cal's monster offensive line

1,819,162 Views | 11117 Replies | Last: 2 hrs ago by Shocky1
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:


EXCLUSVE cal's monster class footage of the cal men's golf team 1st practice round/team bonding get together at tilden park under the direction of new head coach michael wilson...coach say his bears "got some serious high gpa competitors who don't back down to a challenge"

whatever (shocky kinda wishes our wideouts wuz this physical when BLOCKING on the perimeter, there's more contact in this video than saturday's scrimmage)

ruh roh#

cal golf note: the monster will NOT be providing any coverage re: recent berkeley grad sampson zheng who is playing in the asia tour international series in his quest to join the 9/11 terrorist financed liv 54 golf exhibition tour...sampson should visit the twin towers memorial in lower manhattan someday
Wilcox wants to know if the guy in blue still has eligibility? Good hit on the guy that caused the block in the back (no penalty flag thrown - must be Pac 12 refs).
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/CS36zEEDxKS
wifey, as cal men's golf largest benefactor (with a $38,000,000 endowment the largest of any cal sports program including football) u probably already know that coach wilson gotta his eyes on multiple high gpa quick twitch golfers for his inaugural 2025 class but with that being said shocky would like leidy to take a little longer backswing with more hip rotation & the full release of her cocked wrists thru the ball but gotta luv the tight low draw ball flight trajectory (which will play well in high winds or something) & the triggering cute as **** ponytail

https://instagr.am/p/C7u7HwUvWpu
on the other hand sofia demonstrates tremendous shoulder rotation at paradise valley country club from her yoga teaching practice & hits the **** ball outta the ball!!!!...and yeah she gotta good tail too



cal is a golf school#
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/CS36zEEDxKS
wifey, as cal men's golf largest benefactor (with a $38,000,000 endowment the largest of any cal sports program including football) u probably already know that coach wilson gotta his eyes on multiple high gpa quick twitch golfers for his inaugural 2025 class but with that being said shocky would like leidy to take a little longer backswing with more hip rotation & the full release of her cocked wrists thru the ball but gotta luv the tight low draw ball flight trajectory (which will play well in high winds or something) & the triggering cute as **** ponytail

https://instagr.am/p/C7u7HwUvWpu
on the other hand sofia demonstrates tremendous shoulder rotation at paradise valley country club from her yoga teaching practice & hits the **** ball outta the ball!!!!...and yeah she gotta good tail too



cal is a golf school#
Sofia has game!
Shocky1
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wheels up, shocky flying to the rocky mountains to see his daughter shay (heading into y3 at denver law, last week accepted a big law offer of almost $200k, pretty good 1st job salary), play a couple of rounds and coach up collin, max & ben at the bmw championship at castle pines

shocky's colorado top 10:

1) ballyneal: runaway winner in the middle of nowhere on the nebraska border in the chop hills with towering 100 feet sand dunes, tom doak masterpiece & a bullet proof world top 100 course

2t) colorado golf: coore & crensahw gem that reveals new strategies with each visit, gotta play the FUN par 3 course too

2t) cherry hills: william flynn classicial design that's been faithfully restored by doak, the 1st, 9th, 10th & 18th holes playing off the clubhouse hill are special

big drop in quality

4) commonground: under 50 bucks to walk for locals on this doak redesigned fabulous municipal, this is the rustic canyon of colorado & exemplifies the standards that public golf architecture should strive towards

5) castle pines: scenic nicklaus group design (with a lotta fake unnatural looking mounding) that favors a fade ball flight & elite ball striking...best chocolate milkshake on planet earth

6) denver cc: stuffy club (emailed me a list of club rules prior to my last visit, ***?) that's been improved with a recent gil hanse renovation

7) broadmoor west: mostly donald ross design in colorado springs at the best resort in colorado

8) maroon creek: high end tom fazio club in aspen, good not great

9 & 10) sanctuary, lakota links, fossil trace & pradera: all of these interchangeable jim engh (lives in parker) designs gotta lotta really interesting backboards, sideboards & trap doors but sadly are all unwalkable poorly routed cartball deals

colorado golf will be getting 2 world class designs with public access in the near future at rodeo dunes (an hour east of the airport) which will be the bandon dunes of colorado, the 1st course by coore & crenshaw is already under construction & 2nd course will be designed by longtime c&c shaper jim craig

interesting commentary from max that "without shocky coaching me up at tournaments my game is dog****, i'm very optimistic this week!!"


bears luv to travel (and there's such a lotta world to see)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/BbabrRBDPwl
violent apex predator edge defender david reese for president!! (this **** will kill u if #7 don't do it first)#
6956bear
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Shocky1 said:


https://instagr.am/p/BbabrRBDPwl
violent apex predator edge defender david reese for president!! (this **** will kill u if #7 don't do it first)#
This a good sign. 11 players named to this list. 8 of them transfers. There are several other Bears that likely are on this list in future seasons. Like Sioape Vatikani, Cade Uluave, Jack Endries, Tobias Merriweather, Kyion Grayes. And some guys like Ryan Yaites, Jasiah Wagoner, Khamani Hudson, Nick Morrow and Fred Williams could be as well once they gain experience.

I doubt Cal has had this many players on any watchlist in a good long time. A little surprised that Corey Dyches did not get a mention.
Econ141
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Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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slashing acc defenders like they wuz tires or something (ruh roh)#
Shocky1
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this is cal golf (a lotta poopy diapers)#
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C-8f5OLuYN8
don't worry, be happy (maybe someday cal football will call PITCHOUTS to jaydn ott in open space on the edges)#
Shocky1
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shocky's monster rocky mountain thursday:

7:25 am-max homa, 1st group out, playing with t grizzly
8:40 am-ben an, playing with victor hovland
11:20 am-collin morikawa, playing with hideki matsuyama
1:26 pm-give collin a quick greens reading lesson on practice green between nines, jj & koa r appreciative
2:04 pm-give max a quick changing poopy diaper lesson on cam after his round, lacey is appreciative
4:11 pm-walked to my car by pga security after a complete misunderstanding re: the FREE player's buffet
6:00 pm+-walking 9 nine holes at commonground with shay (outta class at 5:00 pm) & her fiance micah
8:32 pm-dinner in cherry creek, do a handstand for the waitress & spill spaghetti sauce on new shirt
11:15 pm-rob a wells fargo with explosives while wearing a jim knowlton point break mask to avoid cameras
12:44 am-get arrested in golden, unsuccessfully argue the imminent domain defense while handcuffed
1:21 am-tell 6'6" 317 lbs fellow cellmate jimmy that shocky got no interest in doing yoga with him
1:27 am-shay reluctantly posts bail, shocky is FREE as ****!!!



shocky is NOT from 63rd#
Shocky1
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2024 bmw championship at castle pines: 1st round update

collin morikawa: world class elite ball striking coupled with castles n coasters putting resulted in a 70 & tied for 10th place...near 8 iron ace on the par 3 11th hole & a 276 yard slightly downhill long iron to a tap in eagle on the 643 yard 14th hole in a round that also included consistently knocking it 20 yards by hideki (in 2nd place) who is also flushing the ball

ben an: longest drive of the day at 431 yards but hit only 10 of 18 greens in regulation en route to a 72 & tied for 22nd

max homa: hit his opening drive out of bounds flared to the right (still made a mentally strong bogey) but playing the scoreable par 5s in +2 no es bueno on the way to a 74 & tied for 38th
Shocky1
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2026 6'3" 205 lbs SPEED linebacker from kahuku high school in laie hawaii (building on the tropical thunder BIG 3)#
Shocky1
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nate shepard to duke
Econ141
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Doesn't want to compete with The Jet?
Give to Cal Legends!

https://calegends.com/donation/ Do it now. Text every Cal fan you know, give them the link, tell them how much you gave, and ask them to text every Cal fan they know and do the same.
Shocky1
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^ econ, ur spelling no es bueno

it's THE JET!!!! and he's a mamushi killah & he's a star star star star star star
Shocky1
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2024 bmw championship at castle pines: 2nd round update

kinda a weird day in the rocky mountains

on the range it turns out collin is stronger than jj, who knew?

then hideki withdraws due to a bad back & the pga tour staff asks collin if he wanna play by himself or get a marker (most likely the head pro at castle pines)...morikawa isn't gonna club off a shop goat so he opts to play by himself which wuz kinda funny when he putted out on the 18th green (a 9 foot missed birdie putt with a shoved/misread to the right) & after he took his hat off didn't have anybody to shake hands with other than jj

earlier in the day behind the 1st tee is a staging area with healthy snacks, tees, pencils, ball markers & today's pin sheets...jj nonchalantly picks up a pin sheet & drops it in his caddie front kangaroo pouch...collin picks his sheet & carefully/methodically folds it 3 times on the table kinda like it's an origami art project (that's morikawa's half japanese ancestry coming thru, shocky luvs his miso soup) before putting it in his yardage book

https://instagr.am/p/CDrwHYalP63
collin's elite play this summer all started when he reconnected (they took a hiatus when morikawa switched to max's swing coach mark blackburn which in retrospect wuz a dumb decision) with his longtime coach rick sessinghaus...rick & shocky spoke while walking castle pines about a variety of topics including collin's green reading skills & the importance of not overloading collin with too much information (haas biz ad grads are analytical but happier/more productive when they move with artistic freedom to create & improvise, just ask shoski)

fun facts: due to the 6000+ altitude collin switched balls this week, is carrying the ball with his driver in the thin mountain air 310 yards & they are playing for 12% additional carry on shots

collin morikawa shoots a mentally tough (impressive bounce back from a rough patch of holes on the 6th the the 9th) in shooting a 70 & is tied for 10th...morikawa is 100% ******* striping the ball!!!!...like THE JET!!!! collin is a mamushi killah & a star star star star star star


an eagle 3 of the short uphill dogleg left par 5 17th hole catapulted ben an to a 69 & he's tied for 15th

max homa got on the birdie train early but a temperamental driver resulted in multiple penalty strokes off the tee & a 75...luv seeing max take time out to fist bump all the little kids (collin is also pretty good at this too while ben is kinda in his own self contained bubble most of the time)


on the korn ferry tour kk limbhaust missed the cut in boise, kk is gonna need a rigorous offseason s&c/nutrition to get his body right & gain clubhead speed...right now he's #84 in the korn ferry standings, the top 75 retain their korn ferry cards for 2025
Shocky1
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cal's monster class quiz: whose eyes would u like to stare into for the answers to the universe?

option a:
https://instagr.am/p/BsRjKz8B3K9
option b:

option c:


fun fact: there are no right or wrong answers (cal's monster class is a judgment free safe zone)!!!
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/C-flsEDRxxN
baby update: in a particularly pathetic attempt to make me jealous, berkeley grad (4.0 gpa at newport harbor) allison stokke (who lived in phx while training for the olympics on 19th avenue back in the day) has had a 2nd child with my twin lookalike hopa/hopa brah rickie fowler

look allison, u could've had the exactly same looking kids (and probably way smarter!!) with me plus we could've done fam yoga together with 32 oz green juices afterwards with the doggy dogs, wut wuz u thinking???

fun fact: that's a really cut owie bandaid on the right leg!!
https://instagr.am/p/CuIVTfIJZ2M
background: at professional golf tournaments there's usually a lotta port a potties close to the action for players/caddies while the general public gotta find the port a potty village that are usually further afar

conversation today on the 14th hole at castle pines:

marshall: excuse me sir, those restrooms are only for tournament participants!!

shocky (hustling out of one tryna get caught up with the action): yeah rickie fowler is my brother and tole me it's ok if i use this one

marshall: sir, rickie fowler is NOT playing in this tournament!!

shocky (jogging away): wut???
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

^ multiple individuals have tole me it wuz extremely awkward during the independence bowl week in shreveport when knowlton invited himself to hand out diplomas to the graduating berkeley seniors, his lack of self awareness (clueless re: how others perceive him) is truly remarkable
check out the seriously awkward foto of knowlton tryna squeeze jaylen brown's hand while jb is looking away in the KNOWLTON KNOWS NOTHING NOTES which once again got zero financial information re: the growing debt of the athletic department
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:


funny as **** monster video of the con artist:

check out james arthur knowlton doing the awkward 2 step socially inept blocking move but coach wilcox still managing to dip around

cal football hates knowlton#
the ONLY reason the con artist is supporting cal football now is because he knows chancellor lyons (who luvs the magic of cal football at memorial stadium) values football gamedays as a key pipeline/point of connection for future donations & school spirit in berkeley

when knowlton worked for chancellor christ (who never had any intrinsic luv for football like rich) he worked against the football program with respects to requested financial resources while spending freely on sports nobody gives a **** about & surrounded himself with like minded anti football agenda bureaucrats including jenny, markeisha & the recently retired cfo tom lowry

leopards don't change their spots (but con artists manage their career upwards with their bosses)#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/C-Geo3kOqYB
hello august key scouting games to follow (prior to the opener):

august 24th: florida state at georgia tech (**** fsu, can't wait for the oppenheimer game in tallahaasse)
august 24th: smu at nevada (is the pony's qb1 preston stone recovered from last season's broken leg?)
august 29th: north carolina a&t at wake forest (curious to see the demon deacons stadium in advance)
august 29th: western carolina & north carolina state (wut about the wolfpack d?)
august 30th: tcu at stanford (how bad is the cardinal d gonna be this season & who is the trees qb1??)
august 31st: uc davis at cal (berkeley is gonna be the EPICENTER of planet earth, do u got ur tix(s)?)



college football kicks off tomorrow

**** florida state#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:


fun fact: one of life's great adventures is going to cal football games on the road, there are a lotta passionate california golden bears that on september 21st are gonna make tallahassee bear territory!!!!


if ur not gonna be in tallahassee, r u gonna be in berkeley on october 5th when them miami hurricanes get their azzs handed to them when they try to repaint memorial stadium black & orange???

https://instagr.am/p/B_qxnIODyW3
the time is NOW for everything (don't be a dumb azz)#



ponytails & bad judgment r triggering (tallahassee is bear territory!!!!!!!)#

surprise of the century: mediation did NOT result in the acc releasing florida state from the ironclad contractual $500,000 exit fee...maybe they should try meditation next time or something

fun fact: the sec & big 10 don't want florida state, yeah fsu should join the truck stop big 12 conference to be better aligned with low gpa skools with lot lizards like jenn stegner as their most famous/successful alum
Shocky1
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**** the truck stop big 12 conference with **** academic skools#
Shocky1
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christian, back in the day during the cal's monster class era of building a national championship program that celebrated the magic (and diversity inclusion of everybody on planet earth) of cal basketball there wuz actually MORE fans than this at every single home game in an insanely loud haas pavilion which wuz a hostile homecourt advantage (18-0 home record)

but now knowlton & his handpicked non innovative lazy azz bureaucrat markeisha have decided to NOT offer FREE tixs to all students even tho poor as **** students can't afford the season pass & their non marketing adept supporters think a couple of thousand fans at most home games is just fine

and chancellor lyons is NOT gonna intervene & issue an executive proclamation that ALL students are WELCOME at all sporting events at haas pavilion & memorial stadium (which is gonna result in tens of thousands of EMPTY seats for the uc davis season opener & a lotta TARPS) in addition to NOT taking termination action (per shocky's most recent public information requests) via the 2nd outside legal investigation into jenny & the con artist for their beyond breaking bad roles with the suicidal (and racist abused) women's swimmers

this is berkeley bureaucrats (ZERO action)#

^ say it ain't so joe, sorry kid ima afraid it's true (shocky watching this **** from further afar)
calumnus
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:


fun fact: one of life's great adventures is going to cal football games on the road, there are a lotta passionate california golden bears that on september 21st are gonna make tallahassee bear territory!!!!


if ur not gonna be in tallahassee, r u gonna be in berkeley on october 5th when them miami hurricanes get their azzs handed to them when they try to repaint memorial stadium black & orange???

https://instagr.am/p/B_qxnIODyW3
the time is NOW for everything (don't be a dumb azz)#



ponytails & bad judgment r triggering (tallahassee is bear territory!!!!!!!)#

surprise of the century: mediation did NOT result in the acc releasing florida state from the ironclad contractual $500,000 exit fee...maybe they should try meditation next time or something

fun fact: the sec & big 10 don't want florida state, yeah fsu should join the truck stop big 12 conference to be better aligned with low gpa skools with lot lizards like jenn stegner as their most famous/successful alum


And Florida State just lost to Georgia Tech!
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C_EJmeryxY7
justice on planet earth:

high gpa georgia tech yellow jacketa 24
low gpa florida state seminoles 21

r u gonna be at the oppenheimer game on september 21st in tallahassee against them disloyal/delusional overrated seminoles that voted against accepting cal into the acc??


there's a ******* reason they lost by 60 points to georgia in the orange bowl

**** fsu#
Shocky1
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2024 bmw championship at castle pines: 3rd round update

the bears competed on a beautiful day in the rocky mountains, life is not linear & sometimes **** can get ugly azz but mental perseverance is a beautiful personal choice on planet earth

ben an: combining 5th in the field in driving distance at 327 yards (with a long drive of 431 yards!!!) & 4th in scrambling is a recipe for success, byeong shot a 71 & is tied for 18th

collin morikawa: after early round castles n coasters putting collin wuz in danger of the round slipping away at 2 over when he pulled his tee ball on the par 3 11th hole into a nearly unplayable lie in the back of the greenside bunker which necessitated playing his sand shot away from the hole to 62 feet on the fringe...and then the magic of cal golf happened with the bomb which got everyone in the stands screaming with excitement & shocky standing directly behind collin jumping up & down with his 18 inch vertical jump like a coked out seagull at fisherman's wharf...let's ******* go!!!!!!!!!!

with clutch birdie putts under 5 feet on both the 17th & 18th holes collin battled back for a 73 & is tied for 24th


max homa: max has gotten up & down from the punitive thick greenside rough only 5 of 17 times this week, today's 73 got him tied for 45th



quitting in life is NOT an option (ur beautiful now)#
Shocky1
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:

https://instagr.am/p/Byq5UiBAHSL
fun fact: with a 2024 roster that got texas natives as the 2nd most players from a state other than cali u can be 100% assured that the university of calveston golden bears & the school's new mascot buc-ee are circling/gonna be fired up for the homecoming game in highland park on saturday november 30th against new annual arch rival smu

here's the deal re: smu, it's a school where white kids from uber affluent families that got rejection admissions letters from cal, stanford & the ivy leagues go to party/network with one another before taking their place in the family biz (usually oil & gas affiliated, destroying planet earth via fracking is not their concern) with the primary goal of many of the curvy brunette yoga female grads (like the one in the yellow bikini in the foto below) is becoming a stay at home moms living in turtle creek with a live in nanny from south america that can fly private to further afar beautiful places to get outta the nasty azz texas weather which goes great while building castles in the air until she turns 40 & she's served divorce papers cuz her ceo husband of mustang petroleum toby wanna marry his 22 year old traveling executive assistant kendra (former texas tech dance team member at the raiders beatdown of the bears in the independence bowl) so they can move to ibiza where they both contract untreatable stds & die slow painful deaths in a 3rd world hospital

https://instagr.am/p/Cs43nM5sz2u


this is smu (story old as time, NOT gonna happen to shay or taylor under king triton's protective watch)#
https://instagr.am/p/CcGZW-0pwes
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

As a former ELITE worldwide fashion model with multiple online degrees, I am very proud to let you know that I'm the new Chancellor at SMU!!!!!! It's true, I interview really well!!

I really think your writing is very witty ("don't be a dumb azz, it's better to palm a tight azz") plus we both love doggy dogs, would you be willing to accept an Adjunk Professorship of Literature in addition to starting up our new Yoga/Meditation Master's Program? Realize that you're not credentialed yet as a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga but we can do a workaround on that minor issue.

Look, I realize you can play literally any golf course on Planet Earth with one phone call/email but would it help your decision making if I can arrange a FREE membership at Brook Hollow which has been faithfully restored by your favorite architects Coore & Crenshaw?

Shocky, working together we can make SMU GREAT AGAIN and in any case I'm looking forward to meeting you at your pregame FREE buffet at Buc-ee's on Saturday November 30th, is this a clothing optional event or not??

I will even confidentially whisper in your ear my GPA!!

Respectfully yours,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

P.S. > Agreed that clothes r for losers!!!
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

Actually I'm 100% stressed out (doubled my xanax this evening) because our Ponies barely won today 29-24 against a Nevada team that is projected to finish in last place in the Rocky Mountain Casino League or something.

Our football program needs a trusted advisor like you that can explain complex solutions in simple terms like your sage advice that PITCHOUTS to Jaydn Ott on the edges in open space are the key play call to a successful 2024 Cal Football season!!!

Please come visit me in Dallas, do you own any cowboy boots??

Best regards,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor
wifeisafurd
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Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:

Shocky1 said:


fun fact: one of life's great adventures is going to cal football games on the road, there are a lotta passionate california golden bears that on september 21st are gonna make tallahassee bear territory!!!!


if ur not gonna be in tallahassee, r u gonna be in berkeley on october 5th when them miami hurricanes get their azzs handed to them when they try to repaint memorial stadium black & orange???

https://instagr.am/p/B_qxnIODyW3
the time is NOW for everything (don't be a dumb azz)#



ponytails & bad judgment r triggering (tallahassee is bear territory!!!!!!!)#

surprise of the century: mediation did NOT result in the acc releasing florida state from the ironclad contractual $500,000 exit fee...maybe they should try meditation next time or something

fun fact: the sec & big 10 don't want florida state, yeah fsu should join the truck stop big 12 conference to be better aligned with low gpa skoos with lot lizards like jenn stegner as their most famous/successful alum
What is few zeroes among friends? $500 Million plus fee
Shocky1
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wifey, pretty sure if florida state raises the incoming academic admissions requirement from a 2.35 gpa to a 2.65 gpa (excluding "grade inflation" whereby the coeds bang the teaching assistant for a better grade) that the ivy league or maybe more realistically the talladega intercostal athletic conference (financed by private equity nascar money) will extend an invitation after fsu pays the acc non negotiable half a billion dollars exit fee

https://instagr.am/p/CTf5CYKLuR5
1-800-degree#
Shocky1
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2024 bmw championship at castle pines: 4th round update

playing outta the fairway (except for 3 holes) max homa got his driver going en route to a terrific 67 & moved up into a tie for 33rd...homanation now gets a couple of weeks off before competing again at silverado/yountville in mid september in front of a boisterous/supportive cal fanbase including shocky


who is the most underrated/unrecongized guy in pro golf?...that would be ben an who shot a 71 & tied for 13th...like collin, byeong will be advancing to the tour championship at east lake next week before september's president cup at royal montreal (blue)

cut/pushed drives on the 17th & 18th holes resulted in bogeys as collin morikawa finished with a 74 & tied for 28th...wut's for dinner??

despite living in dallas michael kim is obviously not loading up on hostess hoho's & **** when filling up with premium 91 at buc-ee's
Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/C_Bvqb6OjOK
hydration matters in auburn (alabama) & tallahassee (turn up the heat, cleats melting)#


Cal88
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Latest local forecast for gameday Sept. 7 is a high of 87F, hot but not brutally so. Of course that's subject to change.

Shocky1
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https://instagr.am/p/CPJoxqTtDVS
88, agreed the local forecast at this time looks very favorable relatively speaking for early september in the deep south...shocky & slim wadie gotta couple of 36 hole walking (some with caddies, some with our bags over our shoulders) days on this roadie, yeah we're gonna have to hydrate & wear sunglasses or something

clothes r for ******* losers!!! (bears r nekkid in the gone WiLD)#
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