against our doggys hanging out together, right?
https://instagr.am/p/BxSgywLBG5x
she looks at me with sad eyes & tells me "this isn't going to happen, it can't happen" and we say our goodbyes
fast forward to a couple of summers ago & i take my daughters shay & taylor to anne frank's house in amsterdam...i write & leave a note to both anne frank & the teacher's assistant apologizing for my actions
you every do anything worser in berkeley?
don't be a dumb azz#
Shocky1 said:#AGTG DPOY!!! @DB_CoachBlanco @M__McMillan @rb_coachJJ @Coach_Po @CoachLeoHunt pic.twitter.com/AWOjHG7a4f
— Isaiah Crosby (@isaiahcrosby_23) November 20, 2023
dear isaiah
how r u?
i am fine
hope u enjoy ur official visit to berkeley this weekend & congrats on being named ur jc conference's defensive most valuable player...more importantly u got good hair
why is trinity valley's mascot a cardinal?...r there a lotta cardinals in athens texas or something
the truth is that both of cal's safeties (they are elite tacklers of ball handlers) this season were really bad in passing coverage, they both lack the necessary footspeed to assist in coverage & that's why the 2024 bears defensive scheme is gonna feature much quicker & smaller safeties, got it?...and that's why ur 5'10" 175 lbs ball hawking stature is considered a plus in berkeley, ur 5 interceptions last season would be an upgrade for a program with slow azz safeties that don't cover nobody
look isaiah, ur not a dumb azz, did texas tech (the raiders are the bears opponent in the upcoming independence bowl) share with u on your official visit to cosmopolitan & diverse lubbock last weekend this kinda important document?...wut's tech ranked?
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
i dunno u gotta pick the best school for u, maybe u wanna work the security nite shifts at the presidential markets mall someday after football is done with u, a tech degree will 100% open that door for u
or u could build generational wealth at the #1 ranked public university in the world
let's be real here, this **** is not that complicated, ok?
shocky
All glory to my lord and savior Jesus Christ 1000% Committed #GoBears@DB_CoachBlanco @CalFootball pic.twitter.com/auJTgDitv8
— Isaiah Crosby (@isaiahcrosby_23) December 12, 2023
'Cal has released their depth chart for the Independence Bowl vs Texas Tech. Notable people still listed include Ben Finley at QB and Mateen Bhaghani at K despite declaring intentions into the transfer portal (will ask on status for game). No Kaleb Elarms-Orr or Jeremiah Earby pic.twitter.com/ltt7gKOhiW
— Thomas Dunn (@THOD_24) December 12, 2023
nah Israel Adesanya out of pocket for this 💀 pic.twitter.com/9HqkBXHiyW
— LakeShowYo (@LakeShowYo) April 9, 2023
It has always been a privilege to be a Chap. Thank you @Westlake_Nation for the lifetime of memories that I will forever cherish and to this program and staff for making me the player and man I am today. Forever grateful!
— Tyler Knape (@tyler_knape) December 12, 2023
Szn highlights:https://t.co/B6v8oDEmYY pic.twitter.com/0oQfOCbtNo
Shocky1 said:It has always been a privilege to be a Chap. Thank you @Westlake_Nation for the lifetime of memories that I will forever cherish and to this program and staff for making me the player and man I am today. Forever grateful!
— Tyler Knape (@tyler_knape) December 12, 2023
Szn highlights:https://t.co/B6v8oDEmYY pic.twitter.com/0oQfOCbtNo
wanted: roommate for cal's offensive line monster from austin (high gpa trench workers should apply)#
Hogsss
— Tyler Knape (@tyler_knape) December 13, 2023
Shocky1 said:3-star 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣4️⃣ tackle @AidenNewbill has put on 60 pounds in the last year, and on Wednesday he announced his commitment to Northwestern.
— Louie Vaccher (@WildcatReport) October 6, 2023
Get to know the newest 6-foot-7 Wildcat in this story by @M_Shelton33. https://t.co/a4XWoqjz5O
cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:
current northwestern commit 6'7" 280 lbs trench worker aiden newbill from john b connally hs in austin (same hometown as future o-line starter 3.8 gpa tyler knape) if flying home to texas after his mid week official visit to cali
aiden is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.72 gpa & knows that chicago is nasty humid hot in the summer & freezing azz cold in the winterI’m a little late but #AGTG. pic.twitter.com/OMWQEImjQf
— Aiden Newbill (@AidenNewbill) December 6, 2023
the university of calveston (arch acc rival is smu)=#1 ranked public university in the world (and significantly academically ranked higher than northwestern)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
My Central Texas sleeper prospect of the week is:
— Anthony Williams (@AWilliamsUSA) September 16, 2023
‘24 OL @AidenNewbill @ConnallyFb 6’ 8” 280lbs. Aiden plays Left Tackle, he’s lean, athletic, can move his feet, long arms and more important he’s a 3.72 GPA! His recruiting is wide open! Contact @CoachCBurton for more info. pic.twitter.com/HoCdtbVD1b
Shocky1 said:Shocky1 said:3-star 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣4️⃣ tackle @AidenNewbill has put on 60 pounds in the last year, and on Wednesday he announced his commitment to Northwestern.
— Louie Vaccher (@WildcatReport) October 6, 2023
Get to know the newest 6-foot-7 Wildcat in this story by @M_Shelton33. https://t.co/a4XWoqjz5O
cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:
current northwestern commit 6'7" 280 lbs trench worker aiden newbill from john b connally hs in austin (same hometown as future o-line starter 3.8 gpa tyler knape) if flying home to texas after his mid week official visit to cali
aiden is not a dumb azz, he got a 3.72 gpa & knows that chicago is nasty humid hot in the summer & freezing azz cold in the winterI’m a little late but #AGTG. pic.twitter.com/OMWQEImjQf
— Aiden Newbill (@AidenNewbill) December 6, 2023
the university of calveston (arch acc rival is smu)=#1 ranked public university in the world (and significantly academically ranked higher than northwestern)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/My Central Texas sleeper prospect of the week is:
— Anthony Williams (@AWilliamsUSA) September 16, 2023
‘24 OL @AidenNewbill @ConnallyFb 6’ 8” 280lbs. Aiden plays Left Tackle, he’s lean, athletic, can move his feet, long arms and more important he’s a 3.72 GPA! His recruiting is wide open! Contact @CoachCBurton for more info. pic.twitter.com/HoCdtbVD1b
3.72 gpa trench worker joining cal's monster offensive line (buc'ee's is the official gas station for the california golden bear football program)#
Shocky1 said:Shocky1 said:https://instagr.am/p/Bor6xqVB52wShocky1 said:
calveston, oh calveston
i am so afraid of being uneducated in today's fiercely competitive global economy
before i dry the tears she's crying
before i watch your golden gate and padre island sea birds flying in the sun
at calveston, at calveston
glen campbell (former host of the los angeles open pga tournament):
back in the day shocky graduated from the haas biz school & accepted a corporate opportunity with a fortune 500 company in downtown san francisco which wuz fun in a m82 midnite city kinda way, rode the cable car down to my office on california street & sometimes drank too much (wuz not into yoga/meditation then, that enlightenment came later so there's still hope for s&c coach brian johnson) on wild azz friday nights often in the bermuda triangle in the city by the bay
but then took a lucrative transfer to phoenix, did not know a single person...loved the desert lifestyle in the winter but the summers wuz brutal...so in my mid 20s i somehow rounded up the scrappy funds to join forest highlands golf club in flagstaff which is the augusta national of arizona which got average day temps of the 70s/80s in the summer
so show up the 1st day the club opens for the new season on may 1st & the head pro mark johnson (now the general manager of the martis camp club in truckee) tells me he's gonna put me in the saturday morning men's choose up with some wily much older guys who wanna meet the new kid...fantastic, let's do this
so the other 3 guys are jerry colangelo (at that time the owner of the phoenix suns), the ceo of the arizona republic chip weil & glen campbell...they welcomed me in the best way possible intentionally walking in my putting line, making fun of my nickname & offering to hook me up with a suns dancer
anyways after the round campbell graciously invited me to his house at the end of the 16th fairway on the right side with dramatic canyon views of the 18th hole & we later played a couple of rounds at his valley club phoenix country club (he lived at the biltmore)
glen did a lot of crazy **** which is why he moved to arizona where he could focus more on golf/music & not all night parties in them hollywood hills, he didn't really write any of his songs but the lyrics to rhinestone cowboy are pretty autobiographical & help me remember a now passed on golf buddy who lived life to its fullest (but not without regrets too)
https://instagr.am/p/BouB7rthhSs
glen would laugh for sure if wuz still alive if i tole him about calveston (we would probably even have a bears recruiting video with campbell singing the above shocky lyrics)
KABOOM KABOOM KABOOM KABOOM KABOOM KABOOM KABOOMShocky1 said:Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/C0ImUevLSdz
cal's monster class MAJOR exclusive announcement:
outside linebacker david reese is arguably the most destructive apex predator edge defender in the nation during the last 3 games
david earned a degree in education sciences from florida in the spring of 2022 & is currently enrolled in the grad cert program in berkeley
due to past past injuries, there are discussions right now with the staff to potentially petition the ncca for a 7th year of eligibility after the bowl game
if this legit petition is approved by the ncca, this literally changes the entire dynamics of the 2024 california golden bear defense particularly the acc road game at florida state
dude can also orchestrate the band, he got musical skillz & good hair
https://instagr.am/p/CEhVsAXgHo5
the florida project (is thriving in cali)#𝑩𝑬𝑺𝑻 defender in America 💪@DR4our has been named Bednarik Player of the Week by @MaxwellFootball 🥇#GoBears pic.twitter.com/btnkTUsWbP
— Cal Football (@CalFootball) November 28, 2023
Speeeeeed #GoBears ⚡️ pic.twitter.com/7M0SHlFEEq
— Marshall Cherrington (@MWCherrington) December 12, 2023
Shout out @MaxPreps for posting my Senior Season Highlights. Go check them out!!https://t.co/mNmgjAhDfy@BKKnightsFB @BrandonHuffman pic.twitter.com/PM3cDbUJpa
— Rakeem Johnson/3⭐️ (@Rakeemj19) November 26, 2023
I will be entering my name in the transfer portal pic.twitter.com/jcgRNiIdV0
— Rush Reimer (@ReimerRush) December 4, 2023
— Rush Reimer (@ReimerRush) December 4, 2023
Saturday Night under the lights!@CalFootball and @TexasTechFB square off in the 2023 @radiancetechinc Independence Bowl in ✋ days!
— Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl (@IndyBowl) December 12, 2023
📅 December 16th
🕑 8:15PM
📍 Independence Stadium | Shreveport
🎟️ https://t.co/uLzG89TFzD#BeTheBowl | #BowlSeason pic.twitter.com/ma0JGkdiNE
True Freshman Kicker Highlights
— Mateen B (@mateen_bhaghani) December 4, 2023
8/9 FG (88.89%)
27/27 Extra Points
3 years of Eligibility @8nicknovak @coachripshwtime @RivalsPortal pic.twitter.com/8oHnQTCGK5
IT'S GOOD!@mateen_bhaghani hits it from 27 yards out.
— Cal Football (@CalFootball) November 4, 2023
2Q 11:28 | #6 Oregon 14, Cal 13#GoBears pic.twitter.com/lFLIpL6Inv
joego, agreed, keo is visiting ohio stateJoegeo said:
So far it seems KEO might be the only transfer portal of a player who was going to be a top level performer and we replaced him pretty decently.
Family.
— Walter Chun (@CoachWalterC) December 4, 2023
Go Bears! pic.twitter.com/ay1RrPa0ST
Shocky1 said:
^ let's circle back on this after the bowl game, ok?...consultant ryan longwell wants to bring in his own guy...after the longhetto multi year fiasco (which contributed to multiple lost football games) of line drive 3 iron low trajectory kicks he does not have the monster's confidence to mange the kickers flying in & out once a month
but that's my last comment on this topic until after the independence bowl
Great season! Jr. Season Stats 1531 Rush Yards 21 tds 51 tackles 34 solo 1.5 sacks 1 TFL 1 Sack 1 INT preparing for track next! @CoachAT23 @BrandonHuffman @adamgorney @SacBee_JoeD @CoachTTMP @GregBiggins @calbearsfball_ @CalHiSports @SacMaxPreps @CalFootball @CalRivals pic.twitter.com/8oBcNqWj8i
— Carter Jackson (@cj_jacks2215) December 13, 2023
Josh Karty is NFL Bound pic.twitter.com/6ez0Mf3ebh
— CardinalCountry (@AllCardinal) December 8, 2023
cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:Shocky1 said:I will be entering my name in the transfer portal pic.twitter.com/jcgRNiIdV0
— Rush Reimer (@ReimerRush) December 4, 2023
cal's monster offensive line recruiting update:
coach bloesch has extended an offer to montana state (former teammate of tj session) grad transfer 6'5" 300 lbs rush reimer (great name) from camas washington who got 1 year of remaining eligiblity— Rush Reimer (@ReimerRush) December 4, 2023
rush would fit in well with cali's outdoorsy vibe, he's not afraid of flying higher than helicopters or something
https://instagr.am/p/CJhR8YwjMx9
the university of california, berkeley=#1 ranked public university in the world (including the drizzy azz northwest & freezing azz rocky mountains)
https://www.forbes.com/top-colleges/
Shocky1 said:Josh Karty is NFL Bound pic.twitter.com/6ez0Mf3ebh
— CardinalCountry (@AllCardinal) December 8, 2023
stanford just lost its top 2 players future nfl kicker josh karty & game changing tight end benjamin yurosek
expect the cards to be active in the transfer portal seeking a high gpa kicker with proven ice in his veins credentials during the 2023 season (and no they not gonna sign anybody who wuz 0-3 or something)
stanford's search for its next all american kicker#
Let's keep Mateen home with some NIL money working on behalf of the doggos!Shocky1 said:True Freshman Kicker Highlights
— Mateen B (@mateen_bhaghani) December 4, 2023
8/9 FG (88.89%)
27/27 Extra Points
3 years of Eligibility @8nicknovak @coachripshwtime @RivalsPortal pic.twitter.com/8oHnQTCGK5
huge thank you to mateen bhaghani for riding with his golden bears teammates to the independence bowl, he's earned my respect with his academic work this fall in berkeley & also his fantastic true freshman kicking campaign
placekicking is a wild azz rollercoaster endeavor that requires both incredible mental focus & fortitude...it's important to keep one's confidence elevated as we've seen with michael luckhurst...another example is the georgia tech kicker who entered the 2023 season as one of the top kickers in the nation, lost his job to a true freshman in an open competition & ended up missing all 3 of his field goals during the season, who knows if he will ever make a kick again in college?
Shocky1 said:
monster pregame stadium reconnaissance mission:
it appears that the soft spot in the armed police/security military zone is the endzone, the field sidelines got barriers which don't facilitate a quick ingress onto the playing surface
additional information will be gathered on gameday including the positioning & conditioning of those sworn to protect the independence bowl from uninvited entrants upon the field
https://instagr.am/p/qglFtEPsYv
stormin' the field is FUN (but also dangerous & requires countless hours of advance planning/scouting)#
On-site 📍 @IndyBowl #GoBears 🐻 pic.twitter.com/UzXmmXBVT1
— Marshall Cherrington (@MWCherrington) December 13, 2023
#Hogs4Bloesch #AndGators pic.twitter.com/pc8yMeWvld
— Marshall Cherrington (@MWCherrington) December 14, 2023