cal's monster offensive line

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juarezbear
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:31a, 7/21/25
Shocky1 said:

it wuz an absolutely beautiful sunny & breezy day in the sierra pacific with brutal pin placements & tricky swirling winds

max got good rhythm with his new caddie lance bennett (whose wife showed out in her baby blue romper outfit with her brown skin shining in the sun) with less confusion/conversation & started with a momentum building buried 7 footer for par on the 1st hole followed by two beautifully stroked 7 footers but missed birdie (worth 2 points) on the short par 4 2nd hole & eagle (worth a game changing 5 points) after a spectacular 375 yard pipeline drive & stuffed short iron (homa's swing is mostly synched up & organized) on the par 5 3rd hole

but then **** happened & shocky's coaching up wuz kinda ******* worthless in a ryan longwell coaching up field goal kickers last season for them bears kinda way

homa spun a short wedge into the water, drove a 396 yard drive that wuz pin high into a bush enroute to a double bogey & some other stuff that we all need to just ******* forget about en route to a 39 on the front nine

so shocky just fired himself & took off after the 9th green walking himself to his car (illegally parked at the entrance gate in the hedge with the permission of the tournament director who would love for collin to come back someday & defend his cuda title, he also tole me it's possible the tournament's dates may get shuffled in future pga schedules) for a late lunch at incline village and max apparently played better on the back nine breaking par in shooting a 35 with a little voice in his head telling him "don't look back, u can never look back"



yeah max & shocky may be cali boyz of summer that got no wayfarers but today summer wuz outta reach

life is NOT linear#

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: this is the 9th consecutive post by shocky, he cannot post again unless there is monster reader posts/engagement per the rules of of the bearinsider.com

Thanks, as always for your update. I'm over in the UK for work and watched the Open yesterday. Scottie is currently at a level that can only be described as Tiger-esque. His iron play is maybe even better. It's painful to watch Collin struggle as he is and I really hope he gets a good reset soon. I don't know that'll happen, but he clearly has the iron and driver play. His short game has regressed and I'm sure that's throwing him off. He posted in IG that he's struggling but is grateful for his team and family support and thinks he'll be back after a few weeks off. The caddy situation is bizarre. Hoping he gets someone he's comfortable with as that's a big piece to solve.
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Shocky1
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12:40p, 7/21/25

cal's monster class recruiting updates: with the 2026 class close to done (still tryna flip potential hometown heroes dakota dickson committed to low key racist smu & ducks stacking o-line room oregon's tommy tofi) with a current 22 commits the staff is now starting to identify high gpa/academically motivated +1 athletic quick twitch prospects for 2027



early 2027 priorities include 4.0 gpa mauling o-lineman kingston tupuola from conroe high school In texas, powerful d-lineman 6'5" 250 lbs miles Issac schirmer from legendary corona centennial high school and new to football huge upside 6'3" 2025 lbs kaho valikoula from powerhouse kahuku high school & is friends with his 2024 red raiders teammates aidan manutai & lebron williams...look at that, hawaii gotta berkeley pipeline for those that wanna build generational wealth both on & off the field

https://instagr.am/p/4fa3rWLRDV

cal poly-berkeley=the 9th island=#1 ranked public university in the world


don't be a dumb azz brah#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 2:36p, 7/21/25
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CuZfkfIN-K7
shocky's ireland top 10:

1) royal county down: front nine is arguably the best 9 holes in golf on planet earth, only criticism is the extreme level of difficulty

2) ballybunion: a rollicking adventure alongside the irish sea, so sublime like your favorite song

3) lahinch: mackenzie masterpiece, home of the dell hole, a blind par 3 with the punchbowl green set in a valley (shot is aimed over a white rock on a hillside)

4) royal portrush: hopefully the british open will return again to northern ireland after their last open's attendance records exceeding expectations...like many links courses, several blind shots

5) carne: scruffy in its conditioning but one of the most fun golf experiences in the world with some of the highest sand dunes imaginable

6) portmarnock: this dublin gem is charming with her low key timeless beauty makes u wanna kiss her

7) the island: not visited by the tourist golf tour luxury buses, this underrated links rivals kinda nearby portmarnock

8) st patricks: the new tom doak designed modern masterpiece got way more undulating greens than all of the irish classic courses

9) county sligo: rugged golf in a natural landscape that is exhilarating

10) county louth: see above

11) old head: arguably the biggest wasted architecture site in golf, the 1000 foot cliffs on 3 sides (course is on a peninsula) deserves a better design...not for those with vertigo who are uncomfortable leaning over the edge of the golden gate bridge

adare manor & the k club are to be avoided at all costs unless ur a stupid rich american, don't be a dumb azz

https://instagr.am/p/DJWlQOKv_s_
really BAD morikawa news:

shocky has confirmed that collin has NEVER played next week's 2025 british open venue royal portrush

with its multiple blind shots off the teebox & the vagaries of reading greens on fescue links courses, the allegedly smart haas biz ad grad has not done his advance HOMEWORK instead naively thinking he's gonna figure out all of its hole strategies in a couple of practice rounds

how did this no advance HOMEWORK strategy work at oakmont??

morikawa wuz literally guessing on the majority of his putt reads in making only 1 putt over 11 feet during 72 holes & his start/finish line on the uphill par 4 9th hole revealed his inexperience (u gotta aim it dangerously close to the ditch down the left side) to avoid missing the tee ball in the right rough like collin did during all 4 rounds in playing this hole well over par during the us open

if collin wuz more like tiger who made advance scouting trips to future majors venues, morikawa would take kat to new york city for a couple of FUN nites after this september's ryder cup on long island & then schedule (shocky will coordinate tee times if necessary) low key mid week golf rounds a couple days later at 2026 us open site shinnecock hills in the hamptons & then 2026 pga championship site aronomink in philly

collin's major count is gonna increase when he quits being such a know it all dumb azz!!


hollywood, agreed that collin is struggling while missing the cut the last 2 weeks on links course but disagree that he isn't close to winning in the very near future, his ball striking is still best in the world ELITE (there's a handful of human beings on planet earth that can strike a golf ball like mr morikawa)...and yeah the caddie situation needs to get resolved as kk finishes out his 2025 korn ferry season

the biggest problem for morikawa is that he isn't doing his HOMEWORK in advance, he didn't travel to the uk early for the scottish & british opens playing a number of links courses to gain familiarity with that style of play

and yeah shinneock hills & to a less extent aronomink (which has absolutely WILD putting greens that cannot be deciphered in a a couple of practice rounds) are gonna be future azz kickings for collin if he doesn't travel to them in advance of the 2026 us open & 2026 pga championship

look if there's interest with collin, max, michael, ben, james, kk & a couple of the current young bears like z, xihuan, sihao, daniel & both charlies, then shocky will arrange (pay for tee times, caddies, rooms & meals) for 3 foursomes to play this fall (except on a bears football saturday gameday) all 4 world class links courses at bandon dunes in an intense zero drinking 48 hour 72 hole stroke play walking competition...plz send me an email, private message of phone call if ur interested...and yeah des could be the master of ceremonies with all high stakes (except for the college kids) gambling debts paid to doggy dog facilities advocacy of the winner's choosing too

https://instagr.am/p/DLUn369tSk5
to be honest with u the best links golfer rite now representing the program is 2026 commit callixte alzas from west of paris who wuz the quarterfinalist in the 2025 british amateur (both z & charlie also competed gaining valuable links experience)...the 2025/26 team will benefit from a high learning curve (in this trackman era, those numbers won't mean **** on a proper links course in high winds) from playing in the st andrews tournament this fall!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ck3NrMKPxPN
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Shocky1
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3:24p, 7/21/25

what's cooking' on the farm: 20,000+ insanely HAPPY cal fans stormin' the field in palo alto on saturday november 23rd celebrating shocky's b-day week & another BIG GAME victory?????



drop, drop, drop in the 800 degrees stanford stadium croc pot#
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Shocky1
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5:01p, 7/21/25

2025 us junior boy's amateur: 1st round update

incoming this fall freshman sensation (quarterfinalist in the 2024 us junior's boy amateur & match play top 32 in the 2024 us amateur) xihuan chang shot a 76 in the brutal afternoon summertime heat (temps pushing 100% degrees with high humidity) at trinity forest south of dallas (why the **** would any high school student liked dakota dickson wanna matriculate at any school in texas which is basically the equivalent of living in hades??) which puts him in a tie for 138th place outta the field of 312 golfers with the top 64 advancing to match play after 36 hole stroke play

note: fellow incoming freshman trevor cox & 2026 commit graham christopher did not advance out of local qualifying

the good news is that xihuan got the much preferred very early morning tee time at the much more scoreable brook hollow (minutes away from the low key racist smu campus) tomorrow, a couple under par round will hopefully get him into a playoff for the match play portion of the tournament

check out chang's performance in last year's us junior boy's amateur at the fabulously restored oakland hills which shocky played 2 weeks ago, xihuan gotta beautifully organized morikawaesque swing (with slightly faster tempo) & an ice in his veins putting stroke



the coore & crenshaw designed trinity forest is the most complex/strategic course (sand hills & friar's head are the 2 best courses designed on planet earth during the last 100 years) in the c&c portfolio & plays like an authentic crispy baked out links course

bill coore is shocky's only IDOL in life, the wake forest grad/fellow north scottsdale resident is the monet/renoir of golf course architecture & schulzie has played every hole he's ever designed

https://instagr.am/p/CJBlcOFL8dm
one of the many highlights of last fall's FUN roadtrip to wake forest for the bears exciting victory with liam johnson's last minute high football iq breaking on the ball game winning interception included randomly meeting the deacons star rb demond claiborne on the sidewalk of a winston-salem downtown cafe (washington perk & provisions serves up tasty green smoothies!!) a couple of hours before the game, doing/learning the wake dance moves while getting the romantic yoga boy stare down from coach christy & after playing the fabulous old town walking thru the trees with my bag over my shoulders back to campus kinda like how coore once tole me he always did back in the day (couldn't afford wheels)

yeah coach christy got good energy plus a smokeshow brunette ponytail, if shocky evah wanted to become a male azz cheerleader it would only be for the deacs (whose mascot kinda looks like a cancer infused killah cigarette which is ironic with several of the worldwide major tobacco companies headquartered near campus)!!

https://instagr.am/p/Ce656jpOAo8
r u going to any cal football roadies (in addition to the november 25th kickback party in palo alto) in the fall of 2025 (sometimes u gotta step outside ur comfort zone to experience life's greatest thrills)??#
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Big C
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In reply to Shocky1 • 5:58p, 7/21/25
Shocky1 said:

what's cooking' on the farm: 20,000+ insanely HAPPY cal fans stormin' the field in palo alto on saturday november 23rd celebrating shocky's b-day week & another BIG GAME victory?????



drop, drop, drop in the 800 degrees stanford stadium croc pot#


What's cookin' on the Farm now is that the program's in total disarray and I guess they're showing some players nobody's ever heard of, moving in slow motion, to get their hundreds of fans pumped up. Very "impressive".
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2:48a, 7/22/25
https://instagr.am/p/C4CIljmJl6y

while schulzie agrees with michael's comment overall, his take is not shared by jack nicklaus (18 major championship trophies), tiger woods (15 major championship trophies) & tom watson (8 major championship victories) who always did advance site visits seeking every advantage possible in hoisting the WINNING trophy at the MAJORS on sunday (and writing their legacies into golf's history books) & not just competing at a high level (making the cut at one of the majors)


would point out that michael has never played shinnecock hills, the bandon dunes 4 courses and/or brambles which got authentic links architecture strategies & playing surfaces tho shinny don't got fescue greens



yeah asking shocky wut's his favorite type of coffee is kinda a dumb azz question cuz shocky thinks coffee (and really any unhealthy foreign stimulants) are for losers tho that's not to say shocky isn't a big fan of some coffee makers, got it??


winners do their HOMEWORK in advance (and not just in a couple of practice rounds during tournament week)#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 6:02a, 7/22/25
Shocky1 said:

2024 pga tour championship: 4th round update

CONGRATULATIONS to collin morikawa on his closing en fuego 66 to win the 72 hole stroke play tournament!!!:

1. collin morikawa: 22 under par
2. sahith theegala: 21 under par
3. scottie scheffler: 20 under par

fun fact: official world golf ranking points are based upon the 72 stroke play scores, not the convoluted (made for tv) fed ex deal

despite a double bogey 7 finish on the par 5 18th hole ben an shot a 69 & finished at 6 under par


collin morikawa WON the PGA TOUR championship at east lake last september!!!!

now that the pga has dumped the previous silly dumb azz format of artificially assigning strokes prior to play for this tournament when are the pga tour, golf fans from around the world & the semi legitimate media including gabi, colt knost, nuclear golf, the fried egg, no laying up & club pro guy gonna recognize collin's 2024 victory??

honestly morikawa should get an engraved ******* trophy presented to him at his next tourament & the pga tour record books amended to show/reflect the TRUE champion at east lake!!

**** cbs & the golf channel#
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Shocky1
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In reply to Shocky1 • 8:39a, 7/22/25
Shocky1 said:
Shocky1 said:
https://instagr.am/p/CcGZW-0pwes
Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

As a former ELITE worldwide fashion model with multiple online degrees, I am very proud to let you know that I'm the new Chancellor at SMU!!!!!! It's true, I interview really well!!

I really think your writing is very witty ("don't be a dumb azz, it's better to palm a tight azz") plus we both love doggy dogs, would you be willing to accept an Adjunk Professorship of Literature in addition to starting up our new Yoga/Meditation Master's Program? Realize that you're not credentialed yet as a substitute yoga teacher at Modern Yoga but we can do a workaround on that minor issue.

Look, I realize you can play literally any golf course on Planet Earth with one phone call/email but would it help your decision making if I can arrange a FREE membership at Brook Hollow which has been faithfully restored by your favorite architects Coore & Crenshaw?

Shocky, working together we can make SMU GREAT AGAIN and in any case I'm looking forward to meeting you at your pregame FREE buffet at Buc-ee's on Saturday November 30th, is this a clothing optional event or not??

I will even confidentially whisper in your ear my GPA!!

Respectfully yours,

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

P.S. > Agreed that clothes r for losers!!!

Dear Shocky,

How are you?

I am fine.

Just wanted to give you a quick update regarding some of the improvements we've made in our quest for SMU not to be just viewed as a preppy rich kid's school that is low key racist:

1) The football staff is no longer going to refer to our Black student athletes as "disposable gladiators," all of our football players are equally important to us and particularly those in the Mustangs 2 deep depth chart!!

2) Our handful of Asian, Indian and Hispanic students will now be able to enter the premises of all of our 149 fraternities and sororities. Yes, that's right, I've issued a directive that they are 100% welcome if they are either assisting our White students with tutoring and/or they are working in the kitchen!!

3) Dakota Dickson will not be funneled into our Black football academic curriculum which mostly consists of life building skills for Blacks like parking (instead of stealing) BMW's at our spring lily white Panhellenic formals and White only oil industry fracking networking cocktail seminars in the Ritz Carlton's Petroleum Club Penthouse Suite!!

4) We are no longer marketing at the Madison Club or Jetset Magazine to uber affluent parents with promises of "100% guaranteed admission if your Trust Fund child is not accepted at Texas, Stanford, Vanderbilt and all the Ivy League and UC System schools."

5) The Student Conduct handbook has been updated advising all SMU students to no longer start conversations with "Do you know who my Daddy is??"

Shocky, too bad you don't have an I-phone, otherwise I would send you a very FUN foto of me skinny dipping!!

XXXOOO

Tiffany Von Strudel the Third
SMU Chancellor

Fun Fact: Your North Scottsdale neighbor Colt Knost was recently inducted into the SMU Hall of Fame, still can't believe he could walk almost a dozen rounds on the hilly Olympic Club Lake course in winning the US Amateur back in the day without a golf cart!!


smu qb1 jennings actual full quote wuz as follows:

"we have that chip on our shoulder because smu is legit low key racist and the weather in texas is kinda like living in hades, dakota dickson is gonna be in for a rude awakening and is ******"
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Shocky1
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8:46a, 7/22/25

miami head coach crustyballs analysis of his football program:

"86% of our semi pro student athletes got multiple untreated stds from south beach, we hope to lower than number this fall but unfortunately we've recruited a lotta ******bags like carson beck"

"ima always telling my disposable gladiators, take care of your bodies and do NOT order the 30 day old deep fried barracuda at sexy fish but do they listen to me??"

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Shocky1
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11:54a, 7/22/25

virginia athletic director quote re: the road game to cal on november 1st:

"we're working with commissioner phillips to hopefully flip our conference battle with cal from berkeley to charlottesville so shocky can play again the fabulous coore & crenshaw farmington country club 10 hole short course (as much FUN as the pine valley short course) on a saturday gameday morning 1st out before meeting our creepy as **** mascot"

https://instagr.am/p/DLAO68Ksxee
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12:58p, 7/22/25

2025 us junior boy's amateur: 2nd round update

after shooting a 76 at brook hollow this morning xihuan chang is not gonna advance into the match play competition but his 2 day +11 score did beat future stanford commit charlie woods by 3 strokes!!


next up for xihuan is the 2025 us amateur at the olympic club next month where he'll be the lone representative for them california golden bears
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Shocky1
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4:56p, 7/22/25

stanford observer (went to 10 week summer school at branner hall between my junior & senior years at stinson beach high school back in the day, took late nite showers with my curvy brunette yoga female dorm mates from mercer island wasington & princeton new jersey but sadly not at the same time) shocky's take on the cards 2025 season:

"it's a paradigm shift for old blues but in the new era of college football with conference realignments just around the corner & the western towns of palo alto and berkeley most likely a package deal it's imperative that we root for the cardinals to win as many games as possible with the exception of the BIG GAME on november 25th"

"no cap"

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Shocky1
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6:39p, 7/22/25

coach wilcox's explanation of why the bears wuz 6-7 last season with 3-4 games lost to failed field goal kicking:

"yeah relationships are critical in today's college football but unfortunately i did not have any sort of relationship with either ice in his veins mateen bhaghani or his parents so when shocky reached out to me on their behalf i just trusted my longtime coeur d'alene beer drinking buddy ryan longwell that bringing in an emotionally volatile big leg kicker wuz gonna improve the program but in retrospect running off mateen wuz a really ******* dumb azz decision that altered the navigational course of the 2024 season into the rocks"

https://instagr.am/p/DMY0DRvM3tT

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calumnus
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9:06p, 7/22/25
This is not a post by Shocky

Shocky, have you been watching Stick, the golf comedy /drama with Owen Wilson on AppleTV?

Max Homa had a cameo last week.
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